Heart broken over someone with a GF

[freebird31]

I need to get a grip.

 

Here is the back story: 2 and a half years ago my first love and I broke up. I was devastated and heartbroken. And it took me a very long time to get over it. About a year and half after the break up, I met this guy! He was wonderful, amazing, we liked one another and we started dating. Things took a bad turn when i realized I was still very much in love with my ex. I kept missing my ex when I was with him, thinking about my ex when with him. I realized I was not over my ex and not ready to date again. At the time, i was even confused and questioned that maybe it meant I just didnt like the guy i was talking to in that way. Eventually things started to go south because of this, and I told him we should remain friends.

 

I saw that he was talking to another girl and i didnt think anything of it. I didnt think that I would feel the way I am feeling now. He started dating this girl, i know this because we were friends on social media. So i saw posts of them together. It broke my heart.

 

I wanted so badly to tell him that I wanted us to work out and give it a second chance. But i still was in no place to make that kind of commitment to soemone. I was still so broken over my ex-boyfriend, so confused and so unsure. I didnt have any closure with the situation with my ex and that was also a part of it too.

 

So i didnt say anything because if i did say something, i wanted to make sure i 100% MEANT it. I didnt want to risk hurting him. I wanted it to be a for sure thing.

 

Fast forward, a few months later. It had now been 2 years since the break up with my ex. I felt a lot better about the situation. And i finally felt like I had my closure with him. Like i could just move on at last.

 

He was now more serious with the girl. As i saw that their picture seemed more intimate.

 

For once, for the first time, i finally felt so sure about someone, about what i wanted. Everything seemed clear! I wanted this guy, I wanted to be with this guy. So I told him. I spilt my feelings out to him and poured my feelings out, told him everything and how I felt about him.

 

By this time, he was already in a relationship with the girl. He told me that he wanted us to remain friends and that you never know what the future will hold. And i understood. I didnt expect him to leave his girfriend for a chance with me, the girl who didnt want to commit to him in the first place. I was so heart broken.

 

We kept in touch since then, for the last 4 months. And it has been really difficult for me. The last time we talked, he told me that a part of him still misses me. That we would have found a way and we could have found a way. He once again said that you dont know what the future may hold. My heart just broke into a million pieces. And i told him that i missed him too. And that it was so hard. And he agreed that it was really rough.

 

I told him that we should move on without the thought of us ever being together because i do not want to live with false hopes. And i told him i appreciated him and everything he had done for me, and how he had been there for me through my darkest of times (aka getting through my ex..he always helped me with advice).

 

He told me he would always be there for me, and that was the end of the conversation. 6 weeks ago.

 

I miss him so much. I feel like im dying without hearing from him. I feel this unbearable feeling of missing him, like I am having a withdrawal. I so badly want to reach out to him and tell him how much I miss him. I dont want him to think he can have his cake and eat it too. I dont want him to feel like he can always just have me on the side, while he has a GF and that i will always be there. and it wont give him a chance to even miss me. So thats what stops me.

 

This is so hard. This feeling of missing him is so hard. I miss him every second. And those words just hand there in my mind "A part of me still misses you."

I cant stop thinking about it, and i get this feeling in my chest, this physical ache.

 

This is obviously the right thing to do. But I feel like one day i just might CAVE and text him. Even knowing all of these things, and even how wrong it is, i have this feeling like i will feel really weak one day, and just feel the need to do it. Because i miss him way too much with the more time that passes.

 

I dont know how to get through this one. With my ex, it was a lot easier to stick to NC because i didnt want to risk my pride. But this situation is a lot different. I hope that no one judges me on here. It just feels unfair, life is unfair i know. but i just hope its not the worst thing to do; reach out to him. Because i feel so physically sick with this hole in my heart and i dont know how much stronger I can be. I cant believe I am going through this a second time (with my ex, now with him).

 

ugh. i dont know

[Qboro90]

How long were you seeing this guy before you ended things to fully get over your previous relationship? Just ask because I see a pattern of you getting so emotionally invested and reliant on the relationships you have. Unable to move on from your 1st ex for 2 years, despite having someone who you now feel this strongly about.

 

Are you sure you're not broken up about it because once you saw him seeing someone else you thought "shoot, he was a great guy, maybe I liked him more than I thought" And once you think that, then everything he does seems more incredible and more perfectly matched to you. Wanting what you can't have.

 

If I were you I'd stop communicating with this guy until he is single. I have experience where I'm the guy in this scenerio. Dated a girl, she wasn't fully into it, we split, I started dating someone else, then 4 months into that relationship, the first girl started reaching out, telling me how much she liked me and how she wished she could go back and never let me go. Meanwhile I found someone else and was perfectly happy. Sure I could've broken up with my gf and tried things with the other girl... But why? I'm happy with the current gf. Not going to break up a good thing just because I had a crush on the other girl last year.

 

Plus, she communicated with me like you're Doing, and it just reassured me that if I ever became single, or wanted to be a dick and get laid, I could have her in a second. You're too available for him and if he liked you as much as you like him then he would've broken up with his gf by now. He hasn't, so nothing you say or do is going to change that. He'll have to end things for his own reasons without you involved.

 

The best thing for you to do is move on and open your life to other men and dates. That will also as a bonus allow him to perhaps come to the same realization that you did once u saw he was dating someone else. He might see you on Social media with another guy and feel jealous then think "shoot, maybe I do want her in my life, I need to act now". Or maybe he won't. What he does is irrelevant. What you do is what matters. Find the ability to be completely happy on your own before you put your emotions Into your next BF.

[freebird31]

How long were you seeing this guy before you ended things to fully get over your previous relationship? Just ask because I see a pattern of you getting so emotionally invested and reliant on the relationships you have. Unable to move on from your 1st ex for 2 years, despite having someone who you now feel this strongly about.

 

Are you sure you're not broken up about it because once you saw him seeing someone else you thought "shoot, he was a great guy, maybe I liked him more than I thought" And once you think that, then everything he does seems more incredible and more perfectly matched to you. Wanting what you can't have.

 

If I were you I'd stop communicating with this guy until he is single. I have experience where I'm the guy in this scenerio. Dated a girl, she wasn't fully into it, we split, I started dating someone else, then 4 months into that relationship, the first girl started reaching out, telling me how much she liked me and how she wished she could go back and never let me go. Meanwhile I found someone else and was perfectly happy. Sure I could've broken up with my gf and tried things with the other girl... But why? I'm happy with the current gf. Not going to break up a good thing just because I had a crush on the other girl last year.

 

Plus, she communicated with me like you're Doing, and it just reassured me that if I ever became single, or wanted to be a dick and get laid, I could have her in a second. You're too available for him and if he liked you as much as you like him then he would've broken up with his gf by now. He hasn't, so nothing you say or do is going to change that. He'll have to end things for his own reasons without you involved.

 

The best thing for you to do is move on and open your life to other men and dates. That will also as a bonus allow him to perhaps come to the same realization that you did once u saw he was dating someone else. He might see you on Social media with another guy and feel jealous then think "shoot, maybe I do want her in my life, I need to act now". Or maybe he won't. What he does is irrelevant. What you do is what matters. Find the ability to be completely happy on your own before you put your emotions Into your next BF.

 

We had been dating for 3 months, it was getting pretty serious too fast, which I now realize has something to do with it. I learned a big lesson. But we had been talking, and have now known each other for a little over 1 year now. So after those 3 months of dating, we had become somewhat of "friends" which i was cool with at the time. And then, we would talk still every now and then but just not ever day like we had used to.

 

I mean, I really do not know. Maybe you are right. But I cant explain this feeling of missing him this much. Even when we were just friends, I was okay with it. because it meant I could still keep in contact with him. But now that he has a GF, we do not talk ever really. And that is what makes it so hard. I simply just miss talking to the guy. And that is when I started to realize I may have lost out and let a good thing go.

 

And well, we do not have each other on social media any more. because I couldnt bear looking at the two of them anymore. So he would not be able to see me if I did date someone else. Maybe that wasnt smart on my part, but i hated seeing those pictures and pretending like i was just okay with it. It was painful to see them so happy together, and it brought this bad feeling knowing that I played a big part in why this guy walked away, and why things are the way they are now.

 

Man, that sounds easier said than done. After all of this, these two experiences, with my ex and now this last guy, i have only come to realize i get attached way too quickly. I am happy when I am single. I have been single for 2 and a half years now. I feel fine. I am for the most part independent. I just get too attached when i like someone, and there is no going back after that. I used to think it was "passion" like maybe I am just a passtionate lover. But i think I just get attached way too quickly, and once I get attached to the person, it is so hard for me to let go after that.

[Gloria25]

How long were you seeing this guy before you ended things to fully get over your previous relationship? Just ask because I see a pattern of you getting so emotionally invested and reliant on the relationships you have. Unable to move on from your 1st ex for 2 years, despite having someone who you now feel this strongly about.

 

Are you sure you're not broken up about it because once you saw him seeing someone else you thought "shoot, he was a great guy, maybe I liked him more than I thought" And once you think that, then everything he does seems more incredible and more perfectly matched to you. Wanting what you can't have.

 

If I were you I'd stop communicating with this guy until he is single. I have experience where I'm the guy in this scenerio. Dated a girl, she wasn't fully into it, we split, I started dating someone else, then 4 months into that relationship, the first girl started reaching out, telling me how much she liked me and how she wished she could go back and never let me go. Meanwhile I found someone else and was perfectly happy. Sure I could've broken up with my gf and tried things with the other girl... But why? I'm happy with the current gf. Not going to break up a good thing just because I had a crush on the other girl last year.

 

Plus, she communicated with me like you're Doing, and it just reassured me that if I ever became single, or wanted to be a dick and get laid, I could have her in a second. You're too available for him and if he liked you as much as you like him then he would've broken up with his gf by now. He hasn't, so nothing you say or do is going to change that. He'll have to end things for his own reasons without you involved.

 

The best thing for you to do is move on and open your life to other men and dates. That will also as a bonus allow him to perhaps come to the same realization that you did once u saw he was dating someone else. He might see you on Social media with another guy and feel jealous then think "shoot, maybe I do want her in my life, I need to act now". Or maybe he won't. What he does is irrelevant. What you do is what matters. Find the ability to be completely happy on your own before you put your emotions Into your next BF.

 

Oh get over yourself....no one wanted you because you were "taken".

 

Sometimes bad timing actually "does" take place. I've met guys at times that I wasn't ready for something and by the ine I got my head out of my butt I tried do give it a shot but it was too late.

 

To the OP, just shrugg your shoulders and move on. Think about it this way, if you met a great guy like this one, I'm sure you'll meet many more and at least now you're over your ex and open to giving that special guy a chance when he comes around.

 

Don't listen to this guy trying to keep you as Plan B with his little remarks of 'Never know what the future will hold' Cuz why would you wanna guy who is advancing with his gf while lining up backups? Forget this guy. He isn't a great guy if he's doing this to you and his gf.

[freebird31]

Oh get over yourself....no one wanted you because you were "taken".

 

Sometimes bad timing actually "does" take place. I've met guys at times that I wasn't ready for something and by the ine I got my head out of my butt I tried do give it a shot but it was too late.

 

To the OP, just shrugg your shoulders and move on. Think about it this way, if you met a great guy like this one, I'm sure you'll meet many more and at least now you're over your ex and open to giving that special guy a chance when he comes around.

 

Don't listen to this guy trying to keep you as Plan B with his little remarks of 'Never know what the future will hold' Cuz why would you wanna guy who is advancing with his gf while lining up backups? Forget this guy. He isn't a great guy if he's doing this to you and his gf.

 

yeah, you are right. I thought it was kind of weird that he was even telling me these kinds of things while he has a GF. I mean, it doesnt make me the most righteous person either. Because I am over here thinking about reaching out to a guy who I miss, who has a GF. It doesnt make me any more righteous than him. But for me, it is because I miss him deeply to the point where i feel the absence in my chest. I get weak but I have been working through it, because i know it is not the right thing to do. But you are right, it does sound like he kind of wants to string me along just in case. Ugh.

[foam12]

You sound like my ex who dumped me three weeks ago. I kept trying to tell myself she was over her ex, but there was always drama of him stalking her randomly, which never helped her fully get over him because he kept popping up. She kept telling me that she wasn't ready for a relationship, but stupid us fell for each other any way. Lots of other stuff within her family started about a month ago (external to our relationship) and then I started to become needy for her time since she was focused on those other things in her life. Guess it was all too much and she realized she wasn't ready for a relationship with me or anyone else. We have spoken a few times since then and I decided to give us both a break starting NC a week ago even though we ended on really good terms. She said some similar things that you stated in your post, but who knows if she feels the same way about me as you do about this guy. All I know is that if the guy is happy with his current girlfriend, then you should leave him alone as getting dumped is brutal on us. Even if my ex came back for a second chance (which I kept asking for in the days after), I would need to think about things and take things really slow even though she was as close to perfect as one could get in my eyes. Like I said getting dumped hurts a lot and there's a ton of mixed emotions and confusion when the dumper leaves us, so you should also account for that. If you have told him your true feelings and he said maybe in the future, then I would move on like you were before. Each relationship teaches us things to do and not to do, and helps us with the next one whether it is a second chance or brand new relationship. Best of luck!

[Qboro90]

Oh get over yourself....no one wanted you because you were "taken".

 

Sometimes bad timing actually "does" take place. I've met guys at times that I wasn't ready for something and by the ine I got my head out of my butt I tried do give it a shot but it was too late.

 

To the OP, just shrugg your shoulders and move on. Think about it this way, if you met a great guy like this one, I'm sure you'll meet many more and at least now you're over your ex and open to giving that special guy a chance when he comes around.

 

Don't listen to this guy trying to keep you as Plan B with his little remarks of 'Never know what the future will hold' Cuz why would you wanna guy who is advancing with his gf while lining up backups? Forget this guy. He isn't a great guy if he's doing this to you and his gf.

 

 

1. I was never under myself. 2. If you read my reply you'd see that I wasn't advising her to continue communicating with this guy. 3. I'm pretty phenomenal in all aspects so taken or not taken makes no difference.

 

Fill your glass up, running low on hateraide.

[casey.lives]

well.. it looks like you need to move forward now.. so.. nothing else matters