Broken heart <\3

[7121157]

Hi Everyone,

 

This is my first post on here. I ran into this forum when googling ways to 'heal a broken heart.' I like many of us on here is going through a heart break.

 

Here is my story:

 

I've was in a relationship with my ex for about a year and a half. I've been through difficult break ups in the past, but this one is probably the most difficult one ive ever experienced. I'm a 33 year old man, with a good career. I feel that the older we get the harder break ups are. I saw 'forever' with her. I wanted her to be the mother of my children. Well, my insecurities from my past ruined my relationship with her. We broke up early in September. I didn't really know what was going on. I didnt apply the NC rule, which I should have. She kept me around giving me false hope that one day we'll be back together. We still did couple type things together. She drag it on and I havent felt happy in months. Just recently, she went on a trip to Washington to meet up with an "old friend." Well, of course that old friend is now a little more than just friends. She posted numerous photos of them on social media about their new found relationship. Please note, I completely took my self off all social media outlets. People started calling/ texting me asking me what was going on and were surprised about what was being posted.

 

I've accepted the fact that we are no longer together, and that she has moved on. I'll be honest, I still think about her on a daily basis. Ive had my moments where I would sit there and just cry, and I know I need to do that. Here is what I've done to keep myself sane' and to hopefully move forward and not look back:

 

I've been working out, reading, eating better, hanging out with friends/ family, trying new things, studying for an exam needed for work, seeing a therapist to work on my insecurities.

 

I feel I'm doing all the right things, but one thing that Im experiencing is waking up out of nowhere when sleeping. I would wake up with a bit of anxiety and the reality of all this hits me... I would think about her or the images I saw from what she posted on the social network. Its like a 'drug' and I'm having withdrawals on not having her in my life.

 

Is anyone else experiencing something similar to this? I would wake up and i feel the reality of it all. I should be sleeping in longer as I need the sleep. I wake up like at 430am everyday almost automatically.

[Mr. Disposable]

Hey man, I'm 25 and going through the same thing. Just got dumped by my girlfriend of a year and a half and the randomly waking up in my sleep thing is something that I can certainly empathize with.

 

Much like you, I envisioned a similar future with my girl. Our age difference I'm sure contributes to a perceived difference in seriousness, but my feelings are/were genuine and I felt the same way.

 

My advice is this: keep doing what you're doing and stay strong. This woman clearly didn't value you as a partner. Sometimes the way that we value others is not equivalent to the way in which they value us.

 

This isn't mere conjecture. She "monkey branched" onto another person. As a man that built a LTR with a woman (21 y/o) who pulled this stunt, I can tell you, it doesn't work out. I was the other man. We dated for a year and a half and it ended the same as it started. With insecurity. With her inability to communicate. With immaturity.

 

Dismiss the way she's behaving now. It's immature and only supports the notion that she's incapable of being alone. Keep your chin up and work on you. You're going to be great again. You'll love again. Heal. And grow because of your experience. She, most likely, will not. You're still young.

 

Make you a priority and the rest will fall into place.

[seekingpeaceinlove]

Yep...you're not alone. I'm going through the 2nd break up with someone that I was with for about 4 years and it's been almost 2 months from my break up.

 

What you're feeling is totally normal. You're going through the grieving stage and only time will ease the pain.

 

It sounds like you're being proactive with your healing by trying to distract yourself, hanging with your loved ones, going to the gym, etc. Keep doing it..and in time, you will start feeling better. It just takes time..it really does.

 

In regards to the morning anxiety, I'm experiencing the same exact thing only my time is 6:30am. It's an awful feeling isn't it? What I've leanred to do now is not lay there stewing in my anxiety and feeling suffocated by that feeling of doom and gloom. As soon as I wake up, I'll get up, crank up the radio and take a hot shower. Soon enough the anxiety subsides. If you can manage, maybe you can workout in the morning or start some other project. Point is, don't lay there in the dark allowing yourself to sink further into that anxiety. Get up, get the day started and keep telling yourself that you'll be ok.

 

You will be fine. Just focus on loving yourself and taking care of YOU. Keep NC and do not keep tabs on your ex. In time, you will move on and feel better!

 

(BIG HUGS)

[Confusioncreepsin]

So sorry about this for you. I had something similar happen except the other guy was about 2 miles from her house, rather than LTR. Killed me completely.

 

So here is what helped, since I had the same addiction:

 

1). GO NO CONTACT IMMEDIATELY.

2). DO NOT POST SAPPY **** ON FB or social media

3). Each time you have an emotion, own it, feel it, CRY ALL YOU NEED TO (THIS IS VERY IMPORTANT

4). Each day will feel like baby steps, but try to fill your normal times with her with other things....go out, be around strangers, anything except sit at home and sulk

5). Write down the negative nasty stuff that you did not like and read it before bed and when you wake up...yes, even at 3am with panic attacks

6). Talk till you can't talk anymore with friends, family, loveshack, etc.

 

After a couple of weeks, I realized that she was no longer an issue and did not control me. I decided to open my Facebook WIDE open and just post funny stuff and highlight places I am going etc. The strangest thing happened when I did that, I felt I had enough control to never check her site out! Just be free and start caring about what you want out of life and how you want to be. Screw them...they don't control us or our lives anymore. Move ahead one step every day.

[Confusioncreepsin]

I don't know if this applies but I like sharing it JUST IN CASE...

THERE MUST BE A PONY IN HERE, SOMEWHERE - Sorting Your Way Through the BPD Madness!

 

 

Also, try to wear the shoes of a person that moved ahead with this type of person....what would it be like? 10 minutes last coming home and you would be worrying all the damn time about who she might be cheating with. Not good. So hard to ever get trust back. Focus on you and what you really want. You might think you wanted her, but as the cards played out you got to DODGE a bullet and see what she was made of.

 

Hope this helps a little.

[7121157]

Thanks everyone for you input on this. It's always good to hear from people that are experiencing a similar struggle. Time really does heal all wounds. I'd rather work through the pain, rather than work around it. I can jump into another relationship and mask the pain and loneliness, but that would be working around the issue and not working through it. I believe she's working around it and not dealing with her own issues...

[7121157]

Yep...you're not alone. I'm going through the 2nd break up with someone that I was with for about 4 years and it's been almost 2 months from my break up.

 

What you're feeling is totally normal. You're going through the grieving stage and only time will ease the pain.

 

It sounds like you're being proactive with your healing by trying to distract yourself, hanging with your loved ones, going to the gym, etc. Keep doing it..and in time, you will start feeling better. It just takes time..it really does.

 

In regards to the morning anxiety, I'm experiencing the same exact thing only my time is 6:30am. It's an awful feeling isn't it? What I've leanred to do now is not lay there stewing in my anxiety and feeling suffocated by that feeling of doom and gloom. As soon as I wake up, I'll get up, crank up the radio and take a hot shower. Soon enough the anxiety subsides. If you can manage, maybe you can workout in the morning or start some other project. Point is, don't lay there in the dark allowing yourself to sink further into that anxiety. Get up, get the day started and keep telling yourself that you'll be ok.

 

You will be fine. Just focus on loving yourself and taking care of YOU. Keep NC and do not keep tabs on your ex. In time, you will move on and feel better!

 

(BIG HUGS)

 

Yeah, it is definitely an awful thing. I do sometimes get up and take a hot shower or hit the gym. There are some times where I know i need to get my rest in. As you are probably in the same boat, this happens daily. So it can be extremely exhausting. I'm sorry you're going thru this as well. Got to keep pushing forward, all we can do. Let time take us to better days.

[SethDamien]

Thanks everyone for you input on this. It's always good to hear from people that are experiencing a similar struggle. Time really does heal all wounds. I'd rather work through the pain, rather than work around it. I can jump into another relationship and mask the pain and loneliness, but that would be working around the issue and not working through it. I believe she's working around it and not dealing with her own issues...

 

Don't do rebounds man, its not fair to the other person.

 

Go into a relationship if you're in love. Don't jump into a relationship just to fill the gap.

[7121157]

Don't do rebounds man, its not fair to the other person.

 

Go into a relationship if you're in love. Don't jump into a relationship just to fill the gap.

 

Yeah, I won't be on the rebound. I know it wouldn't be fair to the other person. I just have to heal and move on. I'm by no means ready to even start dating.

[7121157]

The mornings are definitely a struggle. Today I kept waking up thinking about her. I wish time would go by faster...

[Silver_star]

Mornings are hardest for me too. I think for me, its because I am coming out of a dream state where it's not real, and I have to face reality when I wake up. Life is what it is, and I check my phone and there is no message from him and I wish it could go back to the way it was before.

 

 

Throughout the day it gets better, and eventually other things will excite you enough to get you through this down time in your life...

 

Be kind to yourself

[7121157]

Mornings are hardest for me too. I think for me, its because I am coming out of a dream state where it's not real, and I have to face reality when I wake up. Life is what it is, and I check my phone and there is no message from him and I wish it could go back to the way it was before.

 

 

Throughout the day it gets better, and eventually other things will excite you enough to get you through this down time in your life...

 

Be kind to yourself

 

Yeah, I definitely feel you on that. When you wake up, reality hits hard. I check my phone too and there is nothing. It's good to know that I'm not the only one experiencing this.

 

and yes, throughout the day it does get better. each day is a new day and it gets a little better. Got to take it day by day.

[Liono84]

First off, sorry to hear what you're going through. We've all been there, and it sucks! Now, w/ your situation. Firstly, you need to stop blaming yourself with this breakup. You talk about your insecurities, well, the fact is she broke up with you, not the other way around, so stop blaming yourself for what you perceive to be your faults for undermining the relationship. There is nothing wrong about being a little insecure. When you love someone and develop a relationship you allow the other person in, and it's only natural for them to see right through you to the deepest core. If what they see is not what they like and leave you, then it's on them. You can't hide from who you are nor should you.

 

 

I, too, am near your age, and I cannot deny that the older you get the more difficult it gets with finding someone. It's just a sad fact. The good fish have mostly been taken, and what's out there in the pond is not ideal to put it bluntly, but it's still out there. You just have to look harder and put yourself in positions with potentially finding the next one, don't settle for the sake of settling. It's hard because most of us all go through stages of having false hope, it's just some carry them much longer than others. It ain't easy, but you can't let it linger. I really think you seeing pictures of her is actually the best thing that could have happened to you. You're going to go thru a big setback and will suffer pain in the short term knowing that not only did she dump you but that she chose someone else over you, but in the long-run it will be the best thing for you because it will kill that cancer in you of holding out false hope. The worst thing for you would have been to carry on without knowing or seeing this and keeping that false hope alive.

[7121157]

First off, sorry to hear what you're going through. We've all been there, and it sucks! Now, w/ your situation. Firstly, you need to stop blaming yourself with this breakup. You talk about your insecurities, well, the fact is she broke up with you, not the other way around, so stop blaming yourself for what you perceive to be your faults for undermining the relationship. There is nothing wrong about being a little insecure. When you love someone and develop a relationship you allow the other person in, and it's only natural for them to see right through you to the deepest core. If what they see is not what they like and leave you, then it's on them. You can't hide from who you are nor should you.

 

 

I, too, am near your age, and I cannot deny that the older you get the more difficult it gets with finding someone. It's just a sad fact. The good fish have mostly been taken, and what's out there in the pond is not ideal to put it bluntly, but it's still out there. You just have to look harder and put yourself in positions with potentially finding the next one, don't settle for the sake of settling. It's hard because most of us all go through stages of having false hope, it's just some carry them much longer than others. It ain't easy, but you can't let it linger. I really think you seeing pictures of her is actually the best thing that could have happened to you. You're going to go thru a big setback and will suffer pain in the short term knowing that not only did she dump you but that she chose someone else over you, but in the long-run it will be the best thing for you because it will kill that cancer in you of holding out false hope. The worst thing for you would have been to carry on without knowing or seeing this and keeping that false hope alive.

 

Well said sir, I feel you on that. I did place a lot of the blame on myself in the beginning. I am now realizing that it wasnt just me. Everything you mentioned in your post is spot on. It did hurt like hell to see those photos, but it was something I needed to see. I'm still off social media. Mostly because I want to focus on me and not worry about the social media world, and secondly, it allows me to not check up on her. It helps me out a lot. It also allows her to have zero visibility on me. She doesnt need to know what im up to. I see youre from Esco! I'm from south bay, San Diego.

[Liono84]

Well said sir, I feel you on that. I did place a lot of the blame on myself in the beginning. I am now realizing that it wasnt just me. Everything you mentioned in your post is spot on. It did hurt like hell to see those photos, but it was something I needed to see. I'm still off social media. Mostly because I want to focus on me and not worry about the social media world, and secondly, it allows me to not check up on her. It helps me out a lot. It also allows her to have zero visibility on me. She doesnt need to know what im up to. I see youre from Esco! I'm from south bay, San Diego.

 

 

Nice!! Born and raised in SoCal all my life. It's the best out here although may move.... Yeah dude, it's not easy. I think there are two critical hurdles post-breakup; One, being the initial aftermath where you are in emotional pain of grieving during the first few weeks or first month or two (Denial, anger, crying, depression, hurt, loneliness etc.). Although this is the toughest juncture both emotionally and physically, we all eventually get over this. Second, and far more difficult, is trying to get over the hurdle of accepting the loss in its finality. Some people go months, if not a year(s) stuck at this juncture. Accepting that not only is this over, but it's permanently over. That your ex is gone for good, and never coming back! I think for me, even at the 4-month mark, there are still times where I haven't fully gotten over this and where my mind plays tricks and has scenarios where she may come back. I think anyone who was involved in a serious relationship for some time, will always think about the other person. It's only human and having thoughts pop up throughout the day is normal. But it's not having the thoughts that come up on a daily basis that are necessarily bad, it's not getting to the point where you dwell on those thoughts. Like I said, for you, knowing that she is with someone else now, is the best thing because now you can move on and I'm glad that you're aware of this... It's funny, because in a twisted sort of way, I, too, would love to find out my ex is involved and in a relationship with someone else, so it can be easier for me to move on 100%.

 

I think you did the right thing in getting off all social media. That's very brave and smart of you. I've blocked my ex on FB so I wouldn't even be tempted to check, but the problem with me is that we have a social circle of a few mutual friends and unfortunately, there has been instances where a mutual friend of ours has posted a pic with her in it and it has killed me seeing it. She seems very happy in the few pictures I've seen and also looks better than ever which sucks. Perhaps, the smarter thing for me would be to follow your steps and just delete FB so I can avoid this all together. For my situation, I did everything humanly possible to stop her from breaking up with me by pleading to her that it didn't have to end this way and giving her reasons. I should've done a better job with accepting the breakup but looking back, I said everything I meant to say and she knows exactly how I felt so I never have to live with the possibility of regret. I also never agreed to remain friends with her despite her not understanding that and went NC since that day 4 months ago.

 

 

Some ppl may feel that is not right, but I think you truly get over someone when/if you find someone else that you love. You're correct when you say it def does get harder the older you get. For one, we're a lot more picky, two, there's less worthy suitors, and three, we also have more at stake on the line because at this stage it's about finding someone you're going to spend the rest of your life with, and not just another fling/relationship. I think what further complicates things too, is that to some degree I also feel left out. Most of all my friends and fam are either engaged or married at this stage and while that's not part of my reasoning for being in one, it certainly doesn't help either. For me, I've always had thoughts on my ex's when I've been broken up. Only in finding someone else, someone better, have I been able to fully put it 100% past me and that;s my goal. The counter to this argument would be that in seeking happiness through someone else with having another relationship, you're not happy because you have to love yourself first. I don't buy that for one sec. Just because I'm single does not mean I'm depressed. Of course I like myself and I feel I'm content, but that's the most my ceiling would ever be. However, in being w/ someone I love, I then can/will be happy.

[7121157]

Nice!! Born and raised in SoCal all my life. It's the best out here although may move.... Yeah dude, it's not easy. I think there are two critical hurdles post-breakup; One, being the initial aftermath where you are in emotional pain of grieving during the first few weeks or first month or two (Denial, anger, crying, depression, hurt, loneliness etc.). Although this is the toughest juncture both emotionally and physically, we all eventually get over this. Second, and far more difficult, is trying to get over the hurdle of accepting the loss in its finality. Some people go months, if not a year(s) stuck at this juncture. Accepting that not only is this over, but it's permanently over. That your ex is gone for good, and never coming back! I think for me, even at the 4-month mark, there are still times where I haven't fully gotten over this and where my mind plays tricks and has scenarios where she may come back. I think anyone who was involved in a serious relationship for some time, will always think about the other person. It's only human and having thoughts pop up throughout the day is normal. But it's not having the thoughts that come up on a daily basis that are necessarily bad, it's not getting to the point where you dwell on those thoughts. Like I said, for you, knowing that she is with someone else now, is the best thing because now you can move on and I'm glad that you're aware of this... It's funny, because in a twisted sort of way, I, too, would love to find out my ex is involved and in a relationship with someone else, so it can be easier for me to move on 100%.

 

I think you did the right thing in getting off all social media. That's very brave and smart of you. I've blocked my ex on FB so I wouldn't even be tempted to check, but the problem with me is that we have a social circle of a few mutual friends and unfortunately, there has been instances where a mutual friend of ours has posted a pic with her in it and it has killed me seeing it. She seems very happy in the few pictures I've seen and also looks better than ever which sucks. Perhaps, the smarter thing for me would be to follow your steps and just delete FB so I can avoid this all together. For my situation, I did everything humanly possible to stop her from breaking up with me by pleading to her that it didn't have to end this way and giving her reasons. I should've done a better job with accepting the breakup but looking back, I said everything I meant to say and she knows exactly how I felt so I never have to live with the possibility of regret. I also never agreed to remain friends with her despite her not understanding that and went NC since that day 4 months ago.

 

 

Some ppl may feel that is not right, but I think you truly get over someone when/if you find someone else that you love. You're correct when you say it def does get harder the older you get. For one, we're a lot more picky, two, there's less worthy suitors, and three, we also have more at stake on the line because at this stage it's about finding someone you're going to spend the rest of your life with, and not just another fling/relationship. I think what further complicates things too, is that to some degree I also feel left out. Most of all my friends and fam are either engaged or married at this stage and while that's not part of my reasoning for being in one, it certainly doesn't help either. For me, I've always had thoughts on my ex's when I've been broken up. Only in finding someone else, someone better, have I been able to fully put it 100% past me and that;s my goal. The counter to this argument would be that in seeking happiness through someone else with having another relationship, you're not happy because you have to love yourself first. I don't buy that for one sec. Just because I'm single does not mean I'm depressed. Of course I like myself and I feel I'm content, but that's the most my ceiling would ever be. However, in being w/ someone I love, I then can/will be happy.

 

Although removing myself from Social Media was pretty difficult to do, it was the best decision I've made. I deleted the app from my phone and had a friend change my passwords. I didnt delete my accounts. I'll be back on one day, just not ready for it right now. Social Media is great, but it can also do a lot of harm. I'm more focused on myself and I'm getting back to my roots. I know some people may disagree with getting off social media all together, but all I know it has helped me. I dont have to deal with the social media world. If i want to know about a friend's life, I will call them and ask. I dont need to go on social media to try and see how people are doing. Im in constant communication with my close friends anyway, I dont need social media to tell me about them. Sorry for the rant.

 

You dont have to delete your social media accounts, just have a good friend change the password. Work on yourself for a while and when youre ready you can return back to the social media world. I really do think it helps a lot.

[7121157]

Sometimes I feel like I'm in rehab. Like im addicted to a drug (my ex). Thats the type of feeling I get in the early mornings. Got to keep pushing thru the days I guess. Trying to see the light at the end of the tunnel. Hope everyone is hanging in there with their current situation.

[Chi townD]

Sometimes I feel like I'm in rehab. Like im addicted to a drug (my ex). Thats the type of feeling I get in the early mornings. Got to keep pushing thru the days I guess. Trying to see the light at the end of the tunnel. Hope everyone is hanging in there with their current situation.

 

You are.

 

 

You're a junkie, speedfreak, crackhead and an alcoholic. And that's how you have to view yourself. Because you are an addict trying to get clean and your Ex is your drug of choice. I mean, think about it. You are experiencing the SAME withdrawl symptoms as an addict. Can't eat, losing weight, can't sleep, anxiety attacks and the drug is CONSTANTLY on your mind.

 

 

So, what is the treatment for it? The same as an addict, you take it one day at a time. You get through your day without the possibility of getting a fix (contacting your Ex). Get to the end of the day and give yourself a pat on the back. Then, you do it again the next day. And, sooner or later, those cravings are going to diminish. Its at that point that you know you're truly healing.

 

 

Now, here's the rub. Your Ex wanted to remain friends but she ran off to another guy. She's in the honeymoon phase of this new relationship. So, you are not on her mind at all. But, that phase will end and things will start to normalize and become routine. It's at this point that she's going to start to think about you. She'll notice that you are not on social media at all and she's going to start to wonder. And that's going to eat at her. You see, a lot of girls can't stand the fact that there might be a person on this planet that hates them or doesn't think that they are nice people. So, she may reach out to you to see if this is the case. She wants to know if you hate her. If she reaches out to you, IGNORE IT! If she calls, let it go to voicemail. If she texts or emails, ignore it. If she does any of this, take a deep breath and STOP!!! Fire up the computer, log onto here and post about it. People will be here to talk you through it. All she wants is for you to ease the guilt that she might be having on how she treated you throughout this break up. Don't ease her guilt. You want her to keep it. Not to punish her, but to have her learn from it. That you can't treat people the way she treated you and expect folks to be okay with it.

 

 

Okay, you didn't want this. But, she made a choice and that choice was to have YOU out of her life. So, you're giving her EXACTLY what she's asking for. You to be gone. You are not her friend. I'm pretty sure that you didn't get into a loving and caring relationship with her for the ultimate outcome is that you are nothing more than a really good friend to her.

 

 

It sucks, but you can do this.

[7121157]

You are.

 

 

You're a junkie, speedfreak, crackhead and an alcoholic. And that's how you have to view yourself. Because you are an addict trying to get clean and your Ex is your drug of choice. I mean, think about it. You are experiencing the SAME withdrawl symptoms as an addict. Can't eat, losing weight, can't sleep, anxiety attacks and the drug is CONSTANTLY on your mind.

 

 

So, what is the treatment for it? The same as an addict, you take it one day at a time. You get through your day without the possibility of getting a fix (contacting your Ex). Get to the end of the day and give yourself a pat on the back. Then, you do it again the next day. And, sooner or later, those cravings are going to diminish. Its at that point that you know you're truly healing.

 

 

Now, here's the rub. Your Ex wanted to remain friends but she ran off to another guy. She's in the honeymoon phase of this new relationship. So, you are not on her mind at all. But, that phase will end and things will start to normalize and become routine. It's at this point that she's going to start to think about you. She'll notice that you are not on social media at all and she's going to start to wonder. And that's going to eat at her. You see, a lot of girls can't stand the fact that there might be a person on this planet that hates them or doesn't think that they are nice people. So, she may reach out to you to see if this is the case. She wants to know if you hate her. If she reaches out to you, IGNORE IT! If she calls, let it go to voicemail. If she texts or emails, ignore it. If she does any of this, take a deep breath and STOP!!! Fire up the computer, log onto here and post about it. People will be here to talk you through it. All she wants is for you to ease the guilt that she might be having on how she treated you throughout this break up. Don't ease her guilt. You want her to keep it. Not to punish her, but to have her learn from it. That you can't treat people the way she treated you and expect folks to be okay with it.

 

 

Okay, you didn't want this. But, she made a choice and that choice was to have YOU out of her life. So, you're giving her EXACTLY what she's asking for. You to be gone. You are not her friend. I'm pretty sure that you didn't get into a loving and caring relationship with her for the ultimate outcome is that you are nothing more than a really good friend to her.

 

 

It sucks, but you can do this.

 

Yeah, everything you mentioned seems very legit. I'm a ghost... Ive disappeared, she has no visibility on me what so ever. Thanks for this post.. It encourages me to keep moving forward. Hoping to eventually get past this "drug" addiction. It really is a battle with yourself. During the day im usually ok. Evenings and early mornings are the worse. Day by day... thats all i keep thinking to myself...

[Chi townD]

The mornings were the worst for me. Every morning I would open my eyes and she would be the FIRST thing I would think about. Everyday.

 

 

Then, one day, I got up and went to the kitchen and brewed myself a cup of coffee. I jumped in the shower and I got dressed and went about my day. She crept into my mind about noon time. But, I had an epiphany. She wasn't the first thing on my mind when I woke that morning. It was then that I knew I was healing.

 

 

You just need to keep pushing through until you get your own epiphany.

[Liono84]

Hang in there, buddy. Although I can't promise you that you'll simply just forget her, I can tell you that it will get better. You just have to get through that big hurdle of realizing that it's over for good. As the other poster said, it is true that even though she is with a new guy, this is just the honeymoon phase, and that too shall pass, but you can't allow yourself to think that once the honeymoon phase passes with this new guy, she may then contact me. It's over.

 

 

Whenever you start feeling down, ask yourself, and ask yourself out loud, not just in your head, but out loud, "How can I love someone who doesn't love me back." Say this aloud repeatedly, every singe day. Just like you can train you body to be stronger, you also can learn to train your mind.

[7121157]

Hang in there, buddy. Although I can't promise you that you'll simply just forget her, I can tell you that it will get better. You just have to get through that big hurdle of realizing that it's over for good. As the other poster said, it is true that even though she is with a new guy, this is just the honeymoon phase, and that too shall pass, but you can't allow yourself to think that once the honeymoon phase passes with this new guy, she may then contact me. It's over.

 

 

Whenever you start feeling down, ask yourself, and ask yourself out loud, not just in your head, but out loud, "How can I love someone who doesn't love me back." Say this aloud repeatedly, every singe day. Just like you can train you body to be stronger, you also can learn to train your mind.

 

Thanks. That is something I'm going to try doing. I'm sure all of us feel the pain. This is a great forum to express thoughts and get support from people experiencing the same struggle.

[Ifeelok]

Thanks everyone for you input on this. It's always good to hear from people that are experiencing a similar struggle. Time really does heal all wounds. I'd rather work through the pain, rather than work around it. I can jump into another relationship and mask the pain and loneliness, but that would be working around the issue and not working through it. I believe she's working around it and not dealing with her own issues...

 

Im sorry for what is happening to you, you are a much older guy than me but we are going through the same thing. im 25 and was dating my Ex gf for almost 5 years, then all of a sudden breaks up with me saying "I need to find myself". 1 month after the break up shes in a relationship with her co worker, when i found out it hurt like hell. I felt like some one had stabbed me in my heart.

 

My advice is keep away from Social Media that has anything to do with her, I know its hard to forget the memory's because I till this day (4 months post break up) still think of her. I try not to let it bother me though and I tell myself that what goes around come around. Keep working out, change your style and just keep trying to be smile as hard as it seems. Time does cure things, I am not fully there but i know once I get there I will be a much stronger person and I know you will to man.

[7121157]

Im sorry for what is happening to you, you are a much older guy than me but we are going through the same thing. im 25 and was dating my Ex gf for almost 5 years, then all of a sudden breaks up with me saying "I need to find myself". 1 month after the break up shes in a relationship with her co worker, when i found out it hurt like hell. I felt like some one had stabbed me in my heart.

 

My advice is keep away from Social Media that has anything to do with her, I know its hard to forget the memory's because I till this day (4 months post break up) still think of her. I try not to let it bother me though and I tell myself that what goes around come around. Keep working out, change your style and just keep trying to be smile as hard as it seems. Time does cure things, I am not fully there but i know once I get there I will be a much stronger person and I know you will to man.

 

Thanks man. Sorry you're going thru this as well. It is what it is... Can't change what's happen. I definitely agree that it makes us a stronger person. Its a learning experience for the next person we get involved with. Just trying to keep it moving. Thanks for the post reply.

[7121157]

This morning was rough, I woke up at 4am with a bit of anxiety. the night before I ran into one of her best girlfriends at a local restaurant/ bar. Although I didnt see her (ex), it was a weird feeling. Like it was a connection back to her, in which it is. I kept it cool and I said hi and stuff and kinda small talked (didnt bring up the ex at all). I felt nervous and it was almost as bad as seeing her, since thats one of her closest friends. I automatically knew a text message was probably sent to my ex stating she sees me. I felt a bit anxious, and I got the F out of there. Before leaving I went up to her and said bye and it was nice seeing her etc... Had to keep my cool and make it appear I'm doing well. Although, I really wasnt. The good thing is I was dressed up and looked pretty good that night (trying to build my confidence back up). Lost some weight and i was clean cut lookin'. I would have been more of a mess if I didnt feel like I looked good (i know lame). It really is true, always try and look your best when going out. I just needed to get this off my chest. If youre reading this, thanks for listening.

 

To better days a head....