Great Date, Made Date 2 Plans, No Text Response

[StBreton]

I barely post on this site anymore. But having been rejected over and over again during the last few months, I can tell you the following with full confidence.

 

- This girl isn't into you.

- You do a lot of intellectualizing about very simple things. Such as: she isn't into you.

- Accept it. Don't be in denial; don't have hope; don't wonder about what she's thinking. You didn't do it for her.

- Learn to need women less, and their approval even less. Are there things you can do to make yourself more attractive? Sure...

- Lift weights. Do cardio. Eat well. Spend a lot of time alone, so you can learn to love it.

- Give less of a f*ck. Embrace rejection. Laugh it off. Be a bit of a pr*ck.

 

I had a GREAT date Saturday. GREAT. Kissed her at the end. Texted her. No response. Sent another text the next day. Response: "It was fun, but I don't see this going forward."

 

The date itself is often not an indication of anything. People will act like they're into you when they're not. Dating is meaningless.

 

Either get really thick skin, or get out of the game, because with guys like you and me, it will erode your confidence and slowly, your soul. It is brutal out there. And women wonder why MGTOW exists.

 

Thanks for letting me pop in. See you guys next year or something.

 

OregonDude! Wondered what happened to you...good to see you on here again...don't be a stranger:)

 

Anyway... I do agree with you that a date can seemingly go well and it can mean absolutely nothing as far as how someone feels about you. People are often at their best and happiest on the first few dates. A thick skin is definitely the best defense mechanism.

 

Like you said Tuna...you had a good time on your date and if it turns into nothing other than a nice evening with a cute girl...so be it. Come back and do a power whine if it doesn't work and I'll send a hug your way...it's the mom in me:)

[Maggie4]

She said I was persistent when we were at her driveway and I tried to kiss her again, but it wasn't an "I'm offended" kind of tone, more like a humorous tone.

 

She sounds cool with everything. Give it some more time.

[ExpatInItaly]

I'd give her a bit more time. Her saying you're persistent could be an indicator that she wants you to tone it down a little, or it may have been an off-the-cuff comment. I have only described one man I dated as persistent and I deliberately tried to slow the pace a tad (but didn't completely stop seeing him)

 

Give it a couple more days. You can try to set up another date and see how she responds.

[TheBathWater]

Give it a couple more days. You can try to set up another date and see how she responds.

 

Even though she didn't respond to my last text?

[clia]

I'm in agreement that your persistence in trying to kiss her may have ultimately turned her off. She may have had a great date with you, but then thought if over after she got home, got nervous that you would try to push for sex quickly, and decided to just move on and find someone else.

 

Briefly into the walk, I kissed her and she was all smiles. After a brief lip lock, she pulled away and said "we shouldn't; I don't really kiss strangers from the internet." "But you did", I said (she laughs). "And I like how you smiled before I kissed you." I teased her a little but then just continued the walk and kept up the connection/banter.

 

She may well have liked the kiss, but she was uncomfortable with it, which is why she pulled away. And told you she was uncomfortable!

 

At her driveway, I told her I'd like it if she came out with me on Saturday night. She seemed enthusiastic. I went to kiss her again, but she declined and wanted to hug instead. Okay, okay fine. She told me she was going to go watch this movie on her computer right now that I told her was my favorite.

 

And knowing this, you tried to kiss her again.

 

Sigh.

 

Maybe it's hard to relate how annoying this can be for a woman. She kept things light hearted with you about it and laughed about it because she liked you. She didn't want you to think she didn't like you (and she probably wasn't mad about it per se), but she simply was not comfortable kissing you yet. I personally don't think it's that abnormal to not want to swap spit with a man you've only known a few hours, but other opinions may vary. It's just frustrating to have to push a guy away after you've already tried to tell him no.

 

So, an hour or so after I got home, I texted her to ask what she thought of the film so far. No response! Now, I know this defies some of you guys' and gals' dating behaviors, but it felt like context allowed for a quick text same night as the first date. I let it sit but so far (almost a full day later) still no response.

 

I think you should've waited until the next day to text, but this isn't a deal breaker.

 

What am I missing here? Is there something I'm not seeing? My only thought so far is that maybe she was scared off by my trying to kiss her again at her driveway. She called me "persistent", but I was definitely respectful and didn't try to force it when she pulled away. Moreover, maybe the same-night text troubled her. I have no idea, honestly.

 

Her calling you "persistent" isn't good. "Persistent" is that little dog that keeps jumping around and won't stop. Just because you weren't pawing all over her doesn't mean you were necessarily being respectful, either. I get it, you liked her, you wanted to kiss her. But she wasn't comfortable kissing you and she told you that. If you had gone for a hug initially instead of a kiss at the end of the date, it would've shown her that you were listening to her. Unfortunately, she was probably left feeling like you wouldn't listen to her, you didn't respect her boundaries, etc. Sometimes rather than have to deal with that annoyance, we just move on, even if we had a good time and liked the guy.

 

Should I even bother to follow up for a Saturday date if she doesn't respond? It seemed like we were connecting pretty well, and she did say yes to a second date.

 

I do think you should reach out one more time to follow up for Saturday. Sending her one text asking about the movie -- when she may well have fallen asleep and not even seen your text until the next day -- isn't really sufficient to me to know that she's definitely not interested. You have nothing to lose. Send it today.

[Redfisher]

sometimes a "no" is just a yes that needs a little more electric charge to spark

 

Guess it backfired...Hey it may have worked you rolled the dice...

Edited November 17, 2015 by Redfisher

[introverted1]

I guess I am an anomaly because I don't see the issue of trying for the second kiss as a big deal. If I am willing to kiss a guy once -- whether on date #1 or whenever -- then I am willing to kiss him again. Now, if I rejected the first kiss, that would be a whole other story, but that's not what I'm reading here.

 

So I lean to thinking that it might be ok to ask her for a second date. Keep it light and definitely don't bring up the kissing stuff. I think apologising gives it a life it doesn't deserve.

 

Good luck. I hope you get the outcome you want.

[TheBathWater]

I called her tonight, and wow, I was shocked. First, she didn't even remember we had made plans for Saturday, and then she told me she was not interested in seeing me romantically...that she just didn't feel the spark with me.

 

I have to say that I was surprised because I have a lot of experience with women and feel I'm pretty good at reading the signals. I mentioned to her the kiss and how she smiled, and what was that about, and she didn't really have a response other than to say she did enjoy my company and whatnot, but that she wasn't looking to move things forward.

 

Man, talk about surprise. Even while on the date, we were alluding to things we might check out together sometime ("oh yeah, maybe we'll do such and such one day"). Since it was already a no-go at this point on the phone, I asked her about the boundary issue of the kiss. She said although she thought I was persistent, she didn't take offense and it wasn't like that or some other thing I did or said changed things for her. The spark just wasn't there, period.

 

Yeah, so that's pretty much it.

[StBreton]

Sorry to hear that Tuna. That she seemed so into you and future talking and remembered the kiss etc. yet doesn't remember anything about Saturday ... Ya that's a little strange. I don't forget things and if she does you're better off not dating a flaky wishy washy girl. Next.

 

Hope you have a few more in the pipeline:)

[Oregon_Dude]

Thanks for the update.

 

As I suspected, how she acted on the date was meaningless. Her lack of response meant no interest. These things almost always are explained by Occam's Razor.

 

In the future, save yourself the time and heartache and take the no response as your answer.

[TheBathWater]

Also, in addition to that first kiss/smile, she walked arm in arm with me right after on the ten minute walk to her house. WTF?!? I'm obviously confused when she says to me now "sorry, I didn't mean to lead you on, there was no spark". Wow. Incredible.

[Lansing]

Also, in addition to that first kiss/smile, she walked arm in arm with me right after on the ten minute walk to her house. WTF?!?

 

Who initiate the arm holding? I have discovered that often times girls don't like confrontation so they will just go with the flow in the moment (i.e. hold your arm, etc). She did confront you about the kiss but maybe she thought that would keep you less touchy/feely in general. Maybe another better offer came along.

 

I think the fact that you talked to her will now let you move on and know 100% there is no chance. There is still this one girl that I was dating and I felt like I was making too much effort and she was just going with the flow so I stopped trying to contact her after she rejected one date without suggesting another time/place. Part of me is still curious if she thought "I wonder why he disappeared" but in the end I do want to be with someone that cares enough to be upfront with me.

[lino]

I called her tonight, and wow, I was shocked. First, she didn't even remember we had made plans for Saturday, and then she told me she was not interested in seeing me romantically...that she just didn't feel the spark with me.

 

I have to say that I was surprised because I have a lot of experience with women and feel I'm pretty good at reading the signals. I mentioned to her the kiss and how she smiled, and what was that about, and she didn't really have a response other than to say she did enjoy my company and whatnot, but that she wasn't looking to move things forward.

 

Man, talk about surprise. Even while on the date, we were alluding to things we might check out together sometime ("oh yeah, maybe we'll do such and such one day"). Since it was already a no-go at this point on the phone, I asked her about the boundary issue of the kiss. She said although she thought I was persistent, she didn't take offense and it wasn't like that or some other thing I did or said changed things for her. The spark just wasn't there, period.

 

Yeah, so that's pretty much it.

 

You had all the information already telling you this at your OP. I could see it a mile away.

 

Doesn't matter what she did, made plans for, etc.

A girl that is interested never rejects a kiss and never goes silent on a guy. She'll let it be known well that she wants your company again if she's genuinely interested.

 

My guess is that you were the 'in between' entertainment while she was waiting for other guys who she has genuine interest in and the 'spark' for.

 

I have been in the place you've just experienced several times and know it well.

 

Also, asking her for answers about boundaries or where you may have went wrong on the date are all but useless. You'll never get an honest answer. Women of generation Y and later don't work that way... They'll say whatever gets them out of something with the least effort, guilt, responsibility and accountability.

[RoseVille]

Also, in addition to that first kiss/smile, she walked arm in arm with me right after on the ten minute walk to her house. WTF?!? I'm obviously confused when she says to me now "sorry, I didn't mean to lead you on, there was no spark". Wow. Incredible.

 

I could see this. Just because you kiss, smile, and walk arm-in-arm doesn't mean there's a spark. The fact she rejected the second kiss is what told me there wasn't that spark for her.

 

As for everything else, "persistent" is the antithesis of "letting things unfold naturally." I prefer the latter, and I think most women do, too.

[Zapbasket]

Interesting. I don't experience myself as someone who can't control himself. I do experience myself as someone who leads the interaction, and respects when a woman is not comfortable. In my experience though, sometimes a "no" is just a yes that needs a little more electric charge to spark. When she pulled away from me at her driveway and asked to hug instead, I did tell her: "Okay, well I want you to feel comfortable, so maybe another time when it's right." When I reflect more deeply, I think my post-date text may have been my testing the connection to see if I still had her at this point. She did say she was going to watch my favorite movie, so I took that as a sign of interest. Maybe the text drove home whatever reservations she developed on the walk back to her place.

 

Bah, whatever. She's cute and I enjoyed meeting her. I hope we meet again. If not, I think it's a mistake, but I don't think there's much you can do once a woman is turned off to change her mind.

 

It's always good practice to take a "no" as a "no." Not a "no" you can turn into a yes through powers of persuasion. While that might get you what you want in the short-term, the truth is that a lot of people don't like letting others down, even strangers, and they succumb to the pressure, even if it wasn't what THEY wanted. I went on a date recently where the guy asked if he could kiss me. I wasn't "there" yet and told him so. "Not now, not yet," I said. He said okay but kept pressuring me to spend more time with him, pushing to set the next date, etc. And then he said, "You need to practice saying, 'Yes' more."

 

And he lost me right there. I said to him, "No, I don't. I say, 'yes' when I want to say yes, and 'no' when I mean 'no.'" I was really turned off by his comment.

 

I agree with the others that you disrespected her boundary. She may have kissed you once, but she expressed discomfort with it, and you went in for yet another kiss. When she turned you down, you had to text her to see if you still 'had' her. That's overall a very poor mentality to have in dating. You don't 'have' anyone, not even years into dating. She likely saw through your reason for texting, felt pushed, and quite possibly put off. If she is attracted enough to you she may give you another chance, and if she does, let HER take the lead with some of the interaction. Show her that you respect HER wishes.

 

It bears repeating: NO ALWAYS MEANS NO. When there is a genuine connection, you don't have to get your way by pushing, pressuring, cajoling, wheedling, convincing, etc. That's just weakness turned to nefarious purpose. Be bigger than that.

[RoseVille]

It's always good practice to take a "no" as a "no." Not a "no" you can turn into a yes through powers of persuasion. While that might get you what you want in the short-term, the truth is that a lot of people don't like letting others down, even strangers, and they succumb to the pressure, even if it wasn't what THEY wanted. I went on a date recently where the guy asked if he could kiss me. I wasn't "there" yet and told him so. "Not now, not yet," I said. He said okay but kept pressuring me to spend more time with him, pushing to set the next date, etc. And then he said, "You need to practice saying, 'Yes' more."

 

And he lost me right there. I said to him, "No, I don't. I say, 'yes' when I want to say yes, and 'no' when I mean 'no.'" I was really turned off by his comment.

 

I agree with the others that you disrespected her boundary. She may have kissed you once, but she expressed discomfort with it, and you went in for yet another kiss. When she turned you down, you had to text her to see if you still 'had' her. That's overall a very poor mentality to have in dating. You don't 'have' anyone, not even years into dating. She likely saw through your reason for texting, felt pushed, and quite possibly put off. If she is attracted enough to you she may give you another chance, and if she does, let HER take the lead with some of the interaction. Show her that you respect HER wishes.

 

It bears repeating: NO ALWAYS MEANS NO. When there is a genuine connection, you don't have to get your way by pushing, pressuring, cajoling, wheedling, convincing, etc. That's just weakness turned to nefarious purpose. Be bigger than that.

 

Great post. And the pushing of the boundaries very likely could be what killed any spark that existed on the first kiss.

[Zapbasket]

Her calling you "persistent" isn't good. "Persistent" is that little dog that keeps jumping around and won't stop. Just because you weren't pawing all over her doesn't mean you were necessarily being respectful, either. I get it, you liked her, you wanted to kiss her. But she wasn't comfortable kissing you and she told you that. If you had gone for a hug initially instead of a kiss at the end of the date, it would've shown her that you were listening to her. Unfortunately, she was probably left feeling like you wouldn't listen to her, you didn't respect her boundaries, etc. Sometimes rather than have to deal with that annoyance, we just move on, even if we had a good time and liked the guy.

 

This. Exactly.

[Maggie4]

It's what we said earlier: if she likes you, you can do most things within reason. if she doesn't like you, then there are all these rules.

Tuna I don't think you did anything so bad. In hindsight, I think probably what happened was, she didn't like your face. Was your OLD picture accurate? Your height, weight, was what she expected?

I think this is a girl who doesn't have good boundaries and allows herself to be kissed when she didn't want to. Pretty much any man could have kissed her, and she would just smile and try to get home. I don't blame you for being confused.

[TheBathWater]

It's what we said earlier: if she likes you, you can do most things within reason. if she doesn't like you, then there are all these rules.

Tuna I don't think you did anything so bad. In hindsight, I think probably what happened was, she didn't like your face. Was your OLD picture accurate? Your height, weight, was what she expected?

I think this is a girl who doesn't have good boundaries and allows herself to be kissed when she didn't want to. Pretty much any man could have kissed her, and she would just smile and try to get home. I don't blame you for being confused.

 

Hi Maggie, my photos certainly put my best foot forward, but from the 10 photos I posted I feel you get an accurate depiction of what I look like and nothing is radically different about my face in person. All photos are from the last 12 months. Other women have told me I look like my photos. I even make sure a couple of them highlight some of my less than flattering features, so people don't feel ripped off, ya know?

 

I do exaggerate my height by 1 inch in my stats (and am probably 3-4 inches taller than her anyway, so not much difference there if she even noticed). I think most guys do this though, yeah? My body might actually look better in person because I've gained more muscle in the last month.

 

Maybe she did think I was unattractive though. I think looks score a lot of points on the initial meeting.

[TheBathWater]

It's always good practice to take a "no" as a "no." Not a "no" you can turn into a yes through powers of persuasion. While that might get you what you want in the short-term, the truth is that a lot of people don't like letting others down, even strangers, and they succumb to the pressure, even if it wasn't what THEY wanted. I went on a date recently where the guy asked if he could kiss me. I wasn't "there" yet and told him so. "Not now, not yet," I said. He said okay but kept pressuring me to spend more time with him, pushing to set the next date, etc. And then he said, "You need to practice saying, 'Yes' more."

 

And he lost me right there. I said to him, "No, I don't. I say, 'yes' when I want to say yes, and 'no' when I mean 'no.'" I was really turned off by his comment.

 

I agree with the others that you disrespected her boundary. She may have kissed you once, but she expressed discomfort with it, and you went in for yet another kiss. When she turned you down, you had to text her to see if you still 'had' her. That's overall a very poor mentality to have in dating. You don't 'have' anyone, not even years into dating. She likely saw through your reason for texting, felt pushed, and quite possibly put off. If she is attracted enough to you she may give you another chance, and if she does, let HER take the lead with some of the interaction. Show her that you respect HER wishes.

 

It bears repeating: NO ALWAYS MEANS NO. When there is a genuine connection, you don't have to get your way by pushing, pressuring, cajoling, wheedling, convincing, etc. That's just weakness turned to nefarious purpose. Be bigger than that.

 

Good post. I highly, highly doubt I'll hear from her again. She gave me the impression that there was zero romantic interest on her end, and at no point earlier was there. She was obviously interested in my profile and photos, so upon meeting me she must have felt that either I was not as attractive, that my personality didn't 'fit' with hers, or some combination of both.

Edited November 19, 2015 by TunaInTheBrine

[Zapbasket]

Good post. I highly, highly doubt I'll hear from her again. She gave me the impression that there was zero romantic interest on her end, and at no point earlier was there. She was obviously interested in my profile and photos, so upon meeting me she must have felt that either I was not as attractive, that my personality didn't 'fit' with hers, or some combination of both.

 

Perhaps. But, whatever it is, remember: it's okay. It doesn't define you as a person. Especially in light of your other recent thread, I really want to emphasize that love is something that just happens. You can't chase love. You live your life, seek out people who interest you in more ways than romantically, and you enjoy the process. There may be people who do not reciprocate the interest you show them. There may be people who shower you with interest that you do not reciprocate. That's okay. Because at some point, while you're living your life and trying to become the best version of yourself that you can be, someone or many will come along and you will ignite each other equally, and love develops. (We all need to remember this.)

 

Maybe this one didn't work out, and maybe your takeaway from this is that you have to be careful about reading cues from the other person. But eventually, for some sooner than later and for others very late, you do find worthwhile love. Don't wait for it, and don't grow bitter or depressed that all you envision isn't happening NOW. Focus on cultivating different loves. Grow your relationship with your parents, siblings, other family members, friends new and old. From the love exchanged in these relationships will eventually come an all-encompassing romantic love, and when you find it, it's not all it's cracked up to be and better than you could ever have imagined, at the same time.

 

Hang in there. Keep learning and self-examining and embracing your experiences, and eventually things will come together.