Great Date, Made Date 2 Plans, No Text Response

[TheBathWater]

I had what I thought was a good first (OLD) date last night but am confused.

 

The connection felt engaged and dynamic, so much so that I think other patrons nearby were jealous. She doesn't live far from me, so I told her I would like it if I walked her home. She was into this, and so off we went arm in arm.

 

Briefly into the walk, I kissed her and she was all smiles. After a brief lip lock, she pulled away and said "we shouldn't; I don't really kiss strangers from the internet." "But you did", I said (she laughs). "And I like how you smiled before I kissed you." I teased her a little but then just continued the walk and kept up the connection/banter.

 

At her driveway, I told her I'd like it if she came out with me on Saturday night. She seemed enthusiastic. I went to kiss her again, but she declined and wanted to hug instead. Okay, okay fine. She told me she was going to go watch this movie on her computer right now that I told her was my favorite.

 

So, an hour or so after I got home, I texted her to ask what she thought of the film so far. No response! Now, I know this defies some of you guys' and gals' dating behaviors, but it felt like context allowed for a quick text same night as the first date. I let it sit but so far (almost a full day later) still no response.

 

What am I missing here? Is there something I'm not seeing? My only thought so far is that maybe she was scared off by my trying to kiss her again at her driveway. She called me "persistent", but I was definitely respectful and didn't try to force it when she pulled away. Moreover, maybe the same-night text troubled her. I have no idea, honestly.

 

Should I even bother to follow up for a Saturday date if she doesn't respond? It seemed like we were connecting pretty well, and she did say yes to a second date.

[Redfisher]

Hard to say, I'd give her time to think...

[StBreton]

I had what I thought was a good first (OLD) date last night but am confused.

 

The connection felt engaged and dynamic, so much so that I think other patrons nearby were jealous. She doesn't live far from me, so I told her I would like it if I walked her home. She was into this, and so off we went arm in arm.

 

Briefly into the walk, I kissed her and she was all smiles. After a brief lip lock, she pulled away and said "we shouldn't; I don't really kiss strangers from the internet." "But you did", I said (she laughs). "And I like how you smiled before I kissed you." I teased her a little but then just continued the walk and kept up the connection/banter. ***NO more kissing after this interchange! Respect her boundaries.

 

At her driveway, I told her I'd like it if she came out with me on Saturday night. She seemed enthusiastic. I went to kiss her again ***(Say it isn't so but she declined and wanted to hug instead ***(smart girl...she has healthy boundaries). Okay, okay fine. She told me she was going to go watch this movie on her computer right now that I told her was my favorite.

 

So, an hour or so after I got home, I texted her to ask what she thought of the film so far. ***(Your behavior is way too eager and shows a lack of self-control ... a turn off for most women because, in my experience, this behavior is pervasive and doesn't bode well for future interactions) No response! Now, I know this defies some of you guys' and gals' dating behaviors, but it felt like context allowed for a quick text same night as the first date. I let it sit but so far (almost a full day later) still no response.

 

What am I missing here? Is there something I'm not seeing? My only thought so far is that maybe she was scared off by my trying to kiss her again at her driveway. She called me "persistent", but I was definitely respectful and didn't try to force it when she pulled away. Moreover, maybe the same-night text troubled her. I have no idea, honestly.

 

Should I even bother to follow up for a Saturday date if she doesn't respond? It seemed like we were connecting pretty well, and she did say yes to a second date.

 

 

Tuna ... it sounds like you guys had a great connection to start out with, but you may have blown this one. Personally, my amber alert would have gone off. I've learned quickly that guys who can't control their control panel leads to some unhappy endings. Maybe she'll let this one slide and you'll hear from her but I'd be surprised (especially if she is a more seasoned dater who has healthy self-respect).

[SwordofFlame]

If it's a date from OLD, unfortunately you just never know. Could be another guy in the picture? Maybe she changed her mind for some reason? I've also heard that if you ask for the second date at the end of the first, it makes it really difficult for the woman to say no. So now I always wait until the next day.

[TheBathWater]

Tuna ... it sounds like you guys had a great connection to start out with, but you may have blown this one. Personally, my amber alert would have gone off. I've learned quickly that guys who can't control their control panel leads to some unhappy endings. Maybe she'll let this one slide and you'll hear from her but I'd be surprised (especially if she is a more seasoned dater who has healthy self-respect).

 

Interesting. I don't experience myself as someone who can't control himself. I do experience myself as someone who leads the interaction, and respects when a woman is not comfortable. In my experience though, sometimes a "no" is just a yes that needs a little more electric charge to spark. When she pulled away from me at her driveway and asked to hug instead, I did tell her: "Okay, well I want you to feel comfortable, so maybe another time when it's right." When I reflect more deeply, I think my post-date text may have been my testing the connection to see if I still had her at this point. She did say she was going to watch my favorite movie, so I took that as a sign of interest. Maybe the text drove home whatever reservations she developed on the walk back to her place.

 

Bah, whatever. She's cute and I enjoyed meeting her. I hope we meet again. If not, I think it's a mistake, but I don't think there's much you can do once a woman is turned off to change her mind.

[TheBathWater]

If it's a date from OLD, unfortunately you just never know. Could be another guy in the picture? Maybe she changed her mind for some reason? I've also heard that if you ask for the second date at the end of the first, it makes it really difficult for the woman to say no. So now I always wait until the next day.

 

Nah, no other guys from OLD at least (so far). I was her first date. We were alluding to future dates earlier during the first date anyway ("oh yeah, we'll have to do that sometime"), so I think she was at least into it at one point if she is not now.

[smackie9]

She could be playing that game of "I don't want to come off as desperate". Give it a few days.

[StBreton]

Interesting. I don't experience myself as someone who can't control himself. (Ya but that's exactly what you displayed during this interaction) I do experience myself as someone who leads the interaction (perfectly fine), and respects when a woman is not comfortable (but you didn't respect her ...you crossed her boundary ... you went beyond leading). In my experience though, sometimes a "no" is just a yes that needs a little more electric charge to spark (overcoming objections is a sales technique ... not a dating technique). When she pulled away from me at her driveway and asked to hug instead, I did tell her: "Okay, well I want you to feel comfortable, so maybe another time when it's right." When I reflect more deeply, I think my post-date text may have been my testing the connection to see if I still had her at this point. She did say she was going to watch my favorite movie, so I took that as a sign of interest. Maybe the text drove home whatever reservations she developed on the walk back to her place.

 

Bah, whatever. She's cute and I enjoyed meeting her. I hope we meet again. If not, I think it's a mistake, but I don't think there's much you can do once a woman is turned off to change her mind.

 

It seems you are walking away from this experience thinking there is nothing to learn. I disagree with that. Coming onto this forum for pretty much anyone is for the purpose of learning. Sometimes it is teaching or leading others to be more self-aware of their "stuff." That's all I'm doing with you here and I truly hope your take-away from this experience and feedback on this forum will lead you to realize you may have to make some adjustments in your attitude and behavior to get what you want. Don't shoot the messenger (me) ... well maybe with a water gun:)

[TheBathWater]

It seems you are walking away from this experience thinking there is nothing to learn. I disagree with that. Coming onto this forum for pretty much anyone is for the purpose of learning. Sometimes it is teaching or leading others to be more self-aware of their "stuff." That's all I'm doing with you here and I truly hope your take-away from this experience and feedback on this forum will lead you to realize you may have to make some adjustments in your attitude and behavior to get what you want. Don't shoot the messenger (me) ... well maybe with a water gun:)

 

Maybe I need to say it a little differently then, because we might be misunderstanding each other, and I'm certainly not closed off to learning here.

 

If she would have not kissed me the first time, or seemed not open to it at all, I would have never tried again. She did kiss me the first time though, and with big smiles!= In my experience, this often translates to "I like what we just did, but am worried that since it was so soon you won't respect me for it later." Not an uncommon reaction for women to have, even in 2015. This is very different than a woman who is flat out not interested in being physical. I also never forced myself on her, and withdrew with respect and understanding. So, this is the position where I'm coming from.

 

You're suggesting she may have had a strong reaction and felt negatively about what happened. If that's the case, I'd feel bad. The last thing I want with any woman is for them to feel bad about our time together. In the moment though, based on past experience and also her initial kissing and smiling, it didn't seem like the worst thing in the world to do. The worst that could happen is she says no, and she did, and I bowed out gracefully.

 

Yes, if it happens again in the future with her or someone else, I will remember all of this. When I say "Bah, whatever...", what I am saying is that at this point I can't change what happened. I can only hope that we meet again, and if not, I'll just accept it.

Edited November 16, 2015 by TunaInTheBrine

[StBreton]

Maybe I need to say it a little differently then, because we might be misunderstanding each other, and I'm certainly not closed off to learning here.

 

If she would have not kissed me the first time, or seemed not open to it at all, I would have never tried again.(You shouldn't have tried again because she told you she was uncomfortable with the prospect ... at least at that junction ... maybe after the next date so she had time to process and build a little trust) She did kiss me the first time though, and with big smiles!= (she was attracted to you and felt a connection ...ALL good) In my experience, this often translates to "I like what we just did, but am worried that since it was so soon you won't respect me for it later." (I don't think this has as much to do with respect as it does with "I need to take my time with this and see where it goes ... I don't want to rush") Not an uncommon reaction for women to have, even in 2015.(agreed ... but I often hold back because I want to be in control of my "passion button" ... I don't want anyone leading in that respect ... If a guy acted as you did, I would be offended that you weren't respecting that this is now MY turn to lead...let the woman lead the romantic part...she'll let you know her comfort level...this girl did and you dissed her) This is very different than a woman who is flat out not interested in being physical. I also never forced myself on her, and withdrew with respect and understanding. So, this is the position where I'm coming from.

 

You're suggesting she may have had a strong reaction and felt negatively about what happened. If that's the case, I'd feel bad. The last thing I want with any woman is for them to feel bad about our time together. In the moment though, based on past experience and also her initial kissing and smiling, it didn't seem like the worst thing in the world to do. The worst that could happen is she says no, and she did, and I bowed out gracefully.

 

Yes, if it happens again in the future with her or someone else, I will remember all of this.

 

I'm simply sharing my feelings if I had been in this girl's shoes. If it's one thing I'm finely attuned to in a potential mate, it is respect for boundaries. Please just consider for a moment that you disrespected this girl's boundary. It does seem you will take this into account (intimated by your last sentence).

 

If the two of you do make contact again, I recommend apologizing for your lack of decorum and maybe say you were just so overcome by her beauty and the connection you felt. Maybe it'll all turn out ok. Hopin' for the best for you:)

Edited November 16, 2015 by StBreton

[StBreton]

The next time you happen to be attracted to and have a connection with a date, definitely go for the kiss again. If a girl kisses you then pulls away and says she's not comfortable for whatever reason...and you still want to kiss her...simply acknowledge to her that you'd really like to kiss her again but you'll wait till she's comfortable. That's happened to me and I truly appreciated the guy respecting me. Led to many more dates and my thinking more highly of him:)

 

Tuna ... girls like and appreciate when guys lead ... and once trust/lasting connection is established definitely take the lead ... grab the girl tightly to you and really give her a kiss:) Just has to be at the right time.

[TheBathWater]

Look, I'm starting to get a irritated with some of these responses now. I think I expressed where I was coming from and the experiences that I was basing my behavior from. I never assumed any absolutes, but tried to do in the moment with her what has worked for me in the past because I liked her and it seemed like the best choice to me. Obviously, if didn't care, have empathy, or want to remedy things going forward, I wouldn't have come on here. I am more than happy to hear other perspectives and learn here, but making caricature statements about me and suggesting that I can't read people, etc... I don't find that to be helpful comments at all.

[TheBathWater]

The next time you happen to be attracted to and have a connection with a date, definitely go for the kiss again. If a girl kisses you then pulls away and says she's not comfortable for whatever reason...and you still want to kiss her...simply acknowledge to her that you'd really like to kiss her again but you'll wait till she's comfortable. That's happened to me and I truly appreciated the guy respecting me. Led to many more dates and my thinking more highly of him:)

 

Tuna ... girls like and appreciate when guys lead ... and once trust/lasting connection is established definitely take the lead ... grab the girl tightly to you and really give her a kiss:) Just has to be at the right time.

 

I hear ya.

[Redfisher]

Look, I'm starting to get a irritated with some of these responses now. I think I expressed where I was coming from and the experiences that I was basing my behavior from. I never assumed any absolutes, but tried to do in the moment with her what has worked for me in the past because I liked her and it seemed like the best choice to me. Obviously, if didn't care, have empathy, or want to remedy things going forward, I wouldn't have come on here. I am more than happy to hear other perspectives and learn here, but making caricature statements about me and suggesting that I can't read people, etc... I don't find that to be helpful comments at all.

 

I was told once you need to listen to everything...Then take what you can use and leave the rest. Don't get your back up its just the internet.

[Maggie4]

I would agree with StB that the second kiss attempt was maybe not wise cos she already told you earlier how she felt. But I don't think that one move makes you Pepe le Pew (caricature, yes, but he's cute). If she liked you a lot, she'll tolerate more missteps, so maybe she's just letting you cool off.

She said you were "persistent"? At what point did she say that? What was the context? How did she say it? It's kind of important...

[StBreton]

Look, I'm starting to get a irritated with some of these responses now. I think I expressed where I was coming from and the experiences that I was basing my behavior from. I never assumed any absolutes, but tried to do in the moment with her what has worked for me in the past because I liked her and it seemed like the best choice to me. Obviously, if didn't care, have empathy, or want to remedy things going forward, I wouldn't have come on here. I am more than happy to hear other perspectives and learn here, but making caricature statements about me and suggesting that I can't read people, etc... I don't find that to be helpful comments at all.

 

Was a post deleted? ...I didn't see caricature statements

 

Anyway ... All our statements are conjecture. Wait till tomorrow and call her to see about the Saturday date. Just put it out there and try to make it happen for yourself. I was out of town this past weekend and didn't get back to a guy's text from Friday till late yesterday ...it was a hectic weekend with friends and travel. I haven't heard back from the guy ...maybe he's put off it took me so long to respond. C'est la vie. Hope it works out for you.

[lino]

Doesn't sound like she was very into the kissing, especially if she declined.

In my experience a woman who likes a guy WANTS to kiss said guy and ENJOYS It.

 

If she's cut communication then I'd say that confirms she isn't really interested.

[TheBathWater]

I would agree with StB that the second kiss attempt was maybe not wise cos she already told you earlier how she felt. But I don't think that one move makes you Pepe le Pew (caricature, yes, but he's cute). If she liked you a lot, she'll tolerate more missteps, so maybe she's just letting you cool off.

She said you were "persistent"? At what point did she say that? What was the context? How did she say it? It's kind of important...

 

She said I was persistent when we were at her driveway and I tried to kiss her again, but it wasn't an "I'm offended" kind of tone, more like a humorous tone. I think that's when I said something like "Yeah, I can be persistent, but if you're not comfortable with this right now then maybe another time when it's right". Unless she was playing nice with me, I really didn't get the impression she was offended or upset.

 

I also think if she liked me a lot, she'll let this go. It would seem silly to me to write someone off entirely over that after. She seems cool, so my hope is that you're right and I'll have the opportunity to get to know her more.

[TheBathWater]

Wait till tomorrow and call her to see about the Saturday date. Just put it out there and try to make it happen for yourself. [...] Hope it works out for you.

 

Thanks. And when she doesn't pick up the phone and I get her voicemail, am I supposed to observe that she didn't respond to my text and then apologize for trying to kiss her again?

[Rydo]

You text her and she hasn't got back to you. Plenty more fish in the sea basically.

 

Don't girls always kiss on a first date?

[TheBathWater]

You text her and she hasn't got back to you. Plenty more fish in the sea basically.

 

Don't girls always kiss on a first date?

 

In my experience, I've never had a woman who rejected a first date kiss and then agreed to a second date. On the other hand, I have purposefully not kissed a few women on the first date and then later kissed them on the second date.

 

Since she kissed me the first time, that leads me to believe there was something there. I don't know about now though...

 

Yeah, plenty more fish in the sea. But what sucks is when you have what you think is an exciting date and then they ghost you, and I suspect that's what's happening. If so, what a loss, for the both of us really.

[Oregon_Dude]

I barely post on this site anymore. But having been rejected over and over again during the last few months, I can tell you the following with full confidence.

 

- This girl isn't into you.

- You do a lot of intellectualizing about very simple things. Such as: she isn't into you.

- Accept it. Don't be in denial; don't have hope; don't wonder about what she's thinking. You didn't do it for her.

- Learn to need women less, and their approval even less. Are there things you can do to make yourself more attractive? Sure...

- Lift weights. Do cardio. Eat well. Spend a lot of time alone, so you can learn to love it.

- Give less of a f*ck. Embrace rejection. Laugh it off. Be a bit of a pr*ck.

 

I had a GREAT date Saturday. GREAT. Kissed her at the end. Texted her. No response. Sent another text the next day. Response: "It was fun, but I don't see this going forward."

 

The date itself is often not an indication of anything. People will act like they're into you when they're not. Dating is meaningless.

 

Either get really thick skin, or get out of the game, because with guys like you and me, it will erode your confidence and slowly, your soul. It is brutal out there. And women wonder why MGTOW exists.

 

Thanks for letting me pop in. See you guys next year or something.

[TheBathWater]

Was a post deleted? ...I didn't see caricature statements

 

Yes, a post was deleted.

[StBreton]

Thanks. And when she doesn't pick up the phone and I get her voicemail, am I supposed to observe that she didn't respond to my text and then apologize for trying to kiss her again?

 

I would totally keep it positive like "hey (cute girl) just wanted to see how your day is going ... I'm going to see that band we talked about last week ... the show is Saturday at 8 and wanted to see if you'd like to go with me" ... do not draw attention to the kissing thing.

 

If she doesn't respond, just let it go. You tried:)

 

Keep us posted!

[StBreton]

Yes, a post was deleted.

 

 

Ahhh... missed a few hours after my early posts. You're really trying to figure this out and just needed advice ... I get that and the outright negativity detracts from constructive criticism. I wasn't sure if you were referring to me:)