Ara-bella Posted November 16, 2015 Posted November 16, 2015 How do people, especially in these times, get over being anxious about the fact that their partner will either a. get bored b. find another person c. fall out of love? I myself have found the greatest boyfriend just 4 months ago, who does everything for me. My problem is that I'm insecure and honestly paranoid about what bad things could happen.. I trust him but I am insecure which I know is toxic and could be the downfall of things. How do you, or how can I stop this? For example, we went to a dance recital and I saw him just staring at one girl in particular and it did affect me a little.. Things like this drive me crazy! I don't wanna be this way! I've just been in seriously bad guy situations that kind of screwed me up in that way.
Redfisher Posted November 16, 2015 Posted November 16, 2015 You need therapy....It will help so much.
d0nnivain Posted November 16, 2015 Posted November 16, 2015 You change your self talk. I'm almost 50 years old. In all the relationships I have ever had I never even considered that my partner would get bored, fall out of love or find another partner. I have been dumped. My past partners did fall out of love (or at least infatuation) but those thoughts & fears did not consume me during the relationships. When I felt like we were in a rut I'd do something to shake things up -- new restaurant, sexy lingerie, weekend away . . .just something different. Have a little faith in yourself. 1
Maggie4 Posted November 16, 2015 Posted November 16, 2015 I think this type of thinking has little to do with your past dating experience. Instead, the fear of abandonment has more to do with your childhood experience.
Buddhist Posted November 17, 2015 Posted November 17, 2015 (edited) How do people, especially in these times, get over being anxious about the fact that their partner will either a. get bored b. find another person c. fall out of love? I myself have found the greatest boyfriend just 4 months ago, who does everything for me. My problem is that I'm insecure and honestly paranoid about what bad things could happen.. I trust him but I am insecure which I know is toxic and could be the downfall of things. How do you, or how can I stop this? For example, we went to a dance recital and I saw him just staring at one girl in particular and it did affect me a little.. Things like this drive me crazy! I don't wanna be this way! I've just been in seriously bad guy situations that kind of screwed me up in that way. By seeking therapy for your issues independantly of the relationship itself. Realise that there is absolutely nothing he can do or not do that will ever satisfy your anxiety and it isn't his job to do so either. Anxiety is a hard task master it is never satsified or quelled by circumstances, it will always find something wrong with the situation. You need to learn to deal with it yourself because once it's done a number on your love life it will start working on all other aspects of your life as well until you are a total mess. Don't think you can just brush it aside and tell yourself logically that everythings okay. Anxiety needs specific treatment, there are mental skills you need to learn to master it. I am an anxious personality (some people are more susceptible than others), and I needed professional help with this because all the usual well meaning advice along the lines of.....well just don't think that way. Does not work against serious anxiety. If logic were the answer you wouldn't have the problem. Anxiety is a neural pathway and you have to consciously create new ones over a long period of time to change the wiring in your brain. It needs a specific protocol. Edited November 17, 2015 by Buddhist 1
kitty12345 Posted November 17, 2015 Posted November 17, 2015 Some anxiety/paranoia is normal especially when you find someone you really click with and fear losing them. Beyond a certain degree, it can lead to problems.
Gaeta Posted November 17, 2015 Posted November 17, 2015 a. get bored If he gets bored and leaves me I will be just fine. I won't die, I won't be hit with a mysterious chronic illness, I won't lose anything. I will still be Gaeta with same job, same home, same friends, same family, same bills to pay. It won't change one bit of who I am. Life will go on and I will be just fine. b. find another person If he finds another person and leaves me I will be just fine. I won't die, I won't be hit with a mysterious chronic illness, I won't lose anything. I will still be Gaeta with same job, same home, same friends, same family, same bills to pay. It won't change one bit of who I am. Life will go on and I will be just fine. c. fall out of love? . If he falls out of love and leaves me I will be just fine. I won't die, I won't be hit with a mysterious chronic illness, I won't lose anything. I will still be Gaeta with same job, same home, same friends, same family, same bills to pay. It won't change one bit of who I am. Life will go on and I will be just fine. Here's some reading to you. Anthony Robbins The Giant Within.
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