Author Whisky1981 Posted November 17, 2015 Author Posted November 17, 2015 Whiskey, all I can say is OMG. I think the point will be driven home to you when you one day have to go into surgery for a burst appendix and your GF says she can't go to you because her dance partner has a hangnail and she has to cut it for him, because his mommy can't - but don't worry, if you are still alive tomorrow she will send over some flowers... Dude, every fiber in your being is telling you how important you are to this girl - not much. Even horse sh*t comes before you - you are at best a distant third, and it isn't going to change. It's not good for your ego to be cuckolded by horses, or a metrosexual dance partner. Get a better girlfriend...and be happy! Thank you!
Just a Guy Posted November 17, 2015 Posted November 17, 2015 Hi Whisky, this seems to me a case of much ado about nothing. It is obvious that your GF and you are not compatible. As others have said, she is probably not really invested in you or in other words, is not interested enough in you to compromise on her activities to acknowledge your concerns. So the writing is on the wall. Just forget her as a GF and maybe keep her as a friend while you actively cultivate someone else as your GF. No point chasing after a pipe dream! Cheers!
d0nnivain Posted November 17, 2015 Posted November 17, 2015 Now I know it's take it or leave it, I am just asking you guys how would you feel about this if it was happening to you and if you'd be willing to live like this. Is this much of a relationship anyway? So why are you still IN this not fulfilling relationship? It's not even right or wrong. It's that you two don't fit with each other. Find somebody more compatible. 2
kgcolonel Posted November 17, 2015 Posted November 17, 2015 Whiskey, you mentioned earlier that you were looking for insight as to how everyone else would "feel" in this situation. Objectively, everyone is telling you how we would feel. Personally, I have been there....I was not getting what I wanted / needed from the relationship. Based on that, I chose to move on and develop a relationship with a new individual and kept doing this until if eventually found my wife. Now we are not perfect (how boring would that be) but we do discuss and compromise our wants and needs and RESPECT those wants and needs because we value each other and look for ways to put a smile on their face. From what I see here, you have communicated honestly and she has too in both actions and words. The two of you are still miles apart from that true seeking to please each other. I would feel that it is time to invest in a new direction. Hope this is what you were looking for.
Author Whisky1981 Posted November 18, 2015 Author Posted November 18, 2015 (edited) Thank you for all your answers. Actually we had a discussion about this on monday. Naturally I was judged like possesive and jelous. I expected this. All I wanted from her was to show that she was willing to take a small compromise because she is absent 4 days a week riding, feedeing, shoveling **** of the horses, so I expected to be a priority the other three days remaining. If she isn't willing to give me this with one of those days dancing with me instead of him and one free day doing whatever else comes to mind I don't see a lot of a relationship here. It was to be expected that I am single now . It hurts but I think it is better to hurt for a month or two than to be hurt over and over again by a person that should do the opposite. Thank you all for your support. Edited November 18, 2015 by Whisky1981 1
frogs88 Posted November 19, 2015 Posted November 19, 2015 This is odd - when my gf wanted to go salsa dancing she wanted nothing more then me to come with her. I bailed the first time because I don't like it that much and she went with a friend. But a year or two later we started again this time with me. Doing something together was the big allure of it - being left out like you described wouldn't go down with me well.
Author Whisky1981 Posted November 19, 2015 Author Posted November 19, 2015 This is odd - when my gf wanted to go salsa dancing she wanted nothing more then me to come with her. I bailed the first time because I don't like it that much and she went with a friend. But a year or two later we started again this time with me. Doing something together was the big allure of it - being left out like you described wouldn't go down with me well. Thanks. She wanted to go with me but she wanted to go with somebody else too. So, on monday with her previous co-dancer and on Tuseday with me. I don't like salsa either and I went dancing as a favor to her because she was VERY persistent. On the other hand I expected her to finish the dancing with the other guy because she was in a relationship. But the real problem is that this girl has 4 days a week in which we can't spend any quality time together outside of a quick hook up after 9 p.m. and this includes Suterday evening and the whole Sunday. So it obviously bothered me that she has another fix dance partner beside me but what bothered me much more was that with so little time on her hand she wasn't willing to clear one evning for us to be together....So make it 5 days a week that I can't make any real plans with her.
frogs88 Posted November 19, 2015 Posted November 19, 2015 Yeah I get it - the priority issue is bigger than just salsa dancing. It's just one of the waalys it manifests itself. As others have said you becoming a high priority is not something you control. More on the salsa though - how do those classes work? Here we had our own dance partner through the lessons. Every time there was one part of the class when a big switcharoo happened and you'd dance with a couple different people but then it was back to your own partner.
Author Whisky1981 Posted November 19, 2015 Author Posted November 19, 2015 Yeah I get it - the priority issue is bigger than just salsa dancing. It's just one of the waalys it manifests itself. As others have said you becoming a high priority is not something you control. More on the salsa though - how do those classes work? Here we had our own dance partner through the lessons. Every time there was one part of the class when a big switcharoo happened and you'd dance with a couple different people but then it was back to your own partner. The lessons work the same way here too. So for me it is kind of obvious that you will go to those classes with your S/O if he is willing to go. And I don't think I am weird if I expected to be the only one because for me salsa is a pretty intimate dance. Now I understand her that she dosen't want to lose her previous group and I understand that she likes the way her co-dancer dance. But as I stated before, and that wouldn't be a problem for me, all she would lose is half a year of class and she would have to start over again. For me that would not be a big problem if I feel something for someone.
Author Whisky1981 Posted November 19, 2015 Author Posted November 19, 2015 Would this be called a hobbyoholic? Horseholic, salsaholic and beside all that she works in education which every now and then equals work 9am-9pm. Yeah and she works with her ex with whom she now and then goes on work trips and sleeps in the same room as him... Believe me I tried to fit between all this but it was a constant struggle and hammering of my ego and self-esteem. A hard thing to chew on.... The problem is that she basically is a good person but just dosen't seem to consider other people feelings and does whatever she wants in the moment without thinking that somebody could get hurt by her actions. In the end I wondered if she had a chance to cheat, I don't know if she wouldn't do it if the circumstances were right.
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