maxluan Posted November 16, 2015 Posted November 16, 2015 My problem. The fact is, I never heard about NC rule, otherwise, I would have handled the breakup way better. We broke up at July 27th, which is about 4 months ago. They say your heart breaks twice. Once is when she says goodbye, and the other is when you know she moves on. That's it. I saw it on her weibo (Chinese twitter) that she is with someone else. What's ironic is that, there is this account she has only I know. She posts things like being forever with the Mr Right. My heart shattered. I could say that, and I could almost feel the pain physically. I know I could not get her back, nor should I. I am really too good for her. I am well educated with a decent job, while she is just a spoiled kid who only depends on others. The problem is, continuing the NC rule is extremely hard. I liked her more than I could imagine. I never thought I could like some girl this much, especially when she is not worth loving. Every night I try to do something else. I played all the games, MGSV, FO 4, witcher etc. I just cannot shift my mind and eventually games gets too boring. I picked up guitar but I could not continue. I tried to paint but I could not find the mood. I just cannot understand it because before knowing her, I was so okay with loneliness. I have been living alone in Hong Kong for 5 years, and I loved it. Now the city looks ****ty. NC Rule tells me to workout, to find friends, and to do meaningful things. I cannot because living alone makes it so hard to control emotions. Everything in this city reminds me of her. My current plan is to quit job and move to another city where my buddies are living. They are starting a business there and promised me a position. This is actually not a question or seeking help. I just have to get it out of my chest. This girl completely changed my life. That's for sure.
LLQ1986 Posted November 16, 2015 Posted November 16, 2015 Hello there, just to share with you a story about my previous BU. I too just bumped this awesome forum weeks/months after my BU. I went straight into 2 weeks of zombie mood when my ex told me he's fallen in love with another girl. I seriously thought that was the end of my world (my first ever BU). Thank god my ex did me a favor for keeping NC, he only sent me an email a month later, wishing me a very happy Chinese New Year which I replied a few days later. What I have done after that was pretty amazing; I traveled with my dad for a week, quit my job, backpacked alone in another country (met tons of interesting new people), moved into another house, got into cycling (and met a group of friends with a shared interest) and made a lot of new friends via dating apps/sites. Perhaps living and working in another country with a strong support system (aka your buddies) is the right thing to do next whereby you can start afresh. Time heals I promise, take baby steps and you will be able to see the light at the end of the tunnel very soon.
Author maxluan Posted November 16, 2015 Author Posted November 16, 2015 Hello there, just to share with you a story about my previous BU. I too just bumped this awesome forum weeks/months after my BU. I went straight into 2 weeks of zombie mood when my ex told me he's fallen in love with another girl. I seriously thought that was the end of my world (my first ever BU). Thank god my ex did me a favor for keeping NC, he only sent me an email a month later, wishing me a very happy Chinese New Year which I replied a few days later. What I have done after that was pretty amazing; I traveled with my dad for a week, quit my job, backpacked alone in another country (met tons of interesting new people), moved into another house, got into cycling (and met a group of friends with a shared interest) and made a lot of new friends via dating apps/sites. Perhaps living and working in another country with a strong support system (aka your buddies) is the right thing to do next whereby you can start afresh. Time heals I promise, take baby steps and you will be able to see the light at the end of the tunnel very soon. That's something I am not sure. I never knew I could be this hurt. You say zombie mood?Look at me, right at this moment, my hands tremble. I am a programmer, and I cannot program. I cannot be alone. I cannot endure darkness. I cannot even listen to music. The problem now is, I cannot trust any girl any more. I mean, I gave her everything I had. She accused me of not sharing my feelings, so I shared mine. Then she couldn't take it, and dumped me. She forced me to open my heart and so she could stab it. The society is the dark forest. I just cannot trust anyone. I cannot see if they trust me either. The only safe way I can to protect myself is to shut the feelings completely. But now that I had the experience of sharing, I cannot bare the feeling of shutting down. I am picturing myself as a strong man in my weibo profile. I had to shake the image of being a crying baby and I made it. You look at me you see someone with sunshine glowing. But the only problem is, I am not. There is darkness inside me, and it eats me bit by bit. I traveled, through several Provinces . I met different people but when I got back and sat behind the keyboard everything comes back. I cannot travel forever. I cannot cry on friends forever either. Eventually I have to deal with it alone, and that is the problem. What if the next girl dumps me ? I cannot quit my job again. That's so many uncertainties. I just cannot see a good end.
LLQ1986 Posted November 16, 2015 Posted November 16, 2015 That's something I am not sure. I never knew I could be this hurt. You say zombie mood?Look at me, right at this moment, my hands tremble. I am a programmer, and I cannot program. I cannot be alone. I cannot endure darkness. I cannot even listen to music. The problem now is, I cannot trust any girl any more. I mean, I gave her everything I had. She accused me of not sharing my feelings, so I shared mine. Then she couldn't take it, and dumped me. She forced me to open my heart and so she could stab it. The society is the dark forest. I just cannot trust anyone. I cannot see if they trust me either. The only safe way I can to protect myself is to shut the feelings completely. But now that I had the experience of sharing, I cannot bare the feeling of shutting down. I am picturing myself as a strong man in my weibo profile. I had to shake the image of being a crying baby and I made it. You look at me you see someone with sunshine glowing. But the only problem is, I am not. There is darkness inside me, and it eats me bit by bit. I traveled, through several Provinces . I met different people but when I got back and sat behind the keyboard everything comes back. I cannot travel forever. I cannot cry on friends forever either. Eventually I have to deal with it alone, and that is the problem. What if the next girl dumps me ? I cannot quit my job again. That's so many uncertainties. I just cannot see a good end. Oh man I'm so sorry to hear this. You need to go out more and be with your friends and family a lot during this difficult period of time. I had one particular good friend who checked on me every single day as I went thru hell. I'm a female so it could be easier for me to express my feelings to my close friends, and they say guys tend to bottle up their feelings. You need to feel those emotions, accept them, face them and then only you can let go. Also, You CAN'T BE following and stalking your ex on any of her social media sites anymore. I got extremely mad when my ex still liked my photos on instagram, I blocked him immediately. You just have to keep doing what you have already been doing; to go out more, get to know new people (I am not too keen sometimes but I still go ahead because it helps to kill time & keep my mind off the BU for a bit), to workout, to talk to your friends, to learn something NEW...just anything to keep yourself busy. I just broke up with my ex a week ago; so I'm fully aware of what you are going thru right now. Breakup sucks but I promise you it will ONLY get better and you will get stronger ... and this I'm very certain
Author maxluan Posted November 17, 2015 Author Posted November 17, 2015 Oh man I'm so sorry to hear this. You need to go out more and be with your friends and family a lot during this difficult period of time. I had one particular good friend who checked on me every single day as I went thru hell. I'm a female so it could be easier for me to express my feelings to my close friends, and they say guys tend to bottle up their feelings. You need to feel those emotions, accept them, face them and then only you can let go. Also, You CAN'T BE following and stalking your ex on any of her social media sites anymore. I got extremely mad when my ex still liked my photos on instagram, I blocked him immediately. You just have to keep doing what you have already been doing; to go out more, get to know new people (I am not too keen sometimes but I still go ahead because it helps to kill time & keep my mind off the BU for a bit), to workout, to talk to your friends, to learn something NEW...just anything to keep yourself busy. I just broke up with my ex a week ago; so I'm fully aware of what you are going thru right now. Breakup sucks but I promise you it will ONLY get better and you will get stronger ... and this I'm very certain No worries. I stopped contacting right after saying goodbye. I maintained by profile simply because I want to show everybody I am okay. To most people, I am already over this and happily pursuing the future. To some friends, they are in fact surprised that it still hurts after several months. I know this is a good sign which means I was fully devoted in the relationship. I also realize that her moving on so fast means her not devoted enough. That's her loss. I guess I am just jealous, and confused. I know I am a good guy. Why would her prefer douch to me? Never mind. I am moving on in my way.
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