jj99 Posted November 16, 2015 Posted November 16, 2015 (edited) Ive had a crush on this guy for about a year or 2 now, (we have mutual friends),but I never acted on anything b/c I was in a long relationship. That relationship ended a little more than 6 months ago and shortly after that, I ran into him. We talked for a bit and when I saw our mutual friends later on, they told me he was asking about me and was interested. It was too soon after my breakup, but I told them that Ive always thought that he was cute, but wasn't ready for anything. We saw each other again at another party and while we hung out for a while, we didn't exchange #'s or anything. I was at a bar w/ the same friends that my crush knows a few nights ago and low and behold we bumped into him there. He has always been very friendly, so he came over right away and hung out w/ us for the rest the night. He was being extremely flirty and I was enjoying it b/c Im in a better head space now and ready to SLOWLY move on from my ex. Towards the end of the night he asked if I wanted to go back to his place. Long story short, I spent the night there. Before he went to work, he dropped me off at my car in the morning. We exchanged #'s, he gave me a smooch and said lets try to hang out soon. It's been less than 48 hrs but I have been out of the loop for so long IDK what Im supposed to do now. Am I suppose to call/text him? Am I supposed to wait for him to call me? Do I chalk it up to 1 night stand? Do I send him a fruit basked? (kidding). Im honestly not sure how to go about his now, so any help would be much appreciated. Edited November 16, 2015 by jj99
ExpatInItaly Posted November 16, 2015 Posted November 16, 2015 It's too early to say if this was a one-night stand. The next move is a little more tricky as he previously heard (from your friends, I'd assume) that you weren't ready for anything with another man. Therefore, he could be operating under the assumption that you aren't looking for anything more than some casual fun. Are you? You said you are ready to start moving on from your ex, so I am guessing there are still some feelings there.
Shining One Posted November 16, 2015 Posted November 16, 2015 The next move is a little more tricky as he previously heard (from your friends, I'd assume) that you weren't ready for anything with another man. Therefore, he could be operating under the assumption that you aren't looking for anything more than some casual fun.I've been in this situation. I left the ball in her court and let her contact me next since I didn't want to appear "pushy" when she didn't want anything serious. 1
CalvinM Posted November 16, 2015 Posted November 16, 2015 Ask him out on a date. Guys like women who show initiative. 3
Author jj99 Posted November 16, 2015 Author Posted November 16, 2015 ExpatInItaly - that is a good point. Especially since he brought up (more than once),that he hates being single, he's the only guy out of his friends that he's single, etc. + to top it off, when I spoke to my friends the next day, they said that they were surprised at how he was acting b/c he's usually shy and pretty passive w/ women. There are still some lingering feelings for my ex - we were together for 7 yrs - but Ive decided/accepted that there will be no reconciliation and I have no desire to get back w/ him either. Im ready to move on, but I couldnt fully jump into a relationship just yet and it would be selfish of me to try to get into 1. Thats all jumping the gun really, but I guess the ball is in my court now, huh?
Author jj99 Posted November 16, 2015 Author Posted November 16, 2015 (edited) you think so CalvinM? I kind of feel like maybe I should contact him b/c as I mentioned before, he's supposedly pretty passive w/ the ladies. But Im so nerdy when it comes to these kind of things, + I feel like it's been eons since Ive been in the game, IDK what I would say. "Hey it was fun mauling each other the other night, want to get together and try it again w/o being buzzed?" haha Help! Edited November 16, 2015 by jj99
TheBathWater Posted November 16, 2015 Posted November 16, 2015 We are so quick to take off our clothes with each other, but so slow to take off our masks and be direct and honest with each other. 2
kendahke Posted November 16, 2015 Posted November 16, 2015 I agree with CalvinM. On Tuesday, call him and ask him out for Friday.
Redhead14 Posted November 16, 2015 Posted November 16, 2015 Ive had a crush on this guy for about a year or 2 now, (we have mutual friends),but I never acted on anything b/c I was in a long relationship. That relationship ended a little more than 6 months ago and shortly after that, I ran into him. We talked for a bit and when I saw our mutual friends later on, they told me he was asking about me and was interested. It was too soon after my breakup, but I told them that Ive always thought that he was cute, but wasn't ready for anything. We saw each other again at another party and while we hung out for a while, we didn't exchange #'s or anything. I was at a bar w/ the same friends that my crush knows a few nights ago and low and behold we bumped into him there. He has always been very friendly, so he came over right away and hung out w/ us for the rest the night. He was being extremely flirty and I was enjoying it b/c Im in a better head space now and ready to SLOWLY move on from my ex. Towards the end of the night he asked if I wanted to go back to his place. Long story short, I spent the night there. Before he went to work, he dropped me off at my car in the morning. We exchanged #'s, he gave me a smooch and said lets try to hang out soon. It's been less than 48 hrs but I have been out of the loop for so long IDK what Im supposed to do now. Am I suppose to call/text him? Am I supposed to wait for him to call me? Do I chalk it up to 1 night stand? Do I send him a fruit basked? (kidding). Im honestly not sure how to go about his now, so any help would be much appreciated. Anytime you sleep with a man, you should assume it will be a one-night stand until he shows you otherwise. If he contacts you and again and becomes consistent with contact and seeing you, manage your emotions and expectations and have a conversation fairly early on to find out what his dating goals are. If he says he just looking of casual dating and you are dating for the purpose of finding a relationship, you should probably move on. Let him reach out to you first. For now you should be in receptive mode and observing how he dates you. Let him take the lead for a bit. REspond accordingly but let him do most of the initiating. After a while of being consistent with you, then you should start doing some initiating.
Author jj99 Posted November 17, 2015 Author Posted November 17, 2015 Redhead14 - my emotions are very much in check. That's the thing, Im not looking for a relationship - esp not any time soon. I guess Im inquiring b/c while Im not interested in finding bf material, I am interested in casually hanging out. That's why Im looking for some advice - if I was on the search for a new bf, Id be on the hunt and firing on all cylinders, and would know how to handle this situation. But since Im not, Im not too sure how to handle it. I dont want to seem totally cold by not reaching out, but I dont want to seem desperate either.
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