ReadySettyGo Posted November 16, 2015 Posted November 16, 2015 I went speed dating the other night and have subsequently arranged a date with one of the girls I matched with. She was super keen on the night and was the first to initiate contact once our matches were confirmed. The thing is, today she text me wanting to know what my surname is. She says she has my number in her mobile and thinks I deserve a better name. I find her motives a little suspect and don't feel comfortable giving it out. Does anyone else find this behaviour a bit unusual?
aussietigerwolf Posted November 16, 2015 Posted November 16, 2015 I'm guessing this must be an American thing as I'd never had to ask for a surname let alone accused of ulterior motives for asking. 2
Author ReadySettyGo Posted November 16, 2015 Author Posted November 16, 2015 Well that's right, why ask for a surname so early on? I barely know the girl and would prefer to remain anonymous until at least after the first date. It can't be an American thing... I don't live there.
joseb Posted November 16, 2015 Posted November 16, 2015 Probably wants to check you out on social media. Etc. 8
Siquijor Posted November 16, 2015 Posted November 16, 2015 Perhaps she likes you so much she's wondering what HER surname might be, if you know what I mean. She could be snooping too or it could be completely innocent.
Redfisher Posted November 16, 2015 Posted November 16, 2015 I would not worry...let her check up on you if she needs to.
basil67 Posted November 16, 2015 Posted November 16, 2015 I admit I haven't been dating in many years. Have times really changed so much that it's become weird to ask another person's surname? 12
Maggie4 Posted November 16, 2015 Posted November 16, 2015 It's definitely a sign of the times... I answer the phone by saying my full name, so I'd be suspicious of someone who refuses to divulge his surname. 1
Sweeetie Posted November 16, 2015 Posted November 16, 2015 It's very likely that she wants to look you up on Facebook to clue herself up on what she's getting herself into. I like to do the same if I'm interested in a guy (look them up). This saved me from going on a date with one man whose Facebook pictures were all of him posing with porn 1
Haydn Posted November 16, 2015 Posted November 16, 2015 It's very likely that she wants to look you up on Facebook to clue herself up on what she's getting herself into. I like to do the same if I'm interested in a guy (look them up). This saved me from going on a date with one man whose Facebook pictures were all of him posing with porn Time for the OP to remove all those dodgy pics and replace them with pictures of animals waterskiing. But yes she wants to check you out. 2
kendahke Posted November 16, 2015 Posted November 16, 2015 maybe she's using one of those sites that tells you if someone has a shady past. I mean, I don't blame her for wanting to protect herself. She doesn't know who you are. Ted Bundy was supposedly a nice guy upon first meeting.
Redhead14 Posted November 16, 2015 Posted November 16, 2015 I went speed dating the other night and have subsequently arranged a date with one of the girls I matched with. She was super keen on the night and was the first to initiate contact once our matches were confirmed. The thing is, today she text me wanting to know what my surname is. She says she has my number in her mobile and thinks I deserve a better name. I find her motives a little suspect and don't feel comfortable giving it out. Does anyone else find this behaviour a bit unusual? I find not giving a surname more suspect . . . is there a reason you don't want her to know it? If she did a background check, would she find something that you don't want her to know about? Generally, I introduce myself with my full name. I get that in a speed dating meet up, you use only first names, but if you arrange an official date, what's the harm?
central Posted November 16, 2015 Posted November 16, 2015 I wouldn't have a problem providing my surname in most cases, but since she's making a point of it, agree to do so if she'll give you hers. She probably wants to check sex offender lists, social media, and maybe do a background check before taking this further. It may be as simple as wanting to stalk you if you ever break up with her.
TheBathWater Posted November 16, 2015 Posted November 16, 2015 I went speed dating the other night and have subsequently arranged a date with one of the girls I matched with. She was super keen on the night and was the first to initiate contact once our matches were confirmed. The thing is, today she text me wanting to know what my surname is. She says she has my number in her mobile and thinks I deserve a better name. I find her motives a little suspect and don't feel comfortable giving it out. Does anyone else find this behaviour a bit unusual? Here's a different question: why not give her your name? I introduce myself to women using my first name and last name. I have nothing to hide. They can look me up online and tell all their girlfriends about me, and that's fine with me
Author ReadySettyGo Posted November 16, 2015 Author Posted November 16, 2015 I'm fine giving my surname in a professional situation or when introduced by a trusted person. I'm a fairly private person, so I just find it a little suspect when a stranger requests my full name. I have nothing to hide, but I do find it uncomfortable if a date is already snooping on me. It doesn't bode well for the future. 1
Buddhist Posted November 17, 2015 Posted November 17, 2015 I'm fine giving my surname in a professional situation or when introduced by a trusted person. I'm a fairly private person, so I just find it a little suspect when a stranger requests my full name. I have nothing to hide, but I do find it uncomfortable if a date is already snooping on me. It doesn't bode well for the future. So at what point isn't it suspicious to ask for your surname? If she asks for it during the first date is that also a redflag? At what point is she allowed to know the identity of the guy she's dating? Are you Jason Bourne or something? Is your identity a question of national security? Seriously dude chill out. She probably just wants to make sure you don't have an instagram account with 300,000 followers of your three times weekly half naked bathroom mirror pics.
Versacehottie Posted November 17, 2015 Posted November 17, 2015 I admit I haven't been dating in many years. Have times really changed so much that it's become weird to ask another person's surname? LOL, duh of course she is most likely going to goggle you. Try living in a LA. A guy literally walked up to my table when I was eating the other day and introduced himself and I just gave my first name and he insisted on my surname!! And then made me spell it! That's not only a dating thing; it's let's see who and how important this person is, just in life. Expect you will be googled. A reality, often sad commentary and sometimes helpful. Sometimes I like to be anonymous In the OP's situation, I think if she agreed to the date, she should be able to go without researching you first. a little lame. That said, she is acting somewhat normally compared to other girls
TheBathWater Posted November 17, 2015 Posted November 17, 2015 I have to say, my own thinking has always been that it is a good thing if women want to search you out online. This is why I introduce myself full name. Let them google me. There's not much out there, but what is there will vouch for me. Like someone else said, it's really quite normal. Maybe in 2005 it would have been considered stalker-ish. But in 2005 online dating was also seen with a lot more stigma and desperation. Funny how times change, eh?
Maxtor Posted November 17, 2015 Posted November 17, 2015 The things I read and see these days. Whats wrong about giving her your full name? lol crazy times indeead.
Versacehottie Posted November 17, 2015 Posted November 17, 2015 I don't think there's anything inherently wrong with it. But if he failed to give it initially or it didn't come up like that and NOW she wants to know it. It's a bit intrusive, no? It's a little weird if someone finds out more about on social media and the internet than you've told them yourself--I'm not talking salicious things, just things. What's wrong with letting things unfold? Imagine a first date where you you start telling your date about a concert that you went to a couple of weeks ago and wanting to say how great it was, and she already knows!! because she's stalked your FB, twitter or instagram! Favorite bands? Already knows. A sister and a brother, already knows. Broke up with last gf 4 months ago, yeah deduced that too! It sounds crazy but I know people this has happened to. Imagine when a quick search will also tell them there is something to gain from you outside of just normal dating and being attracted to you. Yep, that's happened too. That said, lots of people do it (most?). I think you have to be smart enough to do it stealth otherwise it's somewhat nosy and insincere. Everyone's curious and it's right at your fingertips but to point out that you are going to do it makes you look lame. Maybe OP's new date, just wanted to see how her name sounds with his...lol, which is better? 1
Maxtor Posted November 17, 2015 Posted November 17, 2015 I don't think there's anything inherently wrong with it. But if he failed to give it initially or it didn't come up like that and NOW she wants to know it. It's a bit intrusive, no? It's a little weird if someone finds out more about on social media and the internet than you've told them yourself--I'm not talking salicious things, just things. What's wrong with letting things unfold? Imagine a first date where you you start telling your date about a concert that you went to a couple of weeks ago and wanting to say how great it was, and she already knows!! because she's stalked your FB, twitter or instagram! Favorite bands? Already knows. A sister and a brother, already knows. Broke up with last gf 4 months ago, yeah deduced that too! It sounds crazy but I know people this has happened to. Imagine when a quick search will also tell them there is something to gain from you outside of just normal dating and being attracted to you. Yep, that's happened too. That said, lots of people do it (most?). I think you have to be smart enough to do it stealth otherwise it's somewhat nosy and insincere. Everyone's curious and it's right at your fingertips but to point out that you are going to do it makes you look lame. Maybe OP's new date, just wanted to see how her name sounds with his...lol, which is better? If you dont want people to know Dont post it on Social Media.
Versacehottie Posted November 17, 2015 Posted November 17, 2015 If you dont want people to know Dont post it on Social Media. Hmmmm, somewhat agree and that's pretty much how i handle myself social media wise. But agreeing to go on a date, is hardly saying you should research me fully on internet before we go out. There's stuff you also don't control that's on there, somewhat professionally, stuff you're tagged in, that's too much. What's wrong with just getting to know someone? Not that people have anything to hide. Anyway, we can agree to disagree. I think we almost all agree OP's girl is gonna look him up!
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