Wally Bee Posted November 16, 2015 Posted November 16, 2015 I'm not sure where to post this, but I have a story to tell and I'm sure it's not a the first time it's ever been told. So it seems that I always end up thinking about my first love after all these years of dating, heartbreaks, etc. She was and always is the bar that no one has ever matched up too. Stats: -3 years together, were great, but we were too young to know who we were -that was over a decade ago -the breakup was devastating to me, and i was completely self-destructive -there might have been rumors on both sides about an other guy/girl. (there was a girl who wanted to be with me, but i was in a relationship and when I told her no, i'm not leaving my g/f at the time... well, she gets vindictive and manipulates) I don't believe she ever wanted to leave me, even though I deserved it. Years later when I thought about it again, she did make efforts to reach out to see me again, but I didn't understand and blew her off being a whiny b***** to her. What can I say, that was so long ago. So I was talking to friend of mine who used to know us together updated me on her when i haven't heard from or about her in years. but she's always been on my mine. Part of me has always believed that if we had met each other in a different time in our lives we would have been more, and i've always held onto her. Now the question.... after 12 years I want to see her again. To get to know who she is now. In a way, more importantly to show her that I'm not the same guy I was then, because I'm not. Is it wrong for me to want to? I'm sure it might not be healthy, but I've always pushed forward to a better me because I NEVER want to be that guy i was then ever again... and she's always been my litmus test. The girl I wanted to go back to and show her the real me, now that I know who that is. I'm not expecting anything to ever happen from it, and I'm okay with it. Is it wrong for me to reach out to her? I get that she might not be the same girl either, but I'd really like to know what happened in that timeline. and how would I reach out to her? Everything in my bones is trying to convince me that this is the last thing I need to do get the official sign to move on to the next step in life.
FeelingFireworks Posted November 16, 2015 Posted November 16, 2015 I'd put my money on it that you only think about her in the midst of getting over/being rejected by other women or during dry and lonely spells. She's your 12year fallback girl. Think about it: you split up then rejected her advances at a later time. If she was that special why wait 12 years to reach out? I'm guessing you always wanted something better & since that didn't work out, now you're looking through those rose-tinted glasses. You said a friend updates you on her situation. Do you know if she is married or with a partner +/- kids? If she has those things I really don't think you should contact her at all. Face it, it won't be to catch up in the platonic sense. If she's single & you're always wondering 'what if?', then it's up to you to give it a shot. Even if you get shot down, you're no worse off than now. Good luck in your choice. 1
ExpatInItaly Posted November 16, 2015 Posted November 16, 2015 I'd put my money on it that you only think about her in the midst of getting over/being rejected by other women or during dry and lonely spells. She's your 12year fallback girl. Think about it: you split up then rejected her advances at a later time. If she was that special why wait 12 years to reach out? I'm guessing you always wanted something better & since that didn't work out, now you're looking through those rose-tinted glasses. You said a friend updates you on her situation. Do you know if she is married or with a partner +/- kids? If she has those things I really don't think you should contact her at all. Face it, it won't be to catch up in the platonic sense. If she's single & you're always wondering 'what if?', then it's up to you to give it a shot. Even if you get shot down, you're no worse off than now. Good luck in your choice. I was about to write the same thing. Try to find out first what her status is. If she's married or otherwise partnered-up, don't contact her. If she's single, I suppose you could reach out. Just be prepared for a neutral response, as most people have fond memories of their first loves but probably have also moved well beyond it after 12 years.
Author Wally Bee Posted November 16, 2015 Author Posted November 16, 2015 Her latest status is that she is indeed single. She was married for awhile, married a year after me to a guy completely the opposite of me. She divorced him in 2009, called him dead weight. No kids and still living with her mom. A couple of relationships since then, but nothing stuck. I would like to say it was only in the bad times that she crosses my mind, but that's not true either. At least that way I'd feel a bit better about it. I have tried to contact her but I don't think they were that successful (actually wrote and mailed a letter, though I think it never got to her).
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