oregon0011 Posted November 19, 2015 Posted November 19, 2015 Calvin, the girl you are dating (or were dating), sounds like my twin. I can fully relate to her and where she is coming from. As an outside observer I think both you and she are contributing to the demise of this very EARLY relationship. Maybe her a bit more than you, she seems tormented almost (through no fault of your own). Whereby, she spreads herself to thin in matters such as work, friends, family, personal hobbies, personal development, health, and love/ intimate relationship included. She sounds like a caregiver personality type, with a touch of OCD and perfectionism. (I should know, and it is both a curse and a blessing). Can you see how this adds to, or shall I say, interferes with the natural rhythm between two people? I'm confident you already do. As for the individuals assensing personality types through 3rd party means, observe at your own will, but your assessment is hogwash. Sometimes in life, we find ourselves in a relationship at a younger age that we should have never been in. One that causes explicit damage. It takes a very long time to reverse those damages and the last thing anybody needs is to be persecuted for that. Everyone's experience is different. It takes time and commitment to overcome our demons, and every now and then we may relapse. Some relapses are harder than others. To put my comments into perspective, look only you can determine what is best for you. You sound extremely devoted and concerned for her (maybe a wee bit on the excessive side), and in turn you expect to be met half way. Understandably so. It does become a problem when you're still standing at the side of the road waiting because then you become vulnerable to "doormatedness'. And then you'll be the person acting like she has in your next relationship. Cycle. I can tell you that some of the assumptions that have been made in this thread are most likely not accurate, if she is anything like I am (I could write a book covering the subject). In trying get to keep this short, yes, she should be spending more time with you, yes she should scale back on the items that cause you uneasiness. It's a transition that needs to happen almost organically, with a touch of intervention. I know it's hard not to take it personally but trust me when I say when some women fall in love very hard, it is so intense that they themselves cannot handle it properly. As for her being sick, let me tell you several years ago I acquired some kind of septic shock, I'm not sure exactly what because I'm still seeing doctors and having tests done. And working with infectious disease specialists because I continually have been getting sick. While I do not have all my test results back the doctors tend to believe at this juncture I have what's called family Mediterranean fever, though I was recently diagnosed with acute bronchitis due to bacteria (whopping cough) which is something that I have not acquired before. Combined with the fact that I had a severe allergic reaction to zithromax and almost round up in the ER. (I AM only including this information to try to give you a better idea/ picture to compare to your girlfriend). I hope some of it has helped. Come on. The girl is 34. On top of everythjng she is posting text messages on facebook where she is excited to see another dude. So that the OP can see? Major mental issues. That's not normal behavior.
Author CalvinM Posted November 19, 2015 Author Posted November 19, 2015 It's done, I ended it. She wanted to see me to talk tonight after work, but the writing is on the wall. I don't see the point in discussing this further. 2
Redfisher Posted November 19, 2015 Posted November 19, 2015 Good, You can have your man card back now. 1
MovingOnIsHard Posted November 19, 2015 Posted November 19, 2015 It's done, I ended it. She wanted to see me to talk tonight after work, but the writing is on the wall. I don't see the point in discussing this further. And that's how you beat her at her own game... Good job! 2 months invested is such a short time. You'll bounce right back in a few weeks NC then meet more respectable women.
katiegrl Posted November 19, 2015 Posted November 19, 2015 It's done, I ended it. She wanted to see me to talk tonight after work, but the writing is on the wall. I don't see the point in discussing this further. Fabulous! Whatever game she was playing backfired on her.... Good job!
Xiomn Posted November 19, 2015 Posted November 19, 2015 Feelsbadman..back from page 3 homie.. mine ended in a similar way, didn't see each other for 3 weeks, after dating several times a week with multiple sleepovers for a whole month everything abruptly went off track.. had a discussion and told her that I didn't feel her actions were matching those of someone who is interested in seeing me and pursuing this further despite her saying she was interested. Bighugsbrah
Oregon_Dude Posted November 19, 2015 Posted November 19, 2015 You're the man, dude. This one is into game playing. Ain't nobody got time for that. Let it hurt - it's going to hurt - but know you did the right thing. Anyone defending her is their own version of crazy.
thecrucible Posted November 20, 2015 Posted November 20, 2015 Good on you, Calvin. You were right to think that things should have been escalating a little at a steady pace rather than stalling like that. I was also struck by the fact that even though she offered up explanations and was revealing to you how she felt, it was a little more on the defensive side. She didn't offer any solutions to improve your relationship as it is nor make any overtures. I don't think she seemed as emotionally engaged which may have something to do with her relationship history. Nevertheless, this is something for her to resolve. It feels bad now but I did the same thing and then eventually I wondered why I hadn't done it sooner. It will also give you confidence going forward that you stood up your standards and wellbeing. 2
Author CalvinM Posted November 20, 2015 Author Posted November 20, 2015 You're the man, dude. This one is into game playing. Ain't nobody got time for that. Let it hurt - it's going to hurt - but know you did the right thing. Anyone defending her is their own version of crazy. That's the thing though. It doesn't hurt, at all. Maybe I'm numb, but I just feel relief. When I spoke to my best friend this afternoon he said "She wasn't sold on you after 3 months. People play such silly games.. it’s moving at a snails pace. It would probably be 10 years before you were intimate." Thanks to everyone for giving me the push to pull the plug early. 1
EricaH329 Posted November 20, 2015 Posted November 20, 2015 I'm sorry it had to end this way. I'm proud of you for sticking up for yourself though! It takes a lot of courage to stand up for your needs. I really hope you continue to do so going forward! 1
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