louxor Posted November 16, 2015 Posted November 16, 2015 Quick back story for relevance - I’ve been complete NC with my ex for nearly 2 months now, breakup was mutual, together for 2.5 years. We both still cared for each other and it was not easy on either of us, because the non-intimate side of our relationship was flourishing, we got along so well. It was our intimate connection had been suffering and dropping for a significant while that led to the breakup. Initially she wished to remain friends but I knew I had to cut myself off in order to start recovering. Jump forward two months of NC to the present day, I’ve been invited to the beach by my group of mutual friends, and my ex will be going. Up until now I have been avoiding these situations, but i’m now at the stage where it’s like “screw it, I don’t want to miss out on hanging with my friends again and again just because my ex will be there." Realistically, I don’t know how I am going to react when I do see her, I can make an educated guess, but in all honesty I won’t truly know until I actually see her. However, I did a little thing in order to test my emotions. I jumped on instagram and Facebook (her accs are on public) and I looked at her profiles for the first time since the breakup. Yes - I broke one of the top rules of NC, but for a specific reason - I wanted to see how I would react to whatever she has been up to for the last 2 months, in order to judge as best as I can whether putting myself into a situation where she is present would be a good move. I’ll be the first to say it was a very risky move, but nonetheless I'm very pleased with the outcome. It looks like her life is moving along great - She has been doing new things, meeting new people, making new friends, looking more gorgeous than ever etc - but even with all that in mind, my reaction to what I saw was completely different to my reaction to her social media after we had broken up (before NC). This is what I felt. While I scrolled through her recent pictures, yes, I felt like I missed her. However, this feeling felt different, like I was missing her like I would someone very close to me who had suddenly had to go away after years of constantly around. I found myself missing her presence not as my girlfriend, but as that special person (Who I’m sure everyone has in their life) who you've shared so many fantastic memories with. Essentially, once I was done with my 'experimental stalk' (), I found myself with a little grin on my face, not that dreadful pain in the chest like I had at the beginning. At the beginning of the breakup I cut social media connections off after I felt like my heart had been torn to shreds after seeing her posts, but now, I closed the apps after seeing her posts and didn’t really feel much more than a strange happiness and fondness through memories, which I was not expecting. So, After reading the above, I’d like to get some opinions on whether you think I am a good position to re-enter the social circle in which my ex will be present. I want to be clear that the reason I’m wanting to go is not so I can see her, it’s because I miss my friends and I want to see them - I no longer want to have to avoid them and these fun get-togethers because my ex is there. Thanks!
mightycpa Posted November 16, 2015 Posted November 16, 2015 Well, count me as one of the doubtful, for the mere fact that you're actually asking a bunch of people who don't know either of you, but, having said that: What's your plan with interacting with her? How big is this group? Will you all be staying at the same hotel? In the same house? Will she be bringing that new guy that's banging her like a screen door in a hurricane? Tell us more.
LoveIsMyReligion Posted November 16, 2015 Posted November 16, 2015 It's going to be awkward and there's no way around it. I'm pretty sure you're hoping something sparks up between you two and I think you will be disappointed. My two cents.
Author louxor Posted November 16, 2015 Author Posted November 16, 2015 Well, count me as one of the doubtful, for the mere fact that you're actually asking a bunch of people who don't know either of you, but, having said that: What's your plan with interacting with her? How big is this group? Will you all be staying at the same hotel? In the same house? Will she be bringing that new guy that's banging her like a screen door in a hurricane? Tell us more. Well I'll acknowledge that she's there - Say hi, be polite and cordial etc etc, I have no reason to ignore her, but besides that I'm going to catch up with my friends so they will be my focus. The group who can make it is about 6, we aren't going away on a trip or anything, we all live near the beach and its just beginning summer time over here. We are all also university students and our end of year exams are wrapping up so it's a bit a tradition that we all spend some of our free summer days together lounging at the beach. I don't know if she's with a new guy or not, so I can't answer that last one. If she is then there is definitely a chance he will be there, but once again I don't know how I'd react to that until it actually happened - at the very least it would be a slap in the face to get rid of any false sense of hope which may still be resting in the back of my mind...which leads onto the next post: It's going to be awkward and there's no way around it. I'm pretty sure you're hoping something sparks up between you two and I think you will be disappointed. My two cents. I don't mind the awkwardness, I can deal with that so that's not the main problem, but I have let what you're saying cross my mind - I do wonder if it this is driven by a subconscious hope like you have mentioned. Why do you believe this is the case? (I'd assume it's because of something in what I have written so it would be very helpful if you could show me where !) You are not ready Would you mind adding to this? I'd really like to know why you think so because I am on the fence so all objective opinions are very helpful. ---------- I do feel like this situation is inevitable if I want to remain close with this group of friends (which I do), so it seems to me that I'm better off running into her for the first time in a situation when I know it's going to happen VS running into her at random, where I wouldn't be prepared in advance.
Recommended Posts