Rachael_30 Posted November 15, 2015 Posted November 15, 2015 I desperately need some advice on how to salvage my marriage. I've been lurking on this forum for more than 6 months now reading your posts till the early hours in the morning whilst crying about my own situation at home. So here goes... We've been married for 6 years now, dating for 10, with two wonderful children and have been living a wonderful life till end of last year. We made a move abroad to secure a better future for our kids and for him to pursue his dream of starting his own business, I then started a new job as clerk at an accounting firm. At the new job I became friends with an older male colleague whose marriage was going through a rough patch and we would sit and talk about it during lunch hours and the occasional whatsapp messages in the evenings. I honestly didn't think much of this and just saw him as a friend and a colleague who confided in me and someone I can talk to when my husband was busy working. Last year at our Christmas party things got out of hand and my drunk colleague cornered me and kissed me on our way to our hotel rooms; I had to battle to keep his hands from trying to undress me. I was in complete shock and made a run for it when he was busy unlocking his door. That Monday I went to speak to HR and requested to be transferred to another team as to avoid having contact with this man. She was pressuring me to press charges but I feared for my husband and decided to let it slip. I still regret not doing this. A few months has passed and then in April this year my husband received a message from the colleague's wife on Facebook that we were having an affair. I had no way to contain the situation and heard from other colleagues that someone saw us that night and the rumor has been spreading across the whole office. We had a really bad fight and till this day we haven't talked things through. Whenever I want to talk about it he leaves and disappears for hours on end, even slept at a hotel a few times. My marriage has taken a lot of strain and the trust is completely broken, we haven't been intimate since the Facebook message and I can feel my husband slipping away. We attended a few therapy sessions but no avail and he is adamant that it is only a waste of time and money. This weekend has been particularly bad as he lost a family member in the Paris shooting and he doesn't want me to comfort him. How do I proceed or show him that he is my everything and I am willing to do whatever it takes to rebuild what we had?
sandylee1 Posted November 15, 2015 Posted November 15, 2015 Hi I'm so sorry for his loss. That's very tough to deal with. You can tell him that you did not enter into the man's room and immediately after the incident you requested a transfer..tell him HR asked or discussed pressing charges..but you feared how it would end up. Admit that you made a huge mistake by not telling him and tell him you want to take a polygraph to prove you are being truthful. If he's not letting up after 6 months it is very bad.....and with his grief . it will be make or break time. If he won't listen....put it in writing. Remember to apologise for not telling him as soon as it happened and say how you regret that this has caused mistrust in your marriage. 1
sandylee1 Posted November 16, 2015 Posted November 16, 2015 I suggest you post this in the 'marriage and life partnerships section'... You'll get more responses. 1
Author Rachael_30 Posted November 16, 2015 Author Posted November 16, 2015 I suggest you post this in the 'marriage and life partnerships section'... You'll get more responses. Thank you for replying and will post it there as well. I had a look at polygraph tests today and waiting for them to reply, hopefully they will be able to assist.
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