Louise2817 Posted November 15, 2015 Posted November 15, 2015 (edited) I met a guy who I really like recently, we really seemed to click and have loads in common. We've met up a few times but he lives a little way away and is often busy with his job, with not much time off. At first for weeks he kept in touch every day and we chatted online regularly. He always seemed keen and said lots of nice things too. But for the past couple of weeks he's definitely stopped talking as much. And he hasn't asked to meet again.The last two times I've initiated contact. I got in touch on Friday and he replied, seemed friendly and he answered my questions about how he was etc quite detailed, However he ended the message by saying he was working all weekend and then was having his ex wife over as they had stuff to sort out. He didn't ask me anything and to be honest I wasn't sure how to take that. I really like him, but I haven't responded. Should I have, somehow? they split a year ago because she was cheating.i know they have remained friendly. But surely after a year what can there be to sort? I darent ask him outright what's going on. Do you think this is the reason he's backing off? And I feel ignorant for not responding, though I didn't think a reply was really required. Should I just stay away? I feel really sad and disappointed about it all Edited November 15, 2015 by Louise2817
ExpatInItaly Posted November 15, 2015 Posted November 15, 2015 I would definitely stay away. His ex-wife is still enough in the picture that he mentioned her. No response was required for that. Could be a lot of unfinished business there, emotionally and logistically. I wouldn't initiate contact again. 2
oberkeat Posted November 15, 2015 Posted November 15, 2015 I agree. He doesn't sound like he's at a good place for a new relationship. He's got a busy work schedule plus an ex lurking in the background. I'm sure you can find a guy who's a good match and is more available. 1
Author Louise2817 Posted November 15, 2015 Author Posted November 15, 2015 I know, deep down I agree with both of you. I know I wasn't in a proper relationship with him, but i just feel like he should give me some explanation cos i feel like maybe I've done something wrong. I really felt he was so keen on me until recently. I guess I won't force the issue though. I feel like I've just been cast aside.
ExpatInItaly Posted November 15, 2015 Posted November 15, 2015 I know, deep down I agree with both of you. I know I wasn't in a proper relationship with him, but i just feel like he should give me some explanation cos i feel like maybe I've done something wrong. I really felt he was so keen on me until recently. I guess I won't force the issue though. I feel like I've just been cast aside. It could be anything but my guess is the ex-wife came around apologizing and wanting to work it out. This is the part of dating that sucks. I would take his decrease in interest and lack of contact as the closure I needed. Forcing it probably won't help and could in fact hurt more. 1
oberkeat Posted November 15, 2015 Posted November 15, 2015 If they have been divorced for a year, I can't imagine what more they need to discuss, unless there's kids involved, or they're thinking about reconciling.
Empyrea Posted November 15, 2015 Posted November 15, 2015 Come on, you did nothing wrong. "Stuff to sort out" with the ex wife sounds like a whole lot of emotional baggage to me.. You would be right to stop initiating contact for now, let him deal with his issues, there clearly is some. A year is.. well, not a terribly long time to deal with infidelity and a marriage ending. Unless he's an idiot, he will realize why you backed off and if he has any interest still, he will reach out to you. But be prepared to count your losses, he just might not be ready for another relationship.
Author Louise2817 Posted November 15, 2015 Author Posted November 15, 2015 Yes, that's what I thought as well. I can't imagine what else they need to sort out, there aren't any kids involved. Seems like the ex has always been in the background. Maybe she heard he was seeing me and decided to make a comeback . I feel like asking him, but I guess I won't.
ExpatInItaly Posted November 15, 2015 Posted November 15, 2015 Yes, that's what I thought as well. I can't imagine what else they need to sort out, there aren't any kids involved. Seems like the ex has always been in the background. Maybe she heard he was seeing me and decided to make a comeback . I feel like asking him, but I guess I won't. I would only ask him if you're really prepared for either A) no response at all, or B) a half-truth. I rather doubt he'd disclose the 100% truth, given that he seems to be fading away rather than being upfront and letting you know that he can't continue this.
smackie9 Posted November 15, 2015 Posted November 15, 2015 Not everyone is eager to break the news that they are still in love with their ex wife to the person they have been dating. His actions speak volumes, just move on.
Maggie4 Posted November 15, 2015 Posted November 15, 2015 Even without any ex's, people still fade out on you for reasons you'll never know. In your case, he made a point of telling you he has things to sort out with his ex. Translation: "I am actually not ready to date".
Redfisher Posted November 15, 2015 Posted November 15, 2015 Do they have kids? My ex is part of my life for another 20 years due to having children. But we do not go to each others house's and only discuss stuff about the kids on our nightly calls to say good night to the kids that we split 50/50
Author Louise2817 Posted November 15, 2015 Author Posted November 15, 2015 I know, it just sucks because I really liked him and it seemed mutual, like for once I met someone who I connected with . I won't be initiating any more contact. It just hurts I guess but il get over it. I suppose I misread the situation and he didn't like me as much as it seemed, and he's not over the ex. He wouldn't have mentioned her if it wasn't relevant...I hope he does reach out again but I won't hold my breath.
Author Louise2817 Posted November 15, 2015 Author Posted November 15, 2015 No, there's no kids involved..
Redfisher Posted November 15, 2015 Posted November 15, 2015 No, there's no kids involved.. Ok, Let him go...Hes nailing the ex.
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