Girl im dating is losing interest it seems

[TheBullFrog]

If anyone cares....

 

I decided to stay friends with this girl. Texted once last week just to see how she is, had a small conversation. Told her it was my birthday next week and she suggested we go out and celebrate together this weekend. I agreed.

 

I decided I will keep quite until the weekend/date she proposed that we would go out. She texted me late Saturday night asking what I was up to and told her I was out drunk with friends. I was pretty drunk so texting her some obscure stuff which she thought was hilarious. She then sends me a selfie - obviously fishing for compliments. I didn't give any.

 

And here is the big thing - I don't know if it was because I have been ignoring her/trying to look cool and busy on social media or her just coming out with it, she pretty much announced via facebook she still loves her boyrfriend in South America. It was his birthday a couple of days ago and sent this big message to him with a photo of them together. Basically she was saying how she loved him so much and that when she returns back home they will celebrate many birthdays together.

She has a ton of white knight beta orbiters always liking her profile pictures so they must be devastated lol

The scary thing is his birthday is 1 day apart from mine....

 

Even though I knew it was over between us it did kind of hurt. When she originally told me why she didn't want to be with me she said there was no other person in her life - which it seems is not true.

 

I guess the positive here is that I dodged a bullet. Even if I was able to hook up with her and make her my girlfriend she seems not so reliable and trust worthy. Being on Tinder and dating/kissing guys while having a boyfriend is not something to be proud of.

 

Perhaps if I played my cards right I may have been able to have sex with her once, but I doubt I would of been anything more then that after.

Edited December 1, 2015 by TheBullFrog

[TheBullFrog]

I hate online dating.

 

Beginning of the year I was dating a women who I found out was married. when I found out I pretended to not care but gave up when we couldn't get passed kissing.

 

I then dated another girl, on the fourth date I built up the courage to kiss her and she started to cry. She then texted me a message saying she felt bad for me and that she is going through a rough patch with her long term boyfriend and is confused.

 

Now this south American girl has a boyfriend back home she cant stop thinking about. Even though they are going to be away for 1 or 2 years.

 

I seem to be the rebound specialist for women hahaha

[thecrucible]

TheBullFrog, I totally feel for you! That sucks. But at least you got out now and saw what was really going on.

 

It sucks for me too. I come to OLD for genuine reasons and I very rarely come across men who genuinely want a relationship - they are mostly just wanting someone casual or are on the rebound..

 

Did you ask her when her last relationship was before you met her? Sometimes this can be a way to at least be on the alert to a possible rebound situation.

[TheBullFrog]

TheBullFrog, I totally feel for you! That sucks. But at least you got out now and saw what was really going on.

 

It sucks for me too. I come to OLD for genuine reasons and I very rarely come across men who genuinely want a relationship - they are mostly just wanting someone casual or are on the rebound..

 

Did you ask her when her last relationship was before you met her? Sometimes this can be a way to at least be on the alert to a possible rebound situation.

 

Thanks for your message.

 

In regards to asking about her past, I found from past experiences its never to talk abuot ex's or past dates with other people as it may offend the other person, or the person you are dating will think you are still hung up on your ex.

 

You would think if people go on dating sites they are single, but from my experience a lot of people are looking for an ego boost or quick rebound. But I guess people are interesting creature.

[TheBullFrog]

She has made plans to do something this weekend to celebrate my birthday and i said i would leave it with her to organize. Should i just wait for her to get back to me or do i ask her if we are still on for Saturday? Part of me thinks she has already forgotten about it, or its a "test"by her to see if im still interested/keen on her.

 

I am feeling a bit smug right now, in some ways i feel like being the "bad guy" and playing with her mind, flirting etc (but not fall in love) - and at the same time try date other girls (easier said then done) and maybe just keep her as a side project (as bad as that sounds).

She is a "bad girl" as she has said and she cant control her bad side some times. Maybe i might get to try her bad side once lol

[lino]

You have learnt the hard way of NEVER to listen to what women tell you but WATCH What they do.

 

95% of women who are under 40 these days will be like this. Using guys as stop gaps when their husband/partner is straying or not giving them enough attention. After all, it isn't like men have feelings or anything! At least that's what their trashy magazines and blogs tell them.

 

Social media and terrible TV shows and movies have programmed at least two generations of women into this sort of behaviour.

[TheBullFrog]

You have learnt the hard way of NEVER to listen to what women tell you but WATCH What they do.

 

95% of women who are under 40 these days will be like this. Using guys as stop gaps when their husband/partner is straying or not giving them enough attention. After all, it isn't like men have feelings or anything! At least that's what their trashy magazines and blogs tell them.

 

Social media and terrible TV shows and movies have programmed at least two generations of women into this sort of behaviour.

 

hard words, but wise words.

 

I have learned so much these last 3 months. I now understand why guys date many women at the same time, im now going to be more selfish (in the beginning at least).

 

Thanks for the hard sobering words

[TheBathWater]

So when a women starts to lose interest and possibly starts dating over guys what do you do? I have been on 5 dates with a women, last one was meeting her best friend and the women im dating cooking dinner for both me and the best friend. The best friend said the women im dating talks a lot about me

 

If you act aloof and disappear you might lose the last bit of interest she has in you or upset her.

 

If you act too desperate you will be seen as desperate and weak. Or not a challenge.

 

Im thinking of maybe sending a text on monday night asking her how her weekend was, and then if that went well another on Wednesday night asking her out for a date

 

What I do is get depressed, because it means it's over. I have never successfully worked through the scenario you have described and have tried both of the routes you outlined. If you find something that works, let us know.

[TheBathWater]

You have learnt the hard way of NEVER to listen to what women tell you but WATCH What they do.

 

95% of women who are under 40 these days will be like this. Using guys as stop gaps when their husband/partner is straying or not giving them enough attention. After all, it isn't like men have feelings or anything! At least that's what their trashy magazines and blogs tell them.

 

Social media and terrible TV shows and movies have programmed at least two generations of women into this sort of behaviour.

 

This is so true. I've seen such an uptick in this sort of behavior from younger women, especially in the last 10 years.

 

Any man who is willing and able to date women 40 and up should give it a shot. I've personally found it's WAY more fun, mature, sexually satisfying, respectful, and overall considerate.

[ExpatInItaly]

OP, I think you're kidding yourself and setting yourself up for disappointment. Why on earth would you want to celebrate your birthday with a girl like her? Go out and fun with people who actually care about you and your feelings. She doesn't. She also knows that you don't want to just be "friends" with her. The only thing she wants from you is an ego-stroke and that's it. Let it go.

[Redhead14]

So when a women starts to lose interest and possibly starts dating over guys what do you do? I have been on 5 dates with a women, last one was meeting her best friend and the women im dating cooking dinner for both me and the best friend. The best friend said the women im dating talks a lot about me

 

If you act aloof and disappear you might lose the last bit of interest she has in you or upset her.

 

If you act too desperate you will be seen as desperate and weak. Or not a challenge.

 

Im thinking of maybe sending a text on monday night asking her how her weekend was, and then if that went well another on Wednesday night asking her out for a date

 

Unless one of you initiates a conversation about "where" you each are, everything you are doing right now is about speculation and insecurity . . . if you're getting stressed over the situation, it's time to address it. Call her, ask her for a date and open a casual conversation about how you are feeling and tell her you aren't dating anyone else and don't intend to now and then let her talk.

[TheBullFrog]

You have learnt the hard way of NEVER to listen to what women tell you but WATCH What they do.

 

95% of women who are under 40 these days will be like this. Using guys as stop gaps when their husband/partner is straying or not giving them enough attention. After all, it isn't like men have feelings or anything! At least that's what their trashy magazines and blogs tell them.

 

Social media and terrible TV shows and movies have programmed at least two generations of women into this sort of behaviour.

 

 

For some reason i remembered this post.

 

It describes this girl i am talking about. Self confused "passionate" person who loves romance movies. Told me she is still looking for that special some one and still hasnt found him (even though she has a boyfriend in south america), still uses Tinder etc

 

Its like a lot of these people tell them selves that what they are doing is ok, because it happens in romance movies and tv shows, and that guys are expendable fodder.

[Oregon_Dude]

guys are expendable fodder.

Men as shoes.

[TheBullFrog]

I think i should of listened to everyone’s advice and said no to being friends. I don’t think i will get much from this “friendship” (so far).

On my birthday she texted me a nice long msg calling me “dear” and that i can always count on her friendship. Fair enough i thought.

She texted me she was running late, and i told her the King of Colombia just arrived, and she replied back the Queen of Columbia will be arriving soon with a few kisses. So yeah cock teasing.

 

 

We went out to a bar with her best friend for birthday drinks. Was meant to meet earlier but she came late because she wanted to come with her friend, basically didn’t want to be alone with me. It was pretty awkward. I knew she didn’t want to sit next to me so she really made a big effort to make her best friend sit in the middle between us. Its as almost as if she didn’t want to talk to me that much, when she was the person who suggested/organized this.

 

 

It was quite funny i got so drunk while waiting for them i was acting like bit of a rat bag. I was mainly talking to her best friend and hardly to the girl(this was purely because of our seating arrangements). The girl kept talking about some lame task she did at work and i asked her when is she going to give the story to Stephen Spielberg to make a movie about it, and when is part 2 coming out. I cant remember because i was too drunk but i think she was pretty upset about it lol.

 

 

Her friend kept trying to set us up, telling me to ask her for a dance. I didn’t want to but when i did ask the girl that friend zoned me to dance she clearly rejected me. Her friend was really nice, tried to actually be my friend and give me dating advice and stuff. I cant remember because i was very drunk but her friend asked me if i was ok if this girl was with another guy, and i said of course, there is nothing i can do to stop her. She then said that the girl has no one in her life (which i don’t believe). I cant remember this clearly but i think when she said that i said “yes i have a chance” (but i was meant to do it sarcastically) and i think her friend said something in Spanish – the vibe i was getting that i was kidding my self or i was an idiot.

The friend kept trying to make me dance with the girl, or talk to her, but the girl i liked didn’t want to do it. At one point i told her friend she clearly doesn’t want to dance with me or be near me and she yelled out “forget about her, shes got girl problems” – whatever that means.

 

 

I noticed when i was bopping to the music being played in the club the girl i liked was copying my “dance moves” and arm movements.

The girl later pretty much made it clear to me and her best friend that i was “her best friend”. I cant remember how i took it or what i said.

 

 

Most of the night i was getting so drunk and talking rubbish to the friend. The plan was to go to another bar or go to the girls house i like and drink there. At this stage i was so drunk all i could do was kick street signs and knee traffic light buttons. The best friend tried to get me to talk about serious subjects but all i ended up talking about was MMA, boxing classes im doing, going to the gym and the Syrian war LOL. I knew they didn’t like it but i got a kick out of it. While we where walking the best friend was always between us. The girl i liked started being a bit nice to me, trying to impress her best friend by saying i worked in a high status job and that i looked great tonight as i lost a lot of weight. Thought that was strange.

Halfway through the walk to the girls house the girl i liked said she couldn’t wait to go to the toilet and called a taxi for her and her friend, and suggested i get a taxi home. I knew she was lying about getting a taxi home and wanted me gone. My taxi came, i hugged her good bye and she told me to text her when i got home.

 

 

So i doubt i can get much from this friendship, if anything at all. Seems to be one sided. In some ways her best friend was more of a friend then the girl i dated. Its a shame as i honestly thought the girl i did date was going to be a true friend to me, and maybe help me improve my social circle and maybe help me find a girlfriend. I think all i am is just a pet to her or something. Its an actual shame as i was honestly hoping maybe it would be cool of some one really loved me that much as a friend and could help me and look out for me - but seems it was all just a game and empty words.

[ExpatInItaly]

Man...you spent your birthday with a girl who Friend-Zoned you instead of having a good time with people who actually care about your feelings?

 

Stay away from this girl. I think you could've had a much better time on your birthday without her presence. It doesn't seem she added much.

[TheBullFrog]

Man...you spent your birthday with a girl who Friend-Zoned you instead of having a good time with people who actually care about your feelings?

 

Stay away from this girl. I think you could've had a much better time on your birthday without her presence. It doesn't seem she added much.

 

Like I said, I genuinely thought this girl really wanted to be my friend, and I could get something out of this friendship. Looks like I was wrong again.

 

Plus when we were dating we agreed to spend my birthday together, as lame as this sounds I like to keep my word on what I promise.

Edited December 8, 2015 by TheBullFrog

[ExpatInItaly]

Like I said, I genuinely thought this girl really wanted to be my friend, and I could get something out of this friendship. Looks like I was wrong again.

 

Plus when we were dating we agreed to spend my birthday together, as lame as this sounds I like to keep my word on what I promise.

 

The thing is, I promise it wouldn't have been a lot of skin off her back if you'd made other plans. I think you kept the promise as a means of keeping her around a little longer.

 

But it's time to let go. As you can see, the "friendship" isn't likely to benefit you in any way.

[Lois_Griffin]

95% of women who are under 40 these days will be like this. Using guys as stop gaps when their husband/partner is straying or not giving them enough attention. After all, it isn't like men have feelings or anything! At least that's what their trashy magazines and blogs tell them.

 

Social media and terrible TV shows and movies have programmed at least two generations of women into this sort of behaviour.

Wow, I didn't realize we had an esteemed professional in our midst who has spent years and years extensively studying female behavior, gathering data from every corner of the globe and managing to interview every single female on earth under 40 years old in order to present this conclusion to you as fact. You should be feeling quite honored that he's taken time out of his very important research project schedule in order to grace you with a reply and enlighten you. :rolleyes:

 

Bullfrog, one of the first things you need to know is that the person who loves the most has the LEAST power. That's where you've been since the beginning. You've accepted less than what you should have and settled for less from her than you should have, all because you were so enamored with her that you were willing to settle for crumbs.

 

Your second mistake was still trying to be her 'friend' when that's not what you wanted to be. Again, that was just settling for even less than you were settling for before.

 

Don't ever compromise yourself or your values for girls who aren't interested in you or are only interested in you for what you can do for them. You clearly allowed your feelings to overpower your judgment and it's gotten you nowhere.

 

Good luck to you.

[TheBullFrog]

Wow, I didn't realize we had an esteemed professional in our midst who has spent years and years extensively studying female behavior, gathering data from every corner of the globe and managing to interview every single female on earth under 40 years old in order to present this conclusion to you as fact. You should be feeling quite honored that he's taken time out of his very important research project schedule in order to grace you with a reply and enlighten you. :rolleyes:

 

Bullfrog, one of the first things you need to know is that the person who loves the most has the LEAST power. That's where you've been since the beginning. You've accepted less than what you should have and settled for less from her than you should have, all because you were so enamored with her that you were willing to settle for crumbs.

 

Your second mistake was still trying to be her 'friend' when that's not what you wanted to be. Again, that was just settling for even less than you were settling for before.

 

Don't ever compromise yourself or your values for girls who aren't interested in you or are only interested in you for what you can do for them. You clearly allowed your feelings to overpower your judgment and it's gotten you nowhere.

 

Good luck to you.

 

Thanks for the message.

 

It is quite sad that in todays dating environment it really is all one big game in the beginning, and you can only be your self and expose your mentioned when you are long term bf/gf and married (even then you are exposed).

 

From my observations women have all the power in the dating game, its only the top percentage of males who have more power then women, but this is simply because they are very handsome or rich, which makes women chase them.

 

I guess that's life in todays dating world.

[phineas]

You know who my friends are? GUYS.

 

You know who I don't hang out with? Women I'm attracted to who don't feel the same way, and who mess with my head.

 

Be a man and assert what you want. You owe nothing, no friendship, to some confused little girl.

 

This.

So much this.

If I want to sleep with a woman or I have already slept with her I have zero interest in hanging out with her alone as just friends.

 

Groups only. Groups are fun.

 

Sometimes I do hook up with women in my social circle.

They all tell me they don't want it to be just a hook-up.

I agree & mean it.

Then they tell me we should not date & just go back to being friends but want me to hang out with them one-on-one.

errrr no. we didn't hang out one-on-one before we banged. Why would we do that after?

 

I got better things to do then give my time and attention to a woman who will fall off the face of the earth on me when she meets a guy she wants to date.

 

Also, FYI I have yet to actually meet a woman who really does friends first when dating when it comes to a guy she doesn't want snatched up by some other woman.

Edited December 9, 2015 by phineas