Girl im dating is losing interest it seems

[TaraMaiden2]

Well its all over, her response to my msg:

 

 

"can be sure that I just think good things from you too ...

 

and for that reason thought about us this weekend ...

 

I , Love your company, love be your friend, talk to you makes me feel good, and even worried about my visa could no longer put off thinking about this subject.

 

We can't be together, and I'm sorry really, because I love you, but as a friend, and every day I'm more sure ... because I wanted to tell you my day, to talk, to go out, but not to kiss you or stay with you as a girlfriend.

 

it hurts me because you have all the qualities I look for .

 

I would love to continue to be your friend if you can, because you make me well. but I will understand if you do not want it.

I am very bad about it, because I like you too, shame that so as a friend.

 

Please don't be sad or angry with me.

 

And I don't have other person, don't meet other guys, don't love other person, if important.

 

Don't know more what to say."

 

 

 

Should I continue being her friend?

 

Thank her for her honesty, and try to accept that this is over.

Tell her you will consider friendship when enough time has passed for you to achieve a better mental place to be....

 

Everything has a beginning a middle and an end, and no matter how we may believe some things can last for ever, they never do, and never shall.

 

Our very best intentions often fall at a hurdle when others' plans do not mirror ours.

We do our best to provide the input we hope will meet their ideal, but it seems, when things are over, that things simply didn't gel.

 

You'll be fine.

Take on board all that you have read here, and use it to a good end.

Make a better person of yourself.

The person you want to be.

Then, all this will just be a simple learning curve; one you'll be grateful for, but a feather in your cap, in spite of its demise.

[TheBullFrog]

Thanks for the posts everyone. I guess you can say i learned a valuable lesson here.

 

We spoke on the phone as we both planned. Awkward 2 hour conversation. She started crying because she said she originally met me to lead me on and use me. But after we dated she realized i was a very good kind hearted person. When we kissed on the second and third date she said it was 'like an accident' and when we met on the fourth date she was acting weird and not sure if we should of continued dating.

 

Basically the third date was amazing to her, but the fourth date was "just ok, but not amazing". I guess when she kissed me like 60 times on the 4th date maybe she did it to try and find the "passion" that she keeps talking about. The fifth date again she said it was a mistake that we kissed a lot, which is strange as she initiated it.

 

In the end whats done is done. She made it perfectly clear that we will never be anything more then friends, which was hard to hear.

 

Maybe it sounds pathetic but i think there was another guy involved. She still likes her boyfriend back in South America. When i looked at his profile i could see that they message each other a lot, she likes his posts and sends love hearts and stuff when they message each other. He is an attractive young guy with many female admirers, and they have been together for over 3 years, so i can see how she is still attached to him.

 

Oh well, **** happens.

[TheBullFrog]

Thanks for the posts everyone. I guess you can say i learned a valuable lesson here.

 

We spoke on the phone as we both planned. Awkward 2 hour conversation. She started crying because she said she originally met me to lead me on and use me. But after we dated she realized i was a very good kind hearted person. When we kissed on the second and third date she said it was 'like an accident' and when we met on the fourth date she was acting weird and not sure if we should of continued dating.

 

Basically the third date was amazing to her, but the fourth date was "just ok, but not amazing". I guess when she kissed me like 60 times on the 4th date maybe she did it to try and find the "passion" that she keeps talking about. The fifth date again she said it was a mistake that we kissed a lot, which is strange as she initiated it.

 

In the end whats done is done. She made it perfectly clear that we will never be anything more then friends, which was hard to hear.

 

Maybe it sounds pathetic but i think there was another guy involved. She still likes her boyfriend back in South America. When i looked at his profile i could see that they message each other a lot, she likes his posts and sends love hearts and stuff when they message each other. He is an attractive young guy with many female admirers, and they have been together for over 3 years, so i can see how she is still attached to him.

 

Oh well, **** happens.

 

Im not sure if i can or should be her friend.

 

I think i can block all the love i have for her, but i feel like i will turn into the boyfriend for hire e.g. go to dinners, talk on the phone, go to movies (when she was emotional she said she wanted to do those things with me).

 

Im happy with coffee or lunch and some one to talk to, but i dont want to be used as an emotional tampon, or a fill in for her bf until she goes back to Brazil.

 

But if she really is genuine and a good friend maybe i can use this to my advantage. Through her meet new people and go to parties. Maybe she can introduce me to other girls or give me advice. Maybe i need a good female friend in my life.

 

Im thinking give it a go being her friend and if she is genuine then i will be her friend, but if she uses me im out of there.

I wont text her for 8 or 9 days, and if we are good we can maybe try meet in the end of December.

 

 

Thanks again all, you were all right and i was wrong and delusional.

[ExpatInItaly]

Thanks for the posts everyone. I guess you can say i learned a valuable lesson here.

 

We spoke on the phone as we both planned. Awkward 2 hour conversation. She started crying because she said she originally met me to lead me on and use me. But after we dated she realized i was a very good kind hearted person. When we kissed on the second and third date she said it was 'like an accident' and when we met on the fourth date she was acting weird and not sure if we should of continued dating.

 

Basically the third date was amazing to her, but the fourth date was "just ok, but not amazing". I guess when she kissed me like 60 times on the 4th date maybe she did it to try and find the "passion" that she keeps talking about. The fifth date again she said it was a mistake that we kissed a lot, which is strange as she initiated it.

 

In the end whats done is done. She made it perfectly clear that we will never be anything more then friends, which was hard to hear.

 

Maybe it sounds pathetic but i think there was another guy involved. She still likes her boyfriend back in South America. When i looked at his profile i could see that they message each other a lot, she likes his posts and sends love hearts and stuff when they message each other. He is an attractive young guy with many female admirers, and they have been together for over 3 years, so i can see how she is still attached to him.

 

Oh well, **** happens.

 

Wait, what?

 

She has a boyfriend? You didn't mention that before.

 

You never had a chance, OP. Cut this woman out of your life. She's bad news.

 

EDIT: And what were you thinking trying to date a woman who's not single?

[katiegrl]

Wait, what?

 

She has a boyfriend? You didn't mention that before.

 

You never had a chance, OP. Cut this woman out of your life. She's bad news.

 

EDIT: And what were you thinking trying to date a woman who's not single?

 

^^This ..... plus she admitted the reason she ever got together with you was to "lead you on and use you"?

 

WTF! Why would you even consider being this woman's *friend*?

 

Block her, go no contact and move on, she sounds horrible.

Edited November 17, 2015 by katiegrl

[Radarsat]

keep her on the side and date others...Really you need to do this.

 

I know your in such a great place redfisher, but really, no he doesn't REALLY need to do this. Once again, not all of us our multi-daters. Sigh.

[Redfisher]

I know your in such a great place redfisher, but really, no he doesn't REALLY need to do this. Once again, not all of us our multi-daters. Sigh.

 

Your entitled to your view, As am I, I'm no longer multi-dating as I have a relationship now.... Any ways I stand by my comment..Sigh

[katiegrl]

keep her on the side and date others...Really you need to do this.

 

Redfisher -- I am going to assume you wrote this^^ before you read his post about how she admitted the only reason she got together with him in the first place was to "lead him on and use him"?

 

If not.... then not quite sure what you're thinking there...cause why the HELL would anyone advise someone to continue dating a person who admitted their only motivation for going out with them was to lead them on and use them.

 

That's quite effed up IMHO....

[katiegrl]

Your entitled to your view, As am I, I'm no longer multi-dating as I have a relationship now.... Any ways I stand by my comment..Sigh

 

It's not even a matter of multi-dating. Again, she admitted she was using him....

 

It's nuts to think that he would want to continue dating her (or even be friends) after that disclosure...

[Redfisher]

Redfisher -- I am going to assume you wrote this^^ before you read his post about how she admitted the only reason she got together with him in the first place was to "lead him on and use him"?

 

If not.... then not quite sure what you're thinking there...cause why the HELL would anyone advise someone to continue dating a person who admitted their only motivation for going out with them was to lead them on and use them.

 

That's quite effed up IMHO....

 

Awe crap...I did not see that post! My bad... So I change my statement to just walk away. Thanks!

[Redfisher]

It's not even a matter of multi-dating. Again, she admitted she was using him....

 

It's nuts to think that he would want to continue dating her (or even be friends) after that disclosure...

 

I get it now, And I agree 100% Thanks for pointing that out "Again" HAha...cheers.

[katiegrl]

I get it now, And I agree 100% Thanks for pointing that out "Again" HAha...cheers.

 

No worries.... it's easy to miss things around here.... I've done it myself!

 

Glad you finally saw the light!

 

Let's hope the OP does too and walks away.... for good.

[Redfisher]

No worries.... it's easy to miss things around here.... I've done it myself!

 

Glad you finally saw the light!

 

Let's hope the OP does too and walks away.... for good.

 

Haha yep, Gonna start double checking before I stand by my comments...We cool Radar?

[TheBullFrog]

Wait, what?

 

She has a boyfriend? You didn't mention that before.

 

You never had a chance, OP. Cut this woman out of your life. She's bad news.

 

EDIT: And what were you thinking trying to date a woman who's not single?

 

Sorry I should of been a bit more detailed in my explanation.

 

Well I don't know if they are together or not still, she was only meant to come here for 4 months, but now is in the process of extending her Visa for another 2 years.

 

She says she is single, and her facebook is set as single. The strange thing she is not "friends" with her "boyfriend" on facebook but some how they are able to like each others photos etc

 

So maybe her plan is to go back home one day and hook up with this dude again. Who knows

[Radarsat]

Haha yep, Gonna start double checking before I stand by my comments...We cool Radar?

 

All good brother. Seen lots of your posts. And I didn't mean to be a dick. Just very sensitive right now and jealous (can admit it) of your happiness. Rocking beard dude. Got one myself, but not as cool as yours! Ha ha. We're good.

[TheBullFrog]

^^This ..... plus she admitted the reason she ever got together with you was to "lead you on and use you"?

 

WTF! Why would you even consider being this woman's *friend*?

 

Block her, go no contact and move on, she sounds horrible.

 

I don't know if I understood her correctly or not. But from what It sounded like she was using me before we met, but she found out I was a good guy after dates 1 and 2 and maybe tried to give me a chance.

 

But she also said now she still uses Tinder to talk to guys to use them to improve her English. I knew something was up when all of these random dudes liking her photos on facebook. Probably uses Tinder for an ego boost. Unfortunately a lot of girls do (female friends tell me).

 

She told me she is a "bad girl" and cant control her "bad side". What ever the hell that means.

 

With her depression and "bad side" I guess she is messed up and looking for attention from guys.

 

But in the end the guilt of using a "very lovely, amazing man" was too much for her, and I guess she really tried to like me but she did not find me physically attractive, or well maybe for the second or third date, but switched her mind on the fourth and firth.

[TheBullFrog]

As for being her "friend" im leaning to yes.

 

But purely to meet other people and improve my social circle. If we get to a stage talking about it I will ask her to help me find a girlfriend from her south American community.

 

I know you wont all believe me but I have realised that there no real long term future with this girl, and at best very short (as in one night). I have realised she is too much effort and too messed up. She even told me on the phone that there is no chance in us being more then friends, and that I should only meet here when I get the thought of her out of my system. So she is honest with me.

 

If she turns me into her week end psychologist or stand in boyfriend (going to movies, dinners etc) I will quietly walk way. Lunches and coffee chats are ok.

 

Because she seems a bit messed up I do often wonder if my "lovable personality" attracts her when she is on her "good side" and she makes a move on me and what I should do in that situation. (Im not wishful thinking btw is honest fear and worrying).

[Redfisher]

All good brother. Seen lots of your posts. And I didn't mean to be a dick. Just very sensitive right now and jealous (can admit it) of your happiness. Rocking beard dude. Got one myself, but not as cool as yours! Ha ha. We're good.

 

Cool, Don't be too jealous as I had my share of heartache(cheated on by wife of 10 years) But yeah I am riding the wave of happiness as of now and if I can find it almost anyone can!!! Cheers. Beard on!

[katiegrl]

I don't know if I understood her correctly or not. But from what It sounded like she was using me before we met, but she found out I was a good guy after dates 1 and 2 and maybe tried to give me a chance.

 

 

Like this ^^ is supposed to make a difference?

 

She started out using you, but ended up liking you. Nice.

 

The fact her motivation for dating you was to lead you on and use speaks to her character, her integrity as a human being.

 

It's a *****y thing to do regardless of how she ended up feeling later....

 

I would NEVER wish to be friends with a person like this -- ever.

 

But if you're cool with it... then that's your choice and good luck...

Edited November 17, 2015 by katiegrl

[thecrucible]

Don't be her friend just because you think it's the right thing to do or because you see yourself as everyone's friend. Be honest with yourself. Do you want to be friends with someone who has used you like this? What does that say about her character? You are not here to rescue her or to make her into a better person. (I apologise if I'm reading too much into your posts).

 

Also decide to draw a line on thinking about this woman. It's a waste of brain cells. I know it's hard but eventually you'll find a way to concentrate on the next goal or project, perhaps the next lucky lady to enjoy your company .

[TheBullFrog]

Thanks for the above posts all.

 

I am still unsure of being her friend. I think it would be good to still be friends and maintain contact and maybe still see each other. Hopefully if she is genuine in what she says and is a very good friend through her i can maybe meet new people, get advice from her about dating and maybe ask her to introduce me to people in her class (not her friends).

 

On the other hand, if i do become friends maybe she just wants to be friends to use me, so i can keep her company when she is lonely and boost her ego. Maybe she will be a ****ty friend and only i will put in the effort. Maybe she doesnt want to be friends really and is pushing me away.

 

Im not really to sure what to do, but im more leaning towards just being her friend and keeping things on good terms. If she turns out to be a great friend i hope she can help me with things in my life e.g. meeting new friends, maybe help with girls.

If she is a lousy friend then i will slowly back off.

 

I hope im doing the right thing and something that will no cause me more trouble in the future.

[Oregon_Dude]

You know who my friends are? GUYS.

 

You know who I don't hang out with? Women I'm attracted to who don't feel the same way, and who mess with my head.

 

Be a man and assert what you want. You owe nothing, no friendship, to some confused little girl.

[lino]

You've just learnt the hard way of what women DON'T want.

 

 

 

Thanks for the above posts all.

 

I am still unsure of being her friend. I think it would be good to still be friends and maintain contact and maybe still see each other. Hopefully if she is genuine in what she says and is a very good friend through her i can maybe meet new people, get advice from her about dating and maybe ask her to introduce me to people in her class (not her friends).

 

On the other hand, if i do become friends maybe she just wants to be friends to use me, so i can keep her company when she is lonely and boost her ego. Maybe she will be a ****ty friend and only i will put in the effort. Maybe she doesnt want to be friends really and is pushing me away.

 

Im not really to sure what to do, but im more leaning towards just being her friend and keeping things on good terms. If she turns out to be a great friend i hope she can help me with things in my life e.g. meeting new friends, maybe help with girls.

If she is a lousy friend then i will slowly back off.

 

I hope im doing the right thing and something that will no cause me more trouble in the future.

 

Only be her friend if YOU want to be.

 

A word of warning though, you will not meet any girls through her friends. Women want what other women want and once you're rejected by one of the group, you become as F#ckable as a piece of uranium to the rest of them.

 

Female friends are great so long as there is no romantic tension between you and her.

[TheBullFrog]

You've just learnt the hard way of what women DON'T want.

 

 

 

 

 

Only be her friend if YOU want to be.

 

A word of warning though, you will not meet any girls through her friends. Women want what other women want and once you're rejected by one of the group, you become as F#ckable as a piece of uranium to the rest of them.

 

Female friends are great so long as there is no romantic tension between you and her.

 

You are right about the learning thing, I messed up really bad. Too needy, to desperate too much of a nice guy and too easy and passive. It was a painful experience but a good learning curve.

 

As for being friends with her, yeah I know I have no chance with her friends and I wont ask for that. But I was hoping if she could find me a girl through her school that she is not good friends with. But it will probably not happen.

 

Im thinking I will be friends with her and leave it in good terms. I will most probably drift away from her I think, but perhaps she will do that before me.

[ExpatInItaly]

To be honest, a lot of us offer friendship be "nice" and let the guy down easily. It doesn't necessarily mean we intend on maintaining a connection, really. You don't have to swear her as your enemy, of course, but I wouldn't count on becoming great friends either. There is a difference between being on friendly terms and actually being friends.