Taking someone on a date tomorrow. Just ran into her on a date tonight with a guy.

[callingyouuu]

We'd have to know how long the other two have been dating in order to be fair to this equation, and we'd have to know whether the woman has any idea whether she's been 'dating' the OP as well.

 

Per our talk yesterday, they've been dating for two weeks. And yes, she's aware that she and I were dating.

 

But as Buddhist stated, none of it matters anymore. Just have to focus on moving forward.

[Snakechammah]

Oh dear. I've just read your update and everything else.

 

I guess when sex is involved, it's a bit tricky. All my dates have been innocent so it's easier to digest.

 

I've had that talk with my crush (who is literally in the same situation as you!) but since I didn't sleep with the other guy and he's willing to forgive the awful incident, we're giving it another try.

 

And I will respectfully decline the other guy from now onwards.

 

I am so sorry about your situation. That elevator thing is truly disrespectful and I think you've dodged a bullet. Thank your lucky stars and move on.

 

Even though this happened to me (being the antagonist), I do believe you should stick to your single-date policy. Multi-date doesn't work for everyone. This incident has opened up my eyes.

 

I wish you well on your next adventure!

[kendahke]

I will never understand why anyone gets so upset at knowing that the person they are dating are seeing others. Both parties are free until they become exclusive but nowadays no one likes to put a label on anything bc they are too immature to have a talk an communicate.

 

totally co-sign!

[RedRobin]

If is any consolation, this will more than likely backfire on her. Guy she slept with, if he sticks around, will use her as HIS side piece for however long it is convenient. Birds of a feather, and all that.

 

Don't be surprised when she comes crawling back trying to make amends. Just about every guy I ever dumped for multi dating tried to strike something up with me later on swearing they were interested in just me. Ya right...

Edited November 16, 2015 by RedRobin

[PogoStick]

I feel desirable women are natural multi-daters. They are surrounded by both men and women who want to spend time with her. She's social and has a flock of men who she goes out with as "friends" or who are among her social, group events. At any point those men, and others who are not in the circle, are competing for this woman.

 

They may not be formal dates per se, but it's the same result in the end. She's casually "friend-dating" them all, keeping her options open, and any of them could get promoted to the big leagues. The competition is always there. Either you win or you don't.

 

When your chance comes, if you don't quickly inspire her attraction then one of the other guys will. He had a month and didn't close the deal. It may be painful and disappointing, but the OP had already lost this girl by date #2.

[RedRobin]

You have a point, Pogo. Still, that man or woman is very careful not to lead others on or leave the appearance of romantic attachment where there is none just for the sake of filling up their Saturday nights or whatever. They do not jeopardize their reputation with flighty behavior or using people. Their social networks are integrated and connect with their genuine interests and passions. They have no reason to be deceptive because they treat people with respect.

 

They are confidant alone or in a relationship, and you never have to guess where you stand. If or when that man or woman does agree to go on a date with you, there is no question about their interest.

 

My opinion of multi daters (as described here on LS) is they hope to 'ape' this kind of person and fabricate 'options' either using OLD, or through deception. These people are careful to keep their social networks disjointed and isolated, lest any of their 'options' discover the depth of their subterfuge and poor treatment of others. If the OP hadn't seen it with his own eyes, who knows how long this would have gone on?

 

I don't think the OP did anything wrong at all. He was the one dating in good faith. It's not his fault this woman had poor manners. IMHO, she is the typical multidater. So now he knows what to avoid. Why would he want that chick anyway? She sounds like a big fat user... I wouldn't feel the least bit sorry for her if the other guy used her like a Kleenex, then told her to go find the other guys she was multi dating with when he met her.

Edited November 16, 2015 by RedRobin

[Versacehottie]

I feel desirable women are natural multi-daters. They are surrounded by both men and women who want to spend time with her. She's social and has a flock of men who she goes out with as "friends" or who are among her social, group events. At any point those men, and others who are not in the circle, are competing for this woman.

 

They may not be formal dates per se, but it's the same result in the end. She's casually "friend-dating" them all, keeping her options open, and any of them could get promoted to the big leagues. The competition is always there. Either you win or you don't.

 

 

Totally agree with the bold. It's fine if it's not for everyone--doesn't really make multi-daters slutty though, so the insinuation within this thread that they are isn't really accurate. One doesn't know how the dates are going down so not really fair to portray it as such or that multi-daters are dishonest or cheaters. Maybe they are just better gamblers or more pragmatic and/or better time managers. And definitely not so rigid about how they spend their time, knowing eventually fate will take it's course.

 

Honestly, if some guy said something on first or second date demanding exclusivity, i would think he was a little questionable. If the connection was super obvious and the time spent together was growing rapidly and intensely, then it would make sense or wouldn't really even need to be said--as the time spent together like every day, explains itself. If we were seeing each other once a week or less than that, I would think it was a little odd if he was asking for something like exclusivity without offering basically a relationship. Once a week is not a relationship of much substance or one that I would be willing to stop the rest of my life for. And yes I believe in giving people a chance and not seeing them as disposable. And would maybe not even use the opportunity to go out with others. I just think it speaks to the guys (not OP, general) insecurities which would be a turn-off. I think it's attractive to both parties if the effort and input you put in IS the catalyst for the exclusivity--not some pre-conceived notions or rigid rules.

[GunslingerRoland]

Wow what a slut. She was going to send another guy home and go on a date with you right after.

 

 

I know everyone is pro multi dating here, but I think at some point you have to pull the plug.

[Versacehottie]

Wow what a slut. She was going to send another guy home and go on a date with you right after.

 

 

I know everyone is pro multi dating here, but I think at some point you have to pull the plug.

 

I think lots of people are not pro-multi dating. That said, I agree totally classless to do what she did. Pro multi dating doesn't mean sleeping with multiple people, that's probably where you should make your choice of who you are going to continue dating.

[lchf]

Admire your class OP, but hell I would've exited the building as soon as I saw her with the other guy, especially after she basically would've stood me up if I hadn't called her ass up.

[kgcolonel]

I do firmly believe that being open about intentions either way....is a character indicator. If you do not disclose that your are a multi-dater or that your intentions are to not be in a relationship and you engage a person that is monogamous oriented person there is a responsibility on both sides to communicate and come to an agreement before too many people are hurt.

 

I had a similar situation years ago before marriage that a girl I was dating was dating others. I expressed an interest in moving forward to an exclusive relationship while at the same time planning to attend a concert a few weeks from that discussion. She told me that she preferred to date around. I stayed true to the pre-arranged date to the concert, had a good time, was guarded with my feelings toward her. Upon the completion of the date, simply shook her hand and wished her well. I heard a gasp as I left her porch as if what just happened but I felt that I no longer wished to invest in something that was not going to yield what I wanted.

 

Just my two cents.

[callingyouuu]

I feel desirable women are natural multi-daters. They are surrounded by both men and women who want to spend time with her. She's social and has a flock of men who she goes out with as "friends" or who are among her social, group events. At any point those men, and others who are not in the circle, are competing for this woman.

 

Probably true in general. And I think it's reasonable for people in that position to play the field, since their wide variety of options give them little to lose in doing so. I just also happen to believe (given my own personal philosophy on dating) it's reasonable for me to make the decision to avoid them.

 

A list of things I've learned:

• Be more proactive about screening for people who fit my dating style
  
• Progress relationships more quickly, as appropriate
  
• Don't beat myself up over people whose actions I can't control
  

 

While I agree with everyone that there are things I could have done to avoid this situation (notably the above 2), I've come to understand that not all of this was my fault. Her bringing her new guy down the elevator (knowing that I'd be waiting for them downstairs) speaks volumes about her regard for me. I think I acted correctly the past few days given the information I had at the time, and I don't regret my final decision.

 

Going to sign out of this thread and grow from this experience. Thanks everyone!

[callingyouuu]

A list of things I've learned:

• Be more proactive about screening for people who fit my dating style
  
• Progress relationships more quickly, as appropriate
  
• Don't beat myself up over people whose actions I can't control
  

 

Oh and I should have added this:

Don't pay for breakup dates. That's 30 bucks I'm never getting back.

[truth_seeker]

I would also add: listen to your gut.

[kgcolonel]

it would be interesting that since you live in the same building, to see how affluent she is in the "multi-dating" aspect.

 

She sounds like a real catch.....