handi Posted November 15, 2015 Posted November 15, 2015 Hey, So I have this horrible habit of asking my boyfriend for his incentive for doing things. It's not like a natural inclination or anything, I do it out of insecurity that came out after my trust in him began to shake. Summary of what happened: 1. we met online, in the first month i saw he was still talking to people even though we were exclusive at that point. after immaturely handling the situation (fought) he deleted the apps and we were pretty solid, but there was a creeping insecurity from that.. like taking him looking at people the wrong way (basically i would get this impulse to react if were to look at a girl). Then I would get snoopy.. and not get too far, but enough to know that I'm a bad person for doing that. So that kind of made things a bit more difficult. Mind you, this is like two months in. So I figured it's better to quit while we both have some dignity. Obviously i really like him and he likes me.. otherwise we wouldn't have put up with anything from the beginning, so that made us try again. The problem my paranoia grew. Outside of dating, I had been struggling with school and security there.. so part of me thinks I was overall unstable and that might have led to my neurotic behavior (that I'm about to describe next). 2. a few weeks ago, I had this panic attack that was kinda unrelated, but it made my mind race to every end until I saw him and the possibility of him with another girl. in that moment i texted him and thats where the real sabatoging began on my end. I had a few incidences of texting him multiple times and calling incessantly. It was seriously compulsive. I do have tendencies for which I take medication, but this was something out of the ordinary, it's like every repressed emotion came out to break me down. So much so that I lashed out at him. This resulted in him obviously breaking up with me. and me leaving it.. because i was freaking nuts and I couldn't recognize myself. Then the next day he messages my friend (one who i told him i didnt want him to speak with.. this jealousy stuff is out of nature and only spun out of control when my inescurities in the relationship were not resolved. I explained it to him after, and he did address them but that's later). anyway he messaged my friend and asked her why im crazy, my friend knew what was up and she explained it to him. he later asks her for drinks which i thought was odd but not too out of his nature (hes pretty sociable) anyway, we got back together like a week later and my friend told me about the message after. since right after we got back together we had another fight. this led to another fight of sorts that took time but we mended it... anyway, there are many good memories in this relationship, but there are fights and there is this insecurity that nags at me every now and then. Like today he bought me a watch, and all i could think is .. only cheaters buy girlfriends stuff when they feel guilty. I can't get thoughts like these out of my head. I don't have trust issues the way people would assume. I do have some attachment issues, but i have been working very hard to improve myself. I just want to know if based on what I said above, do I have a reason to be this way? I thought I justified it to myself by concluding that not receiving closure during our initial fights is what led to this neurotic behavior, but I still am not totally convinced. I don't know if it's hints of neurosis or these feelings are based in reality.
makemineamac Posted November 15, 2015 Posted November 15, 2015 Hey, not really sure what to say here except that I'm sorry this has been such a struggle for you. It doesn't sound to me like he's the right guy for you though considering the history you've just explained. You need someone that is going to be 100% honest with you, and that person also needs to be someone you trust completely. That's really important. Without trust there is nothing. I'm not saying he's shady or anything but some of his tendencies seem to skew towards that. And even though you're cool with him asking your friend out for drinks, I don't know that that's really ok, or would be ok with most. Not saying it isn't totally innocent, but it might be inappropriate. I wish you all the best in figuring this out. My gut says you're better off apart. If you feel insecure it is never going to work you know? 1
Author handi Posted November 15, 2015 Author Posted November 15, 2015 Thanks, I agree.. I think it's too early to be this frustrated and insecure in a relationship. And too many external things are clouding my judgement. It's so hard to let something go for me. Idk why, this will be tough.
makemineamac Posted November 15, 2015 Posted November 15, 2015 Way too early is right! You can do this though. You can.
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