Guitarisgood Posted November 14, 2015 Posted November 14, 2015 (edited) I got the 'lets just be friends' from this girl originally of which I played it off cool. We were part of an extensive social circle and I disappeared for a bit knuckling down on things. Essentially during that time, I'd changed; got a 6-pack, dressed nicer and overall become someone I'd say date-able compared to who I was previously. She must have noticed because when I resurfaced, we got really close again. We'd always been quite chummy but now it was so much that her friends were really noticing it. They were treating me as if I was her boyfriend in making decisions but I wasn't. The other day, I went to a social gathering that she was at. I was the center of the party because that is my personality type. She was your typical interested girl; twirling her hair as she stared at me, pruning herself etc. Soon enough she was drawn in and beckoned me over. So it was game on. But then a male friend of mine walked past and as she completely ignored me for the next few minutes, she started talking to him. This was longer than the general greetings type of chat you'd have before you return to whom you were with. Well I thought f*ck it, I am not sticking around for this and left. Now when I want to be, I can be the biggest flirt and I was. For the next few hours, I flirted, picked up numbers and did everything imaginable and I could always feel her keeping her eyes on me. I just got back to enjoying the party and giving her space. Now here is the kicker. I got a cold shoulder colder than the arctic circle for the rest of the night from her. Her typical touchy self around me, leaning on me and smiling was gone. Later on in the night, I'd go back and talk to her but again she was not happy, short answers and the likes. So I left it. I don't get it? She left early that night (as she said she'd had a tiring last few days) and I could almost pick out she was almost in tears. She'd normally give me the most tightest long held hug when we part ways but she simply walked off. Later on I got cornered by her friends. Obviously the typical questions of which I happily admitted I do like her and have feelings for her but I wasn't going to stick around and be treated like a doormat. They themselves admitted they were confused because she'd say she didn't like me but her actions showed something vastly different and the silent treatment I received tonight was weird for someone supposedly who does not have feelings. So ladies what gives? First off we are not a couple, secondly hence why ignore me for the rest of the night? Edited November 14, 2015 by Guitarisgood
Versacehottie Posted November 14, 2015 Posted November 14, 2015 I love the makeover story!!! Ok, but onto your real question. Wait, so you retaliated on her supposed slight by flirting and kinda ignoring her and you don't understand why she did it right back? She was just doing her version of what you did! My guess is her first little slight was to provoke just enough jealousy to move you from chummy to hot for her. It backfired. You should have just played it off. Instead your ego got bruised and now you are in a pissing contest with each other--which backfired again because she doesn't trust that you like her enough to stick with it but you have same social circle so she said let's be friends. She tried to pull the plug first to save face. She liked you and maybe still does. I think she keeps hoping her somewhat immature efforts will inspire a grand gesture from you--yet she keeps being met with somewhat immature behavior from you. In a pissing contest, trying to assert dominance no one wins. If you like her still, you should just be honest with your feelings, tell her, apologize and see what happens. You have nothing to lose, only something to gain. Sometimes people think they are lowering themselves to admit stuff like that. But it can be very freeing, confidence-building and rewarding. Neither of you would have retaliated like that at the party if you each didn't have feelings for each other. Don't let her verbal message confuse the actions of what she did. Her actions were of someone who likes and wants attention from you. At least at that time. If it was only a few days ago, she probably still does. 1
CarrieT Posted November 14, 2015 Posted November 14, 2015 Yep, sounds like you are *both* playing games instead of being genuine with each other. Why don't you invite her on a *real* date and show her the gentleman you can be?
Ami1uwant Posted November 15, 2015 Posted November 15, 2015 They key is what she was doing when you felt she was blowing you off. You seemed to assume she was flirting with him, msy e dye didn't.
Buddhist Posted November 15, 2015 Posted November 15, 2015 So ladies what gives? First off we are not a couple, secondly hence why ignore me for the rest of the night? Because she's got a set of double standards going on. She feels free to go and make you jealous by chatting up other guys in front of you but doesn't like it when you decide to do the same thing. My take? Although you like her she is always going to turn into an attention seeking pouty child whenever she doesn't get her way or her expectations fulfilled. You've got abs, charisma and obviously many girls like you. So you know what? Go and find someone who isn't conflicted about what they feel and does play bull**** games with you either. Your self esteem will thank you.
Author Guitarisgood Posted November 15, 2015 Author Posted November 15, 2015 (edited) Thanks VH, I retaliated to just sitting there for 3 minutes as she turned her side to face the guy and speak and flirt. How does one play it off? Just sit there and wait? No. I've been that guy before. I've been the doormat and at no point did I plan to continue to be the doormat. I'm tired of being the nice guy. Alas I am part of the age bracket where immaturity reigns supreme. I retaliated by getting back to what I was doing; working the scene, networking, making friends and the likes. I didn't exactly ignore her but I did not exactly show her any attention. I gave her space and treated her as she had originally saw of me i.e. 'lets just be friends'. My thoughts have always been that if a girl likes you, she does nothing to misconstrue you. Edited November 15, 2015 by Guitarisgood
Versacehottie Posted November 15, 2015 Posted November 15, 2015 Thanks VH, I retaliated to just sitting there for 3 minutes as she turned her side to face the guy and speak and flirt. How does one play it off? Just sit there and wait? No. I've been that guy before. I've been the doormat and at no point did I plan to continue to be the doormat. I'm tired of being the nice guy. Alas I am part of the age bracket where immaturity reigns supreme. I retaliated by getting back to what I was doing; working the scene, networking, making friends and the likes. I didn't exactly ignore her but I did not exactly show her any attention. I gave her space and treated her as she had originally saw of me i.e. 'lets just be friends'. My thoughts have always been that if a girl likes you, she does nothing to misconstrue you. Ok so maybe your actions weren't as egregious as hers. The point is you were both playing games instead of enjoying what could have been a fun night with each other that could have moved things to a new, good level. No, playing it off would not involve any doormat action whatsoever. However, what you did (if I understood your flirting/ignoring correctly or at least how she must have perceived it) was just the notch above that and not so great either. Flirting when you are being ignored by the one you like is super transparent. It shows the other person how fragile your ego is and that you will try to hurt them in a conflict, which is why it often backfires. (Sometimes it works but this obviously wasn't one of them). She was trying to get to you initially by making you jealous or disregarding you. It's a test and a ploy. You know how you play it off? You ignore it like of course she likes you and was just talking to that other guy as a friend and speak to her confidently after a while. It also stops that behavior because she would discover IT DOESN'T WORK ON YOU. Maybe even tease her slightly like to show her it didn't phase you. I've done that it completely works. Your value goes up--because the pure fact that you aren't threatened by whoever she is talking to shows that you know her being with you would be a good thing and if things don't work out like that you will be fine, better than fine. I think you should have made a point to talk to your guy friends so it'd be clear that you weren't trying to stoop to her level and then circle back around to her. I'm confused though, did she say let's be friends before the party but recently? Or long ago and now things have changed where it was moving to more than friends? I think if she said it recently but before the events of the party--maybe it's just what she means and she just wants to be friends. But i didn't understand your OP like that. haha hate to break it to you but yeah if a girl likes you, sometimes she will do things that seem in direct opposition to that sentiment. We are confusing beings They usually do things that are not in line with "clear cut" liking you because you are moving too slow, aren't open enough with your feelings or they feel mistreated or taken for granted in some way. Basically to elicit a reaction. Remember, we generally are the more emotional of the two sexes. So.......yeah, sometimes we say f*ck it and roll the dice and act all crazy. Typically because the guy is being frustrating in some way to us. Justified or unjustified. Crash course women-101
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