Seems like I'll be single forever and sad. Just wanna vent.

[lonelysadness12]

I'm 26 years old now, I've been single all my life and never had anything serious. Never had sex, not even a real kiss. I've never even been on dates really, I don't have the ability to talk to women. I don't think I'm ugly or super attractive (maybe I am but I try to groom myself the best I can), I'm doing well in most other areas of my life (career, hobbies, etc), but when it comes to women, it's like I missed the boat a long time ago. I don't really have friends either. (except a few who don't even live in the same city as me but they're great)

 

I finally managed to get a date via Tinder yesterday (we were hitting it off extremely well over text) and once we met in person, my lack of experience came through and it was just awkward. At the end of the date, she gave me a hug and let me kiss her cheek (first time ever) and when I texted her today she told me she wasn't interested basically (in a nice way). This saddens me but I think the worst part isn't the date itself but the fact that I don't think I'll ever find a girl that's on the same page as me any more. They're probably experienced, whereas I have no idea how to behave or act on a date. Any date I'll ever go on will be awkward because I lack experience. And I can't get experience because no one wants to date me anymore. It's just a spiral of hopelessness.

 

I seriously don't know what to do; I don't think there is anything for me in the dating world, and I should just accept it and enjoy my introvert hobbies. People say to go out, meet people, but I don't understand how. How do I go by myself anywhere? Where do I even go? I don't drink alcohol because it's not my thing but I've considered starting just for the sake of fitting in.

 

People said focus on myself to me before and that I should learn to love myself. I do focus on myself and I do think I'm a cool person to be around but I just don't get it after consistently getting **** results. I got myself in shape by losing weight, I have a good career that is moving forward, I am blessed with a great family, and I have a few things I'm passionate about that I'm working towards which honestly is what keeps me sane and happy most of the time.

 

I know I'm being negative in this post but I also know its it's those post-date feelings, and I'm sure I'll be over it in a few days. I think I just wanna vent really. Most of the time it doesn't even bug me that I'm single... only if I focus on dating and fail and fail and fail. It feels like I'll never find the right person for me.

[Redfisher]

Keep trying dude, Just keep trying....Learn from everyone and move on.

[alphamale]

that's ridiculous you won't be single for ever

[lonelysadness12]

that's ridiculous you won't be single for ever

 

 

I hate being negative but as nice as that sounds in theory, plenty of people stay single forever and it almost feels like I will too...

[alphamale]

I hate being negative but as nice as that sounds in theory, plenty of people stay single forever and it almost feels like I will too...

most people who stay single forever do it by choice, I assume you will choose to be with someone.

[loveweary11]

Getting a dateb off tinder isn't that easy.

 

You did great!!

 

Just kerp doing it until you *are* experienced.

 

Take a lesson from whatever went wrong with this one and be careful not to make the same mistake again.

 

It'll come together. Getting the dates in the first place is 75% of the battle. You're close!

[lonelysadness12]

most people who stay single forever do it by choice, I assume you will choose to be with someone.

 

I do want to choose to be with someone I like... but I can't seem to find anyone that really likes me back nor do I know how to do so. It's like I can't see the light at the end of the tunnel. It's depressing...

[amyO]

I think you should continue with the online dating. But i wouldn't use tinder. Try bumble or hinge or coffee meets bagel. Or even Match. I think it's the best way to meet someone if you don't go out too often.

 

I understand how you are feeling. It must feel sickening at times. But You sound like a really good person. There has to be someone at there for you, you deserve it. I know it's extremely difficult, but don't give up. Keep trying and continue to do well in other aspects of life as well.

[amyO]

I should also add in: my friend met her current boyfriend on bumble. He didn't have any dating experience before her. And only had sex once in his life. My friend however, has had sex with different guys and has dated. She didn't care about his past or lack of "experience." She loved who he was and how well they got along. The guy is only a year younger than you!

 

I know it's easier said than done (i mean face it, i write posts on here all the time about being scared i wont meet anyone) but dont give up.

[d0nnivain]

The 1st time you do anything -- ride a bike, cook, go hang gliding -- it's a learning process. You did something for the 1st time: you went on a date. Gee, it wasn't as smooth or as polished as somebody who has done it before. That makes you human.

 

 

Good news: you got that 1st date. You got a hug.

 

 

Now it's time to do it again. Ask another woman out. Go on your 2nd date. Eventually you will be better at it & calmer.

 

 

Hang in there & keep persevering.

[lonelysadness12]

I think you should continue with the online dating. But i wouldn't use tinder. Try bumble or hinge or coffee meets bagel. Or even Match. I think it's the best way to meet someone if you don't go out too often.

 

I understand how you are feeling. It must feel sickening at times. But You sound like a really good person. There has to be someone at there for you, you deserve it. I know it's extremely difficult, but don't give up. Keep trying and continue to do well in other aspects of life as well.

 

Thanks for the kind words. Honestly, when I encounter bad dates, I just want to give up and I know that's not the right way but it feels like my effort is just futile.

[lonelysadness12]

The 1st time you do anything -- ride a bike, cook, go hang gliding -- it's a learning process. You did something for the 1st time: you went on a date. Gee, it wasn't as smooth or as polished as somebody who has done it before. That makes you human.

 

 

Good news: you got that 1st date. You got a hug.

 

 

Now it's time to do it again. Ask another woman out. Go on your 2nd date. Eventually you will be better at it & calmer.

 

 

Hang in there & keep persevering.

 

You're absolutely right. There is no other woman to ask out (or at least it's just so much effort for these women to come by and clicking with them after that is just almost impossible), that's part of the problem.

 

It almost feels like all this effort isn't worth it ya' know... putting yourself through torture for the slim chance that you'll find someone.

[truth_seeker]

You're absolutely right. There is no other woman to ask out (or at least it's just so much effort for these women to come by and clicking with them after that is just almost impossible), that's part of the problem.

 

It almost feels like all this effort isn't worth it ya' know... putting yourself through torture for the slim chance that you'll find someone.

 

It's trial and error buddy. I've been through it.

 

There are a number of ways to go about this.

 

1) A friend of mine did online dating for YEARS. I'm talking 10 years before he settled with a woman. I watched this guy get used and abused by some real b-tches, and yet, he kept going, saying to me "it's a numbers game". He got engaged to one, it fell apart, he moved on. The next one he married. So if you look at dating as a "numbers game" then you will eventually find someone.

 

2) Put yourself in situations to meet women. This means hang out with co-workers after work. Join a co-ed sports league. Participate in activities that will get you to network. The more involved you are with people, the greater the chance of meeting someone or being introduced to someone.

 

3) If you're not having success in your current location, branch out. I have a friend who is dating a woman in another state. They meet each other every other weekend halfway. So far its working well for him.

[Qboro90]

Can you explain or give us examples of things you do or say while on dates? Would help to know what kind of interactions your having or what you're tall track is to better advise for future endeavors.

 

If I were you I'd be looking at this as a positive. You got a date, hung out with her, got a hug and kiss (even on the cheek, means she wasn't creeped out by you ) so look at even baby steps as progress.

 

Maybe the next date you get a full kiss, maybe she asks you for a 2nd date. Gotta look at it that way. Dating is a game of failure. So expect to hear no. Even the most prolific daters are told no countless times.

[BronzeAgeJaeger217]

I should also add in: my friend met her current boyfriend on bumble. He didn't have any dating experience before her. And only had sex once in his life. My friend however, has had sex with different guys and has dated. She didn't care about his past or lack of "experience." She loved who he was and how well they got along. The guy is only a year younger than you!

 

I know it's easier said than done (i mean face it, i write posts on here all the time about being scared i wont meet anyone) but dont give up.

On the dating app Bumble, doesn't that put women in the position to send out the first message?

[guest569]

I used to feel the exact same way!! I started dating in my mid 20s and wow I had some very awkward times! You will get used to it and start to feel more comfortable - let's face it, meeting a stranger off the internet is very daunting. The stranger you are meeting also makes a difference, as some dates are a lot easier than others. It gets easier and you will gradually get more experienced. Do you have any more Tinder matches? I say get back out there, just have fun and don't put pressure on yourself. Now that I've had that experience and got all the 'firsts' in, I am pretty content with being single, it wasn't as big a deal as I thought. But I can say that dating and relationships are worth all the crap that goes with it.

[lonelysadness12]

It's trial and error buddy. I've been through it.

 

There are a number of ways to go about this.

 

1) A friend of mine did online dating for YEARS. I'm talking 10 years before he settled with a woman. I watched this guy get used and abused by some real b-tches, and yet, he kept going, saying to me "it's a numbers game". He got engaged to one, it fell apart, he moved on. The next one he married. So if you look at dating as a "numbers game" then you will eventually find someone.

 

2) Put yourself in situations to meet women. This means hang out with co-workers after work. Join a co-ed sports league. Participate in activities that will get you to network. The more involved you are with people, the greater the chance of meeting someone or being introduced to someone.

 

3) If you're not having success in your current location, branch out. I have a friend who is dating a woman in another state. They meet each other every other weekend halfway. So far its working well for him.

 

Thanks for your reply, I really do appreciate it.

 

1) I get that it's a numbers game, but it breaks my heart to hear that I'd have to put up with 10 years of this just to find someone that I can care about and have her care about me... is the hell really worth it all in the end? It might sound like I'm being a little baby and maybe I am.

 

2) I would love to, but the things I enjoy are typically introverted things. I could force myself to be more outgoing and I may even enjoy it for a while (and I've done it before) but I always seem to revert to my homebody hobbies/behaviours because that's what I like (maybe I'm too comfortable this way?). I do hit the gym often but I don't really meet women there as I'm trying to get my workout done and get out. As for work, I'm an engineer so most the coworkers are males too and generally they're older so they tend to prioritize their family life after work.

 

3) How do I branch out? Do you mean in terms of online dating?

 

Can you explain or give us examples of things you do or say while on dates? Would help to know what kind of interactions your having or what you're tall track is to better advise for future endeavors.

 

If I were you I'd be looking at this as a positive. You got a date, hung out with her, got a hug and kiss (even on the cheek, means she wasn't creeped out by you ) so look at even baby steps as progress.

 

Maybe the next date you get a full kiss, maybe she asks you for a 2nd date. Gotta look at it that way. Dating is a game of failure. So expect to hear no. Even the most prolific daters are told no countless times.

 

Well so, it was like my first real date. I was nervous, and I think she was pretty shy as well so it made my job more difficult. I gave her a hug straight off the bat which she didn't seem to be receptive to for some reason. The whole date was pretty awkward... I was trying to ask her something but I'd get one word answers and I was nervous so I couldn't do much with them, and my mind got blank quite often so there was awkward silences. (It's weird, her and I were texting back and forth a lot for about a week and she seemed really into me and responsive through text). I don't recall specific questions but it was mostly boring stuff. I dropped her off to her car which was parked a bit further away and I felt awkward and gave her an awkward side hug, to which she responded "what was that?" and gave me a full hug. Then before she left, I asked for a good night kiss and she just pointed me to her cheek which I kissed. We said good night parted ways. Today I texted her (from yesterday) and admit that the first date was a bit awkward and if we could try for a second one to which she replied she isn't ready for all this. I wished her the best of luck and she did the same so I guess I must have messed up royally. I liked her and she was actually someone I was interested in because we shared similar qualities and interests. Oh well. Feels like I won't find someone like her again, but I know that's just mental bias.

[lonelysadness12]

I used to feel the exact same way!! I started dating in my mid 20s and wow I had some very awkward times! You will get used to it and start to feel more comfortable - let's face it, meeting a stranger off the internet is very daunting. The stranger you are meeting also makes a difference, as some dates are a lot easier than others. It gets easier and you will gradually get more experienced. Do you have any more Tinder matches? I say get back out there, just have fun and don't put pressure on yourself. Now that I've had that experience and got all the 'firsts' in, I am pretty content with being single, it wasn't as big a deal as I thought. But I can say that dating and relationships are worth all the crap that goes with it.

 

Thanks! I have matches but they usually don't respond. Then again, I have but one selfie on there... don't really like taking pictures. I'm not exactly interested in hook ups but when I signed up I figured it'd be a nice way to practice but it's just killing my confidence if anything.

 

I am happy that you were able to get your experiences. It must feel like a relief.

 

I'm not sure if I agree with "But I can say that dating and relationships are worth all the crap that goes with it."... I'm almost tempted to say it isn't but what do I know.

[truth_seeker]

Thanks for your reply, I really do appreciate it.

 

1) I get that it's a numbers game, but it breaks my heart to hear that I'd have to put up with 10 years of this just to find someone that I can care about and have her care about me... is the hell really worth it all in the end? It might sound like I'm being a little baby and maybe I am.

 

2) I would love to, but the things I enjoy are typically introverted things. I could force myself to be more outgoing and I may even enjoy it for a while (and I've done it before) but I always seem to revert to my homebody hobbies/behaviours because that's what I like (maybe I'm too comfortable this way?). I do hit the gym often but I don't really meet women there as I'm trying to get my workout done and get out. As for work, I'm an engineer so most the coworkers are males too and generally they're older so they tend to prioritize their family life after work.

 

3) How do I branch out? Do you mean in terms of online dating?

 

 

1) Doesn't have to be 10 years, I was just making a point about the "numbers game". You can't let bad dates get to you. I know easier said than done, but if you approach it like this: "Okay, it didn't work because it just wasn't meant to be, she is still out there." it at least gives you hope and purpose to continue your journey.

 

2) I know the feeling. You get into a routine and don't want to change things up. You're going to have to start small. Pick one day out of the week and set it for a new activity. You're going to have to force yourself to do this. Who knows, that one day could end up being the best day of your week.

 

3) Do you work out near your work? Most people do. What about joining a gym that's in another town to change up your surroundings? Join a sports league, once a week that's 20-30 minutes from your house? You could also try online dating out of state.

[lonelysadness12]

1) Doesn't have to be 10 years, I was just making a point about the "numbers game". You can't let bad dates get to you. I know easier said than done, but if you approach it like this: "Okay, it didn't work because it just wasn't meant to be, she is still out there." it at least gives you hope and purpose to continue your journey.

 

2) I know the feeling. You get into a routine and don't want to change things up. You're going to have to start small. Pick one day out of the week and set it for a new activity. You're going to have to force yourself to do this. Who knows, that one day could end up being the best day of your week.

 

3) Do you work out near your work? Most people do. What about joining a gym that's in another town to change up your surroundings? Join a sports league, once a week that's 20-30 minutes from your house? You could also try online dating out of state.

 

1) Definitely think it's easier said than done, but I'll try to persist through, hopefully rejections will get easier to deal with...

 

2) Alright I'll give that a shot too. What kind of activities do you recommend?

 

3) I live 30-40 mins away from work and my gym is 10-15 mins away from where I live. I used to go to a gym that was pretty quiet and I liked it that way because I enjoy the quiet and being able to do my workout without distractions. I recently joined another one due to it being cheaper and it's always packed, which I actually dislike but maybe it'll force me to make more friends somehow. As for sports, not really into any sadly... I love cars so I planned to visit car shows/events next season. Not sure many girls are into the whole car scene though...

 

I do think I'll take a few days to get my head on straight again.

[truth_seeker]

Sit down and do a list of things you like or would like to try. See if there are any groups or leagues you can join.

 

Force yourself to join some group training at the gym or a regular class once a week. Do this at the gym that has more people. If you're at a class on a regular basis, very easy to chat people up. Group training also easy to get to know people. Next thing you know, the group or people from the class suggest a night out for drinks or a dinner.

[Marc878]

Read up on how to interact with women. Join a gym. Get out and meet people.

 

You can easily fix and overcome this.

 

Join a club, etc where you get to interact. It's like riding a bike once you figure it out and gain some confidence you won't know who the old you was.

 

I have a friend, he's not particularly good looking and a little pudgy. He attracts more women than anyone I know.

 

You can do this. Put some effort into it.

[lonelysadness12]

Read up on how to interact with women. Join a gym. Get out and meet people.

 

You can easily fix and overcome this.

 

Join a club, etc where you get to interact. It's like riding a bike once you figure it out and gain some confidence you won't know who the old you was.

 

I have a friend, he's not particularly good looking and a little pudgy. He attracts more women than anyone I know.

 

You can do this. Put some effort into it.

 

What should I read? I already work out and am in fairly good shape. I'll try to find some sort of club I'm interested in although I know I'll probably dislike it at first.

[TunaCat]

I assume you will choose to be with someone.

 

The problem is, choosing someone has to go both ways.

[JustGettingBy]

Hey, you got a date, and therefore more experience, right?