xyz1234 Posted November 14, 2015 Posted November 14, 2015 So I've recently gotten myself into a bit of a situation. I've always avoided multi-dating (not always by choice, haha) because I felt that I didn't want to put myself in a position to have to choose between multiple girls. Deciding on whether to move forward with one is hard enough... Well, after having some experiences where I'd date one girl, get pretty invested, and then have it end after a 3rd/4th date and getting kind of hurt, I decided maybe it's best to multi-date partially because if things don't work out with one girl it's easier to take the rejection when you know you have other dates lined up anyway. Well, now I find myself dating 3 girls and kind of feel like getting rejected by any of them would be a blessing, because deciding between them is tough! And I don't even know when I should make a decision... Here's a timeline: I actually first met girl #1 online like 4 months ago, then a month later we finally had a first date. It went well but I had just met a different girl, who I ended up dating pretty exclusively for 2 months. I was still talking to girl #1 the entire time but kind of trying to hold off on dating her while I was dating the other girl. When things ended with the other girl, I finally hung out with girl #2 a second time. It went well and I think she's a really cool girl but I'm not sure there's enough attraction there. Over the last couple weeks I've met a couple more girls online. Girl #2 I went out with a couple weeks ago and she's really cute and seems like a great girl, but we may not have a ton in common. I went on a 3rd date with girl #3 and that went pretty well, and then I went on a second date with #2 this past week. That also went well, and ended with a couple quick pecks as we said goodbye, and we both said we'd like to go out again soon. Then last night I met girl #3 for the first time and... well, let's say things escalated pretty quickly haha. The date ended with us making out for a half hour in my car, but we stopped short of going back to her place. She seems like an awesome girl, we seem to have a ridiculous amount in common, and I'm definitely attracted. But she's also 5 months out of a 9 year relationship that was basically the only relationship of her life, so I'm thinking she may be trying to play the field and have fun for a bit before getting serious again. Which I'm fine with, since I'm kind of feeling like that wouldn't be a bad idea for me at the moment either. Ugh, I guess I just want to see where things go, but I don't want to hurt any feelings. And I feel kind of immoral or something, especially towards the first girl since I don't want for her to think I'm stringing her along. I'm hoping she's kind of more looking to date casually for now like I am, but we haven't really talked about it much. I guess I'm just looking for a little advice, and to see if I'm behaving like a jerk or what at this point. This is all so new to me... up until a year and a half ago I had barely been beyond date #3 with any girl, was a virgin, etc... and now things have changed so much and I'm able to attract girls pretty easily suddenly and I don't know what to doooo...
RedRobin Posted November 14, 2015 Posted November 14, 2015 I dunno. Looks like many paragraphs of nothing special. Tell people upfront you are dating others. That's all you need to do. 2
Ic1 Posted November 14, 2015 Posted November 14, 2015 I'm actually in a similar situation. Three girls, but narrowed it down to two. (3rd didn't have as strong of a click). Between the two, one lives a distance that requires a dedicated day planned. The other is younger in life's experiences, and sometimes I feel like a big brother. But that can be a different thread. Are they all on the same page as you for the level you're at? As in; do any of them think you're 'their' boyfriend, or they're you're girlfriend? 1
SwordofFlame Posted November 15, 2015 Posted November 15, 2015 I personally don't multi date more than two women at the same time. I don't want dating to be my full time job. I've also never run into the scenario where I couldn't decide which one I liked more or which one liked me more. At least not yet. 1
truth_seeker Posted November 15, 2015 Posted November 15, 2015 What is multi-dating? If we're talking about going out on several dates with different people until you click with one, that's fine. If you're sexual active with 2-3 people at the same time, leading each to believe you're in a relationship with them, that's messed up to me. 1
Author xyz1234 Posted November 20, 2015 Author Posted November 20, 2015 I dunno. Looks like many paragraphs of nothing special. Tell people upfront you are dating others. That's all you need to do. That seems just... weird to me. I thought it was assumed when you meet someone online that they're probably dating others? Especially women, since it seems to be much easier for the average woman to get a date than it is for a guy. Plus for the most part they don't have to worry about the money aspect since guys usually pay for the dates. I think the entire time I've been online dating there's been one girl who told me she was dating other people, and that was only before we met in person. And she was crazy. Like ACTUALLY crazy... Are they all on the same page as you for the level you're at? As in; do any of them think you're 'their' boyfriend, or they're you're girlfriend? None of them think I'm their boyfriend, but they're not necessarily on the same page that I am. Two of them are probably on about the same page, but the third (the one that I've known for almost 4 months now and have only gone out with 3 times) probably isn't. She's the one that I'm least interested in really, but she's an awesome girl and I don't want to hurt her or lose her as a friend. I guess ideally I'd want more of a FWB type thing with her, but I'd feel like a jerk even suggesting that. I think the issue I'm having is caused by a couple things. One, I'm terrified of rejecting others. As much as being rejected sucks I'd much prefer it over rejecting someone. Which causes me wait longer to make a final decision as to whether I want to continue dating someone. So the way it plays out is I just continue dating and maybe try to see them less often, usually until they realize they aren't getting what they need from me and they end it. Which I know is bad... The other thing is that I think there's part of me that remembers when I couldn't get past a couple dates with a girl, and find it stupid to reject someone I actually like, partially out of an irrational fear that I'll never find another girl I like who wants to date me. But really, that fear wasn't all that irrational for me in the past. It was only a year and a half ago that I basically considered myself hopeless at dating, and that's how it was for me for over 27 years.
Author xyz1234 Posted November 20, 2015 Author Posted November 20, 2015 I personally don't multi date more than two women at the same time. I don't want dating to be my full time job. I've also never run into the scenario where I couldn't decide which one I liked more or which one liked me more. At least not yet. I feel the same way really, and in the past I didn't really multi-date at all. I'm an introvert so I really only want to go on dates once or twice a week in total. As far as deciding... I'm terribly indecisive, even about small things, so these types of decisions are really tough for me. On the plus side of things, I did recently reject a girl (not one of the 3) for a second date. It sucked and I took four days to respond to her because I was afraid of getting an upset text back, but I did it at least... What is multi-dating? If we're talking about going out on several dates with different people until you click with one, that's fine. If you're sexual active with 2-3 people at the same time, leading each to believe you're in a relationship with them, that's messed up to me. Yeah, that's the definition I'd give it. I just... am really indecisive and don't trust myself to make a good decision I guess. I am not sexually active with any of these girls yet, but that could be coming very soon with at least two of them if I choose to let it go there. I guess as soon as I have sex with one of them I'd be a jerk to continue dating the others? I feel like that's the case, but on the other hand I feel like sex is a pretty good way to test compatibility/chemistry with someone, and I'd kind of want to give it a shot with each of them before making a decision. And honestly, that would probably make me feel pretty immoral.
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