Not content with how our break up happened

[anonymousbear00101100]

So my 2+ year relationship ended last Friday, and officially started NC on Monday. The past 3 months have been long distance because of school, which made it really hard and we ended up fighting all the time. We had a pretty big fight that started Wednesday and went into Friday (over text), and she ended up telling me she wasn't happy in our relationship anymore, and I ended up realizing I wasn't either.

 

That being said, I asked her if I could get two weeks until Thanksgiving break to try to talk about it and work through our problems, and if we still felt the same way, that at least we'd be able to break up in person. She said okay, but from Saturday until the beginning of our NC, she kind of just of ignored my texts, saying "We'll talk when I'm alone" but ended up staying out exactly until her curfew at midnight. Then we'd talk for 20 minutes where she'd say pretty much nothing, and then go to bed. Monday night, with another midnight phone call, I basically told her I give up because she was being awful. She told me she had been staying out with some guy from a class until late after we'd broken up, and that she would never date him, but he was really nice and she enjoyed his friendship. He'd messaged her earlier that week about a question for class, and even though she didn't ever talk to him really, I think the fact that he showed moderate interest in her made her want to move on. Not necessarily for him, but because our relationship was failing and other people showing interest made her feel good. We then finally had a serious conversation about how our relationship wasn't working, we had a vicious cycle of fighting, how we were both happy we dated and that we had good memories, but that it was time to move on. She apologized for how she'd treated me the last couple of days, but it was because I wasn't getting that she just wanted it to be over.

 

I didn't think much of the way this ended until now, and I'm all of a sudden quite upset about how she treated me. An abrupt end to our 2 year relationship, without even the respect to break up in person, and not even the respect to talk to me about it. I'm all of a sudden really tempted to talk to her, and tell her that what she did was awful, immature, and just not fair. I know it's probably best to maintain NC, and getting this closure is probably just going to make me hurt more, but I'm really tempted to just talk to her. Is that a terrible idea?

Edited November 14, 2015 by rjblak13

[dumbass2]

NC for a solid 30 days will give you both time to think about things. Talking now you will say things you regret and still have questions and drag things out another month. 30 days you will have a little clearer head. It's all heart talking right now. Don't do a thing, you're to emotional. Silence speaks more than words. I know it's hard, but is most effective.

[TaraMaiden2]

So my 2+ year relationship ended last Friday, and officially started NC on Monday. The past 3 months have been long distance because of school, which made it really hard and we ended up fighting all the time. We had a pretty big fight that started Wednesday and went into Friday (over text), and she ended up telling me she wasn't happy in our relationship anymore, and I ended up realizing I wasn't either.

 

That being said, I asked her if I could get two weeks until Thanksgiving break to try to talk about it and work through our problems, and if we still felt the same way, that at least we'd be able to break up in person. She said okay, but from Saturday until the beginning of our NC, she kind of just of ignored my texts, saying "We'll talk when I'm alone" but ended up staying out exactly until her curfew at midnight. Then we'd talk for 20 minutes where she'd say pretty much nothing, and then go to bed. Monday night, with another midnight phone call, I basically told her I give up because she was being awful. She told me she had been staying out with some guy from a class until late after we'd broken up, and that she would never date him, but he was really nice and she enjoyed his friendship. He'd messaged her earlier that week about a question for class, and even though she didn't ever talk to him really, I think the fact that he showed moderate interest in her made her want to move on. Not necessarily for him, but because our relationship was failing and other people showing interest made her feel good. We then finally had a serious conversation about how our relationship wasn't working, we had a vicious cycle of fighting, how we were both happy we dated and that we had good memories, but that it was time to move on. She apologized for how she'd treated me the last couple of days, but it was because I wasn't getting that she just wanted it to be over.

 

I didn't think much of the way this ended until now, and I'm all of a sudden quite upset about how she treated me. An abrupt end to our 2 year relationship, without even the respect to break up in person, and not even the respect to talk to me about it. I'm all of a sudden really tempted to talk to her, and tell her that what she did was awful, immature, and just not fair. I know it's probably best to maintain NC, and getting this closure is probably just going to make me hurt more, but I'm really tempted to just talk to her. Is that a terrible idea?

 

Yes.

 

I take your point, and I understand your indignation, frustration and anger.

 

You just want to be heard, understood and have your feelings validated by her.

But that's unlikely to go down the way you'd like it to, and to be honest, she may even turn on you and tell you a few things that made her feel the same way.

 

Write her a long letter, vent, express every frustrated emotion, but then fold it, put it into a drawer, and forget all about it.

 

The best thing you could do, is actually to maintain total silence and NC.

 

She will undoubtedly, in time, feel the missing attention from you, note that you are conspicuous by your absence - and wonder how things are with you.

I think she will contact you.

And THAT'S when your dignified silence will have paid off.

Because you won't respond, you won't reply, you won't react and you won't break NC and commence any form of dialogue with her, at all, whatsoever.

 

Perfect.