Dot1 Posted November 14, 2015 Posted November 14, 2015 Hello I wrote on here a few months ago when I was at the depths after me and my partner broke up after 5 years. After that post I worked on myself, lost weight, got a promotion, spent time with friends , tried new experiences etc, all the things I should be doing. Past couple of days my thoughts have turned back to her missing her a lot. I haven't contacted her since the end of August, looked at her Facebook or contacted mutual friends we had. I slipped a bit today though by looking at her Facebook. To be fair there was nothing to break me on there, I.e there was no new guy on the scene it seems but pictures of her going out etc. I was disappointed in myself if nothing else. I just miss her, I'm beginning to wonder if I should make an attempt at getting back in contact and get her back. But then I think this was her choice, even previously getting to a point of asking her to marry me after we broke up. Life isn't a romantic movie of her waking up one day and falling back into my arms , I don't think she will ever come back. We broke up in June, made up for her birthday and were then not together and here we are now. I got on well with her family and her auntie told me she is stubborn and I need to give her plenty of space to turn things around and for me to take a leap of faith in her. How long is a piece of string though? Apologies if this is a ramble but just wanted to get this off my chest
foam12 Posted November 14, 2015 Posted November 14, 2015 You didn't mess up... Curiosity kills everyone. I still look at Facebook pages of ex's from years and years ago just to see what they are up to when I think about them. And, some of them are from over 10 years ago. As time goes on I forgot about the bad stuff and only remembered the good times, so when something reminded me of them I would at times check out their Facebook if I didn't see them in my news feed for a while. So, you can say I've messed up a lot. No matter what keep doing what you were doing before and best of luck. Things will work themselves out in the long run. Btw, if you do contact her make it short and try to meet up for something casual and not a date. It would probably result in one of three ways. Give you two a second chance if you both have changed for the better in the last 5 months, give you even more closure in your mind (due to no response or a negative response), and depending on the first two could result in more heartbreak and set you back more than where you are at now. Regardless, good luck.
Author Dot1 Posted November 15, 2015 Author Posted November 15, 2015 Hi foam I don't know what has got into me I was doing OK and past few days I've hit the buffers again, trying to think of ways to contact her etc, make things right. It's such a temptation that I can't seem to control, I feel stupid
lolablue17 Posted November 15, 2015 Posted November 15, 2015 My view is that there are rules. good effective rules, but it also allowed to break the rules if you feel like it. If you are so tempted to contact her, why won't you? Risk management - What are the worst things can happen? 1. She ignores you 2. She isn't nice to you 3. She has a boyfriend 4. She doesn't want you back at all 5. She doesn't want you even as a friend. I can't think of another hurting thing... Try to imagine how would you feel in every one of these scenarios. If you think you can handle it, go ahead and call her.
LoveIsMyReligion Posted November 15, 2015 Posted November 15, 2015 Why not leave her alone? She doesn't need your sympathy. Maybe her dad isn't in the picture and maybe she isn't interested in climbing the corporate ladder like you, that doesn't mean she needs your sympathy. If she wanted to be with you she would make it known, forcing yourself into someones life is selfish. I'm just a few years older than you but one thing I've learned fairly recently is that people can be happy in many different ways; they don't need to work in a cubicle making 90k and own their own home. Also, people tend to change quite a bit from 18-25 and I'm guessing that's what happened here. You guys grew apart.
Author Dot1 Posted November 15, 2015 Author Posted November 15, 2015 Why not leave her alone? She doesn't need your sympathy. Maybe her dad isn't in the picture and maybe she isn't interested in climbing the corporate ladder like you, that doesn't mean she needs your sympathy. If she wanted to be with you she would make it known, forcing yourself into someones life is selfish. I'm just a few years older than you but one thing I've learned fairly recently is that people can be happy in many different ways; they don't need to work in a cubicle making 90k and own their own home. Also, people tend to change quite a bit from 18-25 and I'm guessing that's what happened here. You guys grew apart. So are you saying from what you read she is not returning and/or its up to her what she wants and if she does want me she will make it known?
LoveIsMyReligion Posted November 16, 2015 Posted November 16, 2015 If I understand things correctly she broke up with you and you tried to make things work afterwards to no success? If yes, then contacting her won't accomplish anything. Be a good person, help others, and think back on the things that used to make you happy before you met your ex. Even if it was 5+ years ago. Start doing things that make you happy and you will meet someone that complements your life and makes you even happier than you thought possible.
NoLeafClover Posted November 16, 2015 Posted November 16, 2015 (edited) Don't do that to yourself man. It is not worth it. You will contact her just so that you can get kicked in the nutts and then press reset and go back to day one. I was with someone for 7 years and she started being wishy washy. We went on and off, on and off till the final BU. Went through another BU after that relationship was over with someone I thought I was probably going to marry. Then the constant lies and wishy washy again. Both times I gave both women what they REALLY wanted - to not be with me and never looked back. They threw breadcrumbs and after they didn't get any messages back they got ugly on voicemails just to apologize via email the days to come. Don't settle for anything less. Don't be a second option, don't be a 'test light tool' where it turns on when you are on hot wire then off again. That is how most of these breakups go. You go through depression, sadness, angriness then forgiveness...then go back to the same roller coaster ride of emotions again and again... 'till you finally feel indifferent. You are simply having a low day. You are forgetting how she turned her back on you and thinking of the good times. Understand, it doesn't mean anything that she didn't have any guy pics on her social media. As far as you know, she could be having a bf right after breaking up with you. Don't be surprised my man. Just how she left you suddenly, she could suddenly be with someone else. That's how breakups go. Let her be with whoever she wants. That's what breakups are...if they say they don't want to be with you, they might as well tell you they want to be with other people BECAUSE it really makes no difference between the two. Don't look back. Yes I know, it is sad and a long time you wasted but you can not change her. She is not the person you were with when you two were together. Don't contact her because like I said it is NOT WORTH getting hurt again and again. Forget her, erase her from you mind. Make it so that she doesn't exist in your world. The sooner she becomes a stranger to you, that is the moment you will start to move on. Edited November 16, 2015 by NoLeafClover 3
Recommended Posts