Sawman1586 Posted November 14, 2015 Posted November 14, 2015 Hello everyone! New guy here from Alabama and need some advise. I am 47 and live in a rural country area. I have been divorced for three years now from a 18 year marriage and would like to date again. My problem is that the dating world has changed from what I remember and I don't have the social connections that I once had back in high school or in my younger days. I am finding it hard to meet up with new people and finding women with similar interest has proven to be much harder that I realized. I was hoping for ideas on social venues or dating friendly activities I could try. Any ideas are welcome or if any of you can relate to this, I would love to hear you.
Redfisher Posted November 14, 2015 Posted November 14, 2015 Not sure if this helps but I was six months out from a 9 year common law relationship..I'm 41 and really was unsure too. My plan was to use on line dating to date 10 different woman before making a choice. First couple where nerve racking but I learned from each one and by the 5th I was doing great and had so much fun.. On number 8 now and I think shes the one! All this being said try not to worry a whole lot and just get out there and be yourself and when it does not go well learn from it and apply it to the next one...Good luck Dude. 3
Ic1 Posted November 14, 2015 Posted November 14, 2015 Not sure if this helps but I was six months out from a 9 year common law relationship..I'm 41 and really was unsure too. My plan was to use on line dating to date 10 different woman before making a choice. First couple where nerve racking but I learned from each one and by the 5th I was doing great and had so much fun.. On number 8 now and I think shes the one! All this being said try not to worry a whole lot and just get out there and be yourself and when it does not go well learn from it and apply it to the next one...Good luck Dude. Exactly. My experience from your (OP) base has taught me the same. Go to online dating to make connections, learn, and develop.
Author Sawman1586 Posted November 14, 2015 Author Posted November 14, 2015 It does help. I appreciate your post. I am currently on one of the dating sites. There just isn't really a lot of people in my immediate area in the dating pool. I was hoping to stay within a fifty mile radius.
Ic1 Posted November 14, 2015 Posted November 14, 2015 I was hoping to stay within a fifty mile radius. What website are you on? I've actually tried a few now, and there's certainly different trends on each one! My thoughts on them. POF - Has the most traffic here in the north east. Broad range of users as well with many intentions. OkCupid - Less traffic, but less chance of a flake that bails. Can't rely on %s for being best for you, but it can reveal red flags before you meet or message them. Zoosk - Don't bother. You create free account, but can't communicate until you $$$. Hardly any account is paid for, so you can't even communicate with most if you've paid! Tinder - Not website but GPS based smartphone app. Quickest way to meet someone, and it's relatively easy to tell if they just want a 'quickie'. 1
Author Sawman1586 Posted November 14, 2015 Author Posted November 14, 2015 Thanks for your post. I was considering trying some other sites too. I appreciate your thoughts on the sites.
Ic1 Posted November 14, 2015 Posted November 14, 2015 Thanks for your post. I was considering trying some other sites too. I appreciate your thoughts on the sites. I just tried looking for a dating network comparison thread and... ***Non existent*** Time for one! I'll start a thread. 2
Author Sawman1586 Posted November 15, 2015 Author Posted November 15, 2015 As far as dating sites go. I think a lot of it must be what you make of it. As for me, I don't think I have found out just how to go about it. I am bit shy and probably to picky too. I am defiantly not a player lol. I believe a lot also depends on whether or not you have a great profile. It is hard to determine just what is exactly a great profile from the opposite sexes point of view.
CarrieT Posted November 15, 2015 Posted November 15, 2015 I was queen of online dating in my 40s. I had hundreds of convos and went on over 50 coffee meet-and-greets (some of them dinners). The trick at the beginning is you can't be picky - especially if it is just a cup of coffee. Also, I highly recommend you don't waste too much time with back-and-forth messaging. If you find someone even slightly interesting, try to get to a phone call call within the first week or so and then to a coffee date. Otherwise you will find yourself spending way too much time in convos that won't go anywhere and WILL waste your time. The reason I say you shouldn't be too picky is that you can only tell so much from an online profile. If there is even a glimmer of potential interest, get the girl on the phone and see if other aspects click or if there is enough commonality to warrant a first meeting. It doesn't have to be a big deal. Again - a quick cup of coffee. It is easy to get mired in the mechanics of online dating, but view it only as a tool towards just getting out and meeting new people and helping with your shyness. 1
Author Sawman1586 Posted November 15, 2015 Author Posted November 15, 2015 Thanks Carrie. That sounds like some great advise. Your right also, I have been guilty of the extended back and forth messaging.
CarrieT Posted November 15, 2015 Posted November 15, 2015 Your right also, I have been guilty of the extended back and forth messaging. If there is one or two girls you have been messaging, it is time to - <ahem> - sh*t-or-get-off-the-pot! Ask for a phone call and move on towards coffee or a glass of wine. Don't start setting up dinner dates yet. Make it casual, fast, and easy. Then you two can see if it is worth meeting again. Bear in mind - and this is true for men AND women! - a *lot* of people on these dating sites are actually married and looking for a little "harmless" internet fun. You can weed them out faster by asking to talk or meet them. If they are, in fact, married then they will find excuses not to meet you in person or will have a tell-tale indentation on their ring finger. I can't tell you how many guys I was talking to were looking for affairs. You can start to figure it out pretty quickly if they are evasive about their home life or their schedule. 1
Redfisher Posted November 15, 2015 Posted November 15, 2015 I was queen of online dating in my 40s. I had hundreds of convos and went on over 50 coffee meet-and-greets (some of them dinners). The trick at the beginning is you can't be picky - especially if it is just a cup of coffee. Also, I highly recommend you don't waste too much time with back-and-forth messaging. If you find someone even slightly interesting, try to get to a phone call call within the first week or so and then to a coffee date. Otherwise you will find yourself spending way too much time in convos that won't go anywhere and WILL waste your time. The reason I say you shouldn't be too picky is that you can only tell so much from an online profile. If there is even a glimmer of potential interest, get the girl on the phone and see if other aspects click or if there is enough commonality to warrant a first meeting. It doesn't have to be a big deal. Again - a quick cup of coffee. It is easy to get mired in the mechanics of online dating, but view it only as a tool towards just getting out and meeting new people and helping with your shyness. Great advice, I agree with it completely. On a side note I find on line dating in my 40's to be a great time and learning experience. My advice is not to worry about those dumb online rules...At our age they just want a stand up man who cares...Trust me, Doing laundry and vacuuming is the best form of foreplay...Older girls love seeing a man who cleans up after himself...True story. 2
CarrieT Posted November 15, 2015 Posted November 15, 2015 Trust me, Doing laundry and vacuuming is the best form of foreplay...Older girls love seeing a man who cleans up after himself...True story. Really good point! There was no bigger turn-off than agreeing to go to a a middle-aged guy's place and finding a pigsty! With the last guy I dated (but ultimately married just two years ago!), I was a little concerned that when I went to his home for the first time, the amount of "clutter" that existed - mostly from his teenaged kids. I have sort of fixed that problem and even his kids thank me for making their home nicer, but it was a little project! 1
Author Sawman1586 Posted November 15, 2015 Author Posted November 15, 2015 That part is well handled. I have to admit I am a little OCD when it comes to keeping things neat & proper lol. 1
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