Valkyria Posted November 14, 2015 Posted November 14, 2015 I don't have the energy to go into the whole story at the moment, but the man I love is having some pretty severe mental health issues right now, and he's been saying for a while that he didn't feel like he could be in a relationship right now and sort of pushing me away and avoiding me. He doesn't want to lose me but felt guilty like he was holding me back, so he couldn't make a decision, so I made it. He said he feels "heartbroken and releived" now. I know he still loves me just as much as he ever has, but he's hurting and overwhelmed just by living right now so he can't maintain any kind of relationship. I know this is the right thing right now since I'm pretty sure feeling guilty aboutly has been holding him back from getting better in some ways, and he is in treatment, but I'm just so scared because I feel like I'm walking away from the person I'm supposed to be with. But like, if we're ultimately supposed to be together, then it'll happen, right? It can be the right thing for two people who love each other as intensely as he and I do to not be together sometimes? My biggest wish is for him to get better but I can't pretend that I don't want to be with him no matter what because I do. I just realized that being with me right now was holding him back from that. I'm trying to make it clear to him that I still want to be there for him since I do, it doesn't doesn't do either of us any good to try to have an actual relationship when it will make him feel guilty and stressed and then I will have a hard time because he's so distant. I think I'm rambling fairly badly, but I can't get my thoughts quite straight. How do I do this? How do I...let him go at least for now, even when that's not what I want to do at all? And is there any way I can be there for him even though we aren't together? Except for how I realized how much it was hurting him and stressing him out to feel like he's not good enough for me right now (I tried so hard to convince him otherwise) and to feel like he's holding me back, I would NEVER have wanted to do this. It goes against everything I want even though I think it's the right thing for now...I just don't knkw how to live with it.
monkeymaid Posted November 16, 2015 Posted November 16, 2015 IM 5 months into this scenario. Shes now away in graduate school, and Im 400 miles south working my ass off to be able to afford to go back to school (so close). ...I dont have much to give you for advice, because it still hurts as much as ever, but you do get stronger, and you figure out how to keep the perspective. Youre gonna fight yourself on this decision, but you did the best with what you had at the time. ...The only solace being that you ended it before it got irreparable. You have to keep living, but at least now, you still have a chance. You do have to live well now though. Its hard, but you have to, or the breakup was pointless.
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