"Most girls ghost me before the 2nd date."

[kendahke]

Picture this scenario. I'm looking at a lovely dress in a store and I'm considering buying it. The shop owner comes up to me and says "oh, you're looking at that dress. It will look great on you. Every woman who has purchased that dress so far this year has returned it to the store the next day for a refund actually, because they decided they didn't like it at all once they got it home. I can't imagine why."

 

Am I going to say "That sounds great. Let me buy it immediately."

 

False equivalence. He's not an article of clothing.

[katiegrl]

Picture this scenario. I'm looking at a lovely dress in a store and I'm considering buying it. The shop owner comes up to me and says "oh, you're looking at that dress. It will look great on you. Every woman who has purchased that dress so far this year has returned it to the store the next day for a refund actually, because they decided they didn't like it at all once they got it home. I can't imagine why."

 

Am I going to say "That sounds great. Let me buy it immediately."

 

First off, that shop owner has some really piss poor sales skills for saying something like that... LOL

 

But to your point, if the dress looked awesome on ME, I would not give a rat's rear end how many other women returned it.

 

Why should I care what other women think and do? Perhaps they got home and realized it didn't fit right .... or maybe their intention was to wear it once and return it regardless... why should what THEY do be of any concern to me?

 

The dress looks HOT on ME, that is all that matters!

Edited November 14, 2015 by katiegrl

[Odinani]

He's not multidating because nobody will date him. It's not necessarily a choice he's made but rather he doesn't have a choice if nobody will even date him.

 

He's not a multidater. You are. That is a big enough reason to avoid going on another date.

 

OTOH, if a guy sent out vibes that he picked me because I was the last girl at the bar, or the only one responding to him, then yea, that would be a turn off. Not because he doesn't have 'options'... But because he isn't seeing ME as a person. No one likes that feeling.

 

Same way you are treating him, sounds like. Decide what you want, and don't give a shyte what others think.

 

Some guys might think *i* am desperate because I don't multidate... But it is quite the opposite. I could have a bazillion empty dates that keep me from doing other things I like, or I could have one date with someone I really like, or I could go home alone and scrape paint... Which is a lot more productive than dating for sport and keeping score of dates. Maybe he is the same way.

[Glitters]

Or how about him rejecting you , in a subtle way ! ( So you reject him )

[SpiralOut]

Why would you even consider ghosting him after he complained about women doing that to him? If you don't want to see him again just tell him you had a nice time but you weren't feeling it.

[katiegrl]

He's not multidating because nobody will date him. It's not necessarily a choice he's made but rather he doesn't have a choice if nobody will even date him.

 

Oh I get it now.

 

You base your own attraction on how "others" see him, not on how YOU see him, as you lack the confidence, self-awareness and self-esteem to trust your own judgment.

 

You want what everybody else wants ...not because of any feelings YOU have, but because hey, if everyone else wants him, he *must* be a good catch.

 

That is really dysfunctional Ordinani, I hope you realize that.

 

You are still in therapy I hope. LOTS more work to do before you are ready to be the second half of a healthy, happy functional relationship.....

 

Wish you the best.

[RedRobin]

He's not multidating because nobody will date him. It's not necessarily a choice he's made but rather he doesn't have a choice if nobody will even date him.

 

 

Choosing not to multidate has no bearing on how many dates someone can have. Everyone on this planet could have a date with SOMEONE or many someones, if they set the bar low enough. Or didn't care about who they went on dates with.

 

 

That's my point. Some of us only go on dates when we are really interested in someone... not just so we can tell others we had lots of dates and to prop up our egos. And get free stuff.

 

 

Anyway, if you weren't so busy comparing yourself to others, maybe you could find a connection with someone... that person sitting across the table from you, ya know. Try it sometime.

Edited November 15, 2015 by RedRobin

[Odinani]

Oh I get it now.

 

You base your own attraction on how "others" see him, not on how YOU see him, as you lack the confidence, self-awareness and self-esteem to trust your own judgment.

 

You want what everybody else wants ...not because of any feelings YOU have, but because hey, if everyone else wants him, he *must* be a good catch.

 

That is really dysfunctional Ordinani, I hope you realize that.

 

You are still in therapy I hope. LOTS more work to do before you are ready to be the second half of a healthy, happy functional relationship.....

 

Wish you the best.

 

It's Odinani actually. You keep misspelling it, not sure why. To respond to your post, no I certainly don't want a man who everybody else has rejected. I doubt there are many men out there who would want a woman who'd been roundly rejected by every man she went with, either.

[phineas]

If everyone else turns him down immediately without even chancing a 2nd date it stands to reason there must be something wrong with him

 

hmmm.

I think I understand now why women go home with me on the first date after I tell them women have gone home with me on the first date.

[Ic1]

hmmm.

I think I understand now why women go home with me on the first date after I tell them women have gone home with me on the first date.

 

OP, why do you like this? It's sarcasm implying you're easy to manipulate!

[WaitingForBardot]

I get the impression that you're trying to rationalize why you're not interested in this guy. If you didn't click, you didn't click, you don't really need an excuse. We like who we like and you apparently didn't really like him.

[katiegrl]

It's Odinani actually. You keep misspelling it, not sure why. To respond to your post,

 

no I certainly don't want a man who everybody else has rejected. I doubt there are many men out there who would want a woman who'd been roundly rejected by every man she went with, either.

 

LOL, misspelling your name. Freudian slip I guess. My spelling *Ordinani* - I must subconsciously be thinking *Ordinary*.

 

Sorry!!!

 

Learn to think for yourself, you'll get on much better in this world.

Edited November 16, 2015 by katiegrl

[katiegrl]

I get the impression that you're trying to rationalize why you're not interested in this guy. If you didn't click, you didn't click, you don't really need an excuse. We like who we like and you apparently didn't really like him.

 

I don't think she knows what she feels, she appears very out of touch, with herself, her own feelings... and the world in general

 

Therapy.

[Odinani]

OP, why do you like this? It's sarcasm implying you're easy to manipulate!

 

Really? You expect me to explain to you why I 'like' what I like?

[katiegrl]

>>Really? You expect me to tell you why I like what I like?

 

--

 

 

No I am pretty sure lc1was being rhetorical asking that question...

 

Just wondering why the hell you would "like" a post that was actually a sarcastic slam against you, implying how easily manipulated you are.

 

Franky, I am wondering that myself.

Edited November 16, 2015 by katiegrl

[Revolver]

Women care too much about what other women think when it comes to choosing a guy

[jay1983]

Really? You expect me to explain to you why I 'like' what I like?

I say ghost, you'd be doing him a favor.

[Odinani]

I've told him I don't feel there is a spark there.

 

He's asked me to give it another chance:laugh:

[Robert]

****Moderators Note****

 

If you can not play nice then don't post, anybody.. including the thread starter if need be.

 

Thanks

[TheBathWater]

OP, here are my thoughts...

 

If you like him, you should continue seeing him. Sometimes it is not what's wrong with the person, but what's wrong with the people who choose not to continue seeing them. If he is a relationship kind of guy, he may be at odds with the norms of dating culture and other women pick up on this, and that could be one reason why they ghost.

 

I totally get that women want men who other women vouch for, and that status can play a role in the whole mating game, but at the end of the day it won't be about any of that stuff, and will come down to whether or not you have a satisfying relationship with the people in your life. This guy may or may not offer that relationship to you, but I wouldn't rule him out if you're into him just because other women aren't. That's all I'm saying.

 

If you'd like to continue seeing him because you like him but are not ready yet to launch into a relationship just yet, you could let him know that and see how he reacts.

 

**UPDATED** I just read your last post. Sorry to hear it didn't work out.

[kpl]

Picture this scenario. I'm looking at a lovely dress in a store and I'm considering buying it. The shop owner comes up to me and says "oh, you're looking at that dress. It will look great on you. Every woman who has purchased that dress so far this year has returned it to the store the next day for a refund actually, because they decided they didn't like it at all once they got it home. I can't imagine why."

 

Am I going to say "That sounds great. Let me buy it immediately."

 

id try the dress on....

[Odinani]

Thanks for your reply. It's one of the few sensible posts in this thread.

 

OP, here are my thoughts...

 

If you like him, you should continue seeing him. Sometimes it is not what's wrong with the person, but what's wrong with the people who choose not to continue seeing them. If he is a relationship kind of guy, he may be at odds with the norms of dating culture and other women pick up on this, and that could be one reason why they ghost.

 

I totally get that women want men who other women vouch for, and that status can play a role in the whole mating game, but at the end of the day it won't be about any of that stuff, and will come down to whether or not you have a satisfying relationship with the people in your life. This guy may or may not offer that relationship to you, but I wouldn't rule him out if you're into him just because other women aren't. That's all I'm saying.

 

If you'd like to continue seeing him because you like him but are not ready yet to launch into a relationship just yet, you could let him know that and see how he reacts.

 

**UPDATED** I just read your last post. Sorry to hear it didn't work out.