"Most girls ghost me before the 2nd date."

[Odinani]

I just finished a 2nd date with a guy. Towards the end he said he was relieved and that "most girls ghost me before the 2nd date."

 

I laughed. But he said it's not a joke and that it's a real problem for him.

 

Should I ghost him now too?

[Ic1]

Was it a problem that you laughed?

 

I wouldn't ghost him solely because of him admitting to previous luck. If you were having a good time and enjoying his company, give it a 3rd.

[xcupid]

Why would you ghost him if you liked him and want to get to know him better (assuming you do)?

[RedRobin]

You should ghost him if you prefer arrogant jerks. Or, you could just tell him you aren't interested in dating men who share their feelings or show vulnerability. More for me

 

OTOH, he could just be BSing you. Some players do the poor me thing... Just like some women do the 'I've never done this before' thing. Hard to tell without being there.

Edited November 14, 2015 by RedRobin

[insert_name]

Why would you ghost him if you liked him and want to get to know him better (assuming you do)?

 

Because other people have ghosted therefore OP feels she needs to take her place with the other sheep in the herd, even though she doesn't really know why.

 

That sort of behaviour reeks of insecurity to me.

[Redfisher]

This makes me sad....Did you enjoy the date?

[Odinani]

If everyone else turns him down immediately without even chancing a 2nd date it stands to reason there must be something wrong with him

[FeelingFireworks]

1. Did the fact he talked about previous dates put you off?

2. Or did you think he just wanted to make it to date 2 simply to prove he could overcome being ghosted?

3. Or did you think "damn, if he's telling me this, he probably has serious flaws".

 

Hard to tell from your post because of the limited info. But from the looks of it, you can't be that into him if you are negatively looking at that single comment as a reason to ditch him.

 

If you don't like him, fair enough, you don't like him. But if he gets in touch at least have the decency to say "thanks for the date but I don't think we're compatible. I wish you well". If you can't even do that, then you're part of the wider problem with dating and I would have no sympathy for you if this was done to you. Ghosting sucks and this forum is rife with people hurt by it.

 

If on the other hand you did like him, then I don't get why everything hinges on this single comment...at the very least give the guy a chance. It could have been an innocent comment and you should rather he confide his experience like that than approach the dating pool being bitter and looking for faults.

[Redfisher]

If everyone else turns him down immediately without even chancing a 2nd date it stands to reason there must be something wrong with him

 

Since when does reason come into online dating? lol

[Odinani]

This makes me sad....Did you enjoy the date?

 

At the end of the 2nd date he told me we should both forget about dating other people and give our "relationship" a chance. He said he's ready to go ahead and become my boyfriend.

 

However, it's easy for him to forget about dating other people when nobody else seems to want to date him.

 

All of that screams desperation doesn't it?

[Odinani]

1. Did the fact he talked about previous dates put you off?

2. Or did you think he just wanted to make it to date 2 simply to prove he could overcome being ghosted?

3. Or did you think "damn, if he's telling me this, he probably has serious flaws".

 

Hard to tell from your post because of the limited info. But from the looks of it, you can't be that into him if you are negatively looking at that single comment as a reason to ditch him.

 

If you don't like him, fair enough, you don't like him. But if he gets in touch at least have the decency to say "thanks for the date but I don't think we're compatible. I wish you well". If you can't even do that, then you're part of the wider problem with dating and I would have no sympathy for you if this was done to you. Ghosting sucks and this forum is rife with people hurt by it.

 

If on the other hand you did like him, then I don't get why everything hinges on this single comment...at the very least give the guy a chance. It could have been an innocent comment and you should rather he confide his experience like that than approach the dating pool being bitter and looking for faults.

 

3. If 99% of the women he goes on dates with ghost him chances are he has serious problems. I've dated quite a few guys this year and every one of them has asked me out for 2nd date, 3rd date etc. If every guy ignored me after the initial date and failed to ask me out on a 2nd date I'd assume something was wrong with me.

[Ic1]

If everyone else turns him down immediately without even chancing a 2nd date it stands to reason there must be something wrong with him

 

And if you assume something is wrong only because others haven't gone on a second date...

 

Online daters can be picky, and there's often a reason girls have to resort to online. Does that imply the girls online have issues?

[WaitingForBardot]

3. If 99% of the women he goes on dates with ghost him chances are he has serious problems. I've dated quite a few guys this year and every one of them has asked me out for 2nd date, 3rd date etc. If every guy ignored me after the initial date and failed to ask me out on a 2nd date I'd assume something was wrong with me.

And that something wrong might be nothing more than poor 'choosing' skills. Generally speaking, I think even the greatest possible sample size (of 1st dates) is way too small to come to your conclusion.

 

Part this date's problem may be that he's watched too many movies/tv shows where this kind of behavior is depicted as endearing/disarming, when in reality it's effect is the opposite.

[Redfisher]

At the end of the 2nd date he told me we should both forget about dating other people and give our "relationship" a chance. He said he's ready to go ahead and become my boyfriend.

 

However, it's easy for him to forget about dating other people when nobody else seems to want to date him.

 

All of that screams desperation doesn't it?

 

You never answered my question.... Did you enjoy the date? If the answer is yes then forget the rules and follow up with another...

[SwordofFlame]

I've been ghosted by and have ghosted plenty of women after one date. It seems fairly normal for online dating. Wanting to make it exclusive after two dates reeks of desperation or he is extremely into you. You probably know which.

[Odinani]

Picture this scenario. I'm looking at a lovely dress in a store and I'm considering buying it. The shop owner comes up to me and says "oh, you're looking at that dress. It will look great on you. Every woman who has purchased that dress so far this year has returned it to the store the next day for a refund actually, because they decided they didn't like it at all once they got it home. I can't imagine why."

 

Am I going to say "That sounds great. Let me buy it immediately."

 

And that something wrong might be nothing more than poor 'choosing' skills. Generally speaking, I think even the greatest possible sample size (of 1st dates) is way too small to come to your conclusion.

 

Part this date's problem may be that he's watched too many movies/tv shows where this kind of behavior is depicted as endearing/disarming, when in reality it's effect is the opposite.

[WaitingForBardot]

And that something wrong might be nothing more than poor 'choosing' skills. Generally speaking, I think even the greatest possible sample size (of 1st dates) is way too small to come to your conclusion.

 

Part this date's problem may be that he's watched too many movies/tv shows where this kind of behavior is depicted as endearing/disarming, when in reality it's effect is the opposite.

Just to be clear, "this kind of behavior" meant telling you about being ghosted...

[Odinani]

It was OK. We had one or two interesting conversations. He can't make eye contact though and seems very defensive about a number of things.

 

You never answered my question.... Did you enjoy the date? If the answer is yes then forget the rules and follow up with another...

[Odinani]

I've been ghosted by and have ghosted plenty of women after one date. It seems fairly normal for online dating. Wanting to make it exclusive after two dates reeks of desperation or he is extremely into you. You probably know which.

 

He is really into the idea of somebody decent looking being willing to go on a 2nd date with him.

[insert_name]

If everyone else turns him down immediately without even chancing a 2nd date it stands to reason there must be something wrong with him

 

It is kind of humourous that you know nothing about the girls that he went on these first dates with yet you trust their judgement over your own. The sign of an insecure mind.

[insert_name]

If everyone else turns him down immediately without even chancing a 2nd date it stands to reason there must be something wrong with him

 

It is kind of humourous that you know nothing about the girls that he went on these first dates with yet you trust their judgement over your own. Indicative of insecurity.

[katiegrl]

If everyone else turns him down immediately without even chancing a 2nd date *it stands to reason* there must be something wrong with him

 

You need to brush up on your *reasoning* skills.

 

Why not get to know him YOURSELF and make your OWN decision?

 

Are you *that* unsure of yourself and your own decision-making ability that you have to rely on what others have done in order for you to move forward?

 

Those other women did not click with him.... that does NOT mean there is something *wrong* with him, sheesh!

[FeelingFireworks]

At the end of the 2nd date he told me we should both forget about dating other people and give our "relationship" a chance. He said he's ready to go ahead and become my boyfriend.

 

However, it's easy for him to forget about dating other people when nobody else seems to want to date him.

 

All of that screams desperation doesn't it?

 

ok. This is important. Although don't know why you omitted it in your first post.

 

Add this to his dating history and it does appear a bit keen verging on desperate. It's almost as though he'll settle for any girl who'll see him. That's not a good sign. Plus it's apparent you don't feel that same intensity.

 

I'd certainly have my reservations. But I still don't think ghosting is the answer.

[RedRobin]

He's not a multidater. You are. That is a big enough reason to avoid going on another date.

 

OTOH, if a guy sent out vibes that he picked me because I was the last girl at the bar, or the only one responding to him, then yea, that would be a turn off. Not because he doesn't have 'options'... But because he isn't seeing ME as a person. No one likes that feeling.

 

Same way you are treating him, sounds like. Decide what you want, and don't give a shyte what others think.

 

Some guys might think *i* am desperate because I don't multidate... But it is quite the opposite. I could have a bazillion empty dates that keep me from doing other things I like, or I could have one date with someone I really like, or I could go home alone and scrape paint... Which is a lot more productive than dating for sport and keeping score of dates. Maybe he is the same way.

[kendahke]

I just finished a 2nd date with a guy. Towards the end he said he was relieved and that "most girls ghost me before the 2nd date."

 

I laughed. But he said it's not a joke and that it's a real problem for him.

 

Should I ghost him now too?

 

No. You should woman up tell him that you are not interested in him.

 

Ghosting is the coward's way out.