How to cope with being cheated on and replaced?

[Confusioncreepsin]

I am going through a very similar situation. My GF cheated behind my back and did not tell me for quite some time (7 months). Although she begged me to give her a second chance, which I did, things have fallen completely flat, and she has gone back to the guy she actually cheated on me with. I know how you are feeling man. It is truly tough, especially when you genuinely care and love the other person and did everything in your power to support her and be there for her. But once a liar always a liar, once a cheater always a cheater. Trust me, I knew this girl better than anyone in my life, yet I still got fooled and now a few months later, it is like we don't even know each other (not by my choice). Unfortunately, it seems that is how life goes sometimes.

 

 

Curious (not stealing thread)....how did you find out about it? I had the same thing happen to me. It was hard finding out who the guy was too, since he was definitely an "affair down" from what she had.

[Triggs1234]

Curious (not stealing thread)....how did you find out about it? I had the same thing happen to me. It was hard finding out who the guy was too, since he was definitely an "affair down" from what she had.

 

Of course. She was leaving the area to pursue a new career (NYC) and one day I woke up and just had a weird feeling that there was something I did not know. I saw some signs in the past, where he would be at the top of her FB search bar and I had questioned her about that and she proceeded to call me a delusional psycho and that I was putting things in my head etc. That was about 4 months prior to her telling me the full truth, two days before she left to move. I was in complete shock like most would be. Felt the past 1+ was all a lie. She begged me for a second chance, said she would make it up, that "she did not deserve me", " I was the best guy she has ever known", "cannot even look at herself in the mirror she felt disgusted". At the time it felt really genuine (august) and I decided to give her a second chance. She blocked and deleted her ex etc to "show me" she wanted nothing to do with him. Not even a month after giving her a chance, she said she needed space and to be alone, and that what had happened had affected her more than she could believe. Needless to say, the girl was my best friend prior to being together, and she started to distance herself and completely block contact. I was trying to allow her space to let her figure things out. Had not talked in 1 month and actually just found out recently because she blocked me on FB and my family. She did text me saying she had moved on but nothing about with whom. A friend actually sent me a FB photo about her "looking happy" out every weekend and I realized in the picture the guy she was with was indeed her ex lol. So yeah, pretty much found out via a FB picture that a good friend sent me.

 

True character has been revealed by someone that I "thought" I knew so well.

[Chi townD]

Dude, you don't have to be nice about this. She and your friend betrayed you. Yu have every right to feel angry about this. And I suspect that the anger might come soon once the shock of it all wears off. She did you wrong. And what's worse is that you live in a small town. Hard NOT to hear about them.

 

 

I would suggest traveling as much as possible. Long weekend getaways. Get out of the norm and get away from things that are going to remind you of her.

 

 

Now, sooner or later, she may reach out to you. She's in the honeymoon phase of this relationship, but once everything normalizes and levels out, she's going to have time to think about how bad she treated you. See, one thing girls can't stand is thinking that someone on this planet hates them or doesn't see them as nice people. So, she may reach out to you to see; for no other reason, if you hate her. IGNORE IT!!! DO NOT RESPOND TO HER!!! Let her hold onto that guilt and learn from it. That you can't treat people the way she treated you and expect them to be okay with it.

 

 

Time to heal and move on, dude. Start a hard NC on her and move on. This is to include blocking her on ALL social media.

[Triggs1234]

Dude, you don't have to be nice about this. She and your friend betrayed you. Yu have every right to feel angry about this. And I suspect that the anger might come soon once the shock of it all wears off. She did you wrong. And what's worse is that you live in a small town. Hard NOT to hear about them.

 

 

I would suggest traveling as much as possible. Long weekend getaways. Get out of the norm and get away from things that are going to remind you of her.

 

 

Now, sooner or later, she may reach out to you. She's in the honeymoon phase of this relationship, but once everything normalizes and levels out, she's going to have time to think about how bad she treated you. See, one thing girls can't stand is thinking that someone on this planet hates them or doesn't see them as nice people. So, she may reach out to you to see; for no other reason, if you hate her. IGNORE IT!!! DO NOT RESPOND TO HER!!! Let her hold onto that guilt and learn from it. That you can't treat people the way she treated you and expect them to be okay with it.

 

 

Time to heal and move on, dude. Start a hard NC on her and move on. This is to include blocking her on ALL social media.

 

This is such a very true reality. Sooner or later, she will reach out to you if you throw her the complete cold shoulder. It will weigh on her one day to the point she will reach out.

[didithappen]

Thanks for the responses everyone. They all meant a lot and I think are going to help me. I definitely don't need someone in my life who is capable of that sort of thing. When I met her she was different but the girl I fell in love with changed towards the end, not for the better.

 

I'm going hard no contact. I've already deleted her number, all social media....everything I could. I'll let them have an imperfect relationship together. The new guy isn't so great and she will get to realize that herself . It only took me 2 months of living with him to come to that conclusion.

 

I've been going on trips up and down the coast meeting friends and reconnecting with old friends/making new ones. Eventually maybe soon here I'll meet another girl who can treat me right.

 

It honestly wouldn't surprise me if she reaches out in the future. I know how to treat a girl right and gave her my all while it lasted. I get to move forward guilt free with my head held high. If she does get guilt ridden or lonely in the future now I have the satisfaction of ignoring her. I'll never have a cheater back.

[didithappen]

UPDATE:

 

It's funny how right you guys are. Just as I was looking forward to never hearing from her again, guess what; she contacts me. What she said really attests to her character.

 

She pretty much blamed everything on me and said her new relationship was independent of the breakup. Ok sure haha, start dating a "friend" a day after you get out of a 2 year relationship that you spent time with behind my back during the relationship and justify it by placing the blame on me. You say whatever you want to feel good about yourself.

 

I get to move forward, ignore, and find someone better free of guilt with a clean conscious

[didithappen]

If you have ever been cheated on than read this, it might help you out.

 

About two weeks ago I learned that my ex-gf at the very least emotionally cheated, and (without 100% certainty) physically cheated on me.

 

The breakup happened over two months ago and we were together two years. During that time I was depressed, worn out, really missing my ex and what we had, and felt that somehow I caused all of this; when I was nothing but a good boyfriend. Her reasons for the breakup were spotty, changing, and suspect. I didn't understand any of it. The only things I noticed after the fact was that she hid every post from me on social media and one of my friends suddenly dropped off the face of the earth and blocked me immediately after the breakup. He was friends with her before and they went behind my back numerous times to do things together. Even though I was okay with it because I knew they were friends she frequently and blatantly lied about it. During that time she also treated me with no respect and was less affectionate than a rock.

 

Embarrassingly before I knew about all of this I broke contact a few times and professed feelings, was looking for closure....etc the usual inexperienced post-heartbreak stuff.

 

When I learned the news about how she had been dating this new guy almost immediately afterwards (and maybe even before), who I actually lived with up until the breakup I was shattered. I felt so betrayed, hurt, humiliated... pretty much every negative emotion at once. I sent her another message telling her that I knew the truth but no hard feelings because it's her choice and wish her the best. I was happy to leave it at that but was still broken. A week later she contacted me out of the blue and proceeded to deny it all, and than somehow tried to spin everything and point the blame at me.

 

Feel free to check my other thread which sort of summed up the MANY red flags that point to her emotional affair and likely infidelity. It's up to you to be the judge. Anyways, this was sort of an epiphany moment for me.

 

Why in the world would I want to be with someone who treated me poorly, lied to me multiple times about her whereabouts with someone who was supposed to be just a friend, proceeded to date this guy immediately after a two year relationship, and than tried to protect her own innocence by blaming me for everything? What was I thinking? How did I still have feelings for this girl? At that very second I lost every feeling that I did once have for her. When we were together I gave her my all and was never disrespectful or hurtful. Somehow at that second my heart became whole again. I am now relishing in my new found independence and fresh opportunities to meet someone better. She's probably expecting a response to justify herself and I now have the power to not succumb to that level. It's an amazing feeling of relief and freedom.

 

Who knows how long her relationship will last? This new guy isn't a great person and she will figure that out. Luckily for me, I don't care, at all.

 

If you have been cheated on or replaced than try your best to not to wallow in your undeserved pity. You dodged a bullet by not having to be dragged along with someone who is capable of that.

[Amelie1980]

I see what you're saying but it may not be that they are a bad person in general.

 

One of my exes treats everyone badly. He has cheated in every relationship and lies to everyone he dates.

 

One of my exes though did what your ex did to me. Lied to me, cheated and blamed me for the break up. I thought what a relief I got shot of a liar and a cheater. But guess what...he married her. He was perfectly capable of committing, just not to me. Maybe your ex will marry her new bf and have babies. Dont keep tabs on them it will hurt like hell.

[Triggs1234]

My ex cheated on me and also has replaced me after her reasoning for breaking up was also very questionable. Said she needed time "alone" and wanted to work on herself etc. Turns out she certainly is not alone and completely lied and fooled me. Some people are really just crappy people imo. She has gone on to not only delete and block me from fb, but also deleted multiple friends that were always very nice to her and thought highly of her. None of them had gotten involved in the break up, but to me that is just a major sign of guilt that she knows she has done wrong and absolutely screwed me over.

 

"She's probably expecting a response to justify herself"

 

Could not agree more. My ex is without a doubt, waiting for a response from me so she could say, "oh I told you, I knew he would flip etc". But it is not even worth it. It reveals true character of her just like your ex. These people will one day need someone who doesn't give up on them like they gave up on you and I. Trust me.

[didithappen]

I see what you're saying but it may not be that they are a bad person in general.

 

One of my exes treats everyone badly. He has cheated in every relationship and lies to everyone he dates.

 

One of my exes though did what your ex did to me. Lied to me, cheated and blamed me for the break up. I thought what a relief I got shot of a liar and a cheater. But guess what...he married her. He was perfectly capable of committing, just not to me. Maybe your ex will marry her new bf and have babies. Dont keep tabs on them it will hurt like hell.

 

I'm probably going to be moving away for work and believe me the last thing I'm going to do is keep tabs on them. It's not even possible because both of them blocked me from everything under the sun except email. What I do know is that this guy has an alcohol problem so I kind of doubt it will last too long.

 

One of the most cryptic things my ex did at the very end is have crying spells. She wouldn't even let me touch her and comfort her and the only thing she said is "your a better person than me". I understand that now.

 

I thought she was a great person but based on my experience I don't know any more.

[didithappen]

My ex cheated on me and also has replaced me after her reasoning for breaking up was also very questionable. Said she needed time "alone" and wanted to work on herself etc. Turns out she certainly is not alone and completely lied and fooled me. Some people are really just crappy people imo. She has gone on to not only delete and block me from fb, but also deleted multiple friends that were always very nice to her and thought highly of her. None of them had gotten involved in the break up, but to me that is just a major sign of guilt that she knows she has done wrong and absolutely screwed me over.

 

"She's probably expecting a response to justify herself"

 

Could not agree more. My ex is without a doubt, waiting for a response from me so she could say, "oh I told you, I knew he would flip etc". But it is not even worth it. It reveals true character of her just like your ex. These people will one day need someone who doesn't give up on them like they gave up on you and I. Trust me.

 

Wow its amazing how universal some of these signs are! If I didn't know any better you were describing my break up. Her reasons were I need to figure out who I am, need time alone, need to work on myself, I love you but I'm not in love with you haha...etc

 

It's all code for I want to be with your roommate.

[casey.lives]

I was cheated on and it was short lived shallow whirlwind EX-perience. lol. Today, i see it for what it was and no hard feelings.

However, saying that it was a "GOOD" is a stretch. But things happen for a reason.

[didithappen]

It wasn't good in any traditional sense. It was actually very deceitful on their side and hurtful on mine. It was however good because I learned more about my ex that helped me realize that she wasn't a person that I wanted to invest my time or effort in.

 

The right thing for her to do would have been breaking up with me the second she realized her feelings for this new guy and being honest about those reasons. Lying, dragging me along, than vanishing only to have me find out through other people is not a decent thing to do.

[LostOnes05]

Wow its amazing how universal some of these signs are! If I didn't know any better you were describing my break up. Her reasons were I need to figure out who I am, need time alone, need to work on myself, I love you but I'm not in love with you haha...etc

 

It's all code for I want to be with your roommate.

 

This is hilarious because it's the same crap I got. I've heard the "I need to find myself" now for the second time. I think the next one that tells me that I'll give her a Where's Waldo poster and a google map of her address. That should settle finding herself, right?

[makemineamac]

That happened to me too. 3 kids later they are still happily married. Never followed them on social media but heard through the grapevine, you're right it sucks! (This was in response to Amelie)

Edited November 17, 2015 by makemineamac

[heartbroken1996]

Wow its amazing how universal some of these signs are! If I didn't know any better you were describing my break up. Her reasons were I need to figure out who I am, need time alone, need to work on myself, I love you but I'm not in love with you haha...etc

 

It's all code for I want to be with your roommate.

 

Yes - of the many, many (often conflicting) reasons my ex gave me for the breakup, the one she stuck to the most was that she suddenly needed to prove to herself that she can overcome her mental health issues on her own without relying on another person. This seemed reasonable at the time but, sure enough, two weeks later she gets with another guy.

 

Her and a good friend both insist nothing was going on while we were together, which I don't buy. Either way it's an especially nasty thing to do for everyone involved.

[Chi townD]

It wasn't good in any traditional sense. It was actually very deceitful on their side and hurtful on mine. It was however good because I learned more about my ex that helped me realize that she wasn't a person that I wanted to invest my time or effort in.

 

The right thing for her to do would have been breaking up with me the second she realized her feelings for this new guy and being honest about those reasons. Lying, dragging me along, than vanishing only to have me find out through other people is not a decent thing to do.

 

 

And, of course, you got the text book excuses that cheaters give, "he isn't the reason why we broke up." And the proceeded to tell you that it was all your fault. RRIIGGHHTT!!!!

 

 

But, the funny thing is, if she wasn't cheating and this guy was independent of the break up, then why go to great lengths to hide it from you? Both of them! Because, they knew it was wrong.

 

 

At the end, you stated that she was crying a lot and didn't want you to touch her or comfort her. Then, she said that you were a better person than her. That's her guilt right there. Therefore, she knew she was doing you wrong and she knew she was cheating and wasn't liking the person she was.

[Triggs1234]

Yes - of the many, many (often conflicting) reasons my ex gave me for the breakup, the one she stuck to the most was that she suddenly needed to prove to herself that she can overcome her mental health issues on her own without relying on another person. This seemed reasonable at the time but, sure enough, two weeks later she gets with another guy.

 

Her and a good friend both insist nothing was going on while we were together, which I don't buy. Either way it's an especially nasty thing to do for everyone involved.

 

My ex said the exact same thing... Had always relied on a guy to make her happy and she wanted to find happiness on her own and needed time alone to work on herself. Needless to say, a month later she is with another guy lmao.

 

I tell you, people are truly messed up out there.

[mightycpa]

Next time you see your pal out and about, be gracious. Greet him with a big smile, extend a warm handshake and a hearty greeting and then say

 

So how did I taste?

 

It does hurt to get cheated on, but it's not the end of the world. No matter where the cause lies, the cheater is the one who always looks bad to friend and foe alike.

[kiki2015]

My God I had to register as these were almost exact same reasons my ex gave to me. He dumped me 3 months ago and cut contact (Together for 7 years). I was blindsided. He is also quiet, geeky, sweet etc. Same shifting reasons, not happy with self, started crying (I thought he was sad, I not think it's guilt) My gut told me there was someone else, however he denied it and I believed him as I've never had a reason to distrust him. He was acting normal until just a couple of days before, then he started picking fights.

 

I live in his country, so you can imagine I felt completely abandoned. I'm wondering now if my gut was correct after all. I tried to fix it but he was having none of it and assumed I'd be going straight back to my home country. Anyway, he's doing a good job of hiding it if he is. I blocked him on FB in case I see something I don't want to.

[mightycpa]

That's the plan. I unfriended her and all of her friends a while ago. Blocked her on everything and deleted every shred of her from my life that I could. Thankfully I've got good friends behind me, and our mutual friends (between the ex) have taken my side in this.

You know what? It's not the end of the world. That she cheated on you says a lot about her and next to nothing about you. Even if you were horrible, the best thing she could have done was to end it; instead, she acted poorly, and now she's going to have to take her lumps.

 

Someone cheated on you. It happens. Don't let it get you down, because whatever you thought your intimacy was, it was not. It won't take long to get over that lowly act of betrayal.

 

Be sure to ask your ex-pal if you tasted good. Ewwww....

[didithappen]

My God I had to register as these were almost exact same reasons my ex gave to me. He dumped me 3 months ago and cut contact (Together for 7 years). I was blindsided. He is also quiet, geeky, sweet etc. Same shifting reasons, not happy with self, started crying (I thought he was sad, I not think it's guilt) My gut told me there was someone else, however he denied it and I believed him as I've never had a reason to distrust him. He was acting normal until just a couple of days before, then he started picking fights.

 

I live in his country, so you can imagine I felt completely abandoned. I'm wondering now if my gut was correct after all. I tried to fix it but he was having none of it and assumed I'd be going straight back to my home country. Anyway, he's doing a good job of hiding it if he is. I blocked him on FB in case I see something I don't want to.

 

Good job blocking him! It hurts a lot worse when you realize something that you could have avoided. And just like you my ex picked fights over NOTHING. If she kept it up acting like she was for another month I would have broken up with her, but that's probably what she wanted anyways haha...

 

Either way, your better off without your ex now. I know how it feels, trust me. I searched for answers for two months until I got what I was looking for. Definitely didn't help. I wish people had the courage to be honest sometimes.

[didithappen]

You know what? It's not the end of the world. That she cheated on you says a lot about her and next to nothing about you. Even if you were horrible, the best thing she could have done was to end it; instead, she acted poorly, and now she's going to have to take her lumps.

 

Someone cheated on you. It happens. Don't let it get you down, because whatever you thought your intimacy was, it was not. It won't take long to get over that lowly act of betrayal.

 

Be sure to ask your ex-pal if you tasted good. Ewwww....

 

Mightycpa I'm actually in a much better place now. Learning that news really helped me move on in a way. I was missing the innocent girl that left me before, and when I figured it out it only took a few days to realize I don't miss the deceitful girl who cheated.

 

I think she went to such great lengths to hide it from me, before and after, because I was never anything but amazing and respectful to her. I'd literally never poured more effort into anything more than that relationship, which is probably why the breakup left me so horribly devastated in the beginning.

 

Now that I know she was spewing lies to hide the truth it's much easier to swallow. I really don't miss her or want her like I did before I learned about her true colors and it feels GOOD. I know that she feels guilty which is also good news, because she should. She's emailed me, and although she still denied it, she made up more excuses but kind of sucked up to me. On top of that she's texting my roommate to check up on me.....What's going through her head I have no idea and I don't care; my ship has sailed and she doesn't get to be on it. Her loss.

 

As for the ex-friend, he was more of a coward than she was. The day I moved out, and coincidentally the day I got broken up with he blocked me on facebook never to be heard of again. I never liked that guy, and I doubt there new relationship will last all that long.

[didithappen]

Next time you see your pal out and about, be gracious. Greet him with a big smile, extend a warm handshake and a hearty greeting and then say

 

 

 

It does hurt to get cheated on, but it's not the end of the world. No matter where the cause lies, the cheater is the one who always looks bad to friend and foe alike.

 

I'll be sure to ask him that. Although I'd prefer to never see him again. I never really liked him to be honest.