Amelie1980 Posted November 13, 2015 Posted November 13, 2015 How many of you reacted kind of badly in a break up, especially where they behaved really badly towards you? Were there harsh words said, etc or did you just go with grace?
bitterbetty14 Posted November 13, 2015 Posted November 13, 2015 I was so nice and graceful in my breakup...until he called me a few months later to tell me that he was engaged...then the flood gate opened. I told him that he was ****'ed up in the head and that I wished him no happiness. Was it one of my finer moments? No. Did it feel good, yes. Do I actually recommend going off on your ex. No 1
Author Amelie1980 Posted November 13, 2015 Author Posted November 13, 2015 I was so nice and graceful in my breakup...until he called me a few months later to tell me that he was engaged...then the flood gate opened. I told him that he was ****'ed up in the head and that I wished him no happiness. Was it one of my finer moments? No. Did it feel good, yes. Do I actually recommend going off on your ex. No I was just upset in my last two break ups. I cried at the first one...ooops. Second one I told him what a let down he was and what a liar he was. Which was true. I've never done the abusive thing : call them names and say horrible things. I've just said how I felt.
lil hoodlum Posted November 13, 2015 Posted November 13, 2015 While I think it is best to take the high road and bow out gracefully when gettting the ax, I do think though if the dumper is being dishonest or strung you along, you should have every right to tell them what a POS they are. I don't think it is healthy for the dumpee to keep those feelings in. If the dumper has wronged you, get it out of your system and tell them what you think of their behavior. I believe that stuffing your honest feelings down to avoid making a scene or "rocking the boat" may hinder your recovery. My ex dumped me in a cold, cruel, and cowardly way. She blame shifted me and I later found out how dishonest she was. I really regret not having spoken my true feelings on the matter. 3
Author Amelie1980 Posted November 13, 2015 Author Posted November 13, 2015 While I think it is best to take the high road and bow out gracefully when gettting the ax, I do think though if the dumper is being dishonest or strung you along, you should have every right to tell them what a POS they are. I don't think it is healthy for the dumpee to keep those feelings in. If the dumper has wronged you, get it out of your system and tell them what you think of their behavior. I believe that stuffing your honest feelings down to avoid making a scene or "rocking the boat" may hinder your recovery. My ex dumped me in a cold, cruel, and cowardly way. She blame shifted me and I later found out how dishonest she was. I really regret not having spoken my true feelings on the matter. My last dumper did lie and string me along... I was still quite gracious in the end. Never mind
Confusioncreepsin Posted November 13, 2015 Posted November 13, 2015 Unfortunately, or fortunately, I went full bore and followed a scorched earth process. Not a tree of hope to remain. She was cheating (caught) many times, while stringing me along saying I was the only one, wanted to be with me forever, etc. When I caught her red handed no less than 4 times (because I could not believe my own eyes) compared to her WORDS...I basically snapped. Yes, not pretty, but damn felt good. I determined that just saying how I felt to her was not enough, and decided to share her dark side with everyone. She always tried to appear honest, faithful, etc and she broke me. I burned her ass in front of her friends, family and major drama ensued. Later, my actions caused her to encounter ripple effects that were outside my control. She was STILL married (yeah, lied to me) so her separated husband found out she was seeing a felon convicted of murder with his kids being there overnight. He also found out that she bought a house with martial assets and didn't tell him...shew....He attacked and got kids and half the value of the house. So, moral of the story, tell em how you feel and let it all out. Try to stay away from what I did, because there repercussions can quickly get out of control. Yeah it felt great cause I felt she deserved it, PLUS bonus I never have to worry about her coming back (she is BPD) for supply. Just tell them and walk away...never look back and certainly don't start something that will keep the drama full throttle while you are trying to be NC.
Mrin Posted November 13, 2015 Posted November 13, 2015 I've never let it rip in a final break up. I've only done that once and it was in an out of the blue "pre-break" breakup. She did something that hurt my feelings much more than it should have but it was the proverbial dam breaking. Metaphorically speaking, I let loose with both barrels. Reloaded. Let loose again. Metaphorically drove to the store and bought more shells and then unloaded again. Really scorched earth... I felt good for exactly 63 seconds and then once the adrenaline subsided, I felt like crap. Still do. Did I say anything that was untrue? Not a single word. But there was no need for me to just blow up like that. We made up but it was the "halfway" point of "the end". Honestly, what I should have done was just end it right then and there but without all the fireworks. 1
Confusioncreepsin Posted November 13, 2015 Posted November 13, 2015 I've never let it rip in a final break up. I've only done that once and it was in an out of the blue "pre-break" breakup. She did something that hurt my feelings much more than it should have but it was the proverbial dam breaking. Metaphorically speaking, I let loose with both barrels. Reloaded. Let loose again. Metaphorically drove to the store and bought more shells and then unloaded again. Really scorched earth... I felt good for exactly 63 seconds and then once the adrenaline subsided, I felt like crap. Still do. Did I say anything that was untrue? Not a single word. But there was no need for me to just blow up like that. We made up but it was the "halfway" point of "the end". Honestly, what I should have done was just end it right then and there but without all the fireworks. I know what you mean completely. Damn, mine deserved the hell I unleashed because she brought me down so bad at the time. I still pray everyday that karma is kicking the **** out of her, simply so she can feel what she made me feel. Sounds childish but when with borderlines, you lose 4 things : friendship, relationship, future plans, and the deep bond. Very hard to contain all 4 instantly dropping.
bitterbetty14 Posted November 13, 2015 Posted November 13, 2015 I was just upset in my last two break ups. I cried at the first one...ooops. Second one I told him what a let down he was and what a liar he was. Which was true. I've never done the abusive thing : call them names and say horrible things. I've just said how I felt. I think that is for the best - being abusive is never a good thing. But I definitely think that you can say your piece without being abusive. For me, telling off my ex felt like taking my power back. It wasn't about me trying to make him feel bad, but I wanted him to know that when thing fall apart for him (which they most likely will), his rock (me) won't be there for him. As crappy as it felt for him to tell me got engaged, that conversation gave me the closure that I needed.
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