Malexandria Posted November 13, 2015 Posted November 13, 2015 Hi, Sorry for the possible mistakes : i'm french! I met this guy, Olivier, in march 2014 and we had a blast together. We hooked up at some point for a month or two and I get attached really quickly. One day I was chatting with a common friend without him knowing I was sleeping with Olivier, and then I discovered he had a girlfriend, was living with her, they were together for 4 years and she also was his fiancee. Of course I was mad a deeply hurt, I told everything to his girlfriend, and cut him off totally. Then in september 2015 we met at a party and it was pure coincidence. I was not pleased to see him, and avoided him at all costs. The same night I checked my emails and got one from him with apologies etc. I don't know why but I decided to answer... I finally gave him my new phone number, and he called me the day after. He told me he was single, that his girlfriend was living in november... He told me he was sorry and all that stuff. I forgive easily and was ready to see if he had good intentions so when he asked to see me I said yes. To sum up, I was on guard for a week or two but finally decided to trust him. We casual dated for a month and as usual I got attached. At this point he was still honest with me, telling me he couldn't promess anything because he was not ready for something more after his break up, which I understood, but as my feeling grew I decided to stop it. We still texted a lot in october, and he was telling me things would change between us after his ex leaves. I was kind of waiting for him, trying to meet new guys at the same time to avoid obsessing about him... But still, I wanted him and no one else. After she leaved we finally met again, at his place, at night... Like all of the other nights he had spent with me in the past because he has tons of work and a crazy schedule. Yesterday I realised I've been waiting for something that was not here. Clearly, this guy is not ready and I'm not the one for him. He just wants sex and nothing else. I sent him a goodbye text yesterday... He never replied. I guess that's better because in the past when I've tried to cut him off he always texted back with tons of excuses and I was back to square one. I really miss the idea of him. I second guess my decision, thinking that maybe I should have been more patient with him and be ok with this whole casual dating thing for the time being because he's still hurt by his recent breakup... But on the other hand I couldn't be in this "waiting" stage anymore. I couldn't do anything without thinking about him, and he was faaaar from being in the same state of mind (never texting / never asking me questions about anything etc ... never INTERESTED in me). I guess I just need other ppl's opinions on this, because I struggle with my choice and second-guess it when I recall good memories etc... Thx
ExpatInItaly Posted November 13, 2015 Posted November 13, 2015 Don't second-guess yourself. Your assessment of him was correct: he isn't interested in anything but sex and he's not a trustworthy person. I'm not sure why you decided to trust him again after just a couple weeks and a sketchy track record. I don't see anything here that indicates he deserved your trust. Stay away from him. The idea you have of him doesn't match the reality of him at all.
Silver_star Posted November 13, 2015 Posted November 13, 2015 I had a similar situation once. well different, but relatable. Here is what went down. The guy and I had a kind of chemistry, but not everything lined up. He never CHOSE me. We met up and had amazing sex, could rile each other up like nobody else. I got hooked on the idea of him, especially after sex. This went on for some time. Through his actions and his words it was pretty obvious a REAL relationship was not going to happen. Sure, he said really nice things and made me feel intoxicated with lust and desire and strong emotions. Every once in a while he would find a girl he deemed worthy to date, and it was like an unspoken agreement that things would fizzle off while he did his thing trying to have a relationship. Meanwhile I am on the sidelines waiting for him to come around, waiting for more of those intoxicating feelings. So sad. Eventually I had a moment of clarity and saw how invested I was him (which would basically lead nowhere) and texted him that I couldn't do this anymore. He was understanding of my point because he knew what it was, but he would still text from time to time to see if I was weak..if I wanted to come on over for a bone. That's all it was. It's hard to not get attached, and to confuse passion for something else. You have to eventually let it go, when you get attached to it. For your own health. I still look back on our relationship sometimes, but I can see it for what it was...a purely physical and sexual connection that would never lead to anything and was too risky for me to stay in. What if I got pregnant? He wasn't invested in me...what if I got an Std from him always fooling around? not worth it. Phase him out of your life and you will get the whole package. A guy you are crazy about that loves you.
Confusioncreepsin Posted November 13, 2015 Posted November 13, 2015 Sounds like you got emotionally attached, while he was just physically attached/attracted. Trust your gut feeling, if it is not something that makes you feel happy and complete, then move it further out from you. You sound like you want to be with someone that is on your level emotionally and the physical is a perk rather than the foundation. For example, I would not want one or the other since I need both to be complete. Trust your decision, and push this guy away from you. If he wants to be with you the way you desire, he will do anything to meet your needs.
Author Malexandria Posted November 13, 2015 Author Posted November 13, 2015 Thank you all. I will keep all your answers just in case I doubt again <3
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