flower2 Posted May 25, 2005 Posted May 25, 2005 Do you believe while a person thinks of the other person very much, the other person will feel him/her in a certain way? It is told, in this universe, any energy will be returned. Please think about this situation which I am having: I am in deep love with my instrutor, and I think that he feels the same way. But obviously, we can not be together temporarily , because there is a rule that an instructor can not date a student in the school. Do you think that true love is persistent? Therefore, he will wait for me even though we don't keep close in touch? Btw, do you believe in true love?
crazy_grl Posted May 25, 2005 Posted May 25, 2005 I believe that in most movies, true love does not exist. True lust does though. In real life, most people mistake their true lust for true love. True love does exist, but it takes work and it isn't like it is in the movies. I'm curious whether you've talked to your instructor in a serious discussion that led you to believe he feels the same or if you're just living in fantasy land thinking that something like him smiling at you means he's in love.
blind_otter Posted May 25, 2005 Posted May 25, 2005 I don't really know what your definition of "true love" is - I mean you can love someone like a friend, or be fond of them or whatever. But I don't believe in "true love", no. And I also think that if you think about someone they can feel you stuff is a load of complete and utter poppycock. Nonsense. There have been many cases (documented here on LS) - where someone has a huge crush that is never returned or reciprocated. How do you explain THAT? I've felt many times, in the arms of a man after we f***ed, his tender caress - that he is mistaking lust for love. And it's a common problem. In the west we have an idealized version of love that after going through trials and tribulations together usually proves less than functional.
st8toftheheart Posted May 25, 2005 Posted May 25, 2005 Originally posted by crazy_grl In real life, most people mistake their true lust for true love. True love does exist, but it takes work and it isn't like it is in the movies. Ahem to that.
HokeyReligions Posted May 25, 2005 Posted May 25, 2005 A movie is nothing more than a person's idealized projection of their fantasy version of 'true love' and it's not a guidepost or teaching aid. 'True Love' is subjective. What may constitute a love that is true for one person, may not for another. People can 'feel' each other in many ways. We used to call it 'chemistry'. I knew when I first met my husband that there was something between us. I 'felt' it and, as it turned out, he did too. Part of it was lust, but part of it wasn't and after dating for a couple of years we married and have been together over 20 years now. It does exist, but like another poster said: people mistake their true lust for true love We were fortunate enough to recognize and separate the lust from the love before we made a commitment to each other. Have you talked to your instructor? You should at least do that and find out if he wants to wait for you to graduate and be free to date him. If he says no, then you have your answer and you can move on.
flower2 Posted May 25, 2005 Posted May 25, 2005 Thank all of you. Actually, we haven't talked about love this subject openly. But the way you felt is being in love. Many things, we don't have to tell each other, but you can feel. Especially this "love" thing, I hate the way that two of them keep talking about "love" in their months all the time. Ture love does not need to tell. Just like you will never doubt about your parents' love. I prefer this kind of love that you "show" don't "tell." I think I have showed my love enough to him, so did him. On the other hand, our love just started. One interesting question. If one person brings you a very nice/ expensive gift from her trip. Usually what will you think of this gift after you receive it. More affection or more appreciation? Btw, I like that "true lust is more often than true love."
crazy_grl Posted May 25, 2005 Posted May 25, 2005 Originally posted by readmore Thank all of you. Actually, we haven't talked about love this subject openly. But the way you felt is being in love. Many things, we don't have to tell each other, but you can feel. Especially this "love" thing, I hate the way that two of them keep talking about "love" in their months all the time. Ture love does not need to tell. Just like you will never doubt about your parents' love. I prefer this kind of love that you "show" don't "tell." I think I have showed my love enough to him, so did him. On the other hand, our love just started. A while back, I would have agreed with you that you can feel love and don't need to talk about it. But if you don't talk about it, you can make yourself crazy wondering if the other person feels the same way. You don't have to tell the person every 10 minutes that you love them, but it is a good idea to have at least one talk to establish how both of you feel and make sure you're on the same page. You have to talk to him about whether he will wait for you. If you don't have the kind of relationship where you can talk to him about this, then it is not worth waiting for. I can't really give you any more advice not knowing what he's done that makes you think he feels the same way. One interesting question. If one person brings you a very nice/ expensive gift from her trip. Usually what will you think of this gift after you receive it. More affection or more appreciation? If someone brought me back an nice, expensive gift, I would be flattered. But it would be no different than if they brought me a nice, cheap gift. It would show that he had thought of me on the trip. It really is the thought that counts not the value of the gift. Years ago, a guy brought me back an arrowhead that probably cost only a few bucks. I love it and thought it was very sweet, and I still have it to this day.
crazy_grl Posted May 26, 2005 Posted May 26, 2005 Ok, I just saw your other posts about your instructor, and my initial suspicions were right. I think you need a wake-up call and a dose of reality. It'll make things easier for you if you learn this now instead of later. I feel for you because I know how hard this can be to understand, but you're not in love with this guy. You're infatuated with him. You don't even know him, and haven't even talked to him. You're in love with a fantasy of him. He could kill puppies for fun in his spare time and you wouldn't know it because you've only ever seen him as the instructor at the front of your class. He could be a drunk, have a wife that he never talks about and doesn't wear his wedding ring because he cheats on her. He could be a good guy who's everything you ever wanted, but he could just as easily not be. You don't know him! The signs that show you that he feels the same way do not mean he's in love with you. Like him making eye contact with at you after class. That is simply a polite thing to do. He *might* be attracted to you, but that's a far cry from being in love. You can't love someone you've never once had an intimate conversation with. No, he's not going to wait for you, because he doesn't even know you. You emailed him and he didn't email back probably because he's not interested. You have to accept that and get over it. Either approach him and ask him out for coffee or something innocent that he wouldn't get in trouble for or leave him alone. You seem to be so far into a fantasy world that I doubt any of this will get through, but at least I tried.
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