TheArtist Posted November 12, 2015 Posted November 12, 2015 My LDR girlfriend of six months suddenly stopped replying to Facebook messages, which was really unusual because that was our primary method of communication (obviously we did talk on the phone and meet up too!). That dreaded SEEN notification. Bleugh. I tried everything for the best part of a month to get her to communicate what was wrong but I got very little in response save for the occasional yes/no answer. We were great together for so long but something just stopped. She's still active on Facebook every day so she's not dead or anything. I don't think. Anyway that was about three weeks ago and I haven't bothered contacting her since. I'm assuming I've been ghosted. My question is that if that happened to you and your ex-boyfriend/girlfriend came back asking for a favour or to get back together, what would you do? Forgive or ignore?
jen1447 Posted November 12, 2015 Posted November 12, 2015 Reply only occasionally with a yes or no answer. Srsly that's one of the most rotten things you can do to somebody (assuming things really were as you say they were - no offense but sometimes they're not), so after having been treated like that you owe her absolutely nothing. That's what she gave you. Also if you agreed to get back together after having been pooped on like that it'd be tacit permission for her to treat you like garbage moving forward. 9
Gloria25 Posted November 13, 2015 Posted November 13, 2015 From what you described I wouldn't forgive her. I know some people dread the difficult break up chat, but she's LDR so it's not like she's gonna run into you at the mall or you're gonna throw a girly temper tantrum. She can text, leave you a voicemail, etc. I fade/ghost on some people I have little invested in...like one date. But really, maybe cuz you're LDR she felt she had little invested in this. LDRs lack the ability to really bond - unless that bond was there before you LDRd and this is a temporary separation (like military service). Me personally, I didn't give the people that faded on me a chance back unless they had no ill will. Like dude I got ghosted on recently. I have my moments I think he's just scared to have "the talk" cuz he barely could speak to me when we were cool...we both were/are making each other nervous... But I have my moments where I think he's playing games and/or wants to keep that door open to come back into my life with some excuse like he didn't hear me at his doorstep...upon which after slapping him I may, may, allow him an opportunity to redeem himself. But overall, I still think fading/ghosting is rude and immature. I've had guys who were polite and simply say that they weren't interested and/or why and I've done the same. It leaves you feeling good....but when someone disses you, you can't help to wonder WTH and be pissed. 3
DrReplyInRhymes Posted November 13, 2015 Posted November 13, 2015 But I have my moments where I think he's playing games and/or wants to keep that door open to come back into my life with some excuse like he didn't hear me at his doorstep... I'm not sure what the situation was, but did you give him a shout? Maybe he was playing games with headphones, or he was passed out?
Gloria25 Posted November 13, 2015 Posted November 13, 2015 I'm not sure what the situation was, but did you give him a shout? Maybe he was playing games with headphones, or he was passed out? Great, thanks for giving him some excuses to use if he tries to ever speak to me again I think he heard me...but he can smell when I wanna talk something serious with him. But when I talk to him it's like he doesn't hear me and that's me talking face to face.
Samhain Posted November 13, 2015 Posted November 13, 2015 Seriously? never give anyone who has "ghosted" you a second chance. Not only does it show they have zero respect for you to start with but if you give it a second run, they will for sure know they don't have to respect you at all. If somebody likes you enough they won't do that. And liking you enough to respect you doesn't grow over time when you have shown you will accept being walked all over. Let him/her go and find someone who knows how to treat people. Just disappearing and ignoring for no reason at all is beyond crappy, and it's easier to get out now than to fall victim to it when you're more emotionally invested and kick yourself because you had a chance to retreat when the damage to your heart would have been less so. 4
gaius Posted November 13, 2015 Posted November 13, 2015 Never lovers, but I've had that happen with friends before. One guy I talked with every day in high school and for years after kicked me off facebook and stopped replying to my messages on steam. At the end of the day that's what they need though for whatever reason, I don't take it personally. You don't have to be bitter but don't restore the relationship to it's previous status either. At the very least for their sake. They might forget why they got rid of you the first time and come back for more so don't let them relapse. 3
DrReplyInRhymes Posted November 13, 2015 Posted November 13, 2015 Great, thanks for giving him some excuses to use if he tries to ever speak to me again I think he heard me...but he can smell when I wanna talk something serious with him. But when I talk to him it's like he doesn't hear me and that's me talking face to face. Is this a blind dog you're talking about? I'm so confused. I'm sorry, I just know that had someone told me to meet them somewhere and then didn't show up, I'd want to get to the bottom of it right then. I didn't mean to give possibilities for you to go back to. 1
aussietigerwolf Posted November 13, 2015 Posted November 13, 2015 Forgive? Yes, have anything further to do with? Hell no. 4
Gloria25 Posted November 13, 2015 Posted November 13, 2015 Is this a blind dog you're talking about? I'm so confused. I'm sorry, I just know that had someone told me to meet them somewhere and then didn't show up, I'd want to get to the bottom of it right then. I didn't mean to give possibilities for you to go back to. Lol...no, I didn't have to meet him somewhere. I just showed up unannounced/uninvited cuz I impulsively want to have the "how do you feel about me and what are we gonna do about it?" convo with him. I also was gonna give him the "I gotta move on, cuz this ain't going anywhere" speech with him, so I guess like the Backstreet Boys song, he didn't wanna have "that" convo
dreamingoftigers Posted November 13, 2015 Posted November 13, 2015 Yes, I did have an ex that "ghosted" we didn't date for a long, long time (about 3 months). He came on very strong at first but seemed to be a lot of fun. We did go out a lot and he was great company. We were both quite young (19) and he was leaving Mormonism, so I thought some of his more spotty behaviour (and not being particularly sexual) was due to that. We, then he just disappeared. I met his twin brother (I worked at a grocery store and he came through, which is how I met my ex) and kind of put the pieces together. His twin told me that he was in the hospital. It turned out that they both had bipolar disorder and J had had a major manic episode and then refused to come out of his washroom for close to a week. His family had committed him until he got over it. Well, it wasn't like we were going to have a relationship LOL. A few months after that, I was working my night job at Dairy Queen and J came by to apologize to me for everything that had happened. He had wanted to talk to me in person, he was very embarrassed and actually had to wait to be allowed in the mall again. Part of his manic issues involved him getting banned from the mall for starting a fight with a group of Asian teens by walking up to them and trying to "speak Chinese" to them. As in, saying nonsense like "Ching Chong Ching." Anyhow, I actually became friends with his twin brother and him over time and would we hang out occasionally with some of my other friends. He attended my wedding. We've lost touch over the years. Usually once a year one or the other of the twins would end up in hospital. I once fished J out of a washroom to take him to the hospital. One night, (I was about 20-21) he came into mine and my roommate's place at midnight or so, and flipped on the TV loudly and started dancing on our coffee table. He had his hair and nails done, decided he was gay and that it was time to party. That was awkward. I tried to kind of talk him out and ended up calling his brother. About 10 mins later his 6'5" father came right in, said nothing, grabbed his son, threw him in a headlock and dragged him to the hospital. From what I have heard J has been relapse-free for over 5 years, his brother has been up and down and one time wrecked a car. Yeah, I forgave him. He had bigger issues than a wrecked short-term dating relationship. 2
DrReplyInRhymes Posted November 13, 2015 Posted November 13, 2015 Lol...no, I didn't have to meet him somewhere. I just showed up unannounced/uninvited cuz I impulsively want to have the "how do you feel about me and what are we gonna do about it?" convo with him. I also was gonna give him the "I gotta move on, cuz this ain't going anywhere" speech with him, so I guess like the Backstreet Boys song, he didn't wanna have "that" convo I wouldn't mind having someone show up unannounced like that...... rambling.. Anyway, sorry to hear he didn't respond the way you wanted. Its OK, maybe another guy will!
DrReplyInRhymes Posted November 13, 2015 Posted November 13, 2015 Yes, I did have an ex that "ghosted" we didn't date for a long, long time (about 3 months). He came on very strong at first but seemed to be a lot of fun. We did go out a lot and he was great company. We were both quite young (19) and he was leaving Mormonism, so I thought some of his more spotty behaviour (and not being particularly sexual) was due to that. We, then he just disappeared. I met his twin brother (I worked at a grocery store and he came through, which is how I met my ex) and kind of put the pieces together. His twin told me that he was in the hospital. It turned out that they both had bipolar disorder and J had had a major manic episode and then refused to come out of his washroom for close to a week. His family had committed him until he got over it. Well, it wasn't like we were going to have a relationship LOL. A few months after that, I was working my night job at Dairy Queen and J came by to apologize to me for everything that had happened. He had wanted to talk to me in person, he was very embarrassed and actually had to wait to be allowed in the mall again. Part of his manic issues involved him getting banned from the mall for starting a fight with a group of Asian teens by walking up to them and trying to "speak Chinese" to them. As in, saying nonsense like "Ching Chong Ching." Anyhow, I actually became friends with his twin brother and him over time and would we hang out occasionally with some of my other friends. He attended my wedding. We've lost touch over the years. Usually once a year one or the other of the twins would end up in hospital. I once fished J out of a washroom to take him to the hospital. One night, (I was about 20-21) he came into mine and my roommate's place at midnight or so, and flipped on the TV loudly and started dancing on our coffee table. He had his hair and nails done, decided he was gay and that it was time to party. That was awkward. I tried to kind of talk him out and ended up calling his brother. About 10 mins later his 6'5" father came right in, said nothing, grabbed his son, threw him in a headlock and dragged him to the hospital. From what I have heard J has been relapse-free for over 5 years, his brother has been up and down and one time wrecked a car. Yeah, I forgave him. He had bigger issues than a wrecked short-term dating relationship. Holy ****. Wow. 1
Vilgefoz Posted November 13, 2015 Posted November 13, 2015 My LDR girlfriend of six months suddenly stopped replying to Facebook messages, which was really unusual because that was our primary method of communication (obviously we did talk on the phone and meet up too!). That dreaded SEEN notification. Bleugh. I tried everything for the best part of a month to get her to communicate what was wrong but I got very little in response save for the occasional yes/no answer. We were great together for so long but something just stopped. She's still active on Facebook every day so she's not dead or anything. I don't think. Anyway that was about three weeks ago and I haven't bothered contacting her since. I'm assuming I've been ghosted. My question is that if that happened to you and your ex-boyfriend/girlfriend came back asking for a favour or to get back together, what would you do? Forgive or ignore? well, in my country we say "Zide z oci, zide z mysle" which could be translated as "you don't miss what you don't see". I have a lot of friends that I don't talk with for a year or more but we still remain friends, our life paths are just not crossed as they used to be... What it comes to women, I don't know. personally, I would not be angry on woman who simply starter to prefer people around her from person on Facebook. Sha's got some other guys, most likely. I would do the same. Maybe?
Author TheArtist Posted November 14, 2015 Author Posted November 14, 2015 "Zide z oci, zide z mysle" which could be translated as "you don't miss what you don't see". I like that one!
craw Posted November 14, 2015 Posted November 14, 2015 Can you post what language that is? Some of us are not linguists.
Wewon Posted November 14, 2015 Posted November 14, 2015 My LDR girlfriend of six months suddenly stopped replying to Facebook messages, which was really unusual because that was our primary method of communication (obviously we did talk on the phone and meet up too!). That dreaded SEEN notification. Bleugh. I tried everything for the best part of a month to get her to communicate what was wrong but I got very little in response save for the occasional yes/no answer. We were great together for so long but something just stopped. She's still active on Facebook every day so she's not dead or anything. I don't think. Long distance relationships are notoriously hard and this is one of the reasons why. Cutting off a primary line of communication without notice is actually pretty cruel and further deciding not to discuss the issue is even more nasty. I've learned to handle this kind of behavior by assuming a meaning, and in this case I would assume that she no longer wants the relationship and move on. I would block her on facebook so that I would get any conflicting messages as I move on, IOW I would go no-contact. 2
dumbass2 Posted November 15, 2015 Posted November 15, 2015 Ghosting if you are in a relationship with someone (romantic or otherwise) who you normally communicate regularly with should not be acceptable. It is extremely rude and tells you a lot about that person. I would not forgive unless it turned out they were in a coma in the hospital. Sometimes there is a possibility that someone does not get a text, but if you text again and try a call and still get nothing? Then it's time to drop that person. To me, ignoring is the most immature and cruel thing you can do to someone, unless it is only a short time because there was a heated argument. 1
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