Who do you talk to (in real life) about your relationship issues?

[MightyPen]

Okay, we obviously all chat on here about relationship issues, and then of course we talk directly with our spouses/partners/boyfriends/girlfriends, but who is your "real life" support system? The person or persons you ask for relationship advice or maybe just to hear you out or bounce ideas off.

 

I direct this question to everyone but I'm especially interested in hearing what other guys say because I think it's harder for guys to find someone willing to lend an ear to such matters.

 

I don't have many...

 

1) my brother is generally cool with talking about things, but he knows my wife so well, it can make it awkward for me to share certain things.

 

2) I have two good buddies who are not in our regular social circle and we see each other monthly. We're starting to talk about issues with our wives/girlfriend and I actually welcome this.

 

3) For a while, the woman I was having an EA with was a huge part of my support system. We shared many intimate secrets and innermost thoughts.

[Timshel]

Sorry.....I'm not a dude Mighty. Honestly, the only person I talk to about my relationship issues with is my boyfriend.....(aaaand the occasional super random LS post. ) My friends are the same.....the only time someone feels the need to speak in depth to me about their SO, it's always super bad, I mean, just about to pull the plug/divorce, need MC bad/bad.

 

Of the people I know, they start talking to others when they have stopped talking to their partner. I suppose not everyone is that way but it's the only pattern I have observed.

[Gloria25]

I mostly come to LS or some other message board...but I don't think I get sound advice cuz I omit important and personal stuff in order to protect my and the people I'm talking about's privacy...and my embarassment.

 

I tried years ago to talk to my therapist, but is just weird bearing out your soul to someone who sees you face to face.

 

I did used to call online advice services and had one or two of them who remembered me and gave me sound advice. I guess I opened up to them better than in-person therapist cuz they don't see me. But it was killing my pocket to call them.

 

I don't ever talk much with my immediate family about my RLs. And, of the few gfs I'd talk about them with, I tell them even less than I do on LS. So no frank/candid chats like on Sex and the City here

[mystikmind2005]

People generally DO NOT enjoy talking about these things face to face.

[RecentChange]

Yeah I tend to keep my problems to myself.

 

When **** hit the fan and I discovered my SO's affair, I did go to my best friend (since childhood) for a shoulder to cry on. But even then I didn't reveal all the details.... I am just too private to let someone else know all my dirt.

 

So, I went to counseling to get things off my chest, bounce ideas.

 

Annnnd when I had an affair and needed to air my dirty laundry, I came here. Absolutely no one in my life (besides the OM) knows anything about it.

[DrReplyInRhymes]

I don't have anyone to talk to about my relationship problems, hence why I post a lot here. Besides, my issues pale in comparison to many others, and by giving advice to other people, I often find the answer to my own dilemmas.

 

I don't need anyone's pity. I want their perspectives.

 

PS - The one time I posted about cheating was due to sleeping with an ex while dating a new girl. I felt terrible and don't think I want to do anything like that ever again.

Edited November 13, 2015 by DrReplyInRhymes

[Male]

I mostly come to LS or some other message board...but I don't think I get sound advice cuz I omit important and personal stuff in order to protect my and the people I'm talking about's privacy...and my embarassment.

 

 

I really dont talk to anyone in person either because most people will just give you BS to make you feel better, rather than actually listening and giving real advice.

 

I also about the lack of sound advice on here. I believe many of the people here are not in touch with "real reality" of how people interact, and how relationships. Too many people on here seem to think just a smile and a positive attitude cures everything. They are always looking to attack the OP and tell them what they are doing wrong, and whats wrong with them, rather than looking at the topic from an unbiased point of view.

[Got it]

I speak to my husband or my best friend and sometimes my mom or sister. I don't tend to talk much to anyone outside of our relationship for mild venting as I think it is disrespectful and I am very cognizent of the impression others can get of the person. So we both work hard to make sure we are being respectful to each other.

 

My husband will speak to me or his childhood best friend and his mom.

 

We haven't had any major issues for quite awhile to need to discuss with anyone that I can think of.

[PrettyEmily77]

I have a great support system IRL - my mum, occasionally my brother's wife, my closest male friend and two very close girl friends I have known for a very long time but whenever I need to talk about anything at all, my BF is the first person I turn to, for almost anything.

 

I have only sought the advice of LSers for a couple of things (when I met my BF and when I was contemplating a LDR) when I thought my support system IRL was too close to give objective advice, or when it's something they have no experience of themselves.

[Haydn]

I have some pretty great mates.

 

A few here have been very helpful and continue to be.

[burnt]

None.

No one.

Not a single person.

Not a single human being.

 

I can't connect to anyone.

I try, and always find a way to alienate myself and push others away--without fully understanding why and how.

 

The ultimate loner.

 

I read, whatever I can find, hoping, to connect to the words of people, since I can't find a way to ever build and hold onto connection to any real person.

 

Wouldn't it be lovely, if I could find one person to hold onto, just to connect, and nothing more, just giving me enough strength to be able to tolerate life?

 

But at this point in my life,

wouldn't it be lovely, if I could just get to the point where I can let go of hope of ever finding hope.

 

It would be a divine sort of comfort

to be able to just

 

open the door to acceptance

and close the door to expectations.

[Haydn]

None.

No one.

Not a single person.

Not a single human being.

 

I can't connect to anyone.

I try, and always find a way to alienate myself and push others away--without fully understanding why and how.

 

The ultimate loner.

 

I read, whatever I can find, hoping, to connect to the words of people, since I can't find a way to ever build and hold onto connection to any real person.

 

Wouldn't it be lovely, if I could find one person to hold onto, just to connect, and nothing more, just giving me enough strength to be able to tolerate life?

 

But at this point in my life,

wouldn't it be lovely, if I could just get to the point where I can let go of hope of ever finding hope.

 

It would be a divine sort of comfort

to be able to just

 

open the door to acceptance

and close the door to expectations.

 

You are here and it`s a start:)

[Michelle ma Belle]

I'm really bad at reaching out for help. Mostly because I hate feeling like I'm burdening someone with my troubles when they've got their own which is why I probably have my therapist to thank the most for being my greatest resource in dealing with almost every aspect of my life over the 15 years that I've been seeing her.

 

Having said that, I am very lucky to have a great support system if/when I choose to reach for it that includes my two best girlfriends and my mother. They all know very intimate details (some more than others of course) about my life and have been wonderful sounding boards and great sources of wisdom when I've needed it most.

[Eternal Sunshine]

My online friend of over 5 years. She gets my unfiltered thoughts, some very dark stuff, and she never judges me.

 

My mum, when s$it really hits the fan. She will listen to me for many hours but often her advice is a little biased. She thinks I am always right, everyone is jealous of me etc etc

 

My brother to some extent and even my dad.

 

Bits and pieces with a friend that is also a psychologist.

 

But really, my family is my rock in RL and I am so grateful to have them :love:

[MightyPen]

What is striking to me is that these days we have SOOOO many ways to communicate with other human beings, but most of us still find it really hard to talk with others about the things that really matter, whether it be because of a lack of trusted listeners or our own resistance to share intimate details.

 

I thought I was somewhat alone in feeling I had limited avenues to share my personal problems. I really appreciate the people on this site who will be honest with posters but who also understand that being honest with a stranger on the internet (a stranger looking for advice, mind you!) doesn't give him/her a license to be rude or hurtful.

 

And burnt, you have a fabulous avatar! That's a good start as well. You know from our conversation in the other thread that I'm always willing to listen.

Edited November 13, 2015 by MightyPen

[ASG]

At this moment I have 3 people I talk to about most of my dating woes. They also hear about relationships, but usually when those are going well, they hear less about it.

 

Those 3 people are friends, not family. 1 guy, 2 girls. They are my closest friends at the moment.

[Toodaloo]

I tend to post to get an outside perspective.

 

Also I don't want people close to me judging or creating an issue in their heads over things that I may just be being silly about.

 

I talk to my two best girlfriends when they are able to chat. I talk a bit to my Mum.

 

Sometimes I don't talk at all until I am ready. So I may have concerns and issues that I just keep to myself.

 

Most people in real life still have no clue why my ex and I split up. I prefer to keep it that way.

 

My best friend in America still doesn't know that the last time I went to see her was because I had died and wasn't expected to live long enough to see her again... I quietly mentioned it once but she didn't hear it or didn't want to hear it.

[Samhain]

I talk to my dog. He's a damn good listener... Sometimes I wonder what he'd say back if dogs could talk though...

[ltjg45]

I really don't have anyone to talk to concerning my relationship issues outside of here.

 

My mother doesn't have any advice because the 2 guys she got intimate with ended up both being pieces of male trash so she has no clue where to start when it comes to building a successful relationship.

 

My brothers doesn't know either since my oldest is like me: has no desire to approach women. He loves his porn though. The only brother who does go after women already got 1 kid, may have 2, and is just juggling whatever ones he gets. Also not what I need romantically.

 

My supervisors at work has taken a small interest in it but I feel I can't take their advice too seriously because they are responding based on what they see my situation as and not from my point of view. They get me ideas that sounds great on paper but I need money for and I clearly don't have any money to make use of them.

 

I certainly don't have any friends since I have yet to find one that I can truly trust. Either that or they are too weird for me to fully rely on them anyway.

 

So I am just out there on my own. This is the only place I can get any assistance from outside of just searching around the internet and that advice also goes back to the issue with my supervisors: you need some disposable income to make use of and I just don't have it.

[Art_Critic]

My Mom.....

[Timshel]

None.

No one.

Not a single person.

Not a single human being.

 

I can't connect to anyone.

I try, and always find a way to alienate myself and push others away--without fully understanding why and how.

 

The ultimate loner.

 

I read, whatever I can find, hoping, to connect to the words of people, since I can't find a way to ever build and hold onto connection to any real person.

 

Wouldn't it be lovely, if I could find one person to hold onto, just to connect, and nothing more, just giving me enough strength to be able to tolerate life?

 

But at this point in my life,

wouldn't it be lovely, if I could just get to the point where I can let go of hope of ever finding hope.

 

It would be a divine sort of comfort

to be able to just

 

open the door to acceptance

and close the door to expectations.

 

I think you are very intelligent. I read a post of yours in another thread and was so intrigued, I read them all. You have a lovely way with words and are quite compelling. Really. I'm glad you're here.

[Timshel]

(((Toodles)))........

[Toodaloo]

(((Toodles)))........

 

I am cool Tim.

 

If I want a hug I get one.

 

Sometimes I just don't want people to worry.

 

Didn't tell anyone at all I was being stalked until it was over... Then the swine started up again and I screamed from the rooftops!!!

 

Depends really. Sometimes I like to just work it out myself.

[burnt]

You are here and it`s a start:)

 

Hi Haydn,

Thank you; yes, it IS some sort of 'start' I suppose. Thank you for reading and commenting.

[burnt]

I think you are very intelligent. I read a post of yours in another thread and was so intrigued, I read them all. You have a lovely way with words and are quite compelling. Really. I'm glad you're here.

 

Hi Timshel,

thank you; you're very kind and thank you for your very sweet words.

 

When there's no real person physically in front of me to hear my words, 'writing' is starting to seem like a relatively healthy channel to to let out cooped up thoughts.

 

Thank you for reading.