Don't want to go on

[Deepdale]

Hi, I need some help, I feel like I cannot go on..

 

I've just been dumped by my girlfriend if three years...

It was only 2 weeks ago we were looking at buying a house together...

I've been struggling in this long distance relationship for years. When we first got together, she threw herself into the relationship, she wanted us to move in together after about 4 months. I couldn't commit to her, cos I'd been hurt in a previous relationship, and didn't want to leave myself vulnerable again. So, I persuaded her to live with me.

While she was living with me, her commute was only just feasible, it caused a lot of problems, she literally travelling 3 hours a day, and I didn't know how much it upset her because she wouldn't talk to me.

The relationship broke down, and one day she told me she was going to stay with a friend to look after her pet. In that time she finishes with me and uses the Base at her friends to set herself up with her own pad.

Being so close, it didn't take long for us to get back together. I listened and supported her in moving back and setting up up closer to work.

Since then, for the next 2 years we've been doing long distance.

In all that time, my place has been haunted by when she lived here, I've missed her so much in the week, and we've done what we can to spend time together, spending every weekend and often a day in the week together. I've literally been unable to build my life due to this, since I was either working or travelling, and all my friends here are settled with kids making a social life very difficult.

I've been waiting and waiting for the chance to live with her again. All the time she's been reluctant due to what happened before when we lived together, the stress.

About 2 months ago I finally had a break through, we started looking at places to live. I'd given her my utmost commitment since she had insecurities, and managed to save a deposit for a house in that time.

So we started looking at flats to rent in a place we could both commute from, offered her my car to use.

Then I started to worry about not getting on the housing ladder, cos of my age, so I said why don't I buy somewhere. Anyway, so she agreed, she even started booking viewing etc, we viewed together, etc.

I put my heart and soul into commitment to her, like she was my wife. Then the crunch came, I just asked her are you sure this is what you want. I'm going to buy a house for us,and she bottles it, my stress about it and the pressure seemed to scare her, whereas I expected reassurance... We false out a bit..however next she goes thru my phone....

My ex had texted me that she still loves me and I had that text on my phone, even tho my gf could see if replied and said I didn't want to ever meet her again.

My gf also finds a dating app on my phone and finds a message from 2 years ago (while I was not sure about commitment in the early days) yet it was only a hello. I'd forgotten to delete the app...

 

So now she's dumped me, just as a few days ago we had these dreams of a house and kids (she wanted to start trying for kids in 6 months).

 

She says now she needs some space and its over. However always says we will chat again soon just needs lots of space.

Given her age 34 and fertility, and my age 38, this feels like the end of mine and her chances of ever having kids.. The dreams we'd planned shattered...

This pair is unbearable, I've been waiting so long for this chance. When I go back to my place it feels haunted by her, I almost can't go there. I feel paralysed at the thought of moving out, since I'll be buying a house alone... And I literally have no life where I live, since for 2 years my life has been commuting to and from hers or working.

This pain is hurts so much, while she keeps me in limbo, asking for some space. I literally can't eat, focus on anything... My dreams wiped out just like that...

[Silver_star]

Sorry you are going through the pain. It will hurt less as time goes on. It will be tough for a while, but you are not alone. Go NC, and give her the space she has requested to do whatever it is she needs to do. Whatever she needs to do, she feels she needs to do it without you.

 

You say you have no life where you live. So go build a life.

You can still have a life that makes you happy. The world keeps turning, and life doesn't stop. Go seek things that make YOU happy. Don't let her be the only source of your joy. You can still have kids one day.