jen1447 Posted November 20, 2015 Posted November 20, 2015 Need your opinions on this please: I have been thinking about why I want them to know about me in the first place. Other than the obvious reasons, I realized it's also because I want them to know about me just to know that I exist, that things are different now, that there is someone in his life now... and by extension for ex-wife to realize that also. Is that selfish and insecure? It's just feels like there's something fundamentally wrong with them treating him like they are still married, and his ex-wife still referring to herself as his wife and him as her husband. It doesn't really bother me because that's her issues, but it does bother me that it feels like by not telling them about me, we are lying to them, almost. What do you guys think? I don't mean to try to tell you your own mind but I think the desire to be known is simple personal validation. You're a person, you're in this position with this other person, that should be acknowledged. It's not asking a lot, and the alternative is kind of a denial of your ....existence? Maybe not so dramatic but it's certainly not terribly flattering or respectful to be a regular person flying under the radar for no good reason. (You're not having an affair, you're not an 'embarrassment,' etc.) So the lie here is actually kind of an indirect invalidation of you. That's what hurts.
sandylee1 Posted November 20, 2015 Posted November 20, 2015 At this stage he's not disclosing your relationship to them as it's none of their business. I've tried asking my ex sister in law if she's dating and she's never forthcoming. I think she finds it uncomfortable as she's no longer married to my brother. That's okay...but I was just trying to be friendly as we were very close. Thinking about it. ...if me and my husband divorced..... I wouldn't discuss my new man with them. It would feel uncomfortable TBH. As long as you don't have to sneak around when you go out.... then it's fine. They'll know about you when they need to. You don't know how many women he's dated since the divorce and I'm sure he wouldn't want them to know about every one. Put it this way... my friend said she wouldn't introduce anyone to her kids or make it known to the Ex inlaws, unless she was planning to marry the guy (after a proposal of course) She didn't feel there was any point unless the guy was going to be around for good/long term. Just don't sit at home all lonely when he's out or when you're not seeing him. Don't keep your social plans a secret from him, just casually mention that your off to the movies or whatever. Don't let him think you're waiting around for him on the days you don't see each other. Keep yourself looking like an interesting woman to be with.
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