juju913 Posted November 12, 2015 Posted November 12, 2015 I'm going to be 100 percent real about this situation I need some help me and my BM have 3 kids together and own a house together we been broken up for about 7 months and I want her back bad we were together for 10 plus year and I never show her love i physically an emotional abuser her I never told her I loved her but but I would alway be there for her when something in her life was messed up I cheated and did whatever I wanted I was immature and stupid my dad died and a week later we had a fight so I left to get my head right I try to come back about 3 weeks later and she wasn't having it i been begging her for the last 7 months to give me another chance that I have change I really do love her with all my heart and soul and I'm sorry for what I did in the past I can't eat sleep I just think about her she moved out of the house that we own so I took it over I know she messed up from everything I did to her and I feel like **** just thinking about all the stuff I did she don't want to talk to me or text me only about the kids I know I messed up but I wish I could get one more chance to make everything right for me her and my kids she tells me she don't love me anymore and don't want to talk about us it's hard to not wanna talk to her or text her cuase I do love her but there nothing I can do at this point but to just leave her go and hope she comes back but I don't think so it suck I wish I would have been the man I am today mabe we would still be together please can I get any advice on my situation
almond Posted November 12, 2015 Posted November 12, 2015 You disrespected this woman in ways you'll never quite understand. You physically and emotionally abused her, and you cheated on her. You neglected her and damaged her as well as your children. Thank goodness she is not taking you back. You should be thankful - one of you has finally found the strength to save your children from such a horrible, toxic environment. One of you has finally put the children's needs before your own. You don't want her back to help her or your children - you want her back because YOU want it. For once in your life...stop being so damn selfish. She's gone. Respect her wishes. The absolute best thing you can do now is get your sh*t together and become a healthy, stable individual so that you can parent your kids properly and not cause any more damage. Get professional help, and commit yourself to getting better. You are not fit to be a partner. You are not fit to be a parent. You need to get yourself to the point where you are these things. It's definitely doable, but it will be hard work. Get your mental state and life to a good place...for your children, and for yourself. 3
basil67 Posted November 12, 2015 Posted November 12, 2015 Glad to know you realise there's nothing you can do to fix this. However, you can make things better for future relationships. So, I ask you: what have you done to re-learn your dysfunctional behaviour? Going to night school and learning punctuation wouldn't be a bad thing either. 1
Author juju913 Posted November 12, 2015 Author Posted November 12, 2015 Look there no excuse for what I did to her I'm 28 we been together since we were 16 I never knew how to love I understand I deserve to get trashed for what I did but I'm only human we make mistake I was a d**k I have seek out professional help for me and my kids I'm a great dad there no denying that I was just a piece of trash boyfriend who finally understands the meaning of love i promise my self that I would never physically or emotionally abused another woman in my life I have a daughter and I wouldn't want somebody to be like that to her I'm truly sorry to my kids and baby mother
almond Posted November 12, 2015 Posted November 12, 2015 It's good that you're sorry, but it's easy to say now that you won't abuse anyone again. You couldn't help yourself before, and without some serious work and help, you'll probably repeat the same thing. Your behaviour is very concerning and is far from normal. "Everyone makes mistakes" just doesn't cut it in this situation I'm afraid. Your relatively young age doesn't mean a thing either - the large majority of men do not beat up their girlfriends. It's a serious problem, and you should be worried for yourself. I'm very glad that you agree that you need to get professional help. Do this, and do it immediately. A good father does not abuse the mother of his children in their home. A good father doesn't break the other parent down to the point where they cannot be a good mother to the children. You did this. You need to get to the root of your own issues and demons, and work through them before hurt yourself or others again. Stop trying to get her back. Focus on yourself and your children now. You have a hell of a lot of work to do...so I'd suggest you get started. 1
mystikmind2005 Posted November 13, 2015 Posted November 13, 2015 Your emotions are using you as a play thing, a puppet on strings. First they tell you to be abusive, so you are abusive, then they tell you to leave, so you leave, now they tell you to be all upset its over. Emotions are like the wind blowing this way and that. What fool chases after the wind? Way too many people sadly. 1
mystikmind2005 Posted November 13, 2015 Posted November 13, 2015 Watch this short motivational video: 3
DrReplyInRhymes Posted November 13, 2015 Posted November 13, 2015 We live a life where you must bear consequences for your decisions, As much as you love her, you must let her go, and honor that division, If she loves you, she will return, in due time or never at all, only time will tell, Until then, quit being a pussy, oh and welcome to hell. 3
DrReplyInRhymes Posted November 13, 2015 Posted November 13, 2015 Watch this short motivational video: This was amazing. I think I'm going to favorite this.
mystikmind2005 Posted November 13, 2015 Posted November 13, 2015 This was amazing. I think I'm going to favorite this. Glad you like it My ex moved out last January. I decided to see what i can learn from my mistakes, and study all these things on the internet, relationships, emotions, moving on etc etc. I used to think i was a reasonably intelligent man, but when i started researching all these things on the internet, i was truly shocked by how ignorant i was! (still am but much less so). Things happen in life, and things happen that you cannot control, but you know what, you can ALWAYS control how you respond to it, that is the secret 3
TexasMan68 Posted November 13, 2015 Posted November 13, 2015 My advice first is to use periods in your sentences, it makes it less painful to read. Second enroll at your local junior college and learn how to not speak ghetto talk. Third buy condoms and use them every time you have sex. The last thing this world needs is more kids with absent POS fathers who don't take responsibility or pay child support to their "baby mommas". You are supporting these kids financially right?
dreamingoftigers Posted November 13, 2015 Posted November 13, 2015 okay. The question you asked is how to put your family back together again: 1. It is virtually impossible To have a stable family relationship if both partners aren't healthy. The amount of pressure, abuse and outlandish conditions placed on the mother of your children would make this nothing short of extremely difficult. So, the focus would have to be on you being a healthy person, father and then partner. I suggest reading "The Verbally Abusive Relationship" to examine what you brought to your partner and children. What they saw, what they felt. My husband was also a cheater that would disappear. Last year he disappeared long enough for me to get over the fear of him being Dead or injured. Sick enough of being treated like a disposable piece of trash. And tired of hearing my little girl ask where Daddy was and leave him messages on his phone that he didn't respond to. He went long enough for me not to care. So until he went to recovery and not just said " Oh I've changed pretty please and by the way you aren't perfect either." And actually started SUPPORTING our daughter instead of disappearing and getting loaded, then blaming me for it........ Not an effing chance would I have let him fart in the general direction of this house. So, in the last seven months after disappearing, what do you have to offer your family? Have you gone to counseling? Done any group work, even read a book on the subject? Or are you wailing to your partner about wanting to be home because its more convenient FOR YOU? What's in it for them to bring you home? She sees the possibility of more poor treatment. And clearly she's sick of a guy with low self-control. Change that, do more than just "talk about changing" and you might have half a rat's chance. And sure, my husband was a fun, sweet, involved Dad when he wasn't taking off. That made it hard for my daughter to attach to him and then he'd just be gone God knows where. That alone doesn't buy you a ticket home. Clearly by now you've discovered that there are no "magic words" you can impress her with. She's probably heard it all, except for empathy from you toward her. The Verbally Abusive Relationship. Read it.
dreamingoftigers Posted November 13, 2015 Posted November 13, 2015 By the way, are you dating / have been dating someone else while "begging her back" the last seven months? Because that shows an overall lack of being able to be taken seriously.
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