edgygirl Posted November 12, 2015 Posted November 12, 2015 I went on a date with this guy, early 40s, extremely stressful professional life, he seems successful, etc. But he did something so weird for a first date. He excused himself in the middle of dinner... to go smoke weed downstairs (we were in a fancy schmancy boutique hotel restaurant). He said he "needed to relax" from the stressful day. Uh... okay? Honestly I am not a conservative person, I don't even care if someone smokes as long as it's not a total pothead and he has his life together. But... isn't it one of the weirdest things someone can do on a first date? I am trying to figure out what the mental process was. Was he thinking in the lines of "let's put it all out there, and if the person cannot accept it, better to let it go". I don't really get where he was coming from, found it one of the weirdest things to happen on a first date. Thoughts? 1
RecentChange Posted November 12, 2015 Posted November 12, 2015 (edited) That's .....pretty weird. I am a pot smoker, some of my friends are pot smokers. For the most part we are all "successful" professionals, and any pot smoking is essentially kept in the closet. Only to my closest friends would I admit to sneaking off for a "smoking break" and NEVER would that be acceptable in the middle of dinner, let alone at a nice place, or on a date! (But occasionally when out drinking with friends). It would be a red flag to me that he was jonesing for some weed so hard that he couldn't wait until after the dinner date. People can and do become quite dependant on weed. It's one thing to use it as a bit of recreation, another to use it as a crutch which they can't cope without. How did you feel about him otherwise? If I liked someine, and they pulled that odd move - I would probably razz them about it and ask what it was about. Edited November 12, 2015 by RecentChange 2
Author edgygirl Posted November 12, 2015 Author Posted November 12, 2015 Interesting. I never got addicted to anything, so I am not sure how it feels. Do you think it means he might be so addicted he can't even wait 1/2 hour? Wouldn't that be strange, being it is simply... pot? I thought it didn't create such strong urges that can't be controlled as other substances do. I was a little flabbergasted indeed. That's .....pretty weird. I am a pot smoker, some of my friends are pot smokers. For the most part we are all "successful" professionals, and any pot smoking is essentially kept in the closet. Only to my closest friends would I admit to sneaking off for a "smoking break" and NEVER would that be acceptable in the middle of dinner, let alone at a nice place, or on a date! (But occasionally when out drinking with friends). It would be a red flag to me that he was jonesing for some weed so hard that he couldn't wait until after the dinner date.
loveweary11 Posted November 12, 2015 Posted November 12, 2015 He's 100% an addict. I know people who are addicted to weed. I had also thought it wasn't possible but there are many people addicted to it. I have a very close friend that can't go a few hours without it too. I started a thread here called, " can you be addicted to pot?" in my disbelief...
RecentChange Posted November 12, 2015 Posted November 12, 2015 Well, weed can be habbit forming for sure. Addiction is often associated with physical addiction, which it doesnt cause (unlike nicotine or alcohol for example). But it most certainly can be used as a crutch / developed habbit. I would argue before a cigarette smoker becomes physically addicted, they initially develope the habbit, seeking the relaxing, and other qualities of the drug. Just like there are habitual drinkers, who just MUST have that drink after a long day, yet probably not addicted to the extent that they would get the DTs should they not drink. He said he had to smoke because he had a stressful day. So really?! He can't cope with that stress sober, and simply must indulge in some weed before he could make it through a date? I think I would find it off putting if someone just HAD to have any substance be it weed, alcohol, cigarettes etc. I guess is a need vs. want thing to me, and telling where that substance takes priority to them.
TheBathWater Posted November 12, 2015 Posted November 12, 2015 How bizarre. Like others said, it's unusual he couldn't delay it until later. I don't know how I would feel about that.
jen1447 Posted November 12, 2015 Posted November 12, 2015 It would be a red flag to me that he was jonesing for some weed so hard that he couldn't wait until after the dinner date. My thought too. Sometimes ppl who get too hooked on whatever can lose sight of how odd their behavior might appear to others. (Think regular smokers who dash outside in the middle of a conversation or whatevs to burn one.)
lgspot Posted November 12, 2015 Posted November 12, 2015 I went on a date with this guy, early 40s, extremely stressful professional life, he seems successful, etc. But he did something so weird for a first date. He excused himself in the middle of dinner... to go smoke weed downstairs (we were in a fancy schmancy boutique hotel restaurant). He said he "needed to relax" from the stressful day. Uh... okay? Honestly I am not a conservative person, I don't even care if someone smokes as long as it's not a total pothead and he has his life together. But... isn't it one of the weirdest things someone can do on a first date? I am trying to figure out what the mental process was. Was he thinking in the lines of "let's put it all out there, and if the person cannot accept it, better to let it go". I don't really get where he was coming from, found it one of the weirdest things to happen on a first date. Thoughts? Giant Red Flag! Run!!! 3
smackie9 Posted November 12, 2015 Posted November 12, 2015 My ex couldn't do anything without blowin a rocket....the before dinner joint, the morning joint, the doob before cutting the lawn, etc. What your date did isn't weird....it's totally normal for him and others who smoke....well the weed smokers I know......hell I live in BC, prob 60% of the population smokes weed. Now you have to ask yourself, is this the type of person you see yourself dating for the long term, the one you take to family dinners, friend's weddings, dinner parties, etc?
ExpatInItaly Posted November 12, 2015 Posted November 12, 2015 I would not go on a second date with this guy. 3
Omei Posted November 12, 2015 Posted November 12, 2015 Op I doubt hes addicted but dependent. I am a pothead myself, last night I went out for dinner with my cousin and as soon as we got outside I lit up. I smoke as regularly as a cigarette smoker and by his actions I am assuming he does too. He can smoke and still have his life together. I smoke every two hours and work a full time governmental job and upkeep a home on my own. While its a little odd he went mid convo perhaps he was really stressed and nervous it does help with that but you would think you would just smoke prior. But hes a big time smoker OP hes obviously not once in the blue he does it everyday prob like me every few hours. You'll have to decided if you can be with someone like that.
Art_Critic Posted November 12, 2015 Posted November 12, 2015 I don't even care if someone smokes as long as it's not a total pothead and he has his life together. 1 out of 2 isn't bad Unless you want your life to revolve around getting high and when to get high next I would suggest not going further with him. If he needs to be destressed in the MIDDLE of dinner from his day I would take that as an insult.. being on a date with a beautiful woman should be a total destressor..IMO... not everyone can be a good fit...next.... 2
Author edgygirl Posted November 12, 2015 Author Posted November 12, 2015 I agree with most of you... it seemed a little too much. There must be something with lawyers and the need to get high. It was the same with the last guy I dated, but other substances. Honestly it wore me out a bit back then. Surprisingly I was not insulted, I mean, it's HIS problem here, it has nothing to do with me per se. I actually laughed inside at the absurdity of the situation. He seemed a little tense in general, trying to prove to me how successful he was, I even told him he could stop trying to prove things, relax and just be himself He's a nice guy though. Let's see what happens. 1 out of 2 isn't bad Unless you want your life to revolve around getting high and when to get high next I would suggest not going further with him. If he needs to be destressed in the MIDDLE of dinner from his day I would take that as an insult.. being on a date with a beautiful woman should be a total destressor..IMO... not everyone can be a good fit...next....
Ruby Slippers Posted November 12, 2015 Posted November 12, 2015 I'm a recreational toker, but I can't imagine excusing myself from the middle of a dinner date to go light one up! He's obviously quite a stoner. Even I'd be wary of dating such a heavy user. 1
PogoStick Posted November 12, 2015 Posted November 12, 2015 Why is have a puff of marijuana any more "weird" than having a drink to relax? Odd double standard.
loveweary11 Posted November 12, 2015 Posted November 12, 2015 Why is have a puff of marijuana any more "weird" than having a drink to relax? Odd double standard. It's because he can't go without for the length of a dinner. No one (except another total pothead) wants to be with someone that addicted to anything. Same as if he couldn't go without a drink. Literally no double standard. An addict is an addict.
katiegrl Posted November 12, 2015 Posted November 12, 2015 I went on a date with this guy, early 40s, extremely stressful professional life, he seems successful, etc. But he did something so weird for a first date. He excused himself in the middle of dinner... to go smoke weed downstairs (we were in a fancy schmancy boutique hotel restaurant). He said he "needed to relax" from the stressful day. Uh... okay? Honestly I am not a conservative person, I don't even care if someone smokes as long as it's not a total pothead and he has his life together. But... isn't it one of the weirdest things someone can do on a first date? I am trying to figure out what the mental process was. Was he thinking in the lines of "let's put it all out there, and if the person cannot accept it, better to let it go". I don't really get where he was coming from, found it one of the weirdest things to happen on a first date. Thoughts? I'd be wondering why he didn't invite me! Is pot smoking a solo activity? The pot smoking doesn't that bad IMO, but excluding you from joining him sounds a little strange. Even if you don't smoke yourself.... he could have asked you to go with him.... unless he was actually doing something else he didn't want you to know about. 2
RecentChange Posted November 12, 2015 Posted November 12, 2015 Why is have a puff of marijuana any more "weird" than having a drink to relax? Odd double standard. I don't see it as a double standard. What if you were on a dinner date at a place that didn't serve alcohol, but told your date to hold on while you ran to the corner store to grab a fifth, because you had a stressful day and simply MUST consume alcohol in order to relax and make it through the date? Like I said, I am pot smoker (have been for many years) but like everything, moderation is key. Needing to smoke (ie get intoxicated) every few hours to deal with life would be problematic use in most people's eyes. Not being able to wait 30 mins, and focus on your date without having to go toke - is also seen as a bit much to most. It's odd what a priority getting high takes for him. 4
RecentChange Posted November 12, 2015 Posted November 12, 2015 I'd be wondering why he didn't invite me! Is pot smoking a solo activity? The pot smoking doesn't that bad IMO, but excluding you from joining him sounds a little strange. Even if you don't smoke yourself.... he could have asked you to go with him.... unless he was actually doing something else he didn't want you to know about. She said he got up in the MIDDLE OF DINNER at a restaurant to go smoke! I guess they could have told the waiter that they would be back... But its kinda odd to walk out mid meal. 1
DrReplyInRhymes Posted November 12, 2015 Posted November 12, 2015 I don't see it as a double standard. What if you were on a dinner date at a place that didn't serve alcohol, but told your date to hold on while you ran to the corner store to grab a fifth, because you had a stressful day and simply MUST consume alcohol in order to relax and make it through the date? Like I said, I am pot smoker (have been for many years) but like everything, moderation is key. Needing to smoke (ie get intoxicated) every few hours to deal with life would be problematic use in most people's eyes. Not being able to wait 30 mins, and focus on your date without having to go toke - is also seen as a bit much to most. It's odd what a priority getting high takes for him. Responsibility before recreation. I agree his priorities are weird. Next.
katiegrl Posted November 12, 2015 Posted November 12, 2015 My guess is he wanted to go check his text messages (or make a call), and figured he'd blow a joint while he's at it....
katiegrl Posted November 12, 2015 Posted November 12, 2015 She said he got up in the MIDDLE OF DINNER at a restaurant to go smoke! I guess they could have told the waiter that they would be back... But its kinda odd to walk out mid meal. He's hiding something. He's a lawyer? Blowing the white stuff up his nose sounds more like it. I work in legal, I know these things. edgy, how was his mood when he returned? Elevated? Subdued?
RecentChange Posted November 12, 2015 Posted November 12, 2015 Oh I know plenty of pot smoking attorneys It could have been a cover for something else..... But its pretty easy to set up a line, or respond to some texts in a men's room. Pot smoking is too stinky and needs to be outside. Why would someone lie and say that they just HAD to step away to smoke some pot?
katiegrl Posted November 12, 2015 Posted November 12, 2015 Oh I know plenty of pot smoking attorneys It could have been a cover for something else..... But its pretty easy to set up a line, or respond to some texts in a men's room. Pot smoking is too stinky and needs to be outside. Why would someone lie and say that they just HAD to step away to smoke some pot? I dunno, it really is the most bizarre thing ever though. And I've heard some doozies! I was once having dinner with a guy down at the marina where he docked his boat. In the middle of dinner, he excused himself to give his sick dog his pain medicine for a broken leg... In retrospect, I should have walked out, but I was super young and naïve so I waited - he came back around 20 minutes later. We ended up dating for around six months after that! In the end, he told me he couldn't date me anymore because he was gay! I thought he was joking until the friend who fixed us up confirmed he was now living with a guy. We had some hot sex too...go figure.
Author edgygirl Posted November 12, 2015 Author Posted November 12, 2015 lol, I know what you mean... that's what most lawyers are into in my experience. I actually mentioned I'd understand that better (going for white stuff) than having the urge to smoke a joint mid-dinner, but he said he's not into the white stuff at all. Him being a little calmer when he came back reflects that his statement was probably true He's hiding something. He's a lawyer? Blowing the white stuff up his nose sounds more like it. I work in legal, I know these things. edgy, how was his mood when he returned? Elevated? Subdued?
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