Blocking me after 3 weeks of NC.

[The Guy From London]

Hi People,

Firstly Id like to thank everyone who contributes to this site, it has helped me tremendously in understanding my BU, and now its time to make my first post.

 

Background : Dated my recent EX for 3 years, lived together for a year, thought it would be forever, broke up 3 months ago. Smashed to pieces as most of us are or have been in the past.

 

Reason for BU, my previous partner before her, who I had been with for 20 yrs, has recently been diagnosed with Parkinsons, and the fact that I was offering support, taking her to the doctor etc. and not forcing the sale of our joint home, although I was going to sell the house, just not as quickly as she wanted me to (basically I was just showing compassion and trying to be a decent human being), caused friction and my recent Ex decided that it was all too much for her. It was obviously much more complicated than that, but they are the basic facts.

We broke up a couple of times over the last year or two, as she tried to manipulate me into forcing the sale of my house so we could buy somewhere together and I always talked her back (yes I know). This time we had a row and I packed my bags and walked out, although I am considering myself the dumpee. I'm presuming she expected me to fold again and but after about a month of talking (not begging just trying to reason with her to be patient and it would all work out), she told me she wont change her mind, and I decided to walk away. She fed me some serious breadcrumbs, can we stay friends which I refused, common sense told me that was not an option, I offered to drop her stuff off to her office but she asked me to give it to her directly and she would make dinner.....this three days after breaking up.... which again I refused politely, and gave me the maybe in a year or so line, until eventually I ripped into her via text and told her a few home truths that she didn't like. We haven't spoken since and I have gone NC for the past month. Neither of us use social media but we are both back on a dating site and recently she seems to log off whenever I log on, although I don't view her profile and just ignore her. There are several pointers to the fact that she is repeatedly checking my profile and I also think she is keeping a close eye on my whatsapp timings. I will add that she is a very confident and stubborn woman.

I have several questions, but the one that's currently puzzling me is this:

Why after three weeks of total NC would she suddenly block me on Whatsapp ? I haven't messaged her, no contact in any way whatsoever, no blowing up her phone etc, although she did send a message to a good friend of mine a few weeks ago, giving it the "he doesn't give a s**t about me" speech, even though she knows Id take a bullet for her if I had to.

She is aware from past conversations, that I am close to a woman I met on the dating site, although it is a platonic friendship, I did post a status message wishing said woman good luck xx as her mother is very ill.

 

Im concluding one of two options.

1) She wants to move on and is blocking me to that end, and has shown anger towards my new friend.

2) She is trying to get a reaction from me as on previous occasions I have always been the one to reach out. She has used this tactic a few times over the last weeks, sending a broken cd of our pics back to me, messaging my friend asking to let her know if a letter from my accountant that she forwarded onto me had arrived safely, and various other attempts at unnecessary contact. I have refused to react to any of her breadcrumbs or attempts at provoking a reaction.

Why, if she is steadfast that she is not going to change her mind would she want to create a reaction. Obviously I am aware of the plan B scenario, and the safety net factor.

I will add that I am convinced there is nobody else involved, she is a decent honest one man woman, and although Im sure she has had the odd date (as have I), she would never ever be on a dating site if she was in any kind of relationship.

Your thoughts would be much appreciated, and I wish you all everything you wish for yourselves.

Thanks.

Edited November 12, 2015 by The Guy From London

[Gmuck]

I'm surprised after 3 months since the bu, she hasn't already blocked you. After my bu, I initiated the block on FB. She was pissed but I needed it to heal. We talked 2 times on the phone a week after bu and then went nc. 3 weeks later and she blocked my phone number and removed our pictures off FB. Plus she removed all my friends off her friends list and all her family, sisters and some mutual friends on her side deleted me as a friend. That all went down right after she started dating an ex boyfriend. Which turned out to be a rebound.

 

Just seems like once the blocks start happening they are blocking for a reason. The reason is so you can't contact her and she has to resist not getting weak and getting back together. For me it also meant she was totally done. I noticed a shift from what mutual friends we had of how happy she was.

 

Don't ever doubt that there could be another guy. After 3 months, that's plenty of time for her to have something lined up. My ex is on guy #2 after 3 months. That's 2 guys she's slept with. This is the same good honest girl I was with 3 years and I was the 2nd guy she had been with. Now after 3 months she's almost doubled that number.

 

My ex hooking up was just as blindsided as the break up was.

 

You are almost at the 4 month mark. I'm ashamed at my progress due to not going 100% nc. Don't end up like me and find out about the new guys she hooks up with or dates. It just makes it worst. If you were 100% nc you should have her already blocked on what's app. Block her on everything else. Do it first and it will give you a small piece of power. She's the one with all the power now and blocking you from social media gives her more power. Block her a$$ before she foes you on whatever lines of communication you still have. Do it 1st and take some power back!

[The Guy From London]

I'm convinced the relationship is finally over, and I'm using NC to heal and to move on, and in the last month or two I have come a long way and got my head into a much better place.

As far as I'm concerned she is free to date and see whoever she wants to, and it is of no concern to me, her life is her own to live any way she chooses.

If she doesn't want me, its her loss, and as far as I'm concerned she has lost a good decent man who would have been faithful and would have looked after her for the rest of her life. Her choice and I wish her well.

I'm just curious as to why she would suddenly block me after there has been no contact for three weeks, and after I had told her that I would never contact her again. It just seems a strange thing to do out of the blue, and is obviously meant to be some kind of statement. If I wanted to contact her, I could either write a letter, or knock on her door, however I have no intention of doing so.

Thanks for your reply.

[Gmuck]

I still think it might be because she is seeing someone. More than just casual dating. As you said why now? What dynamic changed in the break up? Only logical thing would be she is moving on with someone else. I only say that because as you said nothing else has changed as far as you know other than 3 weeks nc. For me, when my ex started blocking I felt like that was her last string attached to me being cut since she was 100% done and moving forward. Before the blocking I felt like she was a little unsure with the bu and maybe having a little bit of a hard time. After blocking she was now her new single self along with her rebound.

[The Guy From London]

I dont think so. She wouldnt be spending hours every morning/evening on a dating site if she was seeing someone else. I know her morals, and her attitude to relationships. If she was dating anyone in anything more than a casual manner she would not be on the site. I appreciate your reply but that is not the reason she is doing it. Shes a respectable middle aged woman and its not in her makeup.

This sudden blocking is a direct statement to me, and Im leaning towards her being angry at my friendship with the new woman, and my status update.

Im off to bed, its 5 am here and Ive got work today, Ill check back in later for any other solutions.