Ex-girlfriend replacing me with someone in our social circle

[lostintransl8tion]

My ex girlfriend and I met 14 months ago in a small town in Asia where we are part of a small expat community and we teach in the same school. We got together almost as soon as we met. She was always more serious about me than I was her, and she wanted a different lifestyle. Whilst I enjoy going out with friends she wanted to drink til the early hours during the week. We had a lot of amazing times together and travelled a lot together and we had a lot of shared interests. However, the combination of me not returning her affection and us wanting different lifestyles led to us drifting apart and her resenting me. This also led to her spending a lot of time with a guy who moved to our town and joined our social circle.

Two months ago her constant drinking and angry moods led me to break up with her, but I regretted it instantly and wished I had just worked things out with her. I went through the usual bargaining stage and we both found it hard to let go. She told me how much she wanted thing about to be friends and because I valued her and missed her I agreed and we used to lunch a lot together during the first month of our break up, I don’t do this anymore I only see her when we are with mutual friends.

The worst thing about this that I don’t know how to deal with is that because we have such a small expat community in our city we have all the same friends. All the advice on break ups says to go no contact and go out and do things as much as possible, but the more I go out and do things the more I see her. Not only do I see her, but I see her replacing me with the guy she is now spending quite literally all her time with her and they behave like a couple, sharing everything and going everywhere together. Every time I go out for meals with friends or sporting activities I come home feeling crushed after spending the night seeing her look at him the way she used to look at me and laughing at his jokes the way she used to laugh at me. I know they are not sleeping together yet as he only broke up with is girlfriend 2 weeks ago., but when I mentioned the issue to her about a month into the break up, she said she was ‘not planning’ to sleep with him which basically inferred she was. I know it is almost inevitable and if within a few weeks I will have to deal with the fact that they are together.

I accept that I messed up and of course she will want to move on, I just wish I didn’t have to see it. Arguably I don’t have to see it, but this would basically involve not going out at all because all the social opportunities in my city involve the two of them, so it kind of feels like my options are out to go out and have my face rubbed in the fact that she is replacing me or to be socially ostracized from my community. I started no contact 4 days ago, and I saw her when we were out with friends last night and followed the advice of restricting conversations to a minimum.

Thanks for listening

[Jersey born raised]

I do not see where you messed up, unless you just wanted a reliable booty call. Actually, from what you wrote, you both handed yourselfs well.

 

Her drinking is what it is, and will not stop. Accept your stated reasons and move on, and wish her the best. Neither of you cheated or abused each other so you both are in a rare situation of actually being friendly. Friendly not friends. Ex's are ex's for a reason. Do not ever be in situation where you might be dawn back in.