Jimmyjackson Posted November 11, 2015 Posted November 11, 2015 It's been a while since my ex kissed another guy, told me she had lost her feelings for me and dumped me, I'd say around 15 months perhaps? She removed me from Facebook, instagram and that was that. I was devastated when she broke up with me but then I got better as most people do, I got a new job, I've got an interview to volunteer with the Police, the gym is going well etc. I get a message tonight from my ex, haven't had any contact in about 8 months perhaps since the last time I seen her, well should I say a bunch of messages. Basically telling me how sorry she is for breaking my heart and how great she thinks I am etc, obviously trying to eliminate her guilt so I reply it's all good and she feels better about herself. She said she had been thinking about sending me this for a while, I have just shortened it down for you there because it's quite long to be honest. I haven't replied I'm just shocked that she's done this out of nowhere, I guess it's true they get in touch when you don't care anymore! Anyway, just thought i'd post it, seem to see these threads a lot...exes getting back in touch when they're probably feeling nostalgic and guilty one lonely evening. It kinda fed my ego a bit, is that wrong haha?
schiller Posted November 11, 2015 Posted November 11, 2015 Maybe they broke up so she's looking you up again.
Author Jimmyjackson Posted November 11, 2015 Author Posted November 11, 2015 Maybe they broke up so she's looking you up again. She didnt get with him, its a long story haha. She volunteered in Africa and he is from there and she is from the UK. And by Africa I mean the poverty stricken areas.
BelleSkye Posted November 11, 2015 Posted November 11, 2015 I did that once, not to get the guy back but just to make peace. Did she specifically ask you back? Or to meet up? Then maybe she would want to get back with you. But I will also like to reach out to some of my exs who I treated badly, just saying sorry, that is all, without the intention of getting back. But just as you stated, you dont care anymore, so like with my exs, maybe they just dont care anymore so I just let sleeping dogs lie.
Author Jimmyjackson Posted November 11, 2015 Author Posted November 11, 2015 I did that once, not to get the guy back but just to make peace. Did she specifically ask you back? Or to meet up? Then maybe she would want to get back with you. But I will also like to reach out to some of my exs who I treated badly, just saying sorry, that is all, without the intention of getting back. But just as you stated, you dont care anymore, so like with my exs, maybe they just dont care anymore so I just let sleeping dogs lie. Yeah that's what I said in my initial post, it doesnt seem like a "i want you back" just a feeling guilty thing.
Dylon Posted November 11, 2015 Posted November 11, 2015 The key is how do you feel? No need to guess her intention yet. You are ready to talk to her with a right frame of mind without hurts?
Author Jimmyjackson Posted November 11, 2015 Author Posted November 11, 2015 The key is how do you feel? No need to guess her intention yet. You are ready to talk to her with a right frame of mind without hurts? Well I could yeah but I'm not sure what i'd even say, I mean is there even anything to say? It would be nice to catch up with her but the reality is too much has happened in the past so I know that's not really possible
Dylon Posted November 12, 2015 Posted November 12, 2015 She contacted you so let her lead the conversation. You don't have to think so hard: "How are you?" That's it and see what she has to say. If she wants something: friendship, forgiveness, a relationship.....she will carry the conversation for you. Be cool . Your are still emotionally affected for what happened 15 months ago or else you wouldn't have started this thread. Let the past be the past.
Blanco Posted November 12, 2015 Posted November 12, 2015 Mine contacted me this past weekend for the first time in months. Been about 8 months since I knew it was done for good, too. Strange.
Armageddon Posted November 12, 2015 Posted November 12, 2015 Well I could yeah but I'm not sure what i'd even say, I mean is there even anything to say? It would be nice to catch up with her but the reality is too much has happened in the past so I know that's not really possible I was on the train to work this morning and I read your story and it does give me a little hope but I know it's extremely unlikely I will ever hear from my ex again. I'm happy for you Jimmy. The fact that she reached out to you means she could be thinking/missing you. How was your post break-up? Was it bad? So you were in 8 months of NC and she just randomly texted you today? Interesting you mentioned about nostalgia because I was watching a video yesterday on "How to get your ex back" and this relationship expert mentioned something how Nostalgia is the most powerful thing in reconciliation.
Armageddon Posted November 12, 2015 Posted November 12, 2015 Mine contacted me this past weekend for the first time in months. Been about 8 months since I knew it was done for good, too. Strange. Blanco, how long were you on NC?
LoveIsMyReligion Posted November 12, 2015 Posted November 12, 2015 "Thanks, but I've moved on and you should too" Otherwise you're looking for drama. A lot of people take advantage of moments like this and sleep with their ex, etc... Depends on how much you have on your plate at the moment. If you are talking to any girls that have potential I would use the one-line mentioned above, otherwise buckle up and get ready for the ego boost, perhaps some sex, and then a visit back to memory lane and how you hate her for doing what she did in the first place. Just my two cents.
Blanco Posted November 12, 2015 Posted November 12, 2015 Blanco, how long were you on NC? I don't know. Couple months of no communication that followed a few months of virtually no communication. I didn't really keep track, because I knew a long time ago that I didn't want a relationship with her. So NC for me wasn't some strategy to get her attention. I was just trying to move on with my life. I know you're in pain right now, but I ask that you please try not to find hope for your own situation based on my experience or others. For one, while you can find similarities among the stories of people here, these stories still involve individuals who aren't identical in how they think, act, or feel. Secondly, your situation is so extreme that I really do think it is beyond repair. I'll add that this shouldn't destroy you, because I think this woman exploited you from the start, and that's really the only sort of relationship you two would ever have, even if she returned.
Armageddon Posted November 12, 2015 Posted November 12, 2015 (edited) I don't know. Couple months of no communication that followed a few months of virtually no communication. I didn't really keep track, because I knew a long time ago that I didn't want a relationship with her. So NC for me wasn't some strategy to get her attention. I was just trying to move on with my life. I know you're in pain right now, but I ask that you please try not to find hope for your own situation based on my experience or others. For one, while you can find similarities among the stories of people here, these stories still involve individuals who aren't identical in how they think, act, or feel. Secondly, your situation is so extreme that I really do think it is beyond repair. I'll add that this shouldn't destroy you, because I think this woman exploited you from the start, and that's really the only sort of relationship you two would ever have, even if she returned. Blanco, thank you for your advice. I know my situation is so extreme that it's hopeless and I shouldn't find hope for my situation reading yours or Jimmy's experience but it's this hope that can keep me going right now if that even makes any sense. I'm in so much pain now and I think of her every moment everyday. The only time I don't think of her is only when I'm sleeping and even then, sometimes I have nightmares. I have a friend who has a similar situation like mine, I'd say his might be even worse because he did everything what I did. Chased, begged, stalked his ex, went to her house and made a scene. She called the cops on him and filed a restraining order, blocked him on everything. He even fought with his ex's new boyfriend but she actually came back to him 2 years later. However, I know every situation is unique. But there are 7 billion people in this world, I find it hard to believe that there are no other similar situations like mine with no success stories. I know she has exploited and used me from the start and if she ever return to me, I'm still more than happy to let her exploit me again. I just want the best for her. This is why I'm so messed up right now. Maybe I won't be saying this when years pass by and I truly get over her and don't feel a thing anymore but as of now, I don't see how this is remotely possible. Edited November 12, 2015 by Armageddon
Author Jimmyjackson Posted November 12, 2015 Author Posted November 12, 2015 She contacted you so let her lead the conversation. You don't have to think so hard: "How are you?" That's it and see what she has to say. If she wants something: friendship, forgiveness, a relationship.....she will carry the conversation for you. Be cool . Your are still emotionally affected for what happened 15 months ago or else you wouldn't have started this thread. Let the past be the past. I'd say im emotionally attached in the sense that she's a part of my history yeah... but I think that's always the case with an ex. Especially one that pops up out of nowhere
Author Jimmyjackson Posted November 12, 2015 Author Posted November 12, 2015 I was on the train to work this morning and I read your story and it does give me a little hope but I know it's extremely unlikely I will ever hear from my ex again. I'm happy for you Jimmy. The fact that she reached out to you means she could be thinking/missing you. How was your post break-up? Was it bad? So you were in 8 months of NC and she just randomly texted you today? Interesting you mentioned about nostalgia because I was watching a video yesterday on "How to get your ex back" and this relationship expert mentioned something how Nostalgia is the most powerful thing in reconciliation. I wouldn't use the term hope because I don't think this is a "i want you back" message to be honest, it seems to me she's feeling down and guilty and doesn't like the idea of someone hating her; but maybe that's just my opinion I don't know. Post break up was tough for me for a while, I was pretty depressed and constantly wanted her but then it slowly went away I guess. It was my first relationship so I didn't really know how to handle it. I agree nostalgia can be but I think you can miss someone and not want them at the same time, like a fleeting thought
Author Jimmyjackson Posted November 14, 2015 Author Posted November 14, 2015 I replied in the end but kept it short and sweet, one sentence answers. As I anticipated she was just being friendly and nothing more. I guess I have forgiven her but I would never tell her that, I didn't feed her ego or thank her; I just said I was all good and that was it, didn't ask her anything. She suggested it would be good to be friends but I'm not a believer in exes being friends, too much history shared. Most likely will be the last contact I'll have with her.
makemineamac Posted November 15, 2015 Posted November 15, 2015 Good work! And way to go keeping it together and more importantly, real.
Author Jimmyjackson Posted November 16, 2015 Author Posted November 16, 2015 Good work! And way to go keeping it together and more importantly, real. I know I felt it would be best to just keep it short and sweet. She has been on my mind a little since she messaged me though I must admit.
makemineamac Posted November 16, 2015 Posted November 16, 2015 Totally get it. And that's normal for all of us. Familiarity, we're comfortable with that and it feels good. But you're good. Look at you!
NoLeafClover Posted November 16, 2015 Posted November 16, 2015 Give it a few days and see how you feel...she got a reply from you and that is what she wanted..you replied and now she will run through you mind again. In my experience, I would have never replied...Nicely put "f**k the exs" and dumpers mainly. Why? Because we had to go through hell and back. My ex's don't deserve any response. I never replied back to their breadcrumbs. I never had a reason to. You shouldn't have responded either but to each their own.. btw. I am over all my ex's from years now so it's not like I am going through any type of angry period. They are simply worthless. When you reach indifference, you won't care whether you let her know you thought of her or not. You simply don't care to give a S**t about replying back. Like when you get a spam mail or ads from express discounts. 1
Author Jimmyjackson Posted November 16, 2015 Author Posted November 16, 2015 Totally get it. And that's normal for all of us. Familiarity, we're comfortable with that and it feels good. But you're good. Look at you! She's the only girl I have ever been in love with and my old girlfriend, guess I don't know any different! I do feel good though.
Author Jimmyjackson Posted November 16, 2015 Author Posted November 16, 2015 Give it a few days and see how you feel...she got a reply from you and that is what she wanted..you replied and now she will run through you mind again. In my experience, I would have never replied...Nicely put "f**k the exs" and dumpers mainly. Why? Because we had to go through hell and back. My ex's don't deserve any response. I never replied back to their breadcrumbs. I never had a reason to. You shouldn't have responded either but to each their own.. btw. I am over all my ex's from years now so it's not like I am going through any type of angry period. They are simply worthless. When you reach indifference, you won't care whether you let her know you thought of her or not. You simply don't care to give a S**t about replying back. Like when you get a spam mail or ads from express discounts. I see your point but I think there comes a point where you have to just forgive them in your own mind, can't hold a grudge forever. She said to me that she's not a bad person, and she knows that I know she isn't and she's right really, people make mistakes. But as I said earlier, I would never tell her that though, as you say that will have been what she wanted.
Recommended Posts