Do you expect a guy to keep asking you out?

[Male]

Women.....

 

If a guy asks you out, but you reply and say that you are busy, do you just expect that if he's interested its his job to keep asking you out until your schedule allows it?

 

It seems many women think its not their job to "suggest" a new date or time, if they are not available the first time a guy asks. If you actually want to go out with the guy, why in the world wouldnt you use that as an oppurtunity?

 

"Sorry John, I'm bust this weekend, but I'd love to meet for a drink on Tuesday"

 

Why do so many women refuse to do that???

 

Since my divorce a few years ago, and being in the dating scene currently, I have experienced many many women that give me their number, but then when you try to schedule a time to meet up, they are busy, yet they offer no help whatsoever on their end to inform me when they are free.

 

I know many of you will quickly assume that obviously if a woman does this shes not interested....but thats not always true. There are tons of situations where women come across as not interested on the surface, but actually are, they just dont let it be known, either on purpose or by accident. I'm sure other men, and even some women will chime in to their experiences with this as well. I've gone out with women that were truly interested in me, but its like pulling teeth to schedule a date with them.

 

I just dont understand why so many women sit back and expect a guy to keep trying over and over to set up a date

Edited November 11, 2015 by Male

[lookin ahead]

Honestly it depends on the person, I would be the type to say, "i can't this Tuesday but how aboutWednesday or Friday?". It truly depends on the person if they are really interested in going out with you they will make time to pitch in an idea of when they will be open because they want to see you.

 

Also, maybe sometimes, they might back out last minute and won't know how to say it as well. It really comes down to the person. If someone is truly interested they will go out of their way to at least try to get together.

 

It can be frustrating but hang in there!

[SwordofFlame]

Women.....

 

If a guy asks you out, but you reply and say that you are busy, do you just expect that if he's interested its his job to keep asking you out until your schedule allows it?

 

It seems many women think its not their job to "suggest" a new date or time, if they are not available the first time a guy asks. If you actually want to go out with the guy, why in the world wouldnt you use that as an oppurtunity?

 

"Sorry John, I'm bust this weekend, but I'd love to meet for a drink on Tuesday"

 

Why do so many women refuse to do that???

 

Since my divorce a few years ago, and being in the dating scene currently, I have experienced many many women that give me their number, but then when you try to schedule a time to meet up, they are busy, yet they offer no help whatsoever on their end to inform me when they are free.

 

I know many of you will quickly assume that obviously if a woman does this shes not interested....but thats not always true. There are tons of situations where women come across as not interested on the surface, but actually are, they just dont let it be known, either on purpose or by accident. I'm sure other men, and even some women will chime in to their experiences with this as well. I've gone out with women that were truly interested in me, but its like pulling teeth to schedule a date with them.

 

I just dont understand why so many women sit back and expect a guy to keep trying over and over to set up a date

There's a strong likelihood that she just isn't that into you. If you have other options, pursue them instead.

[d0nnivain]

I always suggest a new date if I'm interested. If I don't offer up a counter it's because I'm not that thrilled about getting together.

 

Especially if it's an OLD person, where flakes can be common, I'd put it out there if I were you. Say OK. You are busy on that date. Do you have another date that works better for you? if she hems & haws, point blank tell her you are not into game playing & that it's been nice talking to her but you can take a hint & then disappear.

 

As the man even if you feel you are "obligated" to chase, IMO you are still entitled to politeness & consideration for your time & effort. If you aren't getting that up front when everybody is supposed to be on their best behavior & exhibiting the good, Company manners, how inconsiderate will this person be later?

[Male]

I always suggest a new date if I'm interested. If I don't offer up a counter it's because I'm not that thrilled about getting together.

 

 

Then WHY do women give out their number in the first place???????????

 

 

I truly think for many women, the very thought of suggesting an alternitive date/time doesnt even enter their mind. If they are busy when you ask, they just subconsciously assume he's going to ask again because "he's a guy".

Edited November 12, 2015 by Male

[angel.eyes]

Then WHY do women give out their number in the first place???????????

Boredom.

 

Dating is fun and relatively effortless when both people are interested and invested in making a date work. When only one is, it becomes a Sisyphean task just to get an actual date on the calendar.

 

Getting a yes or a phone number, after continually chasing a person who's full of excuses, isn't really a sign of interest. More likely, nothing else is happening at the moment, and/or the person is bored, and/or he or she needed a reminder of their attractiveness during their current dry spell. So eventually your persistence might get you that date... But expect flakiness and jumping ship the second someone who excites them shows up. Your choice to persist and be chronically frustrated by her clear lack of effort (i.e. disinterest) but little chance of it going anywhere for long.

[Male]

Boredom.

 

Dating is fun and relatively effortless when both people are interested and invested in making a date work. When only one is, it becomes a Sisyphean task just to get an actual date on the calendar.

 

Getting a yes or a phone number, after continually chasing a person who's full of excuses, isn't really a sign of interest. More likely, nothing else is happening at the moment, and/or the person is bored, and/or he or she needed a reminder of their attractiveness during their current dry spell. So eventually your persistence might get you that date... But expect flakiness and jumping ship the second someone who excites them shows up. Your choice to persist and be chronically frustrated by her clear lack of effort (i.e. disinterest) but little chance of it going anywhere for long.

 

 

I never chase. We message a few times, ask for a number, and they give it to me. Then I always ask them out as soon as possible, only then does the bs start.

 

I think theres a lot of women that are just f*cked up in the head with the way THEY perceive dating reality to work. If they've always been chased, or have always had success with getting attention from guys then they just assume that I will do the same, and they dont have to lift a finger at all.

 

But when I dont chase, they just assume "Oh he wasnt that interested in me"...instead of realizing that their own actions are to blame.

[xxoo]

 

But when I dont chase, they just assume "Oh he wasnt that interested in me"...instead of realizing that their own actions are to blame.

 

But they are ok with the outcome, and you're not.

 

So who needs to change?

[angel.eyes]

As another poster pointed out, if they aren't offering up alternatives, they aren't really interested in seeing you...eventually you will get the message and stop. Some guys drag the process out unnecessarily.

 

Recognize when someone really isn't interested and stop asking.

 

I'm not sure how you define chasing, but continuing to ask someone on dates after she claims to be "busy" each time (with no effort to make the date happen another time) is chasing. First time? Okay, give her the benefit of the doubt. By the second or third time, move on.

 

Sorry, but your frustration is self-inflicted because you refuse to believe signs of disinterest.

[BlueIris]

But when I dont chase, they just assume "Oh he wasnt that interested in me"...instead of realizing that their own actions are to blame.

 

They might not worry about blame.

[Male]

.

 

I'm not sure how you define chasing, but continuing to ask someone on dates after she claims to be "busy" each time (with no effort to make the date happen another time) is chasing. First time? Okay, give her the benefit of the doubt. By the second or third time, move on.

 

If they state that they are busy the first time I ask, and they dont offer an alternative, I rarely ask again.

Edited November 12, 2015 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Attacking posts ~T

[Male]

They might not worry about blame.

 

Of course they dont.

 

 

Reason and accountability(blame) are rare traits for many women

[todreaminblue]

i would say i would love to do it another day what day would suit you ...i would say that because i would really try to make time for the day that suited him seeing the day he asked for...i couldnt make it...deb

[angel.eyes]

Of course they dont.

 

 

Reason and accountability(blame) are rare traits for many women

 

You seem uber frustrated with dating right now. It's probably a good idea to take a break.

[xxoo]

They don't offer an alternative because they don't want to.

 

It's as simple as that.

[d0nnivain]

Then WHY do women give out their number in the first place???????????

 

 

When I said I don't give a counter date / time if I'm not all that interested, that was a universal -- friends, family, business things, etc.

 

 

If I would give my phone # to a guy when I was single, I would do the polite thing & find a mutually convenient date, time & place for the initial meeting. If I was of the mind set that I couldn't be bothered to do that, I would not give the guy my phone #

 

 

However, for many women it's hard / embarrassing to not give the digits when asked. It's easier to duck the next Q about getting together. Failing to give the # somehow in a way that can not be explained logically feels more rude then claiming to be busy when the other person suggests a date.

[RedRobin]

Are you talking about OLD?

 

I don't generally agree to meet someone after just messaging them a few times. Guys will give me their number, and I don't reciprocate, even when I am interested... Because I know the drill.

 

Once you meet, they have proverbially 'punched the clock' in their brain and you, the woman, will likely be pressured to have sex or make a romantic decision about a guy you have just met... Leaving no time to sort out other major issues in advance.

 

It is rare that I agree to meet someone from OLD, actually. I will draw out the emails and phone conversations as long as possible... A couple of weeks at least. That gives me time to see what his schedule is really like. When he is or is not online... All kinds of things. That gives me tons of insight about whether he really us who he says he is.

 

I also don't multidate. So if I am just getting to know someone, I won't agree to meet someone else until I have made a decision on guy number one.

 

OTOH, I am also pretty upfront about my pace and style. Guys aren't left guessing.

 

So, just offering another possible alternative to what might be going on.

[Male]

They don't offer an alternative because they don't want to.

 

It's as simple as that.

 

Then WHY give out their number to being with??????????

[Male]

Are you talking about OLD?

 

I don't generally agree to meet someone after just messaging them a few times. Guys will give me their number, and I don't reciprocate, even when I am interested... Because I know the drill.

 

Once you meet, they have proverbially 'punched the clock' in their brain and you, the woman, will likely be pressured to have sex or make a romantic decision about a guy you have just met... Leaving no time to sort out other major issues in advance.

 

It is rare that I agree to meet someone from OLD, actually. I will draw out the emails and phone conversations as long as possible... A couple of weeks at least. That gives me time to see what his schedule is really like. When he is or is not online... All kinds of things. That gives me tons of insight about whether he really us who he says he is.

 

I also don't multidate. So if I am just getting to know someone, I won't agree to meet someone else until I have made a decision on guy number one.

 

OTOH, I am also pretty upfront about my pace and style. Guys aren't left guessing.

 

So, just offering another possible alternative to what might be going on.

 

 

I always find it amazing how the only women that EVER reply to 90% of my posts are all on only one side of the situation or argument.

 

Its pretty much guaranteed that you will never see a woman post a comment and admit that yes, she does exactly what I am implying in my post. Its always the PC answers that are the utter perfection of manners and etiquette. We all know that there are women viewing these threads that fit the bill, but I will never understand why its so unbelievably rare to see any of them post, even though they can do so and remain completely anonymous.

[xxoo]

Then WHY give out their number to being with??????????

 

Intrigued enough to give the number. She'll learn more if/when you contact her, and will either become more or less interested.

 

Not interested/excited enough to suggest a date.

[RedRobin]

Then WHY give out their number to being with??????????

 

Because maybe they are fine talking to you, but either aren't ready to meet you, or the conversation wasn't appealing enough to take the next step.

 

I never agreed to meet a guy until after a few phone conversations. They are picking up the phone when you call, correct? Are you calling or just texting?

[RedRobin]

I always find it amazing how the only women that EVER reply to 90% of my posts are all on only one side of the situation or argument.

 

Its pretty much guaranteed that you will never see a woman post a comment and admit that yes, she does exactly what I am implying in my post. Its always the PC answers that are the utter perfection of manners and etiquette. We all know that there are women viewing these threads that fit the bill, but I will never understand why its so unbelievably rare to see any of them post, even though they can do so and remain completely anonymous.

 

Because we are thoughtful people who want to help you? And people who aren't thoughtful are the ones you are complaining about? Makes perfect sense to me!

[xxoo]

I always find it amazing how the only women that EVER reply to 90% of my posts are all on only one side of the situation or argument.

 

Its pretty much guaranteed that you will never see a woman post a comment and admit that yes, she does exactly what I am implying in my post. Its always the PC answers that are the utter perfection of manners and etiquette. We all know that there are women viewing these threads that fit the bill, but I will never understand why its so unbelievably rare to see any of them post, even though they can do so and remain completely anonymous.

 

Women have reasons for their actions. We try to explain them, out of kindness.

 

You reject the reasons. That does not mean women don't have reasons/use reason. It means you reject women's reasons because you can not understand them.

[Male]

Because maybe they are fine talking to you, but either aren't ready to meet you, or the conversation wasn't appealing enough to take the next step.

 

I never agreed to meet a guy until after a few phone conversations. They are picking up the phone when you call, correct? Are you calling or just texting?

 

Nobody wants to talk on the phone anymore. If you are a guy, and you only want to talk on the phone, you can pretty much forget about getting anyones number, or getting them to reply to you at all.

[Wewon]

When I was still dating back before I met my wife, this was a big frustration and also a bit of a rabbit hole if you're not careful. Most guys are conditioned that part of dating is the whole 'ask again, and again and again' method, usually portrayed in movies and TV and even by well meaning women. But the painful truth is, it is very rare to meet a woman that will flat out say, "Sorry Joe, I am not interested." instead you are likely to end up with flakes, dead ends and red herrings.

 

The way I deal with this was I lived by a few basic rules.

 

#1 Interested people act interested. When you're interested in someone its human nature to assume that others will be too, and you don't want to let them slip through your fingers. So you make counter dates, try to set up times and typically good further to meet that person. When you're not interested, you're significantly more sloppy in your dealings and willing to leave things up to chance.

 

#2 Anything other than a yes is a no. I'm not a mind reader, its not my job and what's more I don't want to be. I'm not going to try to decipher if her 'no' or 'call me in 2 weeks' had some special meaning to it or if it was some kind of test. Life is too short and I moved on.

 

Have you ever noticed that relationship books, whether the target is men or women, all seem to have one thing in common? When you're interested in someone, you're more likely to try too hard rather than be too lax.

 

Now, the problem with rules is that I may have missed out on some great women, people are inevitably going to fall through the cracks. But the way I see it, if her communication skills were that poor, or she over-estimated her own appeal that much then we wouldn't have been a good match anyway.