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How to gently tell a girl that i don't want to talk everyday until we have met?

dads new boyfriend

By dads new boyfriend
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dads new boyfriend Member

dads new boyfriend

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I've been talking to a girl on POF for a few days, she's a single mum and gets no help so we haven't been able to meet yet but we're meeting at the weekend. I wouldn't mind the odd text or call but she wants us to constantly stay in contact and now the conversations are getting stale and boring and i hate small talk. We could meet and find that we don't gel or think we're incompatible in some way so i really can't be bothered to chat so much to her until we have actually met.

basil67 Established Member

basil67

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Tell her that you want to save the conversation for when you meet.

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schiller Established Member

schiller

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Don't pick up the phone when she calls.

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dads new boyfriend Member

dads new boyfriend

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Tell her that you want to save the conversation for when you meet.

 

 

Good idea i'm trying not to talk about too much so that we actually have things to talk much when we meet, but still she will message me asking how am I and what I'm up to and I feel like at this early stage if I hinted that she was annoying me already then she might overreact and not want to meet me.

 

Don't pick up the phone when she calls.

 

 

It's more texts than calls, I've ignored her messages for hours and then as soon I reply she'll want to have a long conversation. When we meet in person I could talk to her about it but I feel I have to be quite sensitive about it now as she hasn't even met me yet.

LivingDeadGrl Established Member

LivingDeadGrl

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Just take longer to reply and don't give huge answers back. She's just trying to get to know you. I would want to know who I am meeting beforehand also.

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Ic1 Established Member

Ic1

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Just take longer to reply and don't give huge answers back. She's just trying to get to know you. I would want to know who I am meeting beforehand also.

 

I ditto the advice. Just drop the gear on response time. Only have to do it for two days if you're meeting this weekend.

 

Something I'd note about this: She's very social, but obviously doesn't get much opportunity to socialize with her single parenting situation. You might be expected to solely cover this base for her... :sick:

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d0nnivain Established Member

d0nnivain

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Just be straight with her. Tell her she's smothering you. Assure her that you are anxious to meet but you can't keep up with daily contact at this early stage. Do tell her that you want to make sure that you have plenty to talk about when you meet in person & in that sense you are old fashioned.

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Iceshowers Established Member

Iceshowers

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I ditto the advice. Just drop the gear on response time. Only have to do it for two days if you're meeting this weekend.

 

Something I'd note about this: She's very social, but obviously doesn't get much opportunity to socialize with her single parenting situation. You might be expected to solely cover this base for her... :sick:

 

I was actually going to mention that last part. Single parents very rarely get to go out or even talk to another adult unless it's at work or for school purpose (for the child).

 

You can mention that you rather talk more in person, and not via text, because texting does not give justice to the emotions/tones as you would in person. And of course tell her that you can't wait to see her this weekend!

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joseb Established Member

joseb

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I was actually going to mention that last part. Single parents very rarely get to go out or even talk to another adult unless it's at work or for school purpose (for the child).

 

You can mention that you rather talk more in person, and not via text, because texting does not give justice to the emotions/tones as you would in person. And of course tell her that you can't wait to see her this weekend!

 

That's a good point.

I'm not a big texter.

The girl I'm seeing at the moment is a single mum.

She texts quite a lot.

However, luckily it's not the boring 'how is your day' kinda thing, so I'm actually enjoying it (would never have expected to admit that - i really don;t like texting!)

 

Maybe try to make the texts more fun and interesting - if you take the lead, hopefully she will follow.

 

And yes, you can also take your time responding, etc.

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xcupid Established Member

xcupid

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Sometimes you just have to go with the flow. Who knows, she might be a catch.

Edited by xcupid
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Qboro90 Established Member

Qboro90

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Easy fix....Tell her you're working. "Hey, sorry it took so long to get back, crazy week going on at work so I'm all over the place during the day. Will tell you all about it Saturday at dinner. Looking forward to it"

 

Then once you're at dinner with her you can explain in person how you're not big into the daily constant texting. Or just say your job doesn't give you the ability to have much social time throughout the day so it's nothing personal if you don't answer.

 

If she doesn't understand then that's a red flag. Don't waste your time.

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TheBathWater Established Member

TheBathWater

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I've been talking to a girl on POF for a few days, she's a single mum and gets no help so we haven't been able to meet yet but we're meeting at the weekend. I wouldn't mind the odd text or call but she wants us to constantly stay in contact and now the conversations are getting stale and boring and i hate small talk. We could meet and find that we don't gel or think we're incompatible in some way so i really can't be bothered to chat so much to her until we have actually met.

 

I know the feeling. I usually say something like:

 

"I'm really enjoying our back and forth, but let's savor the getting to know you process until we meet so it's even better. I am looking forward to meeting you!"

 

I've had to pull this a couple of times and find that it's fine, maybe because I couch it in terms of 'it will be even better when we meet' or something. It hasn't hurt my chances. As long as you don't come off as an ass telling her she's annoying you and making her feel bad about herself, she'll get it.

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phineas Established Member

phineas

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The thing about dates that far in advance is the woman usually flakes because she has time to meet someone " better ".

 

I'll do the day is good ect daily stuff but I always talk on the phone and arrange my dates then.

While I have them on the phone I let them know I'm not a big texted.

 

I'll do the " how was your day" text just to keep in contact but I really am a busy guy.

If I'm not with my kids, I'm working out or working on a project on my house and texting is just not possible if imwant to concentrate on the task at hand so telling them I'm doing x usually clams them down.

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PegNosePete Established Member

PegNosePete

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If she's smothering you before you've even met, what do you think will happen after you've met??

 

I would always go for a meet within 1 week of asking. If she's too busy to meet within a week then she'll likely be too busy in the future.

 

The thing about dates that far in advance is the woman usually flakes because she has time to meet someone " better ".

Yes, true. But not always because she has met someone better. Often because the excitement of meeting has simply worn off.

Edited by PegNosePete
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Popsicle Established Member

Popsicle

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I'm a single mom and I don't text a lot. Hate that crap.

Popsicle Established Member

Popsicle

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I know the feeling. I usually say something like:

 

"I'm really enjoying our back and forth, but let's savor the getting to know you process until we meet so it's even better. I am looking forward to meeting you!"

 

I've had to pull this a couple of times and find that it's fine, maybe because I couch it in terms of 'it will be even better when we meet' or something. It hasn't hurt my chances. As long as you don't come off as an ass telling her she's annoying you and making her feel bad about herself, she'll get it.

 

Yes I would say something like this. And yes some men are chatty too.

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Glitters Established Member

Glitters

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Maybe its an early warning sign that could be a potential deal breaker later. Its one of her things which are turning you off in the begining itself.

seekingluck Established Member

seekingluck

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I sort of see where she is coming from. One time I agreed to a first meet from an online guy 2 weeks in advance to a haunted house. I got the tickets ($10) and we were supposed to meet for drinks and go to the house. I heard from him just a little in the time leading up.

 

The day before he called me, said he was excited. He said yes, I'll see you blah blah blah. We confirm the time.

 

I text him to let him know I am on the way day of, as we were meeting quite a bit before the haunted house.

 

Well I arrive and he texts saying he is running late. After like 45 minutes no sign of him. I text him a few times and no answer. Eventually it was time for the haunted house, and it was too late to invite any friends. The line was long. I ended up selling my ticket to some ladies in front of me, and hanging out with the, for the rest of the night.

 

I had a good time, but I was so PO-ed at that guy for not being forthcoming and honest. He called me a few times to apologize the next day. I texted him back and said good luck. Sure enough he even reached out a few more times on the dating site. But I don't have time for liars.

 

I also made a few other rules: no scheduling too far in advance. And nothing more than drinks or coffee for a first meet. I also like to stay in touch a little leading up to the date. I am a horrible texted though, so 1-2 texts a day is enough. Even every other day is fine honestly....

 

For this situation, call me the night before to confirm and send a text the day of.

 

But she might have been burned in the past and wants to stay front and center.

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