Heatherknows Posted November 14, 2015 Posted November 14, 2015 Well, then...thank you for taking the time to read mine. Quite the quandary you - and perhaps OP - have put yourself/ves in, then. On one hand, you won't tolerate "princess"-ish behavior, but on the other hand, you practically beg for it ("...unless she was very hot"), as "very hot" women typically have many men vying for their attention, leading to "princess"-ish behavior. Go figure. Yep. They don't want princesses yet they want us to look like one. How does one keep themselves hot? They treat themselves like a princess... (I don't mind being called a Princess. In fact...I kinda like it. ) 2
Heatherknows Posted November 14, 2015 Posted November 14, 2015 so much overthinking. You both enjoyed the date. Dinner was a good idea. She had a good idea! And you both had a good time. Why look for problems? lol! Wise and true.
Heatherknows Posted November 14, 2015 Posted November 14, 2015 [*]He accepted my fake offer to contribute to the first date. He's clearly cheap and will be a terrible provider for the kids I plan to have someday. This is so true. There are PLENTY of women who'll offer to pay half and if you accept they'll hate your guts. That's why I never offered. Might as well be honest.
mrldii Posted November 14, 2015 Posted November 14, 2015 Yep. They don't want princesses yet they want us to look like one. How does one keep themselves hot? They treat themselves like a princess... (I don't mind being called a Princess. In fact...I kinda like it. ) Personally, I hate being called a Princess...it always makes me wonder how/why and who determined I should be demoted. As to other replies, I thought the OP stated that this was a first date, so how I expect/hope a boyfriend treats me is a bit premature. Also, I don't know about how the others behave on [first, second, or the 100th] dates, but on every date I've been on, we actually talk to one another from the moment we meet-and-greet. Regardless of the venue for the first date, if it involves money, I find a way early on [in the conversation] to bring up the fact that most first dates are the ONLY date for 2 people and, as such, dating in general can get very expensive for men if they're expected (or expect themselves) to pay for each one. I then let them know that I've got my share. To be honest, in reaction to my insistence and reasoning for paying my own way when meeting a guy, I have NEVER had one call me a "feminazi" except on online discussion boards. In the real world and in real life, the men are happy to have met someone who is so thoughtful, considerate, and compassionate. Perhaps online discussion boards have/create a different breed, as most people in the real world are receptive to thoughtful, considerate, and compassionate people...hell, most online will even claim that's what they're looking for. OP, I'm glad you've come to realize that perhaps you were overzealous in your initial assessment of her. It reads as if you're no longer seeing this as a red flag and instead will file it away with a pink tab, so you can easily find it again should more "princess"-like behavior become evident. Best of luck to you.... 2
Shining One Posted November 14, 2015 Posted November 14, 2015 Each to their own! Live and let live. No need to call people a princess due to their own preferences!By the same token, there is no need to call people cheap / tight with money due to their own preferences. 3
Shining One Posted November 14, 2015 Posted November 14, 2015 And when a woman feels special, she gives back in oh so many other wonderful ways, that make her man feel special!You, Leigh, and many others in this thread may give back in your own ways, but not everyone does. How are we (the men) supposed to know early on which women will make us feel special and which ones are takers? People do not come with guarantees.
Redfisher Posted November 14, 2015 Posted November 14, 2015 You, Leigh, and many others in this thread may give back in your own ways, but not everyone does. How are we (the men) supposed to know early on which women will make us feel special and which ones are takers? People do not come with guarantees. And I quote "I have no type..I just roll the dice.." But really its a gamble...
xxoo Posted November 14, 2015 Posted November 14, 2015 You, Leigh, and many others in this thread may give back in your own ways, but not everyone does. How are we (the men) supposed to know early on which women will make us feel special and which ones are takers? People do not come with guarantees. The OP enjoyed the date and desired another with the young woman. No, there are no guarantees, but if he continues to enjoy spending time with her and desiring more time with her, then he knows she makes him feel special. Keep investment commensurate with the length of relationship, and it will be fine. 2
katiegrl Posted November 14, 2015 Posted November 14, 2015 (edited) You, Leigh, and many others in this thread may give back in your own ways, but not everyone does. How are we (the men) supposed to know early on which women will make us feel special and which ones are takers? People do not come with guarantees. You won't know (just like I said in my earlier post). NO ONE knows anything on the first few dates! Men OR women. That is why, IMO, it's best to give each other benefit of the doubt and don't judge either way. Keep the date *inexpensive* for the first few and expect to pay. No expensive dinner dates, etc. There are lots of fun things to do that cost little to no money. Get to know each other!. Find out her dating style, and like mrldii said, that includes how she feels about paying on dates. Communicate! And pay attention to her actions and how she gives back, if at all. If after the first few, you sense an entitlement attitude, is not giving back, and that bugs you, turns you off, then stop dating her! Since you kept dates inexpensive, you won't be out much money... Edited November 14, 2015 by katiegrl 1
Heatherknows Posted November 14, 2015 Posted November 14, 2015 You, Leigh, and many others in this thread may give back in your own ways, but not everyone does. How are we (the men) supposed to know early on which women will make us feel special and which ones are takers? People do not come with guarantees. That is why I think the OP should move on to the next female. Apparently, there is something about her behavior that has caused him to write this thread. If he's this troubled early on then when real relationship problems develop he won't want to deal with them. Best to cut ties now and find someone he's more compatible with.
katiegrl Posted November 14, 2015 Posted November 14, 2015 That is why I think the OP should move on to the next female. **Apparently, there is something about her behavior that has caused him to write this thread.*** If he's this troubled early on then when real relationship problems develop he won't want to deal with them. Best to cut ties now and find someone he's more compatible with. OR ...referring back to his initial post, there is something about HIS piss-poor attitude that has caused him to write this thread.... 3
jrode23 Posted November 14, 2015 Posted November 14, 2015 I've actually found that girls who offer to split drinks or whatever on the first date are the ones who are interested. For instance, I've been out on a handful of dates recently. The two girls whom I bought the drinks for were ones that, at the end of the date, said they weren't interested in another and weren't feeling any chemistry. The few who offered to split, were ones that agreed to second dates. Ignore the games when it comes to dating. I never abide by any "texting rules" or any of that garbage. It's a bunch of games that teenagers play. If I have a good time on the first date, I'll let them know at the end of it and ask them if they'd like to grab dinner sometime soon. There's no point in not making your intentions clear. It saves you time and it saves you the trouble of waiting around for a reply text. 4
RedRobin Posted November 14, 2015 Posted November 14, 2015 (edited) I'd just like to throw in here... For a woman who has always offered to pay my share... I don't go on dates to kick the tires and let guys buy me stuff. It's because I pay my share that I won't be out trolling for lots of dates. I do the math in advance. Same as men do. Seems that if both are going in sharing the risk, then you end up with people who are interested... Not lookey loos who are bored and need a guy to fund their adventures. I totally see where guys are coming from here. Also... Love how some women go on and on about the one thing they did for their SO financially after they became a couple. Big deal. Likely doesn't come close to the bucks he shelled out. How do I know? Because I balance my checkbook and I know how much it costs to go on dates and pay my own bills. That is part of being an adult. You want to be treated and paid for? Fine. ditch the biology excuse. Being a woman doesn't equal weak and paid for. Thanks. I don't think the OP had a piss poor attitude at all. The chick was lucky to get dinner out of him. I am sure he will think twice before letting some stranger talk him into paying for her meals. His instincts are right on. Edited November 14, 2015 by RedRobin 6
xxoo Posted November 14, 2015 Posted November 14, 2015 I don't think the OP had a piss poor attitude at all. The chick was lucky to get dinner out of him. I am sure he will think twice before letting some stranger talk him into paying for her meals. His instincts are right on. I thought he arranged a second date?
RedRobin Posted November 14, 2015 Posted November 14, 2015 If memory serves, he hadn't yet. She suggested something (that involved $$$, surprise!) and he was tempted to ask her over for a 'movie'. Not great dynamics from the get go.
xxoo Posted November 15, 2015 Posted November 15, 2015 If memory serves, he hadn't yet. She suggested something (that involved $$$, surprise!) and he was tempted to ask her over for a 'movie'. Not great dynamics from the get go. He extended the date past the bill, agreed to another date, and says he enjoys her company. I'm a bit annoyed but by no means am I trying to teach her a lesson or anything like that, I'm not sure what I have written to make anyone assume that. If I resented her then I wouldn't have played air hockey with her and chatted in my car afterwards. If we do have sex it's not like I'm going to kick her out afterwards and then never talk to her again. I'd just pursue a casual thing and make that clear if she asks and I wouldn't pay for any more dates with her. I still enjoy her company. This is all hypothetical for now anyway because i've since told her that i'll go badminton with her. Much ado about nothing!
Ic1 Posted November 15, 2015 Posted November 15, 2015 Keep the date *inexpensive* for the first few and expect to pay. No expensive dinner dates, etc. There are lots of fun things to do that cost little to no money. Didn't read the whole long thread, but that's just about hitting the nail on the head for what I think of the topic. Be prepared, and expect to pay. I don't think it's a good sign if she taps her foot waiting for you to grab it when the check comes, but some girls want to be catered too. Just have to ask "Is that my type?"
RedRobin Posted November 15, 2015 Posted November 15, 2015 He extended the date past the bill, agreed to another date, and says he enjoys her company. Much ado about nothing! Sounds like he has ruled her out as 'relationship material'. Doesn't sound like nothing to me.
salparadise Posted November 15, 2015 Posted November 15, 2015 Much ado about nothing! I disagree. It's a conversation that needs to happen. There are women who get it, enlightened women, much to the dismay of the entitlement crowd... and young men like OP should realize they have a choice. I chose... am choosing each day... to be with an extremely lovely "feminazi" (as even other women attempt to label) who gets it along with a whole bunch of other stuff... and I couldn't be any happier. My recommendation for the OP and others... hold out until you find one whose frequencies resonate with yours. 2
katiegrl Posted November 15, 2015 Posted November 15, 2015 (edited) I disagree. It's a conversation that needs to happen. There are women who get it, enlightened women, much to the dismay of the entitlement crowd... and young men like OP should realize they have a choice. I chose... am choosing each day... to be with an extremely lovely "feminazi" (as even other women attempt to label) who gets it along with a whole bunch of other stuff... and I couldn't be any happier. My recommendation for the OP and others... hold out until you find one whose frequencies resonate with yours. I agree with first paragraph ..... but what many of you are *not getting* is that SHE (OP's gal) could very well be one of those *enlightened* women ....and offer to pay for the second date! A lot of assumptions about her are being made here ....all because she didn't offer to pay her way on the FIRST freakin date! When she may have been nervous, not sure what the *right* action was ...again it was the first date for heaven's sake. He should continue dating her, and after another date or two (assuming he likes her, is attracted to her)...THEN decide what *type* of woman she is, if she's enlightened, gets it, etc. As I said previously, I have had men look at me like I was an alien from outer space when I offered to pay on the first date! They were insulted, felt emasculated, assumed *I* wasn't interested, and/or who knows what else. After a few of those experiences, if I liked a guy, offering to pay on first date definitely gave me pause! ***However, even though I did come to expect he would pay on the first date (social conditioning and what I said above), after 3-4 dates, it became an equitable split, wherein we would go back and forth, initiating, paying, etc. I know many other women who do/feel the same. *** Those early dates are so nerve-wracking as there are so many damn *rules* now, assumptions being made, pre-conceived notions, no one knows what to do anymore! So to the OP, instead of making assumptions about her, and determining she doesn't *get it*, isn't enlightenined, is an "entitled princess," or whatevs ..... and *disregard* her (OP's words) ....why not play it out for a couple more dates, communicate, watch her actions, and THEN see? Nothing can be determined after one date ... give it a chance! Again, assuming you like her, and are attracted ...which based on last couple of sentences of your original post, sounds like you are! My $.02 FWIW. Good luck OP... enjoy your second and keep us posted ..... Edited November 15, 2015 by katiegrl 2
losangelena Posted November 15, 2015 Posted November 15, 2015 A) The conversation has been had; just search through this board and you'll find plenty of instances. B) The conclusion I've reached is that everyone has a different approach/preference. It's up to the individual to find someone with whom they're compatible in this area. Anything beyond that sounds like sanctimonious name calling. 2
Author dads new boyfriend Posted November 15, 2015 Author Posted November 15, 2015 Good luck OP... enjoy your second and keep us posted ..... Thank you. So i'll have to admit now that i was completely in the wrong and shouldn't have judged her so quickly. She had badminton equipment with her so i only had to pay a small amount to rent the court and we went for hot chocolate afterwards which she paid for. Unfortunately i realised we're not compatible as she mentioned that she goes out drinking most weekends and sometimes gets so drunk that she can't remember what happened, which i consider a deal breaker. After that i told her i wasn't looking for anything too serious but she's still happy to see me again. I'm not quite sure why this thread got 15 pages of responses but i'm grateful for all the advice. 2
losangelena Posted November 15, 2015 Posted November 15, 2015 I'm not quite sure why this thread got 15 pages of responses but i'm grateful for all the advice. Haha, 'cause it's a "hot button" topic that many people have STRONG feelings about. Glad we can all calm down about her "entitled" attitude now. Sorry you're incompatible, though!
katiegrl Posted November 15, 2015 Posted November 15, 2015 Thank you. So i'll have to admit now that i was completely in the wrong and shouldn't have judged her so quickly. She had badminton equipment with her so i only had to pay a small amount to rent the court and we went for hot chocolate afterwards which she paid for. ***Unfortunately i realised we're not compatible as she mentioned that she goes out drinking most weekends and sometimes gets so drunk that she can't remember what happened, *** which i consider a deal breaker. After that i told her i wasn't looking for anything too serious but she's still happy to see me again. I'm not quite sure why this thread got 15 pages of responses but i'm grateful for all the advice. Your choice, but perhaps she does that because she's not in a relationship and figures why not? Once in a relationship, people often curb (or stop completely) those past behaviors .... they become less self-centered and more relationship focused. That happened to my fiance. Before he met me, he was drinking too much, partying too much, etc. Once he met me that all changed! Again, your choice if you don't think you're compatible, but relationships do change people sometimes. And apparently she was well enough to meet you today for badminton, which means she could not have gotten *too* drunk last night, right? Just sain.....
losangelena Posted November 15, 2015 Posted November 15, 2015 Your choice, but perhaps she does that because she's not in a relationship and figures why not? Once in a relationship, people often curb (or stop completely) those past behaviors .... they become less self-centered and more relationship focused. That happened to my fiance. Before he met me, he was drinking too much, partying too much, etc. Once he met me that all changed! Again, your choice if you don't think you're compatible, but relationships do change people sometimes. And apparently she was well enough to meet you today for badminton, which means she could not have gotten *too* drunk last night, right? Just sain..... Be careful, this thread is about to go on for another 15 pages about *WOMEN WHO DRINK* 4
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