seekingpeaceinlove Posted November 11, 2015 Posted November 11, 2015 I went on a date once and met the guy at the restaurant. As soon as I sat down he asked what I wanted to drink and then said, " I got the first round, you get the second." It was such a turn off. Incredibly tacky. Had he given me the chance, I would have offered but he ended up looking like a cheapo. When I like a guy, and he's invited me out, I let him pay (though I offer). If I invite him, I will pay. If we are in a relationship, I will pay equally. Most of the time, I've been involved with men who insist on paying for everything. If you really like her, perhaps bring up the subject jokingly and see how she reacts. Let's see if she offers to pay on your next date. 1
schiller Posted November 11, 2015 Posted November 11, 2015 This thread is just more evidence why a first meet should be really low key. Why would anyone want to buy dinner for a stranger? Save that for date #2 or 3. Ok, so how would you answer the girl if she said "lets do dinner tomorrow instead of a quick meetup" Would you say "I don't do dinner on a first meet because you might be butt ugly?"
SwordofFlame Posted November 11, 2015 Posted November 11, 2015 Ok, so how would you answer the girl if she said "lets do dinner tomorrow instead of a quick meetup" Would you say "I don't do dinner on a first meet because you might be butt ugly?" You do dinner but you pick a relatively inexpensive place.
Maxtor Posted November 11, 2015 Posted November 11, 2015 Gold diggers. Gold diggers everywhere. Im out. 2
schiller Posted November 11, 2015 Posted November 11, 2015 Gold diggers. Gold diggers everywhere. Im out. Some people give up way too easily. Sure there's gold diggers everywhere. But between them, there is gold. 1
Rydo Posted November 11, 2015 Posted November 11, 2015 I've never dated a girl who didn't offer to pay towards a date. I never let them but that isn't the point. I wouldn't go on a second date with someone who didn't offer. To be honest though I also hate dinner dates. Stuffy, formal and boring. 3
schiller Posted November 11, 2015 Posted November 11, 2015 To be honest though I also hate dinner dates. Stuffy, formal and boring. If there's no chemistry, then sure. But if you click? I've gone on for hours, closed a few restaurants down. and there's still no shortage of things to talk about. It's fun, it's invigorating, it's exciting. If you haven't had that experience, then you haven't met the right person. 1
losangelena Posted November 11, 2015 Posted November 11, 2015 I invited a girl from POF to go out for a drink. The night before the date she said that we should get dinner instead and i agreed. She didn't offer to split the bill at the end even though it was her idea to go out for a meal and we played a couple of games of air hockey afterwards and i even ended up paying for that as well. Now she wants us to play badminton (she probably expects me to pay for that too lol) but now i'm unsure if I should bother so i'm thinking of just inviting her to my place "to watch a movie" and if she doesn't go then just disregarding her. It's unlikely that she would go because she seems quite conservative. If it wasn't for her acting like a princess then i would really want to see her again. I'm usually a bit shy when i first meet someone but with her i felt no awkwardness at all and we got on really well and had a laugh so i don't know if i'm overreacting? Well, yeah I think if she had suggested a last-minute date upgrade, she should have offered to contribute. She didn't, her behavior rubbed you the wrong way, but instead of communicating honestly about it, you're just gonna invite her to your place for "a movie" (wink-wink)? Correct me if I'm wrong, but it sounds like you plan to try and sleep with her and (I'm presuming) disappear; or punish her for making you pay or dinner and two rounds of air hockey by being a jerk. Am I wrong or is that what you're saying? Why not either counter-offer a cheaper idea (NOT "movie at my house"), or convey in some way that you'd appreciate it if she pay. If she really is a "princess" like you say, then she'll balk and you've saved everyone the trouble. If she says, "oh I'm so sorry I didn't realize," then maybe you can get back on the relationship track. I wouldn't let this one thing derail you, and I would try not and approach it passive-aggressively. 7
schiller Posted November 11, 2015 Posted November 11, 2015 Good advice right there ^^ You ARE taking a rather indirect, hostile approach when you could do the more open thing I suggested earlier. Put it right out there. Let her deal the next set of cards. 2
introverted1 Posted November 11, 2015 Posted November 11, 2015 Ok, so how would you answer the girl if she said "lets do dinner tomorrow instead of a quick meetup" Would you say "I don't do dinner on a first meet because you might be butt ugly?" Well, I'm a woman who dates men, but I don't accept dinner invitations for a first date, unless it's a guy I am really sure of (i.e., because we've had repeated interactions in some other venue). If a guy asks, I deflect by saying I really want to check out a certain bar, or that I've been dying to have ice cream at a place I've heard about, or that I know a really cool coffee shop, or that it's supposed to be a nice night for sitting at the beach, or whatever. 2
Rydo Posted November 11, 2015 Posted November 11, 2015 If there's no chemistry, then sure. But if you click? I've gone on for hours, closed a few restaurants down. and there's still no shortage of things to talk about. It's fun, it's invigorating, it's exciting. If you haven't had that experience, then you haven't met the right person. I find it easier to chat and flirt when at a bar rather than across a dinner table. Plus it's much easier to go in for a kiss while walking between bars. To me going for dinner is what my grandparents would have done. 2
joseb Posted November 12, 2015 Posted November 12, 2015 If the original plan had remained intact, I might be inclined to go along with those who say he should have paid. But when she decided to change the evening from a relatively inexpensive drink to a much larger outing (dinner and maybe still a drink or two), she should be prepared to pay. Yeah that's why I would have an issue. OP invited her to drinks. She then changed to dinner - if anyone should pay, it should be her. Now having said that, if it wasn't a very expensive dinner, then maybe she doesn't have ulterior motives. And a badminton date shouldn't be too expensive either - not especially princessy (is the asian by any chance?) I'd go on the date, and see if she makes an offer to pay. If she has invited you to badminton, and makes no effort at all to pay, well then maybe time to either move on, or point out that fact. It's not about being cheap, it's about principles. 3
schiller Posted November 12, 2015 Posted November 12, 2015 I find it easier to chat and flirt when at a bar rather than across a dinner table. Plus it's much easier to go in for a kiss while walking between bars. I guess we've each got our own preferences. I prefer face to face, but hanging at a bar would be fine too. I don't do the whole walking between bars thing, I think I've got some years on you, but if the attraction is there, a kiss will happen regardless of what position we happen to be in. To me going for dinner is what my grandparents would have done. Like I said.. I've got a few years on you.
Author dads new boyfriend Posted November 12, 2015 Author Posted November 12, 2015 (edited) Correct me if I'm wrong, but it sounds like you plan to try and sleep with her and (I'm presuming) disappear; or punish her for making you pay or dinner and two rounds of air hockey by being a jerk. Am I wrong or is that what you're saying? I'm not trying to punish her but i am questioning now whether or not I should view her as potential girlfriend material. Yes i would have tried to sleep with her but i wouldn't have disappeared and I wouldn't have led her on. Neither of us have discussed what we are looking for and we have only been on one date so neither of us is too emotionally invested in the other person yet and i'm sure that she's dating other people anyway. Good advice right there ^^ You ARE taking a rather indirect, hostile approach when you could do the more open thing I suggested earlier. I am taking all the advice on board and realise now that i'm overreacting a bit. I think I will play badminton with her and tease her about it if she doesn't offer to split this time. It's good to hear unbiased opinions. I've had a lot of helpful advice in here and appreciate it. (is the asian by any chance?) No she's actually Welsh. Edited June 17, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Rydo Posted November 12, 2015 Posted November 12, 2015 (edited) No she's actually Welsh. If she looks like stacey pay for everything. Edited June 17, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator 1
thecrucible Posted November 12, 2015 Posted November 12, 2015 I've probably turned guys off by not offering to split the bill but that's never been my intention :/. It's kind of equivalent of being lost in the moment, not due to an expectation on my part. If the guy had asked me to split, I would have done. I can see why it'd raise a flag but I think it's worth thinking about it for a while longer. 1
Rydo Posted November 12, 2015 Posted November 12, 2015 I've probably turned guys off by not offering to split the bill but that's never been my intention :/. It's kind of equivalent of being lost in the moment, not due to an expectation on my part. If the guy had asked me to split, I would have done. I can see why it'd raise a flag but I think it's worth thinking about it for a while longer. Not many guys would bring up splitting the bill. 1
salparadise Posted November 12, 2015 Posted November 12, 2015 It's not about being cheap, it's about principles. ^^Yes, exactly. She should offer because it's the right thing to do, and because an overblown sense of entitlement is never attractive on women or men. It's indicative of what you can expect a potential relationship to be like... is she a person who reciprocates and meets you half way in other aspects of the relationship, or does she think she's the prize and you're suppose to be jumping through hoops and forever trying to win approval? Believe me, this is a major distinction that men should be aware of. I got lucky and found one that actually believes in gender equality, and it's so nice. We don't keep score, but she always does her part - when it comes to sharing expenses and in other aspects too. This archaic entitlement attitude is something that needs to change, imho. 6
thecrucible Posted November 12, 2015 Posted November 12, 2015 Not many guys would bring up splitting the bill. I do things differently now. But bear in mind that the times I didn't offer to split the bill, I had paid my train fare to get to the date, which was in their home city so I had already put forward some expense towards the date.
thecrucible Posted November 12, 2015 Posted November 12, 2015 It's indicative of what you can expect a potential relationship to be like... is she a person who reciprocates and meets you half way in other aspects of the relationship, or does she think she's the prize and you're suppose to be jumping through hoops and forever trying to win approval? I agree. But I don't think you can discern this from one date.
truth_seeker Posted November 12, 2015 Posted November 12, 2015 Since this second date is her idea then she should pay. Now you can be a gentleman and pay, but if she suggests getting a bite to eat, then she has to pay. Say something like: "Yea, I could go for a bite but I'm short on cash." See how she responds. If she steps up and offers to pay, then that's a good sign. If she turns around and makes an excuse along the lines of "I'm not really hungry. Forget it." Then lose her. She's into you because she likes the fact you will spend money on her and she gets free everything. 2
Leigh 87 Posted November 12, 2015 Posted November 12, 2015 Well, yeah I think if she had suggested a last-minute date upgrade, she should have offered to contribute. She didn't, her behavior rubbed you the wrong way, but instead of communicating honestly about it, you're just gonna invite her to your place for "a movie" (wink-wink)? Correct me if I'm wrong, but it sounds like you plan to try and sleep with her and (I'm presuming) disappear; or punish her for making you pay or dinner and two rounds of air hockey by being a jerk. Am I wrong or is that what you're saying? Why not either counter-offer a cheaper idea (NOT "movie at my house"), or convey in some way that you'd appreciate it if she pay. If she really is a "princess" like you say, then she'll balk and you've saved everyone the trouble. If she says, "oh I'm so sorry I didn't realize," then maybe you can get back on the relationship track. I wouldn't let this one thing derail you, and I would try not and approach it passive-aggressively. She's not a princess if she prefers men who treat her to dates. She might be like me - extremely generous but just prefers the man be the on to take HER out for dates. Not all women who prefer the man pay are tight........they just prefer tat gender role being fulfilled. 1
Leigh 87 Posted November 12, 2015 Posted November 12, 2015 I've never dated a girl who didn't offer to pay towards a date. I never let them but that isn't the point. I wouldn't go on a second date with someone who didn't offer. To be honest though I also hate dinner dates. Stuffy, formal and boring. Duh. You're not supposed to have dinner dates right away until you know the girl is worth taking out. Real men who have jobs should pay for a cup of coffee though. For a first date, and ice cream orsomething for a second.. Chilvry is near dead and it's very sad. I think it's lovely when I see men who genuinely LIKE spoiling their girlfriend's! Like. ...there are men who WANT to be the ones to take a girl out. My boyfriend got laid off so obvious we don't go out as if this week. I even pay his cell bill for him to help. But you can bet that I picked a guy who loves spoling me when he works and haz the means. Just like I like spoiling him. And I always offer to pay. I just decline to see the guy again if he is into going halves. I want a man who can afford to treat me even if it's only need every month.
lino Posted November 12, 2015 Posted November 12, 2015 In your shoes I'd personally let this incident slide. If she expects you to finance everything from this point and offers not one cent herself, then do your invitation to your home for movie idea. If you like her then go play badminton with her and suss it out there. If she acts entitled, then reconsider your options. 1
lino Posted November 12, 2015 Posted November 12, 2015 She's not a princess if she prefers men who treat her to dates. She might be like me - extremely generous but just prefers the man be the on to take HER out for dates. Not all women who prefer the man pay are tight........they just prefer tat gender role being fulfilled. Ah yes, love that selection of gender roles. Just the ones that suit you though right? I love 'equality' 4
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