Why do guys stop texting?

[mariacarnie]

So here is the situation: my friend John and I have been friends for 8 years. We never dated and we have never talked about dating.

 

Within the past few weeks, while hanging out in group settings, there have been some changes in John's behavior towards me. For ex. he has made comments about how he always thought i was pretty. On one instance, he decided to try and hold my hand and put his arm around me when sitting on a couch or in a place where he can. He has been flirtatious towards me in little ways - nothing that is unforgivable or obvious but it is just different.

 

I never saw him as anything more than a friend before - but to be honest - him flirting has made me think a little bit about what it would be like for us to date.

 

I do need to be clear - i have been dating someone for a while now, and although it is casual, i am not actually single - nor would i act on any advances from John if that is in fact what they are.

 

My main question is - all things set aside - we were always good friends and I could text him at any point with a question or invitation to go some place with me or with a group and he always got back to me.

 

I have been keeping our texts to a minimum just so I don't convey anything I don't mean to and all the texts have been only to invite him to group outtings. He has not responded to any invitation I have sent despite knowing that it would be with a group.

 

What are your thoughts? What should I do? Does he not want to be my friend anymore?

[acrosstheuniverse]

If he likes you, he's probably trying to distance himself because he knows that you're not single, and he doesn't want to get hurt.

 

Or maybe because you're keeping your own texts to a minimum, he's sensed you've gone really cold on him and has backed off, embarrassed that he showed how he felt and you didn't reciprocate.

 

Why don't you ask him straight? Sometimes one person does catch feelings in a previously platonic friendship. The sign of a very strong friendship is being able to be open about it and work through it.

[Male]

You've known him as a "friend" for 8 years and you cant be straight up with him? Thats exactly how most women operate....always second guessing, always assuming, and speculating, instead of going to the source and asking direct questions.

[Gloria25]

You've known him as a "friend" for 8 years and you cant be straight up with him? Thats exactly how most women operate....always second guessing, always assuming, and speculating, instead of going to the source and asking direct questions.

 

Ok, hostility against women put to the side ^^, I agree that you simply should ask him. I mean, we're all adults here. He knows you're with someone, you should simply have the frank convo that you posted here to us with him...

 

Let him know that you're taking his actions as signs of interest, you're seeing someone (exclusively or not)...and, you two need to decide as grown adults what to do about each other (i.e. he remain friends and if things don't work out with your guy, he can start seeing you romantically; or, he can hang with you, but no romantic stuff like kissing and he must be aware that it may not lead to something).

 

I don't like all the "assumptions" and "guessing" bull poopies. I went through this with one guy for over a year who was involved with someone else. I tried to understand the conflict in him having attraction to me yet involved with someone else and dude would never freakin' have an adult convo with me about it. He'd just hide and do stupid stuff like stare at me and silly gestures that went no where. All I ended up is feeling played, hurt, etc...and he's happy as a larky.

 

Don't do what I went through with this guy...sit down with him and have a grown up convo like adults and stop with the "hide and seek" games. If he's been someone you've known for like 8 years, he deserves at least that much of your consideration and respect if you really are a "friend" to him.

[Male]

Ok, hostility against women put to the side

 

Its a blatant fact that majority of women speculate and assume rather than directly asking men about issues. Gossip runs rampant within the social circles of women. YOU may not be one of them, but dont act like it doesnt happen. I'm sick and tired of small numbers of women trying to "protect" their gender by dismissing what other women do. Attack the source of the problem if it bothers you that much, stop attacking men that point it out.

 

How often do you ever see men defending cheaters, liars, and womanizers??? Almost never!!

 

But whenever any guy says anything about things women do, theres always a handful of women trying to dismiss and discredit the guy that points out the situation.

 

 

 

 

 

.

Edited November 11, 2015 by Male

[Gloria25]

Its a blatant fact that majority of women speculate and assume rather than directly asking men about issues. Gossip runs rampant within the social circles of women. YOU may not be one of them, but dont act like it doesnt happen. I'm sick and tired of small numbers of women trying to "protect" their gender by dismissing what other women do. Attack the source of the problem if it bothers you that much, stop attacking men that point it out.

 

How often do you ever see men defending cheaters, liars, and womanizers??? Almost never!!

 

But whenever any guy says anything about things women do, theres always a handful of women trying to dismiss and discredit the guy that points out the situation.

 

Without "generalizing" I do agree to an extent....

 

Men seem to be more direct while women beat around the bush a lot. But this thread to me sorta screams of "Ok, I know my 8 yr friend has feelings for me, but I'm not leaving my guy and just wanna keep the 8 yr friend around and pretend that things he does indicates romantic interest".

 

And problem is I think a lot of women think they can keep around guys who demonstrate romantic interest around them when that's not cool.

 

I don't play that. If a guy I consider a "friend" or "acquaintance" - who I KNOW I have no romantic interest in keeps on buzzing around me, I'm one not to lead anyone on. I don't sit and "guess", I nip it in the bud and I recommend the OP nip it in the bud too.

[Male]

 

And problem is I think a lot of women think they can keep around guys who demonstrate romantic interest around them when that's not cool.

 

 

OF COURSE a lot of women do that!

 

Another known fact---Majority of women harbor insecurities, which is why they crave guys that they deem confident. They also love to feed their insecurities by keeping a few puppies(men that give them attention) around them as well.

 

Look at how many women post hundreds of selfies on FB and other social media...because they are addicted to the attention like crackheads.

[Gloria25]

OF COURSE a lot of women do that!

 

Another known fact---Majority of women harbor insecurities, which is why they crave guys that they deem confident. They also love to feed their insecurities by keeping a few puppies(men that give them attention) around them as well.

 

Look at how many women post hundreds of selfies on FB and other social media...because they are addicted to the attention like crackheads.

 

Not all women...

 

I think the OP is like most women, we fear being direct and hurting other people's feelings.

 

He probably doesn't wanna hurt her 8 yr friend guy, so is putting off dealing with this.

 

I, as a woman, when like a guy likes me and I'm upfront that I'm not interested, part of me feels bad cuz I hope I didn't hurt his feelings - even though I have ZERO interest.

[Male]

Not all women...

 

I think the OP is like most women, we fear being direct and hurting other people's feelings.

 

I've said it before and I'll say it again....

 

 

To all women.....Chances are you are causing MORE problems by NOT being direct with a guy, than purposely lying, or deceiving him because you are worried about "hurting" his feelings.

 

I personally believe most women lack the confidence to be direct, and are afraid of any confrontation that may arise, or godforbid that their assumptions may actually be wrong! So obviously its easier for a woman to sit back, and speculate with her group of "know it all friends" then to actually communicate with the man in question.