Just got stood up and humiliated by the guy from my past

[nobodie]

in my previous thread i wrote that i tried to re-connect with a guy from the past whom i went out a few times 10 years ago. today, i texted him and asked if we could meet earlier, he did not reply, i then informed me that im waiting at the mrt station for him, and have left . he replied me half an hour later saying that he has just reached.

 

i was keen to meet him and suggested that we meet at an alternative venue and reiterated my interest to see him is just to catch up. he then make demeaning remarks like " i might as well suggest to meet him on the moon" I asked why he didnt reply me, he mentioned that he was busy and i wasnt on his top priority list.

 

I chided him for being condescending and tricking me into a meet-up. he then reply i grew up without any apology. Then he ended the string of sms exchange with a comment " let me finish my conversations and coffee, my hp is disrupting my social life" - implying im disturbing him and hes hanging up with "gd company" now

 

i felt hurted and humiliated by the whole episode. i wish to know if he intent to make a mockery out of me and insulted and ridiculed me in the process, why did he suggest to meet me in the first place? i took the bait as he sounded serious about catching up

 

i cried the whole night. i thought i could catch up with him and had a gd connection but it turned out all wrong

 

why did he do that to me?

[PegNosePete]

Because he is a douche bag.

 

NC him, and move on.

[katiegrl]

Not sure what you were expecting after ten years, but after your initial convo, from what I can remember, he ignored you ... blowing off your suggestions to get together.

 

So instead of accepting that and moving on, you keep texting him, ultimately telling him that you are waiting for him somewhere?

 

My guess is he thinks you are little cray cray and obsessive and decided to "play" with you a bit.

 

Yes he's a douchebag, but sweetie next time a guy ignores you and blows off attempts to get together, you don't continue texting him, suggesting to get together!

 

Yeah he was toying and playing with you, for sure. Sick. But you need to take some responsibility too, for not getting that this guy was blowing you off ....pretty much from the get go, after that first initial convo!

 

I am sorry this happened, but huge lesson learned for next time.

Edited November 11, 2015 by katiegrl

[FeelingFireworks]

Sorry about your experience.

 

He was inconsiderate.

You were also too available.

 

if anyone's over 30min latE, esp with no warning or explanation - leave. Keep a plan b if necessary and intend to proceed with that once the 30min wait is up. Don't chase them or offer an alternative meet up. That's rewarding bad manners. I follow this rule with friends and dates. I never wait past 30min unless there's a genuine reason and I'm aware of it. Life has become less frustrating as a result.

 

Also, take responsibility for your choices. You stated it was you who dropped contact 10 years ago...you never mentioned why, maybe there was a red flag then? Also recently he failed to disclose important info to you (eg marital status) & was funny about responding to messages....I dunno, did those not seem off to you? Maybe you felt lonely and wanted to see him differently, but always try to work with the info a person presents to you. I for one think he is/was hiding things.

 

Erase and move forward. This situation doesn't deserve your tears.

[smackie9]

Ya why did you drop communication from him 10 years ago?.....this could be the key information missing in this thread. Is it possible he was put off or miffed by your actions 10 years ago and sot out a little revenge?

 

We don't know the real conversation between you but, it's possible you got too aggressive and he got apprehensive and lashed out on you.

[Zippy2000]

I thought you said in your previous post you werent going to contact him anymore!!

 

Anyway like I mentioned earlier. You left him 10 years ago, and now 10 years later he`s left you.

 

You could of listened to all of us giving you advise but you did your own thing and then find out you got humiliated in the process. Why do that to yourself? Have a bit more self respect for chasing a dream that didnt happen 10 years ago and sure wont happen now.

[katiegrl]

in my previous thread i wrote that i tried to re-connect with a guy from the past whom i went out a few times 10 years ago. today, i texted him and asked if we could meet earlier, he did not reply, i then informed me that im waiting at the mrt station for him, and have left . he replied me half an hour later saying that he has just reached.

 

i was keen to meet him and suggested that we meet at an alternative venue and reiterated my interest to see him is just to catch up. he then make demeaning remarks like " i might as well suggest to meet him on the moon" I asked why he didnt reply me, he mentioned that he was busy and i wasnt on his top priority list.

 

I chided him for being condescending and tricking me into a meet-up. he then reply i grew up without any apology. Then he ended the string of sms exchange with a comment " let me finish my conversations and coffee, my hp is disrupting my social life" - implying im disturbing him and hes hanging up with "gd company" now

 

i felt hurted and humiliated by the whole episode. i wish to know if he intent to make a mockery out of me and insulted and ridiculed me in the process, why did he suggest to meet me in the first place? i took the bait as he sounded serious about catching up

 

i cried the whole night. i thought i could catch up with him and had a gd connection but it turned out all wrong

 

why did he do that to me?

 

Re bolded, OP could you clarify this? It reads you texted him asking to meet and he did NOT reply. I get that part.

 

 

But then you write... "I then informed ME that I am waiting at the mrt station."

 

 

Do you mean you then informed HIM that you are waiting at the mrt station, even though he never responded to your text asking to meet?

 

 

Assuming that is what you meant, why the hell would you inform him you are waiting for him, when he never even confirmed he wanted to meet in the first place?

 

 

This makes no sense to me, and probably didn't make any sense to him either...so he decided to have a little fun at your expense... by toying with you.

 

 

Yeah it was mean, but seriously. Not sure what you were thinking there either.

 

 

And Zippy is right. We advised you not to text him anymore and why.

 

 

But you went ahead and did so anyway, and THEN to make matters worse, you announce you're waiting for him somewhere when he never even replied to your text asking to meet.

 

And why on earth are you allowing all this to affect you.... such that you spent all night crying? Jeez lousie girl, get a grip. You haven't even seen the dude in ten years... come on now.

Edited November 12, 2015 by katiegrl

[katiegrl]

Ya why did you drop communication from him 10 years ago?.....this could be the key information missing in this thread. Is it possible he was put off or miffed by your actions 10 years ago and sot out a little revenge?

 

We don't know the real conversation between you but, it's possible you got too aggressive and he got apprehensive and lashed out on you.

 

smackie, they BOTH dropped off.

 

 

This is what she said in her first thread:

 

 

>>"I met him at a chatroom about 10 years back , we dated for about 4/5 times and .i stopped contacting him, he did not try to reach out to me too. We just ceased contact and moved on for reasons unknown."

[nobodie]

Re bolded, OP could you clarify this? It reads you texted him asking to meet and he did NOT reply. I get that part.

 

 

But then you write... "I then informed ME that I am waiting at the mrt station."

 

 

Do you mean you then informed HIM that you are waiting at the mrt station, even though he never responded to your text asking to meet?

 

 

Assuming that is what you meant, why the hell would you inform him you are waiting for him, when he never even confirmed he wanted to meet in the first place?

 

 

This makes no sense to me, and probably didn't make any sense to him either...so he decided to have a little fun at your expense... by toying with you.

 

 

Yeah it was mean, but seriously. Not sure what you were thinking there either.

 

 

And Zippy is right. We advised you not to text him anymore and why.

 

 

But you went ahead and did so anyway, and THEN to make matters worse, you announce you're waiting for him somewhere when he never even replied to your text asking to meet.

 

And why on earth are you allowing all this to affect you.... such that you spent all night crying? Jeez lousie girl, get a grip. You haven't even seen the dude in ten years... come on now.

 

I DID not turn up at the subway station for him. I suspected that hes planning to give the meeting a miss. I was home and told him im waiting at the original venue for him. He didnt reply until 10 mins past our original appointment time that he has arrived and i should have waited much longer. He said hes too busy at work to reply my sms.

 

If he has no intention to meet, why would he even initiate a meeting in the first place? Its misleading to me. Anyway i have moved on. I reached out to him as i thought that hes nice. To clarify i told him that im engaged and only wanted to catch up with him as a friend from the past. I have made it clear that i have no romantic interests in him.

 

So theres no reason for him to be hostile and condescending to me. If he has a gf, he shouldnt have suggested to meet me. I dont know whether the "im engaged" part has anything to do with it. I was not trying to hook up with him..but to reconnect him...so simple as that but he twisted it so badly..

Edited November 12, 2015 by nobodie

[Ms. Faust]

...I was not trying to hook up with him..but to reconnect him...so simple as that but he twisted it so badly..

 

Are you sure about that? Because in your first thread about him you said:

 

 

Now, 10 years on, i thought about him suddenly and found myself to be missing him quite badly. What was strange was it dawned upon me that i have romantic feelings for him after so many years..

... Hes not even an ex or an old flame but i find myself to be craving for him suddenly. I regret letting him.go...

 

Maybe he picked up on your intentions of wanting to hook up and was wanting to let you know he was not interested... albeit in the rudest way possible.

[katiegrl]

Are you sure about that? Because in your first thread about him you said:

 

 

 

Maybe he picked up on your intentions of wanting to hook up and was wanting to let you know he was not interested... albeit in the rudest way possible.

 

It doesn't sound like she's sure about much of anything as she also said she cried all night over this DB after this all happened..

 

OP is it your nature to cry all night over guys you simply want to *catch up with"?

 

Why are you backtracking? I understand you're humiliated, but we already know your history with this guy, how you were craving for him, cried all night after this happened, there is no reason to act all cool and unaffected now .... we know the story.

 

I am sorry this happened, chalk it up to a bad experience, and just move on.

 

Which it sounds like you're doing ....wish you the best.

[smackie9]

smackie, they BOTH dropped off.

 

 

This is what she said in her first thread:

 

 

>>"I met him at a chatroom about 10 years back , we dated for about 4/5 times and .i stopped contacting him, he did not try to reach out to me too. We just ceased contact and moved on for reasons unknown."

Ya but WHY did she stop contacting him....he flaked out then so she stopped? Then why would be a big surprised now that he flaked out?

 

OH BTW I want the OP to answer my post.

[nobodie]

Ya why did you drop communication from him 10 years ago?.....this could be the key information missing in this thread. Is it possible he was put off or miffed by your actions 10 years ago and sot out a little revenge?

 

We don't know the real conversation between you but, it's possible you got too aggressive and he got apprehensive and lashed out on you.

 

 

cos he behaved like he wasnt serious, though he was nice and almost gentlemanly with me. i was nursing a broken heart over another guy and he knew about it and he was grieving over his ex..

i first got to know him after getting him "to pretend" to be my bf to provoke a female friend who was proud to me after she had a bf. i wanted to show her that i have a bf too.. but we didnt put on that show but nonetheless, he continued to ask me out in college for 2/3 times, including on a valentine day. i wanted a music cd and he didnt want to pay for me back then on V day, i was upset and emailed him not to contact me again as he was insincere and stingy. i didnt hear from him again after that. we also spoke about our studies and work commitments also. he was quite a player..randoming dating girls out from the chatroom for flings, romps..etc

 

Anyway in my last message to him, I feel i have to let him know whats on my mind (before i get married), that I liked him and have remembered him all these years..he replied "bull****, if i liked him , i would have kept in touch, and said those who said that they loved him are willing to do anything for him"

Edited November 12, 2015 by nobodie

[almond]

You're about to get married, but you're trying to meet up with random men from many years ago because you're suddenly "missing" them? You admitted in your last thread that you looked up this man because you have romantic feelings for him. How would you feel if your fiance was trying to hook up with women from his past behind your back?

 

Does your fiance know what you're up to, or are you hiding it all from him?

 

I feel really, really bad for your fiance. No one deserves to be treated like this. In my opinion, your behviour is juvenille and disrespectful.

 

You should not be getting married.

[frus69]

You are engaged, why does this thread even exist?!?!

[TaraMaiden2]

You are engaged, why does this thread even exist?!?!

 

One: Drop the fiance: You clearly are insufficiently focused on your current serious relationship, if you're dithering and bothering about some liaison that happened 10 YEARS AGO!!

 

Two - stop sounding desperate. He blew you off. Why are you so cut up about it?

What does it matter? He was rude, clearly not worth your time, yet here you are, not one, but TWO treads about this man.

 

Your head is not in a good place.

I would suggest you actually pull back from dating altogether, until you are more secure, confident and self-assured. Because right now, I hate to say it, but you sound a bit of a mess.

 

Does your fiance know you've been trying to re-connect with this guy?

If not, what do you think his opinion on the whole matter, would be?

 

Hardly being fair, are you?

[Zippy2000]

To clarify i told him that im engaged and only wanted to catch up with him as a friend from the past. I have made it clear that i have no romantic interests in him.

 

So theres no reason for him to be hostile and condescending to me. If he has a gf, he shouldnt have suggested to meet me. I dont know whether the "im engaged" part has anything to do with it. I was not trying to hook up with him..but to reconnect him...so simple as that but he twisted it so badly..

 

 

GREAT SCOTT! Why are you even on here? Why are you even exploring someone who you ceased contact 10 years ago and are we all mising something if you are engaged to be married!

 

Im sorry but this thread shouldnt exist about exploring a relationship that didnt happen. Your thread should be titled Engaged to be married but unsure!

 

Shouldnt you consider your fiances feelinsg in this and think about it if your mind is wandering now BEFORE you get married. Think about how it will be for both of you when you are married. Think about that now for a second.

 

Nothing to see here now people. Move along!

[FeelingFireworks]

Wow, some of this new info is indeed a game-changer.

 

so you didn't stop contact for reasons unknown. It was because you guys didn't act out a (petty) game to make someone jealous nor did he pay for a valentine cd....even though you 2 weren't even dating.

 

You said romantic interest made you get in touch. Now you are backtracking to say you purely wanted to catch up as friends only?

 

You call him a player but you're meeting up with him when you are engaged?

 

You said you'd prob not get involved if you knew he was married (and I quote you "if he is indeed married, i dont think i wish to liaise with him any further. i dont believe in catching up with an "old flame" for rekindling the friendship only"). You didn't stop us all implying he was being shady when he didn't disclose his marital status yet you yourself hid that vital piece of info from us at the same time expecting us to give you valuable advice?

 

I can only imagine you were prob abusive to him to in the string of text messages you sent the evening he didn't show up. After all, you increasingly are coming off as insecure, immature and certainly inconsistent.

 

I dunno, I sort of take issue when people ask for advice, then are very selective with the info the give so that they can try to get people to help paint them as The victim they believe they are, when they're prob anything but. It's like an alternate form of trolling.

[Zippy2000]

Wow, some of this new info is indeed a game-changer.

 

so you didn't stop contact for reasons unknown. It was because you guys didn't act out a (petty) game to make someone jealous nor did he pay for a valentine cd....even though you 2 weren't even dating.

 

You said romantic interest made you get in touch. Now you are backtracking to say you purely wanted to catch up as friends only?

 

You call him a player but you're meeting up with him when you are engaged?

 

You said you'd prob not get involved if you knew he was married (and I quote you "if he is indeed married, i dont think i wish to liaise with him any further. i dont believe in catching up with an "old flame" for rekindling the friendship only"). You didn't stop us all implying he was being shady when he didn't disclose his marital status yet you yourself hid that vital piece of info from us at the same time expecting us to give you valuable advice?

 

I can only imagine you were prob abusive to him to in the string of text messages you sent the evening he didn't show up. After all, you increasingly are coming off as insecure, immature and certainly inconsistent.

 

I dunno, I sort of take issue when people ask for advice, then are very selective with the info the give so that they can try to get people to help paint them as The victim they believe they are, when they're prob anything but. It's like an alternate form of trolling.

 

 

Well said fireworks. In fact im beginning to think this person is a form of "Catfish".

[TaraMaiden2]

Well said fireworks. In fact im beginning to think this person is a form of "Catfish".

 

MEDVaQ.

 

Manipulative, Emotional, Dramatic Vampire Queen.

 

Nice easy acronym to remember....

[katiegrl]

You are engaged, why does this thread even exist?!?!

 

She's not getting married, please. Read her previous thread.

 

Talked about how she woke up "craving" this guy, obsessing over why he was blowing her off after an initial convo wherein he suggested lunch, not one word about her getting married or even having a boyfriend!

 

It's only now after it's finally sunk in that he was playing her, and she feels "humiliated" that she suddenly announces she's engaged and only wanted to "catch up."

 

Give me a break ......

[katiegrl]

In her previous thread, she said if it turned out HE was married, she would not wish to pursue it.

 

She said "I don't believe in catching up with an old flame for re-kindling a friendship only."

 

So clearly her hope was for MORE than just a friendship.

 

But she's engaged.

 

Yeah right....

[Ic1]

OP, please see a therapist

[stillafool]

I DID not turn up at the subway station for him. I suspected that hes planning to give the meeting a miss. I was home and told him im waiting at the original venue for him. He didnt reply until 10 mins past our original appointment time that he has arrived and i should have waited much longer. He said hes too busy at work to reply my sms.

 

If he has no intention to meet, why would he even initiate a meeting in the first place? Its misleading to me. Anyway i have moved on. I reached out to him as i thought that hes nice. To clarify i told him that im engaged and only wanted to catch up with him as a friend from the past. I have made it clear that i have no romantic interests in him.

 

So theres no reason for him to be hostile and condescending to me. If he has a gf, he shouldnt have suggested to meet me. I dont know whether the "im engaged" part has anything to do with it. I was not trying to hook up with him..but to reconnect him...so simple as that but he twisted it so badly..

 

If you told him you were engaged (congratulations by the way) then what is it in for him? He is probably thinking you are lying about being engaged, playing silly games so he played you back. He was probably thinking if you are engaged why are you contacting him. You weren't waiting for him at the venue but were home (again playing games) telling him you were waiting at the venue. You play games and he played you back. Leave him alone and be with your fiance.

[katiegrl]

If you told him you were engaged (congratulations by the way) then what is it in for him? He is probably thinking you are lying about being engaged, playing silly games so he played you back. He was probably thinking if you are engaged why are you contacting him. You weren't waiting for him at the venue but were home (again playing games) telling him you were waiting at the venue. You play games and he played you back. Leave him alone and be with your fiance.

 

 

And he would be correct.

 

Do you REALLY believe she's engaged? Seriously?