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I am drained by a disease and I can not handle both decisions?

Petertornado

By Petertornado
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Petertornado New Member

Petertornado

Posted
Posted

I have crush on a girl who is in distance relationship. When I met her I didn't know that she has a boyfriend. We hanged out every week or so and every time we hang out we have lots fun and i make her laugh. We get along really well and we spend around 6 hours every time we hang out.She has many guy friends and she is very outgoing. I confessed my feelings to her and she told me she is in a serious relationship and she really consider me as a friend but she really enjoys the time when we are together. And I still want to hangout together. I pretended it didn't hurt me and yesterday we went out for a movie and a dinner. She mentioned to me about a guy who she met once in the summer and she didn't feel like going out with him again and how she didn't like the fact that he told her to dump her boyfriend. I asked her about her boyfriend and she told me that they are always arguing every time they talk and she can not handle distance relationship. She told me when we first met although he told me I like you I could not say it I don't know why I can't say I like you event hough I do like the person. I asked her does he really mean to you that you want to sacrifice for the next couple of years. She said I don't know. When I left her she asked me dI'd you have fun now I was like yeah and she was like I did have fun today. I was wrecked when heard this and because I have lupus ( she doesn't know) disease and this emotional burden I can't handle it. Lupus disease is already taking a toll on me physically and emotionally. She changed her number today in the morning and she sent me a message telling me I changed my number and this the new one. I sent her message that I want to distance myself because I am feeling bad and crap and it really hurts when you know that someone will never be yours. I told her I was crying the whole night after she left me and I really wanna relax because I am really tired. I like you but I could not handle it. She sent me please relax and you don't have to give a **** about me. As much as I love to go out with you as much I like to see you relaxed do whatever makes you happy. I feel crap because I can not handle both situations. Leaving her is draining me and I am having lupus flares and seeing her again will make me feel bad too sInce i can not hAve her. I don't know if she sees me as friend or do I have a chance with her I am lost

Buddhist Established Member

Buddhist

Posted
Posted

There is no chance with her while she has a boyfriend. None. And even if she got rid of her boyfriend tomorrow there would still be no chance with her for at least 3 months while she gets over her boyfriend. So the short answer to your question is....

 

There is no chance with her in the forseeable future.

 

Now if being around an unrequited love interest is stressful and causing your illness to flare up then I'd suggest breaking contact. Hanging around an unrequited love is not easy, you will continue to harbour hope and you'll be hanging on her every bad word about her boyfriend hoping she'll break up with him. Do yourself a favour and don't allow this girl to use you for company because she's lonely. That, is what she's doing.

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mrs rubble Established Member

mrs rubble

Posted
Posted

She sounds like a bit of a drama queen/attention seeker to me.

 

 

I'd steer well clear of her in your shoes.

She's not the girlfriend for you.

 

You should probably explain your illness to people who you want to be close to, so they can understand you better. Not just potential love interests but friends too.

d0nnivain Established Member

d0nnivain

Posted
Posted

Is your diagnosis relatively recent? Lupus can be painful but it is controllable. Lots of people live perfectly happy lives with it. Perhaps join a support group so you can get a better handle on it.

 

 

I agree with the poster who pointed out that this girl is sort of using you. She likes the quasi-dating thing you two have going on. She likes spending time with you but kids herself that she's being true to her long-distance BF. She's not honoring the spirit of her commitment to him even if she hasn't done any thing physical with you. Her tumultuous relationship also doesn't sound healthy if they are fighting all the time.

 

 

You do need to pull yourself together. Stop crying. I don't think it was your wisest move to have told her you had been crying all night over her.

 

 

I do think you need some distance in your relationship with her. You want more than friendship. While she has a BF, that is not possible. For now she's picking him over you & all you can do is respect that choice by backing off. She has to understand that it's not fair to you for her to try to keep you around dangling on a string longing for more.

 

 

Take some time. Heal your soul. Get a grip on your Lupus (at least emotionally) and go from there.

Zippy2000 Established Member

Zippy2000

Posted
Posted (edited)
I sent her message that I want to distance myself because I am feeling bad and crap and it really hurts when you know that someone will never be yours. I told her I was crying the whole night after she left me and I really wanna relax because I am really tired. I like you but I could not handle it. She sent me please relax and you don't have to give a **** about me. As much as I love to go out with you as much I like to see you relaxed do whatever makes you happy. I feel crap because I can not handle both situations. Leaving her is draining me and I am having lupus flares and seeing her again will make me feel bad too sInce i can not hAve her. I don't know if she sees me as friend or do I have a chance with her I am lost

 

 

You are nothing but a friend. She told you this and her current status shows she is not available. She is comitted to someone else.

 

Telling her you were crying all night and you feel crap is HARD WORK for her. If you keep telling her things like this she WILL stop contacting you.

 

People are drawn to happy, sociable and funny people. People who are fun and like to have a laugh. You`re only pushing her away by showing her you cant be friend and want more and she doesnt. Thats not her fault.

 

You need to let this go.

Edited by Zippy2000
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