opalant Posted November 11, 2015 Posted November 11, 2015 Background story: together for 3 years and 3 months, he broke up with me nearly 6 months ago and gave me a black eye as I was leaving his house, he was emotionally and sometimes physically abusive to me leading up to this. So he got a new girlfriend 1 month ago. At first I was really upset, it made me feel sick, it still feels weird but it doesn't hurt anymore, just feels a bit odd. I don't want him back, I've grown and learnt a lot from the past relationship. Thinking of the nice memories doesn't hurt anymore because I see him as two completely different people then and the person he's become now. I wouldn't even want to be friends with the person he is now. I still have to be in contact with him for work because of road blockages I can't get the tram (I can't drive) so have to get a lift with his Dad and he also gets a lift. He isn't nasty to me or flirtatious anymore, but if I don't answer his questions he slyly mentions his girlfriend in front of me, I never react. Today I had to urgently get in contact with his Dad, I rang everyone and I couldn't get through so reluctantly I unblocked my ex and rang him, he answered, I told him who it was and he groaned, said he was at his girlfriend's and put the phone down. I blocked him again and cried a bit afterwards. It's just such a shock, I know he's with someone, I don't envy her of him and I don't want him to come back to me. But after 3 years it's horrible knowing that I've been completely replaced, I know he's moved on more than I have, and he's moved so so quickly with this girl. They've already met each other's families, already staying over at each other's places and I'm pretty sure they've slept together (due to another sly thing my ex said on the way to work). I know it's going to take time for me to get over it, and when I see him I don't feel love anymore, but it's the abandonment that's bothering me the most. I know they'll be in the honeymoon phase of the relationship now. But it's so upsetting and frustrating knowing that he sees her more than 2 times a week, which was all I got, when I live 10 mins away from him and she lives an hour away. He'd never come to my house whereas he's at hers all the time. He replaced me with his motorbike completely and now it seems like he's finally putting her before it like I asked him to do for me. I know he'll probably go back to his old ways, but I'm worried he's actually changing for the better for this girl and this just makes me feel so worthless. I just don't understand, his girlfriend is much better looking than me (bummer -.-) but I have greater ambitions, I'm going to uni next year, want to do a masters and my PHD in the future, and she wants to be a hairdresser...(I have nothing against this) but I know that my ex is the type of person to look down on someone like this. She's 2 years younger than him so probably more immature and they met on a dating site. I think she was the first one who actually showed an interest in him so he's just latched on to that one. I don't know what to do, I just want to stop caring about it all, I just feel so forgotten about like all that time meant nothing to him.
PegNosePete Posted November 11, 2015 Posted November 11, 2015 I still have to be in contact with him for work because of road blockages I can't get the tram (I can't drive) so have to get a lift with his Dad and he also gets a lift. WTF? You don't have to do that at all. What would you do if he left his job and got a new one in another city, or his dad simply decided to stop driving you? You need to find an alternate way to get to work ASAP. If someone was physically and emotionally abusive to me there is no way in hell I would be accepting a lift from their dad. I would have called the cops and got him arrested for assault when he gave you the black eye, and got a restraining order against him. What you're doing is pure madness. You need to stop thinking about him and start thinking about you instead. Despite what you say, you are clearly not over him.
sandylee1 Posted November 11, 2015 Posted November 11, 2015 His dad cannot be the only means of you getting to work...please take responsibility.....that's just plain crazy. So if his dad leaves town...you'd be stuck? Find another way and cut them out of your life for good.
grammiann Posted November 11, 2015 Posted November 11, 2015 Your feelings aren't unusual. Being in a relationship that long (even if it was unhealthy) naturally builds an emotional bond. Breakups hurt, so allow yourself to grieve - but also keep moving forward toward fulfilling your own goals. As others have mentioned, it seems healthier for you to have no contact with your ex, and if depending on his family puts you in contact with him, it may be best to find other options. Stay strong, and God bless you. You have a great life ahead of you! 1
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