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WOMEN Read this if you want to get more dates and have better relationships!!!!!

Curious-One

By Curious-One
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Curious-One Established Member

Curious-One

Posted
Posted

Here is my advice to all the girls out there that are having trouble getting dates and forming meaningful relationship.

 

Instead of spending so much time in the mirror work on your personality and social skills TRUST ME.

 

Hear me out. Yes as guys we are initially attracted to looks BUT at the end of the day we look for a girl that has personality and good social skills if we are looking for long term relationship.

 

Social Skills and Personality are huge when attracting opposite sex and if you are shy you really need to work on that if you want to increase your attractiveness.

 

If you are easy/fun to talk to, and you make it easy to keep a conversation going you are way more likely to be asked out and/or have successful relationships. Even if a guy might not think of you as GF material initially but if you end up being fun he will start liking you TRUST ME. Smile show interest ask questions compliment compliment compliment and try to be in a good positive mood.

 

In my office most average and below average looking girls are in successful relationships and married because they have great personality and are fun to be around. While the really good looking girls struggled simply because they had personality of a brick and thought their **** don't stink. I will also point out that as men yes we are attracted to looks but i will be the first to tell you that there are many girls out there that i became obsessed and started liking when initially i wasn't really attracted to them or didnt see them as potential gf. Often times i would find my self thinking about a girl and not know why since she wasnt THAT attractive and later it hit me that it was because she was so much fun to be around and fun to talk to. They were the type of girls who could talk about sports, make jokes, laugh at my stupid jokes, compliment me, ask questions about me, and overall could keep the conversation going.

 

Just to show you how important personality is

 

I got a chance to go on a date with a really attractive girl from my office...I was actually very surprised to find she was single..seriously she was that hot. And no i am not exaggerating either because i went to lunch with 5 guys from the office and naturally we got to talking about who is the hottest girl in the office? we all quickly agreed it was her (our office had about 30 girls).. but 2-3 guys immediately pointed out how they don't like her personality and could not see themselves ever dating her.

 

OUR DATE

One day i decided to ask her out to lunch and surprisingly she agreed. She also pointed out to me that she was single and asked if i was single so i knew she was interested. So in the car we talked and it was mostly me asking her questions and her giving short answers which made it hard to keep the convo going , me making jokes her laughing and it was a bit tiring keeping the convo going but i figured maybe she is just nervous and would loosen up later on. I also noticed that she sent a few texts which annoyed me a bit but whatever no big deal. We get to the restaurant and for first 15 minutes i am making jokes shes laughing, i ask her questions she answers i talk about the subject a bit more but shes not really contributing much to the conversation and worst of all shes not asking me any questions about my self.

 

 

This is like 10th topic i started with her and it went something like this

Me: " so what are your plans for the summer any vacation plans?

Her: O yeah i plan on going to xxx in July

Me: Thats great i been to xxx it is amazing make sure you try this and do that...who are you going with

Her: 3 friends

Me: oh wow you guys are going to have a blast if you go to this place whatever you do dont do blah blah blah trust me you will regret it next morning we did that and blah blah blah (this is pretty much a joke)

Her : hahahha

Me: So did you guys already book your hotels and flight?

Her: Yes we did

Me: Thats good always a good idea to book in advance when i went with my friends me and 2 other friends booked everything 3 months in advance and paid xxx and we had another friend that wanted to come last minute and his trip ended up costing 2x as much as ours.

Her: O yah that is true.

 

At this point i am extremely annoyed as you can see she could have asked what are my plans for the summer, what i did on the vacation, who i went with but she just gave crappy answers which made hard work to keep the convo going and as a result i wasnt having any fun. To make it even worse she sent 3-4 texts during the 1 hour we spent in the restaurant while i received 4-5 texts from friends...and she saw it... my phone was on the table ANDDD i made it a point to say oh ill text em later just to point out that i didnt want to be rude texting while i am with her but i guess she didnt get the hint. After about 30 minutes at the restaurant our food was not there yet but i swear if i had not worked with her and if i had not been her ride i would have left her at the restaurant before the food even came. When the food finally came i was so exhausted / bored that i barely ate and asked for the check before she was even done. She asked why i wasnt eating and i said i wasnt hungry and asked the waitress for check and for to go box. She tried to pay half but i was like no its fine i got it...i honestly didnt want the waitress to spend few extra minutes dividing the check so i just paid for both.. i just wanted to be done with her ASAP...On the way back i seriously stopped caring and just talked about random things ... Based on the date I was pretty sure she lost interest or was not interested in me in the first place so i just wanted to drop her off as soon as possible. When we reached her house she was not getting out of the car right away i guess she wanted to talk maybe even make out but i was like hey i have to go i have few things i need to do.

 

On the way back i couldnt believe it went so bad i fully expected not to hear from her again but to my surprise she sent me a text thanks for the lunch i had fun... you should have seen my FACE ...i was like WHAAAAAAAT normally i wouldnt even reply but since i had to see her at work i just replied with np. When we got back to work i kept it friendly/professional with her like before as i didnt want this to affect our work environment and i was still under the impression that she probably was not interested...maybe she just sent the text so its not awkward at work. Anyway few days pass and its Friday and she messages me at work asking if i want to do something tonight ....I make up some excuse that I was starting this thing with friends and cant...i also wont have time to hangout w anyone for a while since this will be taking up so much of my time pretty much letting her know that me and her hanging out will not be happening any time soon.

 

After i typed that out in the message i couldnt believe that i just rejected the hottest girl i ever dated or will probably ever have a chance to date. I then thought about all the girls in the office and realized that there many of the hot girls in the office were single and most of the average or below average girls were either in LTR or married.

  • Like 1
FeelingFireworks Member

FeelingFireworks

Posted
Posted

It's nice to read an experience where we either remember or have an epiphany of what's important in forming relationships.

 

Looks generally serve to get your foot in the door. If I like what I see then I'll give it a chance. If the personality is incompatible, then I cut my losses. Because if I'm seeking longevity, your looks are likely to become a depreciating asset and be secondary in the whole love equation. So at least to me personally, this whole 'personality over looks' thing isn't news, it's an important principle in my longterm dating choices.

 

Specific to your story, you two were prob incompatible in big ways, but I also think she could learn good dating etiquette. She should show interest and ask you about yourself. Also, I hate phones on dates and if either of us need to take a rare call then I think a vocal "Sorry, I hope it's ok if I briefly excuse myself to take this call". She may or may not have learned how to behave because she might get away with a lot due to looks but that advantage doesn't (a) last forever and (b) a high quality man wouldn't stand for it. So it'd great you can see past that to the qualities you prefer in a Gf. I'm sure it's helping you develop your standards and as a result you should attract a higher quality person with all he attributes you seek.

Zippy2000 Established Member

Zippy2000

Posted
Posted

Hang on a minute! Good post I must add but do you know what? Your whole post is your subjective view on her.

 

Thats not fair on her as she can`t defend herself.

 

Looking at your small conversation exmaple. Your communication isnt exactly open. Use more "open" questions rather "closed" questions to develop and enhance a conversation.

 

Your question:

 

"So did you guys already book your hotels and flight?" Is a closed question and she can only answer yes or no. Guess wht her answer was?

 

From your point of view you think she isnt interested but she just might have a different type of communication from you.

 

There are some people who will get on straight away with and some people instantly and some others more slowly. I warm to people more slowly. You should of given her chance. She doesnt owe you anything.

 

Her texting at the table? One of friends could have been asking how her date was going.

 

Dont read into everything and relationships take time and not instanlty on a first date like the films or Hollywood like to make us feel.

  • Like 1
Omei Established Member

Omei

Posted
Posted (edited)

Op I think its common knowledge that personality eventually outweighs looks and as the last poster said looks are genuinely to get the foot in the door.

 

Op from how your date went it sounds as if she was never into you in the first place by the lack of asking you questions about you it seems to me she wasnt interested in you at all and that she was just there because you were a co worker offering her a meal, she prob texted because she viewed this outting so casually with you being her co worker, she still may have a personality maybe a great one but she def wasn't interested in putting it out there *for you* because surely she has one. Just like guys when we girls care about our date we try just as much as you did towards her but you had more interest than she did.

Edited by Omei
  • Like 1
angel.eyes Established Member

angel.eyes

Posted
Posted (edited)

She wasn't enthused about your meeting.

 

You're emotionally invested in having the date work. She clearly wasn't. When she meets someone she's excited about, that person will get her full attention. She'll be invested in making sure it's a great date.

 

Not everyone is going to have the same interest level. That's just life and a part of dating. Be thankful that she conveyed her lack of interest clearly instead of sending mixed signals and giving you false hope. Learn to recognize when there is a clear mismatch in interest levels, and just move on to the next. That way, you'll waste less time and energy going down empty rabbit holes.

Edited by angel.eyes
Rydo Established Member

Rydo

Posted
Posted
She wasn't enthused about your meeting.

 

You're emotionally invested in having the date work. She clearly wasn't. When she meets someone she's excited about, that person will get her full attention. She'll be invested in making sure it's a great date.

 

Not everyone is going to have the same interest level. That's just life and a part of dating. Be thankful that she conveyed her lack of interest clearly instead of sending mixed signals and giving you false hope. Learn to recognize when there is a clear mismatch in interest levels, and just move on to the next. That way, you'll waste less time and energy going down empty rabbit holes.

 

You don't ask someone out on another date if you aren't interested.

angel.eyes Established Member

angel.eyes

Posted
Posted

Was it a date? Or lunch between co-workers?

  • Like 1
Zippy2000 Established Member

Zippy2000

Posted
Posted
Was it a date? Or lunch between co-workers?

 

 

Thats what I thought at first. If it was just lunch between 2 co-workers she would just think its not a date but just two co-workers.

 

I have to add reading the post again she never asked him about any plans for his vacation.

 

Reminds me of a girl Im pursing. When I first got to know her she was very withdrawn and not very open. Fast forward about 12 monts she is now more open but now she talks about herself more than I do about myself.

 

I dont mind as its all about learning from each other. She doesnt need to ask , about my vacation as I offer the information to her and then asks questions once I offer this inofrmation to her.

 

Th OP got annoyed at this thinking she wasnt interested nut some people naturally do like talking about themselves.

 

He should of given it a bit of time and not just a few hours on a lunch date.

  • Like 1
Glitters Established Member

Glitters

Posted
Posted

There is an age group where men/women chase after looks and fail terribly. Past that age, some still chase the looks and keep failing while some learn and choose looks and personality. One without the other is bound to fail.

  • Like 4
kendahke Established Member

kendahke

Posted
Posted

Does this woman date her coworkers?

 

Lunch is one thing; dating a coworker maybe another thing with her, which is why your friends may have issues with her personality. She probably doesn't want to encourage unwanted attention from men with whom she needs to maintain a professional relationship.

 

Never isht where you eat.

kitty12345 Member

kitty12345

Posted
Posted

I'm a guy but I get turned on by shy women ! I dont like loud , all over the place flirty girls.

thecrucible Established Member

thecrucible

Posted
Posted

I used to not engage in conversation as well - it was because I was shy and had been in relationships where my opinion would be ignored so it was very difficult to get in the habit of bringing things up about my life and also having a more balanced conversation. It is hard getting one or a few word answers. But how does she respond when you ask a more open question?

thecrucible Established Member

thecrucible

Posted
Posted

Oh and I like your post because it shows you think about things, not just take it at face value and go for someone purely based on their looks.

 

I 100% agree that how a woman interacts, particularly an open and warm personality, goes a long way towards getting a man. I know this because my friend always gets interest and she is a very open and friendly person. I sometimes get trust issues around men so I can be difficult to get to know initially and I think this has sometimes prevented me from being more successful with dating.

  • Like 1
Truth34 Established Member

Truth34

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OP I was laughing my hindquarters off reading your conversation excerpt with you doing all the heavy lifting. Been there done that and was DONE with that.

edgygirl Established Member

edgygirl

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Posted

I confess I didn't read the whole post but but but... since when and where women have difficulties getting dates?

 

That's def not a problem I have or see around here.

 

The problem is finding the right person or keeping the right person. No?

Versacehottie Established Member

Versacehottie

Posted
Posted

I agree. She sounded boring and a bit inconsiderate. Being a good conversationalist and acting interested and fun is not that hard and a good life skill.

  • Like 1
loveweary11 Established Member

loveweary11

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Hmmm..

 

Are we sure she wasn't shy/nervous/awkward?

 

There are plenty of super hot girls out there that are awkward/nervous/shy.

 

I ckme across them frequently. They just need a little extra tlc to open them up. They usually start out exactly like op is describing here. Once you build some rapport/familiarity, their fun side comes out.

  • Like 1
empresario Established Member

empresario

Posted
Posted

Did anyone else think of The Sims during this?

 

 

*Spends 12 hours straight talking to themselves in a mirror* +1 charisma

  • Like 2
Mystique01 Established Member

Mystique01

Posted
Posted
Here is my advice to all the girls out there that are having trouble getting dates and forming meaningful relationship.

 

Instead of spending so much time in the mirror work on your personality and social skills TRUST ME.

 

Hear me out. Yes as guys we are initially attracted to looks BUT at the end of the day we look for a girl that has personality and good social skills if we are looking for long term relationship.

 

Social Skills and Personality are huge when attracting opposite sex and if you are shy you really need to work on that if you want to increase your attractiveness.

 

 

 

Oh poor OP! I know it's wrong, but I was literally cracking up at your experience lol! :lmao:

 

 

Thanks for your advice and observations. I always find it very helpful and insightful to get the male pov on these types of things.

 

Seeing as how I'm a more shy/reserved woman myself, it's a good insight into how some men may feel if a woman isn't being a bit more open. I tend to be naturally more shy/reserved, but I'm definitely NOT anti-social or socially inept. I usually AM very sociable, and love to ask questions, talk, etc. HOWEVER.....when I'm around guys who I'm interested in or very attracted to, I turn into a mute or something lol. Even if they're asking me questions or seem interested in me, I become incredibly self-conscious and nervous. At times I'll ask them questions, but the fun, lively and even flirty me stays quiet and I feel frozen. :(

 

I think in this girl's case she is probably used to solely getting by on her LOOKS, and so she never quite developed the personality traits that would make her appealing to men on the INSIDE. Whereas women who are less attractive or more average-looking almost ALWAYS have to rely on their PERSONALITY to get themselves in the door, that's why they worked on their personality traits to help them become charming. Ever wonder why many fat/unattractive guys are also the "funny guys" in entertainment? THey had to focus on something other than just their "Looks" to get them in the door...... Therefore I find them incredibly attractive and appealing simply because they are so funny! :D

 

Thank you for your opinions because this is going to help me in the future to try to loosen up around guys I'm interested in so that I'm not worrying so much or being self-conscious. I didn't realize that personality makes such a HUGE difference to guys.

 

 

I'll try harder in the future ;)

 

 

 

Hang on a minute! Good post I must add but do you know what? Your whole post is your subjective view on her.

 

Thats not fair on her as she can`t defend herself.

 

Looking at your small conversation exmaple. Your communication isnt exactly open. Use more "open" questions rather "closed" questions to develop and enhance a conversation.

 

 

Good point!

 

 

 

 

Hmmm..

 

Are we sure she wasn't shy/nervous/awkward?

 

There are plenty of super hot girls out there that are awkward/nervous/shy.

 

I ckme across them frequently. They just need a little extra tlc to open them up. They usually start out exactly like op is describing here. Once you build some rapport/familiarity, their fun side comes out.

 

I was thinking that too. I can relate because I can be that way. If I'm REALLY attracted to a guy, my personality tends to become muted lol, and the fun-loving, easy-going, and bubbly person I am inside becomes subdued and I become this totally other person. I think this is only when I'm not exactly sure if he likes me or if he's just being friendly/nice.

 

I will say as well that I had an experience years ago with this shy guy at my place of worship who I REALLY LIKED (I'm talking about the sun and moon rose up from him...I was OBSESSED lol) , but my biggest gripe with him was that he was just way too reserved. He would be a little more relaxed with other people, but around me he would give one-word answers to questions I would ask, he would barely ask me questions, and it just felt like pulling teeth getting him to open up. :(

 

I figured he was just "shy", but over time I started wondering if he was even interested in me! Turns out, he was interested in someone ELSE more at the time. But needless to say, his personality left a LOT to be desired, and his closedness was a MAJOR turn OFF!! :mad:

SoftViolin Established Member

SoftViolin

Posted
Posted

Well, OP - I understand you two were incompatible and that left you underwhelmed. But I'll offer a bit of a differing opinion - maybe she did try to ask you some questions/bring up topics that she wanted to discuss and you brushed them off kind of like she did?

 

Even if she didn't, pardon me for saying this, but you seem like the sort of person who likes talking about himself/his experiences. Nothing wrong with that, but you need a woman who likes talking about herself as well and you might be more compatible there. I am saying this from the account you gave of your conversation - you asked her where she is going, and changed the subject to your experiences at the place, and offering her advice to go here or there, and you continued doing that. You could have asked her who those friends are, how long she has known them, etc. and let her tell you about herself - and maybe you did in some of the other topics you tried to bring up - but either way from this particular account alone, I would say don't make generalizations as to this particular woman's personality. Just because she wasn't compatible with you, doesn't mean there's something wrong with either one of your personalities.

  • Like 1
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Curious-One Established Member

Curious-One

Posted
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Posted

I am 90% sure she was interested in me because she asked me if i was single and i said yes and then she said she was single too before she agreed to go eat with me . She also asked me to do something on Friday.

 

Also i am not basing the whole theory on her...as you can see from my post i have been examining 20-30 girls in my office and as i said earlier typically the ones with great social skills who are fun and easy to talk to are the ones that are in LTR's even though many of them are not that good looking.

 

Also one thing i forgot to mention is that our conversation through text and messaging app at work was fun... its almost as if she was good at texting messeging on computer because it gave her few seconds to respond but in real life when you have to respond instantly she had trouble.

dragonfire13 Established Member

dragonfire13

Posted
Posted (edited)

Fair point, I do think you need more than looks to sustain a relationship. That's why you see so many married guys cheating on their "stepford wives", or men who date models but quickly lose interest.

 

However, I'd give it a few dates before deciding if someone is dull or not. You have to factor in shyness/nerves. I was dating a guy who came across how this girl came across to you...the more time we spent together the more of his personality I saw, which was a relief and he turned out to be a great guy.

Edited by dragonfire13
smackie9 Established Member

smackie9

Posted
Posted

She's single because she intimidates guys because of her looks. When you are attractive you have to be careful who you are friendly with because it encourages unwanted attention. This is learned behavior. I bet if there was someone she was very smitten with she would be charming, flirty, more open to.....

 

She didn't open up to you and turn on the interest because she had no interest in you or those other guys in the office.

 

I feel you guys have mistaken her disinterest as a lack of personality.

  • Like 1
smackie9 Established Member

smackie9

Posted
Posted

I feel as women there is always competition. If you are not that attractive, you have to make up for it with a flirty bubbly personality in order to get attention....just saying.

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