anthony888736 Posted November 11, 2015 Posted November 11, 2015 Hello Forum, So I met this girl in February at a volunteer thing, and we talked a lot and were friends. Then toward the end of March, she asked for my facebook. The very next day, SHE messaged me FIRST and said something along the lines of "have a nice day today :)". I'm a very, very shy guy who is focused on schoolwork and not on getting a gf, so I just treated her platonically. For the next three weeks, she texted me first a bunch of times, stole my heart, and finally she said "you should ask me out sometime!" then I did, and she very enthusiastically accepted. ("yes of course!! I was hoping you'd ask me out!") Then we went on a date, seemed happy and "interested" in person and agreed to a second date, but she stopped initiating contact, then eventually she left for the summer, we lost contact because I felt like she didn't enjoy talking to me because she took like 2 days to reply to a text. She did say before she left "lets go out again when I get back after summer". After literally months, I realized that there would be no second date and that she had actually rejected me in a very, very, very cruel way (agreeing to another date and then disappearing). It hurt like hell (because she was my first "real" love and first actual date). But I finally got over it.....until...... Fast forward SIX ****ING MONTHS, I post something on facebook, she liked it and commented "wow thats awesome!". I thought nothing of it. Then fast forward a week later, and she messages me "Hey how have you been? I was wondering if you'd want to get coffee one morning" We hadn't spoken in months, so I said "yeah that would be nice to catch up! this week is super busy though...how about tuesday?" she said "yes tuesday is great" we agreed on a coffee shop and everything was good. Then literally minutes before the date, I texted her to clarify which coffee shop (there were two starbucks on the road she mentioned). And she cancelled on me!!! She said she has to stay late to meet with a professor or something. She didn't immediately suggest a time to reschedule. So I say "how about at 3?" then she says "that might work!" then i said "we both seem really busy today...how is tomorrow?" and she said that she had class all day and was really stressing out about getting into medical school, which for those of you who don't know, is very very very stressful! I said "it would be fun to talk about med school admissions with you!" and she said "yes that would be fun to talk about! i have to check my schedule because I have a job, but tonight ill get my schedule for this weekend" i didn't say anything back, thinking that she would tell me her schedule. well...24 hours later and she hasn't gotten back to me yet about her weekend schedule. did she just randomly change her mind about meeting me? did she really lead me on and reject me TWICE? Should I just block her on FB and just delete her from my mind? Is this normal? She is the first girl I "dated" (not dating dating, but you know, the first girl I fell in love with) what is this!!!!
DrReplyInRhymes Posted November 11, 2015 Posted November 11, 2015 This is easy. Buy tickets to see a comedian, show, or concert. Text "Fri 9pm, tickets to see _____, I'll pick you up at 8." If she texts back anything but "ok" or a reschedule, you know where you stand on her "priority list". You then take someone else. Probably no. 26 or something.
TheBathWater Posted November 11, 2015 Posted November 11, 2015 My experience with women like this is that they are all about the attention, not the guy. If it has been six months and nothing has happened, it's time to move on. If it were me, personally, I would block and delete her in every which way so I could stop obsessing over her. 1
Author anthony888736 Posted November 11, 2015 Author Posted November 11, 2015 yeah thats what i thought, although it was six months while she was away, so it was physically impossible for is to be together, and going LTR after 1 date would have been silly... i just don't know....like why the hell would she go out of her way to text me to meet up, if she didn't actually want to meet up?!? i hate this ****. THIS is the **** why i dont approach women
TheBathWater Posted November 11, 2015 Posted November 11, 2015 yeah thats what i thought, although it was six months while she was away, so it was physically impossible for is to be together, and going LTR after 1 date would have been silly... i just don't know....like why the hell would she go out of her way to text me to meet up, if she didn't actually want to meet up?!? i hate this ****. THIS is the **** why i dont approach women I understand, brother. It gets easier to recognize and prevent over time; I promise.
DrReplyInRhymes Posted November 11, 2015 Posted November 11, 2015 how about a movie? Sure you could try that. If you want her to say no. 1
Myragal Posted November 11, 2015 Posted November 11, 2015 Was this ever your girlfriend? If asked she would agree that the two of you were an exclusive couple? From what you write, this is a friend. At least, this is how I see it from her perspective. Now you want to block a friend? My take in this is that you read much too much into a friendship. 1
DrReplyInRhymes Posted November 11, 2015 Posted November 11, 2015 yeah thats what i thought, although it was six months while she was away, so it was physically impossible for is to be together, and going LTR after 1 date would have been silly... i just don't know....like why the hell would she go out of her way to text me to meet up, if she didn't actually want to meet up?!? i hate this ****. THIS is the **** why i dont approach women You connected, she left for 6 months, she came back, and SHE messaged YOU. Sounds like she went out of her way to text you because she likes you. Return the favor. Be short, be sweet, be concise, and ****ing set a date and time to do something fun. Let her know you mean business through those actions, not the texts you sent that still have yet to decide on a date.
Myragal Posted November 11, 2015 Posted November 11, 2015 My experience with women like this is that they are all about the attention, not the guy. If it has been six months and nothing has happened, it's time to move on. If it were me, personally, I would block and delete her in every which way so I could stop obsessing over her. There is no need to block and delete. That's immature. I do agree that there seems to be one sided obsession. 1
Author anthony888736 Posted November 11, 2015 Author Posted November 11, 2015 On the first date she called it a "date", I paid for it, and when I said "Could I buy you dinner sometime?" she said "Of course! I'd love that!". No. That is not how you treat a friend.
xcupid Posted November 11, 2015 Posted November 11, 2015 I'd move on and forget this one. She's busy and/or inconsiderate. 1
Author anthony888736 Posted November 11, 2015 Author Posted November 11, 2015 Could anyone explain why she would go from initiating contact for coffee to flaking? Like...what happened? It would be different if I asked her out, and then she flaked. Because she just wasn't interested in the first place. But with this, she must have been interested to spend the time and effort to reconnect. So how do you go from initiating contact with a guy, to blowing him off?
DrReplyInRhymes Posted November 11, 2015 Posted November 11, 2015 Could anyone explain why she would go from initiating contact for coffee to flaking? Like...what happened? It would be different if I asked her out, and then she flaked. Because she just wasn't interested in the first place. But with this, she must have been interested to spend the time and effort to reconnect. So how do you go from initiating contact with a guy, to blowing him off? Uh, her schedule changed? Getting blown off once isn't a reliable conclusion. It's an incident. Getting blown off twice isn't a reliable conlucision. It could be coincidence. Getting blown off thrice? Nope. Next. Anyway, good luck.
Author anthony888736 Posted November 11, 2015 Author Posted November 11, 2015 This is easy. Buy tickets to see a comedian, show, or concert. Text "Fri 9pm, tickets to see _____, I'll pick you up at 8." If she texts back anything but "ok" or a reschedule, you know where you stand on her "priority list". You then take someone else. Probably no. 26 or something. what would you think of a classical music concerto? it might be a bit boring...but she plays classical piano so she might appreciate it.
Author anthony888736 Posted November 11, 2015 Author Posted November 11, 2015 Uh, her schedule changed? Getting blown off once isn't a reliable conclusion. It's an incident. Getting blown off twice isn't a reliable conlucision. It could be coincidence. Getting blown off thrice? Nope. Next. Anyway, good luck. last message from her, to which I did NOT yet reply, was "blah blah blah and I'm getting my schedule tonight", that "tonight" passed. Should I text her tomorrow "Hi how's it going? So did you get your weekend schedule yet?". or maybe "I'd like to see you soon still!"
DrReplyInRhymes Posted November 11, 2015 Posted November 11, 2015 last message from her, to which I did NOT yet reply, was "blah blah blah and I'm getting my schedule tonight", that "tonight" passed. Should I text her tomorrow "Hi how's it going? So did you get your weekend schedule yet?". or maybe "I'd like to see you soon still!" Sure. Good luck.
Author anthony888736 Posted November 11, 2015 Author Posted November 11, 2015 Sure. Good luck. what exactly would you say? i don't want it to sound too pushy "Did you get your schedule yet?" just sounds too intense and bossy idk opinions? and what would you guys think about asking to change from coffee as she suggested to like a classical music concert or something?
bubbaganoosh Posted November 11, 2015 Posted November 11, 2015 If it was me, I would leave it alone and if she contacts you again and mentions about a get together, let her know that you did, twice and both times she cancelled and if this is her pattern then it's not worth the effort. Put it back in her lap and let her figure it out but I wouldn't hold my breath with her.
DrReplyInRhymes Posted November 11, 2015 Posted November 11, 2015 what exactly would you say? i don't want it to sound too pushy "Did you get your schedule yet?" just sounds too intense and bossy idk opinions? and what would you guys think about asking to change from coffee as she suggested to like a classical music concert or something? Please see my first reply. I suggested: Text "Fri 9pm, tickets to see _____, I'll pick you up at 8." Ever dance with a girl who lead? It's awkward. Lead her. **** works. If she's into you, she'll respond positively. If you want to try classical music and movies and ****, by all means, go ahead. Good luck with that stuff. That's romance, for later in a relationship, not the .....6th month 2nd date. You're trying to impress / show her fun. Personally I think....a classical music concert sounds boring as ****, even if she plays a piano. Great idea, bad timing.
Author anthony888736 Posted November 11, 2015 Author Posted November 11, 2015 I'm thinking about just saying "How about this, you pick any evening next week, and I'll take you to [fancy restaurant] and then [art museum], it'll be fun!" Is that ok? I mean I did buy her dinner before, its not like she is just some random girl from OLD. We met in person, were friends for a while, flirted a lot before anything, etc
Author anthony888736 Posted November 11, 2015 Author Posted November 11, 2015 or what about an amusement park? that would be fun, low stress, lightweight, etc.
Author anthony888736 Posted November 11, 2015 Author Posted November 11, 2015 please you guys gotta help me
LivingDeadGrl Posted November 11, 2015 Posted November 11, 2015 I think you should just leave her be. Or say something like, "When you have time, let me know and I will take you out". Leave it at that. 3
phineas Posted November 11, 2015 Posted November 11, 2015 If it was me, I would leave it alone and if she contacts you again and mentions about a get together, let her know that you did, twice and both times she cancelled and if this is her pattern then it's not worth the effort. Put it back in her lap and let her figure it out but I wouldn't hold my breath with her. Ha-ha. Yeah, this is how I handle flakes also. Well after I ignore them and they blow up my phone wondering why. Flake = someone who cancels last minute and doesn't reschedule immediately. I got no time for people like that. I also got no time for people who initiate dating then all of a sudden become " busy". 1
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